alright… so apparently all i ever have to talk about is jason mraz. that’s alright with me, and as long as you’re still reading this, it’s a-okay with you too. *mwah* jenny, was actually quite upset that that’s all i had to say whenever i spoke to her or e-mailed her… “i love jason”. i think she’s come to terms with it… or she’s just being vengeful and telling me how much she loves jesse carmichael. either way… i’m good. i’ve nothing but love for them... for everyone.
so my loverly mraz posted in rkop and on his website. he made my day... even though he made me cry. even his damn journal entries and posts provoke emotions out of me that just aren't normal. sometimes it feels like he's an old friend and he's just sending me and e-mail to tell me that he's okay, that his life rocks his socks and that he needs a vacation. except it's an e-mail myself and a few hundred others share. that's okay... i still see "dear cyndi" at the top... or adam... or melissa. mraz actually had a little tidbit for me... "they say every particle that makes up everything in the universe is vibrating and creates a sound. a universal buzz... i'm into that shit." that is, like whoa. it's amazing that he's into that because... music is such a part of my life that it's good to know that there will never be silence. ever. it's like a security blanket... the kind you hide under during a scary movie. it just warms my heart to know he's into that too. i love jason.
jason... i'm so in love with him that it frightens me. i think him and i were meant for each other i seriously do. i don't like thinking about it though... the more i do, the more it depresses me. you see all these guys on tv and they're all so nice and you know people who have great boyfriends... why can't i just find a boyfriend like jason? is that too much to ask? i want someone who's open, candid, creative, sweet and witty. is that too much? maybe i should become a lesbian. now THAT'S too much to ask. i need an action plan to make him realize we're perfect.
sidetracking here... i love the ...'s, yes that's dot, dot, dot's, if you haven't already noticed. to me they represent something promising... like the ... is where you form your own thought. it's also where i take a long deep breath... where i ponder the meaning of life... where i try to understand what i just said... or even just to smile. the ...'s are so promising. i love it...
i did join rkop... and i put myself out there right away. my name is quiethands... so if you ever want to find me. i'm there. i have a few new online friends from there... they were much more welcoming than i thought they were... let's just say they had a heated welcome mat and hot cocoa waiting inside their doors. all of the rkoper's are amazing. i heart them.
i did happen to join in on the m5 board as well. that one wasn't so welcoming... they spit in my hot cocoa. there was a lot of miscommunication between some of the boardwhores and i... now it's done. well on my side it's done... some of those chickadees might still be medium rare. i don't care anymore though, i love m5, you love m5... let's all bang.
i've also been thinking a lot on my philosophies. oh right, i don't have any. i don't have any philosophies on life... i think i need one. it always seems like i hear something that i like, and that's my new philosophy. i want to make my own, live by my own words... but i have no idea where to start. mr. jenny... aka jesse carmichael... actually wrote a quote from the dalai lama in one of his posts. "there is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. our own brain, our own heart is our temple; my philosophy is kindness." i actually think that's kind of nice. maybe i'll pick up that book he recommended.
jesse can help me soul search.
jason can help me learn
how to love without boundaries.
jenny can help me make jesse
and jason realize how much they want to help me.
i can help jenny make jesse
realize how perfect they are for each other.
note to self: share my love with more people without "j" in their names. meh... i can call him mraz.
xo - cyndi
my hands are high and i'm
holding on
and i figured that i just
might make it