Warning:  This fic takes place directly, and I mean directly, after Volume 3 of Change of Heart.  So if you haven’t read that book yet, than I wouldn’t recommend reading this fic unless you want to be spoiled.  Oh, and this isn’t a happy fic ‘cause book three wasn’t a very happy book.  ^^;

 

I should warn you, of course, that this story is only my own version of what happens next.  However, it IS very loosely based on the summary I read online of what happens in the next volume.  Still, don’t take my fic as actual fact as to what happens in future volumes.  It’s only a story, after all.

 

Disclaimer:  Nope.  Peach Girl does not and never will belong to me.  But I sure wouldn’t mind taking Kiley of Ueda-san’s hands for her.  ^_~

 

 

Just to Be With You

by Quickening

 

 

“You’re right.  I’m sorry.”

 

            Those two words, hovering in the air between them like a proclamation of doom; even though she’d half been expecting it, Momo still felt the weight of them slam into her chest like a sledgehammer, rendering her breathless and leaving her head spinning like a carousel.  She stood there, at a very uncharacteristic loss for words, and wondered if she was going to wake up anytime soon, because this had to be a nightmare.  It just couldn’t possibly be real.  Kiley couldn’t…he wouldn’t be…

 

            “Y-you mean…you really do still love Misao…”

 

            She barely recognized the croaked statement as her own voice.  Kiley flinched a bit, looking at the ground, the wall…anywhere but at her.  He refused to meet her gaze, and that showed her the truth of the words far better than any verbal confirmation or denial on his part.

 

            “Th-that’s why…”  She stopped, and swallowed, hard.  “Is that why you wouldn’t…?”  She stopped again, unable to bring herself to finish the sentence.

 

            “…I wouldn’t…what?” Kiley questioned, finally looking up at her, his brow furrowed.

 

            She flinched a bit.  “H-he was wrong after all, wasn’t he?” she replied softly, almost to herself.  She was hanging onto her control by barely a thread.  A large part of her wanted to run at him screaming, beat him over the head with her bag as she normally would do, and the other part of her wanted nothing more than to run away and deny that this conversation had ever taken place…but she had to know.  The not-knowing was worse than the knowing.

 

            “He?”  Kiley looked confused.

 

            “Your brother,” she whispered, hugging herself to ward off a chill.  She looked away from him, and in doing so missed the dark expression passing through his eyes.  “He told me…I told him that we hadn’t…been together…like that.  But…that you wanted to and…”

 

            “You told him what?!” 

 

Kiley looked pissed now, but she didn’t appear to notice, still lost in her thoughts, trying to sort out the confused jumble in her mind.  “He told me that if you were trying to sleep with me it’s because you didn’t really love me,” she continued on, her lips quivering slightly.  Kiley’s eyes went wide at that admission.  “But you said not to listen to anything he said ‘cause it’s all a lie and I believed you.  And then I thought…it didn’t matter to me that you kept trying to…because I love you so much and it’s only natural, isn’t it?  And then I wanted it to happen…that day…but you…you stopped.”

 

Her face took on a slow flush, remembering how humiliated she’d felt when Kiley had pulled away.  “At first I was mad at you—I was so embarrassed!  I mean, my own boyfriend rejects me after all that nagging?—but then I thought, was Ryo right, after all?  Did you stop because you did truly love me?  But…then you wouldn’t talk to me and you kept avoiding me so what was I supposed to think?  That maybe it was something I did even if you say it wasn’t?  Was I not good enough for you?  I’m not…experienced in doing things like that…”

 

“No, Momo, that wasn’t…” Kiley tried to protest, but she shook her head, her hair swinging against her back.

 

“I don’t know what to think,” she continued, her voice coming out small and tight.  “I’m so confused…if you don’t really love me then why did you stop?  If I was just another…another conquest to you…it shouldn’t have mattered, right?” 

 

“Momo!  You can’t possibly think…” Kiley began again, his voice laced with disbelief and no small amount of hurt, but again she continued as though he hadn’t spoken.

 

“Or was it because I’m not who you really want?” she asked, somewhat bitterly.  “Did you imagine it was her you were loving, while you were with me?  Did you suddenly realize that I’m not Misao?  Is that why you stopped?”  She turned on him suddenly, her tear-filled eyes glittering furiously.  “The replacement is never as good as the real thing, after all, isn’t that right?!”

 

“No!  That’s not right!” he exclaimed, holding out his hands toward her.  “Momo, don’t believe that for a minute!  Don’t…”

 

“Then tell me the truth!” she shouted, slapping his hands away.  “Whatever you have to say, just say it and stop lying to me already!  Do you have any idea how much it hurts?  I’d expect this kind of behavior out of your brother and Sae, but you!  You’re the one who I’ve always depended on!  Even more than Toji, I’ve always depended on you to never hurt me!  You’re the one who helped me to finally get over Toji!  You’re the one who kept me from dying inside!  You’re the one who made me fall in love with you!  If that’s not what you want, it’s your fault!”

