Title: The Helping Hand of VJB 4/6
Author: quew
Please see part one for disclaimers, archiving info, warnings and everything else.
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The muses were well on the way to inebriation, stumbling along and alternately fighting and destroying the ship one corridor at a time. Someone in their group was carrying a boom box, and the cloying mixed scent of alcohol, cigarette smoke and the occasional whiff of weed followed them wherever they went. Thankfully, none of them were paying enough attention to their surroundings to hear the conversation that went on at the junction they had just past.
'I don't understand why /I/ have to be the decoy!' Someone whined. 'And why do I have to wear this ridiculous outfit? How am I going to explain it?'
Someone else sighed. 'Look, I'll explain it again - You go out there, and you lead them into our trap. And the clothes are because�well, would you expect someone dressed like this to be dangerous in any way?'
'Only if they didn't take their medicine.'
'Right.'
'There's no way I'm doing this on my own though. No way, no how.'
'C'mon�who else is gonna dress up like that? You were the only one gulli�I mean brave enough ta do it!'
'Right�' For a few moments, the sounds of a desperate and heated struggle were heard, and then an angry silence descended.
'You have got ta be kiddin' me!'
'I think you two look�' *cough* 'very�pretty�'
'There's no way we're going to do this!'
'You have to!'
'Why!'
'Because someone has to lead them into the trap.'
'Why us?'
'Because.'
'Why because?'
'/Because/ because. Now get out there!'
Two figures stumbled out into the corridor and after making rude gestures to those hidden, they looked at each other, cleared their throats and called out,
'Urm, hello? Yes, you there! Hello. I mean, hey!'
The muses stopped. They turned around. They did double takes and someone at the back giggled.
Quew shifted uncomfortably in the red-one piece pajamas, adjusted the underwear on her head and tried to ignore the fact that she had pencils up her nose whilst Wyrd shifted uncomfortably in the Transformers costume that was made mostly out of old cardboard boxes and toilet rolls, a la Blue Peter.
'There you guys are!' quew said, running forward and tripping over her big, chicken shaped slippers. 'I've been looking for you everywhere!'
'Just who the hell are you?' One of the Klingons growled.
'I'm�I'm q-q-quews' new muse�er�J-J-Jayne, that's who I am.'
'And the other?'
'She's�my f-friend�S-S-Silent Barbara. She doesn't t-t-talk much,' quew said.
They looked her up and down and then shrugged. 'You're quews' muses? Figures,' one of them said.
'What do you want?' Another Klingon asked between kisses with a dominatrix styled human.
'Um. There's this great party. Um. Down the hall. Um.' Quew managed, feeling her face grow hot. She felt like the band geek turning up at the frat house to invite the football players to her place for chess and nibbles.
'Oh yeah?'
'Yeah.'
The muses mumbled amongst themselves for a moment, then collectively shrugged.
'Party!' A tall, black-haired woman at the back called, jumping up and down, a stick of dynamite visible in her fist. quew's eyes widened and she pulled the underpants down a little further, stooping slightly and whirling on her heel.
'Well c'mon then! We don't got all day!' quew called.
Aware that they were following right behind her, quew moved as fast as she could in the chicken slippers, having to kick her legs out to the side to avoid getting the wings trapped under her feet. Behind her, the boom box kicked into another track.
Finally, after a few false starts and back tracks she and Wyrd found the right room, and, praying everything would be ready, she keyed in the door code. The doors swished open and music washed over them, drawing them inside where strobe lights swirled and streamers tickled their faces. The muses took to it immediately, spreading through out the quarters and getting down and *censored* as quickly as the removal of clothes would allow.
Just as she was about to give the signal to spring the trap, one of the muses cried out, 'Holy *censored*! What in the *censored* is going on in the *censored*?!' A ruffled, half un-dressed Klingon came storming out of the bedroom, picking up a lamp on the way and throwing it viciously at another muse apparently at random.
'Someone better tell me just what is going on here!' She warned, her voice a low growl and her bat-leth suddenly in her hand. 'Why can't I *censored* my *censored*?'
'What?' One of the others asked, cocking her head to one side.
'I'm saying that I can't *censored*!!' The Klingon roared, slamming her bat-leth into a bulkhead. 'We get as far as taking off our clothes and then�nothing!!'
'Are you sure you're doin' it right?' One of the others asked.
'Who SAID THAT!' The Klingon huffed. 'Of course I know how to do it right!'
'Throw the switch! Throw the switch!' quew hissed frantically into her communicator. 'They're getting restless!'
Wyrd and quew shared a despairing glance as the muses wound each other up, their shouting becoming increasingly wild. 'Nicole, Tori�now would be a good time ta spring that damn trap!' Wyrd whispered, shifting nervously from one foot to the other.
'You two!' One of the muses screeched suddenly. 'What do you think we should do?!'
quew shrugged desperately as she saw her black-haired muse peering at her thoughtfully in the poor light, and then looked at Wyrd, who's mouth was working soundlessly until she said, 'We should�go and start a riot?' carefully. The muses seemed to like this idea, and a wave of raucous shouting washed over them.
'Wyrdy�I think my muse is onto to me,' quew whispered from the corner of her mouth, watching the muse sidle closer. 'Why haven't they flipped the switch and thrown the trap yet?'
As if in answer to her question, the bathroom door flew open and two Klingon muses bundled out, dragging Nicole and Tori behind them.
'Crap, crap, crap!' Wyrdy swore. 'This has gone too far�we need back-up!'
'You're right,' quew conceded. 'But who's gonna come and help us now? They think we're a bunch of raving loonies and we'd need an armored car to get out of here in one piece!'
'Hmm�armored car�' Wyrd murmured.
Quew looked at her. 'Don't even think it, Wyrdy,' she said. 'We'd never fit one down the corridors, for a start!'
'Hmm�a small armored car�Don't worry about it!' Wyrd said. 'I'll get the back up, you try and keep them busy long enough for Nicole to think of something!'
'Me? What am I supposed to do?' but by the time she'd looked around, Wyrd had snuck out of the room and had gone to find help.
Sighing, quew shook her head, adjusted her pencils and set the underpants on her head at a rakish angle. She pushed through the crowd of muses now surrounding the two authors, careful to keep away from her own muse, and stopped at the inner edge of the group.
Nicole and Tori were looking defiantly at the muses, sitting with their backs together and their heads high. Nicole caught quews' eye and mouthed 'Create a diversion, we'll try and get out of here.'
/Diversion�diversion�I need a diversion�/ quew thought desperately. /What the hell am I going to do????/