Please see part one for disclaimers and such. 

Watchful part 2

Author: quew 
#

'No!' 

'Annika, please!' 

'NO!' The medical equipment flew across the room, smashing into a trolley filled with important looking vials and overturning it. I watched them smash with an angry satisfaction, safe in the knowledge that whatever I did now I did under my own control. But what Kathryn had told me...

'No!' I repeated, trying to convey everything I felt in that one small word. It wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough to make me feel...clean. 

Perhaps it would have been better, in a twisted way, if I could remember what I had done when I'd been part of the 'Borg'. Whatever I was thinking, whatever I was imagining...I would never know if the reality was actually better...or worse. 

I felt a great, churning feeling of helplessness open inside me, settling in my gut and making me have to take my breaths in great gulps. 'I don't remember!' I cried, throwing something else across the room. 'How can I have done those things? I don't remember!' 

'I told you, Annika,' Kathryn said, slowly edging closer. 'It wasn't you. No-one acts of their own free will when they've been assimilated. You had no power over what they made you do.' 

'Why did you tell me?' I whispered, my voice more harsh for its lack of volume. 'I didn't need to know.' 

'You asked,' Kathryn said simply, her expression soft. 'Perhaps I made a mistake in telling you, but I would rather you heard it from me than from someone else.' 

I felt the anger drain away, leaving me feeling small and drained. I wanted to curl up into a ball and kick and scream like a toddler having a tantrum, repeating 'It's not fair! It's not fair!' over and over again, but instead I sat back on my bed. 

Kathryn took this as a sign that it was safe to approach me once more, but I didn't look at her. My eyes had fallen on B'Elanna's still figure. 'What happened?' I asked. 

'What do you mean?' Kathryn said, placing a small hand over my mesh-encased one. 

'I overheard Harry and the doctor talking. B'Elanna saved my life.' Kathryn nodded. 'How?' 

'Well,' Kathryn made herself more comftable. 'You were working together in engineering when the warp core began to fluctuate. That's the ships engine.' I nodded my comprehension and she continued. 'You were working at a control panel, trying to shut it down, while B'Elanna - who's the Chief Engineer - was making sure everyone got out. She asked you to leave and you refused. You were convinced that you could stop the cascade failure and save the ship, but you needed another thirteen seconds. B'Elanna said you had ten at best, and you still refused to move.' Kathryn took a breath and I stared at her, wide-eyed and rapt. 

'You couldn't stop the failure but you could channel the...er,' she paused. She had to work out how to tell the story so I could understand. 'Basically, you cut off all the parts of the engine from one another and allowed them to break down separately, containing each miniature explosion and stopping them from forming one big one. Unfortunately, one of the explosions was going to be just in-front of the console you were working at.

B'Elanna saw this and tried to pull you away, but you said that if you did not separate the final sections then they would react with the other parts when they exploded and create a big explosion anyway. You refused, even though you knew the explosion would kill you.' 

'Really?' I asked, my breath catching in my throat. Was I really that brave? 

'Yes, really. At the last moment, just as you inputted the last codes that separated the sections, the part of the engine in front of you exploded. But it didn't hit you. B'Elanna leapt in front of you just as it happened, taken most of the damage herself.' 

My mouth hang open, and I searched for words to fit the situation, but all I could think of was, 'Really?' 

'Yes,' Kathryn said, chuckling slightly at the completely shocked expression on my face. 

Suddenly, a voice came out of no-where. I jumped, raising a hand to my mouth as the voice floated down from somewhere above us. 

'#Chakotay to the Captain.#' 

'Janeway here,' Kathryn said. 

'#Captain is...is everything alright?#' 

'I'll come and talk to you now, Chakotay,' she said, and then she tapped the shiny badge on the front of her tunic. It beeped, and, fascinated, I reached out and plucked it from her top. I ran my fingers over it and inadvertently pushed it down. It beeped again and I dropped it in surprise. 

Laughing, Kathryn picked it up and put it back on her red and black top. 'I have to go,' she said, 'will you be alright?' 

I nodded. 'I'll be okay. Will you come back?' 

She smiled. 'Of course. I have a few things to do, then I'll be right back.' 

I nodded, relieved, and then watched her as she left. As soon as she'd gone, I turned once more to my dark-haired saviour. She was looking better, and I couldn't help but smile. 

'We must have been friends,' I whispered. 'And if not...well, I think we should have been.' I reached out gently and finally ran my fingers over her ridges. Her skin looked noticeably pale, and I felt guilty that I had had a hand in laying this proud woman down, even if I didn't remember doing so. 

I wanted to know more of her story - where she came from, what she had done in her life - almost as much as I wanted to know more of mine. I wondered if she had ever done things that she had wanted to forget. I couldn't help but feel close to her: She was the only reason I was still alive. I wanted to repay her but until she awoke, I couldn't. 

So I watched her. 

I watched her breath, in and out, in and out, glad that it was deep and even. I watched the doctor check her every hour, then every two hours as she did better. I thought of how our first meeting might go, and I thought of what she would think of me now that I was not the person she would remember me to be. With that in mind, I asked the doctor for something other than the catsuit to wear, wanting to be out of its clinging confines as soon as possible. I wasn't comftable with every crew-member that saw me being able to estimate the size of my breasts. 

Soon, I was wearing a uniform like the rest of Voyager's crew, only it wasn't the same colours. I'd had it 'replicated' in the same colours as the catsuit - those I had liked. So now I wore my blue and silver uniform and my practical black boots, feeling more comftable all the while. And still I watched, waiting for the day she would awake and we could be friends. 

