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| December 6, 2002 Thursday I haven't tried actually updating this thing with any real information about myself for a long time. It seems every time I sit down to write here i'm either drunk or in some strange mood. I haven't been doing so great for a while, but that seems more like the story of my life, i'm probably just pessamistic. I'll die of a heart attack or something, haha. Nothing really horrible has happened or anything, I've just been depressed. I'm moving soon though. Nessa moved out of her apartment above the clinton street theatre, so I'm taking it. She's living in Tigard now with her boyfriend Brian and four other roomates. The task of moving is looming ahead of me. *sigh* But once I'm settled I think things will be fine. Work at Bite Aid sucks shit as usual. Yet somehow I have no motivation to actively look for a new job. I feel so hopeless when it comes to work, what could I posibly find that I wouldn't hate? I've been drinking a lot in the past few months, doing stupid things while drunk, nothing terribly harmful, just dumb. Feeling very lonesome. I don't feel like I'm very close to any of my friends. If someone asked me who I was closest to right now, I don't even know how I could answer them. I don't feel close to anyone. Been writing a lot lately, playing guitar a lot. Not crying much at all, which...i guess is a good thing. I don't really have sobbing breakdowns like I used to, not that I ever did that in front of people but for a few times. Tears have given way to more of a dull dragging sadness that never really leaves...just sort of rises and falls with intensity...this world just seems to break my heart more and more every day.... ~Blue |
| December 8, 2002 Sunday Nessa's house warming party was last night.....well, it was also a party for their other new roomate Tucker, and for someone's birthday. 2 kegs and a pony keg, and it's almost all gone now, yeah, there were a lot of people here. The best part of the party was when one of their friends started spinning records, and some people started playing drums along with it, and then someone handed me a guitar and told me i should play. it fucking rocked, playing music is so so so so so fun. :) the dude spun for 8 fucking hours straight! it was insane, and so beautiful. anyway, i should go, i got some new tab to try out. ~blue |