the people i e-mail seem to have some sort of complex with e-mailing me back. am i not a good e-mail buddy? maybe i just have more time on my hands than others do. the only person who i can expect to e-mail me back on a regular basis is jenn from california. and i don't e-mail her on a regular basis. i don't share my love with her nearly as much as i should.
jenny's on rkop too... jenn27... shayne corson inspired. i don't know... something's different on rkop for me now that she's here. i like it less. i love that she's there and that she likes rkop... but i mean... it kind of felt like my turf... y'know? now she's whoring it up, rkop style... what's left for me? i don't feel like we're different anymore. we share everything... i need something that's mine. rkop was mine... i don't know... she's even making me share cate. cate's my new best online rkop friend. she's my twin from the west. my chickadee in so-cal. i heart her.
i am going to rochester, aka rockchester, aka cockchester, aka ro-cha-hca now. a fellow rkoper, katrin, accepted my invitation into her car. i can't wait... there are many rkoper's going too. i can't wait to bond with them and see mraz again. it'll be good... but sad. bittersweet. i'll love everything about it... but i know i'll be sad because i won't get to see mraz for a while. i have to share him... i guess. fuck, i'm just happy that i get to see him again.
jenny's now working with me at second cup... even that world isn't mine anymore. i love that we can work together... except i think i'm more in love with the idea than the reality. again... that was mine... i don't know. and jenny's trying to look for another job and i'm all for that. if she gets this job, with an advertising company, she'll be making great money and that's what she wants. but i just don't want it flaunted in my face. i told her that i'd be sad that i won't get to see mraz again for a while and her first reaction was that she'd be making a lot of money so we can go and see him. i know she didn't mean it the way it came across to me... but it felt that way. and it pains.
i don't mean to be so bitter about jenny... i don't know what's come over me. maybe the green monster has been flashing her face around. help me get out of this funk.
xo - cyndi
i'm standing in place
with my head first and i
shake, i shake
i see your progress stretched
out for miles and miles