Quickening: X____X
*lies spread-eagle on the ground, twitching sporadically*
Deedlit: Uh.
What’s the matter with her?
Desiree: Oh, nothing.
She just paid this month’s electric bill.
Deedlit: That bad, huh?
Desiree: Her checkbook just threatened to commit
suicide.
Deedlit: Oh.
………
Deedlit: Um…can a checkbook actually DO that?
Desiree: ……Are you SURE we’re related? -_-;
Chapter Eight
She came upon them much more quickly
than she’d expected, and with more noise heralding her arrival than she’d hoped
for. Then
again, it was very hard to walk in crisply-packed snow without making some noise; Inuyasha had probably heard
her coming practically before she’d even left.
The miko and the hanyou stood silently facing each other
in the center of a small clearing, with bright moonlight bathing them and
everything around them in a silver, otherworldly glow. It shimmered off of Inuyasha’s silver-white
hair, wreathing him in a halo of light, and paled Kikyou’s sad, serious
features into something as ethereal and lovely as one might find on a faerie,
or perhaps a goddess. Her ebony hair glowed
with shadowed radiance, wrapping her in a halo of her own, and all around them
the untouched snow glittered like crushed diamonds. Kagome was struck by how beautiful they both
looked standing there, with the world silent and watchful all around them, as
if they did not belong in such a world but rather had ascended to it from a
higher plane, and once they took their leave of it, the magical beauty would
fade with their passing.
She suddenly felt like an intruder, horribly gangly and
uncouth and mortal, and wondered just
what had possessed her to come looking for him when she clearly did not belong
in such a place, and whether or not it was too late to escape again. But by then they’d already sensed her
presence, and Inuyasha’s ears twitched back toward her as her foot cracked a
stick buried beneath the white blanket, and Kikyou’s sad, dark eyes turned to
find hers in the shadows. Kagome
shivered beneath that serious gaze, feeling again how inadequate she was, just
a copy placed side-by-side with the original.
It was no wonder that Inuyasha always ran to her. It was no wonder he was willing to be dragged
into hell with her.
Inuyasha turned his head, and now his gleaming eyes sought
Kagome’s, but she dropped her gaze from his as soon as they met, uncertain how
she could face him now. Why had she
sought him out in the first place, she wondered uncertainly. The reason seemed to have slipped from her
mind. He was probably annoyed with her,
for interrupting them yet again, and wanted her to leave. So without a single word she backed away a
few steps and turned to walk away from the faerie land into which she’d
inadvertently stumbled.
“Kagome…” Inuyasha
was startled at the girl’s appearance; he’d vaguely heard something moving
toward them, and had assumed it was just a local animal, being as fixated on
Kikyou as he was. The air was so still
that he’d not even picked up on her scent until she was upon them. But he was even more surprised when she
merely walked away again, leaving him alone with Kikyou without a single
warning. That disturbed him a bit, as
had the expression he’d seen on her face before she’d turned away from him. Something was obviously wrong with her; she never left him alone with Kikyou if she
could help it, always hovering nearby in case the miko decided to pull any of
her little tricks. And that look in her
eyes was niggling at him, filling him with guilt. He couldn’t quite place it, but he knew he
didn’t like it, because it was unfamiliar and completely un-Kagome-like, and he
knew that he’d been the one to put it there, him and Kikyou.
Without another thought, he started after her, determined
to find out just what the problem was—Why
the hell is she walkin’ around in the forest in the
middle of the night, anyway?! What is
she, stupid?! he
ranted to himself—but Kikyou’s soft voice stilled him in his tracks.
“You would go to her again, Inuyasha?”
There was neither condemnation nor accusation in her
tone. In fact, there wasn’t much of anything in her tone. There never was anymore, he realized
sadly. It was as though her emotions
were all…dead. Just like her body.
“She obviously came looking for me, and something’s wrong
with her. I gotta
make sure she makes it back to the village okay,” he replied softly, regarding
Kikyou carefully for any sign of possible attack. He could not forget the miko and what they
had shared together those fifty years ago, but neither was he foolish enough to
fully trust her as she was now, what with all the times she’d already attempted
to kill him, and usually over her reincarnate.
