Title: The Helping Hand of VJB 2/7
Author: quew
Please see part one for disclaimer, archiving info and other stuff.
Notes: *s* ralst isn't really this stern :) my apologies, dear captain of vjb :) And wyrdy...i sincerely apologise for butchering your accent as badly as I have (in the later parts it's worse :) It's really hard to write accents! :)
#
Deck eleven was reached with no problems, apart from a few mechanical moans and groans from the turbo-lift on the way there - at one point The Captain could've sworn it jolted to a stop for a microsecond, and she caught several VJBers sharing looks - and she made a mental note to get B'Elanna to check it out the next chance she had.
Soon they were stalking down identical corridors, joined by various security and engineering personnel with fire fighting equipment along the way. The VJB group stayed together, staring around them as if they couldn't believe they were really there, but maintaining their professional demeanor and keeping their weapons a good way away from the grabbing hands of Voyagers security.
The klaxons were starting to get on Janeways' nerves, and with one sharp verbal command she shut them off. They had served their purpose, and now all she wanted to do was to make sure her ship was not in serious danger.
Tuvok walked one step ahead of her, his eyes locked on his tri-corder. 'We had trouble scanning the area where the fire is supposed to originate, Captain, and the readings from the tri-corder are no less ill-defined.'
'Why is that?' Janeway asked.
'I am not sure,' Tuvok replied.
Finally, he stopped. He waved the scanning device around for a few moments, and then silently directed his security team into position; their focus being a large, bulky hatch set into the ceiling - an emergency jefferies tube exit. The engineering staff readied their fire fighting equipment, but they all became aware of a steady, thumping beat that permeated the air.
'The fire appears to be directly above this hatch,' he said quietly. Then he opened a panel of Voyagers wall plating, reached inside, manipulated a small control and the hatch popped open with a loud /Whump!/
Janeway nearly fired her extinguisher in surprise as a large shape fell upside-down out of the hatch, its downward motion only arrested by the fact it was tangled in some of Voyager's circuitry. One of the engineers was slightly less prepared and let fly a large quantity of fire retardant foam, leaving the hanging figure covered in a layer of the clinging, white fire dampener.
Light spilled from the open hatch, accompanied by the sounds of music and laughter, and the light chink of glasses. The VJBer's shared a look as smoke rolled out of the hatch.
Janeway stood slowly and waited until the figure had stopped struggling to cautiously put out a hand and spin it round, carefully wiping away the foam that had gathered on its face. She jumped as she came face to upside-down face with a nervously grinning human woman -obviously aware that she'd been caught - who had a bent, soggy cigarette hanging limply from the corner of her mouth.
'Uh...nice weather we're having?' The woman said. Then her gaze went past the captain and alighted on the VJB team, and her face fell. 'Oh�Hi RalSt�' She added, looking sheepish.
'I send your team on one mission and you�party??' RalSt said, her tone conveying professional embarrassment.
'The muses made us do it!' The woman said.
'Alright, get down please,' Janeway snapped. 'And someone better explain just what the hell is going on here.'
After being helped down, the woman looked up at the hatch and whistled twice. The music stopped abruptly, and after a few moments of embarrassed silence the rest of the team climbed down.
'Now�' RalSt said, marching up and down the sheepish looking rank. 'Do you have anything to say for yourselves?'
'We were just lettin' our hair down,' the fiery Texan drawled, 'Ya don' hafta get yer undies in a bunch.'
The woman next to her snickered. 'Unless you wanted to,' she said, winking.
'I'm sorry,' the third woman said. 'I shouldn't have let them get this far.'
No, it's my fault,' The first woman said, still wiping fire retardant foam from her clothes. She sighed and absently ran a hand through her hair, making the foam slick back her hair in a very impressive Elvis-like quiff. 'I should've known those muses were up to no good.'
'Will someone please tell me what's going on here??!' Janeway bellowed, eyeing the four women and the rest of the VJB team.
An attractive man stepped forward and nodded to the captain, his bearing and poise nearly matching Tuvoks'. 'We apologise, Captain,' he said. 'These four are a special operational branch of VJB.'
'What kind of special work do they do??' B'Elanna asked, eyeing the four incredulously.
'Well�they're our mission specialists; they deal with things no-one else wants to,' Bethany said, stepping forward from the main group. 'Nicole is the brains; Wyrdy there is the brawn; Tori is the personnel officer�and we're not really sure what the other one does�'
The 'other one' opened her mouth to retort but was silenced by a pretty good Janeway-glare from RalSt.