 

“…I’m sorry.”  He looked utterly miserable, his head lowered until his shaggy hair obscured his face, his shoulders hunched as he tried to make himself as small as possible.  “I’m sorry, Momo.  I don’t…I never meant to…”

 

“Do you love me?”  Momo asked in a small, tearful voice.  “If you don’t love me…please just admit it.  Don’t…please don’t lead me on anymore, if you don’t really want to be with me.  I’m so tired of being used like this.  First Toji…and now you.  What’s wrong with me that I’m never good enough to be with anybody?  Aren’t my feelings important at all?”

 

“Stop saying that!”  She was in his arms before she’d even seen him move, being held tight to his chest as his face was pressed into her neck.  “I already told you, there’s nothing wrong with you,” he continued hotly.  “None of this is your fault, Momo.”

 

“I know that!” she snapped, trying to shove him away.  He didn’t let go.  “From where I’m standing, it’s your fault!  You’re the one who’s been lying this whole time!”

 

“I never lied to you,” he replied in a low voice.

 

“Withholding the truth is the same thing as lying,” she pointed out darkly.  “And you still haven’t admitted it yet!  Tell me.”

 

“I…I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, his voice muffled against her neck.

 

“It’s a little too late for that, baka!” she snapped.  Her throat was closing over again, and she fought back the tears, trying hard to hold onto her anger.  Anger was something she was used to and could handle.  This overwhelming emptiness that threatened to engulf her at the mere thought of losing Kiley was a lot harder to deal with.  She’d barely survived when Toji left her, and then only because she had always had Kiley to turn to.  Kiley to make her smile.  Kiley on whom to let out her anger and frustration.  Kiley who always had a kind word of encouragement, a gentle smile, no matter how badly she treated him.  Kiley who would always, always be there.

 

Only now…he wouldn’t be.  And if she lost Kiley, who would she have to turn to?  Once again, she’d be alone.  Completely alone.  And this time she wasn’t sure if she’d survive.  A heart could only be broken so many times before the pieces were too shattered to be mended anymore.

 

“I do love Misao.”

 

The words were so softly spoken, muffled as they were against her shoulder, that she barely heard them.  But heard them she did, and she felt something in her flicker and begin to die.

 

Kiley lifted his face to look at her, and his eyes were dark pools of emotion.  His lashes were wet.  “I’ve loved her for a long, long time, and no matter how hard I try to forget her I just can’t.”  He looked so anguished that, were she not too busy drowning in her own growing despair, she might have felt sorry for him.  “Please don’t mistake me, Momo,” he continued desperately.  “You’re very precious to me, but I just can’t…she’s always been in my thoughts.  I can’t forget the hope that one day she’ll…and that’s why I pulled away from you that day.  That’s why I can’t—won’t—take something so important from you.  Despite everything, you mean so much more to me than that.  You should give it to someone who actually deserves it.”  And with those words, he removed his arms from around her and stepped away…prepared to give her up completely.

 

Momo’s expression was frozen.  Her entire body was frozen.  It was no more than she’d expected, but each word hit home like a knife in her stomach.  She thought she might be sick.  “It isn’t fair to you,” Kiley was saying, his voice coming to her as through a long, empty tunnel.  “I realize how selfish I’m being, keeping you with me when I can’t give you my entire heart.  I’ll always be divided and you deserve so much more than that.  You deserve someone who will love you entirely.”

 

His words struck a chord in her heart.  She realized that she’d had this conversation before, or something like it, not so long ago.  Only it had been her who had been indecisive about where things stood.  It had been she who was hung up on another boy.  And yet Kiley…he hadn’t run away.  He hadn’t left her alone, even though he had no reason to stay.

 

“Momo…”

 

She looked at him suddenly, her eyes focusing on his face intently, making him blink in surprise.  She appeared to have come to a sudden decision.  The anger and heartache, while not fully vanishing from her expressive eyes, had been replaced with…determination.  “Kiley…do you remember when we planted that peach tree together?  Do you remember what I said to you?”  He looked uncertain, so she continued, “I told you then that I didn’t know how I felt about you, because I was still in love with Toji.  Do you remember?”

 

“…Yes…” he replied slowly.

 

“And do you remember what you told me?” she pressed, her expression anxious.  “You told me that it didn’t matter to you if I was still in love with Toji, that you still wanted to be with me and that was good enough for you.”  And that was the moment, she realized suddenly, that she’d truly begun to fall in love with Kiley.