He owed her his life, yes, but that didn’t mean she had the say in when he would give it up to her.
“It seems that you are not as yet able to choose between
the two of us,” Kikyou was telling him steadily. “I can clearly see that you care deeply for
my incarnate, and yet you have already pledged your life to me. Does your word hold so little value then?”
“No!” he insisted, ignoring the flush of guilt in his
heart. “I gave you my word that I’ll
protect you, and I’ll give you my life if it’ll bring you peace. I intend to honor it, but now isn’t the
time. The quest isn’t complete. I haven’t destroyed Naraku
and avenged you. Only then will we both be at peace, when that monster is
nothing but dust under my heels.”
“And when that time comes, what will you do?” Kikyou questioned him quietly. “Will you then come to hell with me as you
promised, as that girl looks on. Will
you allow her to interfere? She shall do
so; you know it as well as I. You know that the child loves you. She cannot help herself. She is me, after all.”
Inuyasha looked away, shifting uncomfortably. He didn’t know any such thing, but hearing
Kikyou say those words sent a strange feeling through him. Something like a cross between joy and
despair, and as confused over his own emotions as he already was, he didn’t
even begin to try to sort the two out.
Instead, he chose to focus on the one thing of which he was certain. “When the quest is over Kagome’ll
go home where she belongs,” he muttered.
“She’ll be safe, then, and can live her life the way she’s supposed
to. She’ll be with her family and
friends, and her…‘skewl’ thing…and it won’t matter
then what I do, ‘cause she won’t be here to see it.” And that knowledge pained him more than he
cared to admit. “All I gotta do is protect her so she gets through this alive,
that’s all I care about.”
Kikyou did not deign to respond. There was a breath of wind, the faint whisper
of ghostly scales, and when Inuyasha looked up again, the miko was already high
in the air, borne away by her Shinidama-chuu, as
silent as the lost spirit that she was.
~~~{~@
~~~{~@ ~~~{~@
Kagome wandered back the way she’d
come, shivering as the frigid air began to seep through her clothes and chill
her flesh. Finding her way back was
harder than she’d thought. To get there
she’d merely followed the Shinidama-chuu. To get back, she had to follow the footprints
she’d left in the snow, but it was so dark that she had to strain her eyes to
pick them out from the many other tracks left behind by deer and rabbits and
other various forest critters, and she was beginning to get tired.
Something cracked behind her,
causing her to yelp and nearly leap out of her own skin, and when a dark shape
with glowing eyes suddenly dropped out of a tree to land in a crouch directly
before her, she discovered firsthand what heart attack victims must go through.
“Hmmm. If I’d been a hungry youkai, you’d be dead,”
Inuyasha snorted, rising to his feet and brushing the snow off his clothes, as
Kagome lay on the path in front of him and attempted to remember how to
breathe.
“Inuyasha!” she yelled furiously
when she finally regained her voice.
“You…you…OSUWARI!”
Inuyasha went down like a felled
tree, but fortunately for his face, the snow cushioned most of the impact. He muttered curses just for the hell of it,
then sat up and shook himself off once the spell released him, spraying Kagome
with snow in the process. “What’re you doin’ out here?” he groused.
Kagome blinked, then looked at the ground,
shamefaced. “I…uh…was looking for you,”
she admitted quietly. Then, eyes
widening earnestly, she added, “But not ‘cause I saw
the Shinidama-chuu!
I was looking for you before that ‘cause I
wanted to talk to you and then I saw them and I just figured that…well…you
probably were with K-Kikyou and…um…”
“Okay, okay, I believe you,” he
assured her, a bit bemused at her odd behavior.
“Well, you found me. Whaddaya want to talk to me about?”
Kagome squirmed, having once again
remembered just why she’d sought him out.
Thinking that she was going to admit everything to him, and then actually
doing so, were two different things,
however. And it wasn’t as easy as she’d
hoped it would be. “Um…see…I wanted to
explain about…um…yesterday,” she began hesitantly. “Or…eh…actually the night before…”
His expression darkened
slightly. “You mean when that perverted bouzu stole a kiss from you?” he growled.