'We're sorry,' the first woman said, shuffling her feet like a disgraced child. After a few moments of silence, the other three added their apologies.
'Enough!' Janeway roared. 'Enough! What the hell were your people doing in there in the first place?'
'Ya mean apart from setting this quadrant on fire, baby?' Wryd asked, a smile gracing her features. 'There ain't no party like a VJB party!'
Waiting for the calls of assent to die down from the main VJB team and the waved bottles to be hidden once again, Janeway put her hands on her hips and glared at the Texan, who ducked quickly and watched the glare melt a hole in the bulkhead. The other three followed the glare too, and, after swallowing heavily, the first woman spoke.
'We were�altering circuits,' the first woman admitted.
'What??' B'Elanna roared, leaping forward and grabbing the woman by her clothes. 'WHY??'
'W-w-w-w-w-w-w-' She said, having difficulty replying as she was being shaken hard enough to make her teeth rattle.
Two of Voyagers team and two of VJB's security detachment leapt forward and separated the two of them, pulling them away to their respective sides.
'I'd like to see you try that again!' The VJBer B'Elanna had shaken shouted. 'If I were bigger and had a rifle!'
'I'm going to rip your head off and feed it to my Targ, you P'taQ!' B'Elanna yelled, struggling against her restrainers, at which point the VJBer went and hid behind Wyrd, cowering slightly as B'Elanna raged.
'What the hell were you doing tinkering with my ship!' The engineer continued, calming down enough that the security personnel let her go.
'I wouldn't call it tinkering, exactly,' Nicole said, stepping forward a little. 'What quew here-'
'Wait! Did you say Q??' The entire crew of Voyager present took a step back from the disheveled woman and Tom Paris leapt into the Captain's arms, squealing in fright. Several of Voyagers' security staff dived into the nearest quarters, and only B'Elanna and Seven looked unimpressed.
'No, no!' RalSt stepped forward. 'Not Q�q.u.e.w.'
'Oh,' Janeway said, blinking and trying to maintain her self-assured coolness, which was hard when she had a quaking Paris in her arms. She dropped him without preamble and straightened her jacket, clearing her throat importantly as the rest of the Voyager crew shuffled their feet and regained their composure.
'You were altering circuits? What for?' Janeway asked, on edge.
For a moment, the entire VJB team looked sheepish, and then quew muttered something under her breath.
'What did you say?' Janeway asked, with such a growl in her tone that quew actually flinched.
'She said, Captain,' Seven stepped forward, having heard the comment thanks to her enhanced hearing. 'That it was 'all RalSt's fault.''
'What?' Janeway and RalSt said simultaneously.
'If you didn't have this turbo-lift fascination, we never would have had to go there to play around with the circuits, and the muses never would have corrupted us,' quew clarified.
'Muses? What the hell are you babbling about??' Torres spat. 'The way I see it, you were told to do something, and instead you were goofing off!'
'Well, yeah�I mean, no!' Wyrd said vehemently. 'Usually, hell yeah we'd be goofin' off, but this time the muses really did start it! Ah'm tellin' ya the truth, ah swear!'
'Captain, I believe it would be prudent to liase with VJBs' security chief and question these people,' Tuvok said, stepping forward. Janeway opened her mouth to reply and then noticed that every single one of the VJBers present was staring at Tuvoks' eyebrows and humming what sounded like a waltz under their breath. He noticed their strange behaiviour and raised his right eyebrow in question. This had an even stranger effect - all of them grinned widely, and he lowered the eyebrow�they stopped grinning, and went back to humming.
'May I ask,' he said, 'why you seem to have some sort of preoccupation with my eyebrows?'
Every one of them pointed to Nicole and said in unison, 'It's her fault.'
'RalSt,' Janeway said, breaking the spell that fabulous eyebrow had cast over the VJBers. The leader of the VJB team had to snap her glare-proof goggles down fast as Janeway turned on her. 'What the hell are your people rambling about? What are these 'muses'?'
'Well�you see�Oh, is that the time? I left the oven on�must dash!' quew said, and then took off down the corridor as fast as she could run. The rest of the Special team took one look at an angry Captain Janeway and then followed the woman, and soon the only sign that they'd been there was a lone party streamer, lying forlornly on the floor.