I’m so tired of being told I’m brave and strong!

I am not brave at all. I am the biggest chicken I know. For years I have told people that my middle name was chicken.

And, I don’t understand what being strong really means. I have never lifted weights, moved mountains or even been able to open a new jar of pickles without help. Strong, I don’t think so.

My frustration with being called these things started a few years ago when I went through several rounds of chemotherapy, radiation and laser surgery for cancer. At that time I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. More weight than I had ever had to carry before.

Was I strong or brave? NO! I fell completely apart. I was terrified of what was ahead, of dying.

No one wanted to hear my fears, they all kept telling me to be strong and brave. All the while I was falling apart.

After the second round of chemo, my hair having all fallen out, being so weak that brushing my teeth tired me out, I quit! I gave up.

This fight was not for whimps and I was tired of being brave and strong.

I fell on my knees and begged and prayed for help. For relief of my pain, for the cancer to go away…to die!

I cried and talked to God until I had no strength left. Not even enough to get up off my knees. I finally just lay down on the floor. I had the best night’s sleep I had had in months on that floor.

I awoke expecting to be exhausted but I wasn’t. After taking care of my morning duties, getting the hubby and children off, I still felt good. I figured I was in shock. But I wasn’t.

What I was feeling was that the weight of all my FEARS were gone. I had given them all to the ONE person who could and would help me, if I had just asked…Our Lord Jesus Christ!

No, the rest of my therapy, treatments and surgery wasn’t easy. But the fear was gone. I knew I would be ok.

I have been cancer free for over 5 years now and my life is filled with love and happiness. I’m at peace with my Lord.

Am I strong or brave now? No…but my Lord is. He carries the weight of this world and my fears. And He can do it for you, just ask Him!

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