“Um…yeah…but…there’s something….see,
it wasn’t exactly…” She broke off,
pursing her lips and thinking hard.
“First things first,” she muttered.
“Promise me you’ll hear me out before you go on a bloody rampage, okay?”
His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “And why would I wanna
do that?” he asked snidely. “Obviously,
it’s something pretty bad here…”
“Well…not bad, bad (actually, it was pretty good) but…gaah! I mean…yes,
it was bad and it never should have
happened and I’m not like that
and…and…I’m sorry! I’m really, really, really sorry and I’ll never do it again
and will you forgive me? Please?”
Kagome dropped to her knees in front of him and grabbed his haori, while Inuyasha in turn stared down at her through wide
eyes, completely and utterly confused.
And just slightly freaked out.
“Get a hold of yourself!” he snapped, shaking her
roughly. “What’re you talkin’ about?!”
Kagome took a deep, steadying breath
and closed her eyes, counting to three before she released it. “Th-the kiss
Miroku…um…stole from me,” she began hesitantly.
“See…it…it wasn’t just a
kiss…”
There was a moment of complete and
utter silence. But only for a moment.
“WHAAAAT?!”
came the furious bellow. Actually, it
came out as more of a roar. Inuyasha’s
eyes began glowing nearly red with fury as the full implications hit him, and
with a feral growl he turned and took off through the trees, intent on finding
and filleting one very dead monk.
Or, at least, he would have…had Kagome not tightened her
death-grip on his clothes.
“You
promised to hear me out!” she cried over the sounds of his snarls. “Stay still and listen or I’ll sit you the whole way to
He fixed his deadly glare on her,
but subsided in his struggles. “I didn’t
promise any such thing, and I don’t even know what
His obvious concern and regret made
her own eyes burn with unshed tears, wanting more than anything to take the
comfort he offered.
But she hadn’t finished her story yet, and she knew that he’d be even
less happy than he was right now when he learned the entire truth. So, gathering all her courage, she
reluctantly placed her hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him away,
gazing up into his overly-bright eyes.
Her face crumpled as she saw the worry shining clear in the golden
depths, but she pushed on. “Please…don’t
place all of the blame on Miroku,” she told him, barely able to raise her voice
above a whisper. “I-it’s my fault, as
well. I…I let it happen.”
The worry slowly faded, changing to
astonishment as her words sank in, and he looked down at her with an expression
of confusion. “You…let it…” he began,
frowning in disbelief.
She began to cry in earnest, causing
him some moments of panic, and nodded slowly.
“I didn’t mean to let it go so far,” she sniffled. “It was just…a…a joke, but…but then he kept
pushing and I…I let him. I could have
stopped him, I could have! And he would
have stopped if I’d asked him. I…really believe
that he would never have forced
me. But when…I had the chance to tell
him to back off I…I encouraged him to keep going.”
“You…” he began in a choked voice,
then stopped, unable to speak further.
“I didn’t know what I was doing,”
she continued pitifully, futilely wiping her eyes. “Everything was so muddled and…and hazy and
I’d never felt anything like that
before and I just…I couldn’t think. It was barely real to me and I just wanted more.” She still did, in fact, but she couldn’t
admit that to him. She didn’t understand
what was wrong with her. One night of
passion should not have changed her
feelings so completely, but now, even as she was standing before Inuyasha, her
mind kept wandering back to the cave, and Miroku, and the things he’d done to
her. Was that what sex did to you, she
wondered uneasily. Turned you into an
addict? No wonder Miroku was such a
pervert. She’d had no idea anything
could feel so good. It really was like a
drug. Or maybe it was just that Miroku
was so good at what he did…
She gave herself a hard mental shake and drew in a deep
breath, attempting to get herself under control. Good or not, it wasn’t going to happen
again. Because she loved Inuyasha, and
it was with him that she should
experience things like that. “I’m sorry,
Inuyasha,” she told him weakly. I’m sorry for betraying you, and I’m sorry
for wanting to do it again…
Inuyasha didn’t reply. Clearly, he was struggling to find
words. His mouth kept opening, and then
closing again, as he stared down at her with an unreadable expression on his
face. “Wh-why didn’t you…tell me
all this before?” he finally questioned.