#

End.
Please see part one for disclaimers and such. 

Watchful part 2

Author: quew 
#

'No!' 

'Annika, please!' 

'NO!' The medical equipment flew across the room, smashing into a trolley filled with important looking vials and overturning it. I watched them smash with an angry satisfaction, safe in the knowledge that whatever I did now I did under my own control. But what Kathryn had told me...

'No!' I repeated, trying to convey everything I felt in that one small word. It wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough to make me feel...clean. 

Perhaps it would have been better, in a twisted way, if I could remember what I had done when I'd been part of the 'Borg'. Whatever I was thinking, whatever I was imagining...I would never know if the reality was actually better...or worse. 

I felt a great, churning feeling of helplessness open inside me, settling in my gut and making me have to take my breaths in great gulps. 'I don't remember!' I cried, throwing something else across the room. 'How can I have done those things? I don't remember!' 

'I told you, Annika,' Kathryn said, slowly edging closer. 'It wasn't you. No-one acts of their own free will when they've been assimilated. You had no power over what they made you do.' 

'Why did you tell me?' I whispered, my voice more harsh for its lack of volume. 'I didn't need to know.' 

'You asked,' Kathryn said simply, her expression soft. 'Perhaps I made a mistake in telling you, but I would rather you heard it from me than from someone else.' 

I felt the anger drain away, leaving me feeling small and drained. I wanted to curl up into a ball and kick and scream like a toddler having a tantrum, repeating 'It's not fair! It's not fair!' over and over again, but instead I sat back on my bed. 

Kathryn took this as a sign that it was safe to approach me once more, but I didn't look at her. My eyes had fallen on B'Elanna's still figure. 'What happened?' I asked. 

'What do you mean?' Kathryn said, placing a small hand over my mesh-encased one. 

'I overheard Harry and the doctor talking. B'Elanna saved my life.' Kathryn nodded. 'How?' 

'Well,' Kathryn made herself more comftable. 'You were working together in engineering when the warp core began to fluctuate. That's the ships engine.' I nodded my comprehension and she continued. 'You were working at a control panel, trying to shut it down, while B'Elanna - who's the Chief Engineer - was making sure everyone got out. She asked you to leave and you refused. You were convinced that you could stop the cascade failure and save the ship, but you needed another thirteen seconds. B'Elanna said you had ten at best, and you still refused to move.' Kathryn took a breath and I stared at her, wide-eyed and rapt. 

'You couldn't stop the failure but you could channel the...er,' she paused. She had to work out how to tell the story so I could understand. 'Basically, you cut off all the parts of the engine from one another and allowed them to break down separately, containing each miniature explosion and stopping them from forming one big one. Unfortunately, one of the explosions was going to be just in-front of the console you were working at.

B'Elanna saw this and tried to pull you away, but you said that if you did not separate the final sections then they would react with the other parts when they exploded and create a big explosion anyway. You refused, even though you knew the explosion would kill you.' 

'Really?' I asked, my breath catching in my throat. Was I really that brave? 

'Yes, really. At the last moment, just as you inputted the last codes that separated the sections, the part of the engine in front of you exploded. But it didn't hit you. B'Elanna leapt in front of you just as it happened, taken most of the damage herself.' 

My mouth hang open, and I searched for words to fit the situation, but all I could think of was, 'Really?' 

'Yes,' Kathryn said, chuckling slightly at the completely shocked expression on my face. 

Suddenly, a voice came out of no-where. I jumped, raising a hand to my mouth as the voice floated down from somewhere above us. 

'#Chakotay to the Captain.#' 

'Janeway here,' Kathryn said. 

'#Captain is...is everything alright?#' 

'I'll come and talk to you now, Chakotay,' she said, and then she tapped the shiny badge on the front of her tunic. It beeped, and, fascinated, I reached out and plucked it from her top. I ran my fingers over it and inadvertently pushed it down. It beeped again and I dropped it in surprise. 

Laughing, Kathryn picked it up and put it back on her red and black top. 'I have to go,' she said, 'will you be alright?' 

I nodded. 'I'll be okay. Will you come back?' 

She smiled. 'Of course. I have a few things to do, then I'll be right back.' 

I nodded, relieved, and then watched her as she left. As soon as she'd gone, I turned once more to my dark-haired saviour. She was looking better, and I couldn't help but smile. 

'We must have been friends,' I whispered. 'And if not...well, I think we should have been.' I reached out gently and finally ran my fingers over her ridges. Her skin looked noticeably pale, and I felt guilty that I had had a hand in laying this proud woman down, even if I didn't remember doing so. 

I wanted to know more of her story - where she came from, what she had done in her life - almost as much as I wanted to know more of mine. I wondered if she had ever done things that she had wanted to forget. I couldn't help but feel close to her: She was the only reason I was still alive. I wanted to repay her but until she awoke, I couldn't. 

So I watched her. 

I watched her breath, in and out, in and out, glad that it was deep and even. I watched the doctor check her every hour, then every two hours as she did better. I thought of how our first meeting might go, and I thought of what she would think of me now that I was not the person she would remember me to be. With that in mind, I asked the doctor for something other than the catsuit to wear, wanting to be out of its clinging confines as soon as possible. I wasn't comftable with every crew-member that saw me being able to estimate the size of my breasts. 

Soon, I was wearing a uniform like the rest of Voyager's crew, only it wasn't the same colours. I'd had it 'replicated' in the same colours as the catsuit - those I had liked. So now I wore my blue and silver uniform and my practical black boots, feeling more comftable all the while. And still I watched, waiting for the day she would awake and we could be friends. 

#

End.