 

“I remember, Momo, but what…?”

 

“Well, I’m saying the same thing to you, now,” she stated firmly, looking up at him as though daring him to disagree.  “I want to still be with you.  Even if you don’t…love me…it doesn’t matter.  I still want to be by your side.  Just let me stay by your side, that’s all I need.”

 

“Momo…” he breathed, looking at her in complete bewilderment.  “Y-you don’t know what you’re saying.  Why stay with me?  You should find someone who…”

 

“Don’t you get it, you stupid pumpkin?!  There is nobody else!” she snapped, effectively shutting him up.  “You’re all I have, you baka, and even if there were guys lined up around the block you’re all I’d still ever want!”  She paused and drew in a deep breath, closing her eyes to regain control of herself.  “You made me love you, you big idiot, and now you’re gonna have to deal with it.  You may not love me like that but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.  I’m not willing to give up on you any more than you’re willing to give up on her, and if there’s even the slightest chance that you might change your mind about me one day…then I want to be there when it happens.”  She took another deep breath.  “Even if…even if you never change your mind…if you and Misao actually get together…it won’t make me change my feelings.  I’d back off, the way you did when me and Toji were together…but I won’t change my feelings.  No matter how much it hurts.”

 

There was complete silence, and Momo’s courage began to desert her as quickly as it had come.  Suddenly feeling self-conscious about her outburst, she bit her lip and turned away from him, scuffing the toe of her shoe against the cement.  “You know how stubborn I am,” she grumbled, glaring at the pavement.  Then, her expression softening, she added quietly, “Isn’t it better to be with someone you like even a little…than to be all by yourself?  Hope can be a pretty lonely companion sometimes…”

 

Warm arms wrapped around her from behind and Kiley’s face was pressed once again into the junction of her shoulder and neck as he held her tightly to him.  “I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled brokenly into her skin.  His warm breath made her shiver.  “You’re an angel, and I don’t deserve you.  But I need you.”

 

Her eyes widened, heart fluttering madly.  “K-Kiley…?”

 

He kissed her neck, then the line of her jaw, and the rim of her ear, before reaching up to gently turn her face to his as his seeking lips trailed over her cheek to softly cover her own.  The kiss was long, slow, and gentle, filled with warmth that slowly eased the aching in both of their hearts.  When he drew away, gazing at her flushed face through tender eyes, he smiled that familiar, achingly-gentle smile, and she felt a lump form in her throat and tears burn behind her eyelids.  She turned in his arms to rest her head against his chest while he slowly stroked her back, giving her time to compose herself.  After a long while, she drew in a shuddering breath and looked up at him through moist eyes.  His head lowered to rest against her own as a hand stroked the remaining tears from her cheeks softly.

 

“There’s a coffee shop in town that sells great iced cappuccino,” he told her gently.  “Let’s go get some, okay?”

 

She forced a wavering smile to her lips.  “Like you need any caffeine in your system,” she replied in an attempt to joke.  “You’re already hyper enough as it is…”  He grinned at her, but didn’t deny the accusation.

 

“Come on,” he whispered, taking her hand in his and threading their fingers together.  He began leading her away from the house.  Momo’s eyes widened, glancing uncertainly back at the front door; she really shouldn’t just leave without telling Misao goodbye, it’d be rude.  When Kiley looked down at her unexpectedly and smiled, she blushed and glanced away, feeling unaccountably shy.  Then again, she could always just apologize to the nurse tomorrow at school…

 

            From the window, a shadowed figure watched the pair walk away, holding hands and casting each other shy and loving glances.  Misao shook her head and smiled; she’d heard them arguing out there, and although she couldn’t make out the words (not that she’d been listening or anything), she realized that it had been something rather serious.  Perhaps a changing point of their relationship…and possibly the reason Momo had come to see her in the first place.  She wasn’t certain, and she couldn’t help but be a little concerned.

 

Still, to look at them now, one would think that they were the happiest couple in the world.  It seemed as though they’d managed to work things out.  She couldn’t help but feel a bit envious of them and their obvious devotion to each other, wondering if she’d ever have someone who cared about her that much.  She sighed and allowed the curtain to drop back into place, turning away from the window with a smile.  There was no need to be concerned.  She had the feeling that, no matter what transpired between those two kids, they’d always manage to work things out in the end.  They were both too stubborn to let petty arguments come between them for long.

 

As long as they had each other, everything would be okay.

 

End

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I cannot even TELL you how good it felt to FINALLY be able to write something!  And only in…three and a half hours!  Maybe this will finally help me get over my writers WALL so I can go back to focusing on my original stories again.  Here’s to hope.  *crosses fingers*

 

Hope you liked the story!

 

Quickening