“Why’d you lie to me?”
She cringed slightly. “Because I was afraid you’d hate me if you
found out the truth,” she whispered, staring at the snow at her feet. “More than anything, I don’t want you to hate
me. I don’t want to lose your respect or
your…” She
broke off there; more than anything, she wanted to say love, but she doubted
she’d ever held that in the first place.
“Please say you forgive me, Inuyasha,” she pleaded.
Unknown to her, his expression gentled
slightly as he stared down at the top of her bowed head. “I got a question,” he began carefully, “and
I’d like an honest answer.”
She nodded uncertainly, and he
reached out a clawed hand to gently tilt her head until their eyes met. Her dark lashes were wet and heavy and
sparkling with tears, her limpid eyes shining with moisture, making his breath
catch. “Are you sorry what happened
between you and Miroku happened,” he asked softly, “or are you more sorry ‘bout
the fact I’d hate you ‘cause of it?”
She blinked up at him, clearly
startled. “I…” she began, then stopped,
uncertain as to what she should say.
He frowned down at her and carefully
wiped away the tears from her eyes. “I
don’t hate you, Kagome,” he told her awkwardly.
“You should know I can’t hate you, but I-I’m kinda…” He cut himself off, not certain how to
explain his feelings.
She sniffled again. “You’re disappointed in me, aren’t you?” she
questioned timidly.
He cringed a little. “I just never expected you’d give in to the bouzu like that,” he muttered uncomfortably.
“Well, it’s not like I ever expected
to, either,” she replied sulkily. “But
Miroku can be very…persuasive.”
He grimaced. “Spare me the gory details,” he snorted.
She pouted at him. “I did say I was sorry. Now you’re supposed to say, ‘It’s okay, Kagome, anybody can make mistakes’.”
“Keh,” he
sniffed, crossing his arms. Then,
glancing down at her to catch the despondent look in her eyes, he hastily
added, “I ain’t…I ain’t mad,
okay? You just got me by surprise, is
all. Besides, looks like you’re beating
yourself up over it enough for the both of us.”
Kagome bit her lip. “But what if…what if this mistake made
me…um…what if I got pregnant?” she asked uncomfortably. “We didn’t use any kind of protection…”
Inuyasha turned to face her with a
frown, then leaned forward to inhale deeply.
She blinked at him as he crouched down and lowered his head to her
abdomen, her face heating in a dark blush.
“Wh-what’re
you doing?” she squeaked.
He ignored her, taking a few final
sniffs, before standing up again and shrugging.
“You still smell the same,” he told her.
“If you were gonna have a kid, your scent
would’ve probably changed by now.”
Her jaw dropped. “You can smell
it on me?!” she yelped.
He shrugged. “Sure.
Any half-assed youkai could. Even
hanyou,” he replied simply.
Kagome wasn’t sure to be mortified or indignant, so she
settled for mildly annoyed. “If you’re
wrong about this, I’ll kill you,” she muttered.
“Keh. Don’t blame me for your dumb mistakes,” he
sniffed, then immediately wished he’d kept his mouth shut when her eyes began
flashing, a clear indication that he as about to get his ass sat.
“Inuyasha…osuwari.”
~~~{~@
~~~{~@ ~~~{~@
When the spell wore off, Inuyasha
calmly sat up and brushed off his clothes with as much dignity as he could
muster. Then without a word, he turned
and stalked off toward the village. Kagome
followed him warily, more than a little confused at his uncharacteristic
passiveness. Normally, he’d be throwing
a fit and yelling his voice hoarse, or attempting to go after Miroku’s head
(and not necessarily the one sitting on his shoulders). The fact that he wasn’t…well…it made her a
little nervous. “So. You’re really not mad?” she questioned
suspiciously when she caught up to him.
“I said I wasn’t, didn’t I?” he
snapped.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why not?” she asked. She seemed almost disappointed.
“Whad’ya
mean why not? Are you sayin’ you want me to be?”
She huffed a sigh and kicked at the
snow, her brow furrowing. “I just don’t
get it,” she muttered. “Normally you
rant and scream any time a guy comes within ten feet of me. Now I just lost my virginity to a renowned
pervert and you don’t seem to give a rat’s ass about it.”
“Of course I do!” he snapped,
stopping in his tracks for a moment, before marching forward again. “I ain’t happy that
you went and rutted with that bouzu, but you said you didn’t want me to kill
him! Make up your mind!”
She sighed and rubbed her
temples. “It’s ‘cause of Kikyou, isn’t
it?” she asked quietly.
Inuyasha sputtered. “Wh-what? Kikyou don’t
have anything to do with this…”
“You’re probably feeling guilty that
I caught you with her, so me admitting that I slept with Miroku is probably making
you feel pretty relieved right now.
‘Cause now I can’t feel bad anymore when you sneak off to see her, because
what I did was so much worse.”
He blinked down at her, half mad and
half stunned. “W-what do either of us got
to feel guilty about?” he barked. “It ain’t like we’re
mated or anything!”
She winced and looked away. “I know that…but…” She clenched her teeth and tried not to cry
again. “You have to know how…how I feel
about you, and how much it hurts me when you go to see…her. I feel like I’m always being compared to her,
and I’ll never be good enough in your eyes.
And now that I’m not even…pure
anymore, I guess I don’t have any chance at all…” She took a deep breath. “I hadn’t planned on losing my virginity so
soon…but…I’d hoped that…you’d be the one I’d lose it to.”
“D-don’t say that!” He stared down at her through wide eyes, his
cheeks burning.
“Why?” she muttered, kicking at the
snow again. “The idea must disgust you
pretty badly, huh?” Her smile was tight
and bitter. “Don’t worry. I probably couldn’t seduce you if I
tried. That’s Miroku’s expertise.”
His hand on her shoulder stilled
her, and she was turned to face him, looking up into his pained face. “I-it ain’t that,”
he began awkwardly. “I just…I made a
promise and…”
“I know. You made a lot of promises, Inuyasha. Probably more than you’re able to keep,” she
replied, then immediately felt ashamed of herself when his ears flattened, his
golden eyes filling with guilt. “I’m
sorry,” she mumbled, dropping her gaze.
“I know you never promised me anything more than friendship, and I
should learn to be grateful for even just that.
It isn’t your fault I fell in
love with somebody who can’t love me back.”
“It isn’t that,” he repeated, his voice a low growl. Their eyes met again and held, hers filled
with sad acceptance and his filled with regret and…longing? Slowly, as if in a trance, he drew her
closer, his head lowering ever-so-slowly to her own, lidded eyes slipping
closed as he sought the touch of her lips.
But when he was close enough to feel the heat of them and her soft
breath ghosting against his mouth, he felt the gentle pressure of her fingers
to his lips, blocking him from the kiss.
His eyes snapped open, regarding her with hurt and confusion.
“Why?” he murmured.
“Isn’t it what you wanted?”
She looked away, blushing softly,
her eyes overly-bright and glassy as she nodded slowly. “But…Inuyasha…I…I don’t know who you’re
kissing,” she whispered.
He felt like she’d just punched him
in the chest. Or right through the chest, to be more
accurate. “Who I’m…?” He was confused, and slightly uneasy.
“Who were you just looking at? Who were you trying to kiss?” she asked
shakily. “Was it me…or Kikyou? You’ve done that before. You were trying to kiss me…and you were
looking at her.”
His eyes widened more, and he opened
his mouth to reply, only to find that his voice had stopped working. She smiled at him sadly. “You see?
There’s the whole problem,” she continued. “Even if…something were to happen between
us…as long as Kikyou still exists, I’ll never know for sure who it is you’re
with. You can’t distinguish between the
two of us. To you…we’re the same
person. But we’re not. I’m
not.”
He hated it when she got all logical
on him like that, especially because he knew she was right. But his pride would not let him admit
it. “Is that why you went to Miroku?” he
growled spitefully.
“Is that…what? You…I told you that was an accident!” she
snapped, glaring at him. “It wasn’t
supposed to happen.” Then, shaking her
head slightly, she continued, “But I will
admit that when I was with him I felt…I felt cherished. Like I was
important to him.”
“He was seducing you, idiot! Of course he made you feel that way!” Inuyasha snapped.
She clenched her hands.
“Maybe so…but at least I never had to wonder who it was he was loving!”
she snapped back. “I didn’t have to
wonder if he was thinking of another woman when he was…” She cut herself off and shook her head. “This is getting us nowhere,” she
muttered. “We’re just going around in
circles and…I’m too tired to fight anymore.”
She started walking again, and Inuyasha stared after her
for a moment before he ran to catch up to her, gripping her arm slightly to
stop her. “Kagome, I…I’m sorry, okay?”
he said awkwardly. “I’m sorry I can’t be
what you want. I don’t even know my own
feelings, and…and right now I just wanna
focus on finding the shards and kicking Naraku’s
ass. After that…there’ll be more time to
figure everything out.”
She stared at the ground, but he could see the sadness in
her eyes, could smell the salty tang of suppressed tears. “I did promise to protect you, though, and
I’ll keep that promise,” he assured her.
“I won’t let nothing else happen to you. You are
my friend.”
She nodded stiffly, biting her lips, struggling to hold
onto her composure. “And…Kagome?” he
added uncertainly. “I-if anything
else…happens…between you and the monk…I won’t get in the way. Okay?”
“Nothing is gonna happen!” she
exploded. “And…and I want you to get in the way! I…I want you to care…” Her voice trailed off into a pained whisper
as she hugged herself tightly, looking very small and uncertain.
He gave an awkward kind of a laugh. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t care,” he replied with a crooked smile. “Right now I feel like ripping him a new one
knowing he put his dirty hands on you.
He ain’t good enough
for you. I doubt anyone is.”
She sniffled. “So
who’re you, my dad?” she asked
snidely.
He chose to ignore that.
“I’m just sayin’…I know I don’t got the right
to keep you away from other guys.”
She couldn’t help but smile a little. “Never stops you from trying though,” she
replied snidely, and was rewarded with a small, crooked grin.
“Yeah, well…I got instincts, you know. And they’re saying to keep you as far away
from the competition as possible.”
“So in other words your goal in life is to keep me alone
and miserable for the rest of my
life, is that it?” she snorted.
“Keh! Quit puttin’ words
into my mouth,” he huffed.
She actually giggled.
“I don’t have to. You’re doing
that just fine on your own,” she retorted.
Inuyasha’s reply to that was another disgusted huff, and
he turned around and started walking again.
But Kagome suddenly threw herself against his back and wrapped her arms
around him, burying her face into his hair.
He stiffened in shock.
“Thank you, Inuyasha, for being so understanding,” she mumbled
into his back.
“Keh. There ain’t nothing about this that I understand,” he muttered, trying
to look dignified with his glowing red cheeks.
“Well, then, for trying
to be understanding,” she amended. “And
even if it hurts, I’m glad we’re friends.”
His expression softened.
“Kagome…”
“Gees, look at that, the sky’s already getting
brighter. We’ve been out here a long
time now, huh?” She released him and
strode ahead, keeping her eyes on the trees above them, not quite able to hide
the moisture shining on her lashes.
“Guess we’d better get back before anyone starts to worry.”
Recognizing a dismissal when he saw one, Inuyasha
immediately leaped at the chance to make things…normal again. “Yeah, or before a hungry youkai finds
us. I swear, you attract more trouble
than a fox in a chicken pen,” he snorted.
“And what’s that
supposed to mean?”
“Just what it sounds like, wench!”
“Inuyaaashaaa…”
“Aw…sh-”
“Osuwari!”
*fwoomph*
“-it.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Desiree: What’s this?!
What’s all this…this INUYASHA fluff doing in
here?!
Quickening: HA! Eleven
whole pages! Take that, all you people
who whine about the chapters not being long enough! Just don’t get used to it, ‘cause it’ll probably never happen again.
Desiree: But…but Miroku wasn’t even IN this chapter!
Quickening: I know!
*grins evilly* Ain’t it GREAT?
Desiree: >_< This
is SUPPOSED to be a MIROKU and KAGOME fic!
Deedlit: Obviously, she has yet to be fully corrupted.
Quickening: Mwahahahaaaa! You’ll never take me alive! *flees the room, cackling maniacally*