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I grew up going to a Methodist church. (I became Lutheran after I married) I'm not sure if they didn't talk about Jesus there, or if I just didn't hear it. Regardless, by the time I went to college, I considered myself a Christian, but I don't think I really was. At best, I was a tiny, baby Christian who didn't know anything about anything.

College was a confusing time. Classes and grades were the only things that were easy, and in that way, I excelled. Every thing else was superficial. I laughed for hours with my friends over people and places and professors. The real me never came out, though. My life was painful and full of never-answered questions. I meandered down all kinds of paths that didn't go anywhere. I searched for spiritual meaning but found emptiness. I learned to act like a caring, loving "Christian" person, but inside, I was a mess. I decided my problem was a lack of self-esteem, so I went on a self-help binge. I spent whole weekends "getting to know and like myself."

I started reading the Bible, but the meaning slid off me. Jesus died on the cross so that my sins could be forgiven, and I could go to heaven. So? Did I believe it? Really, truly, deep inside where no one could see, did I REALLY believe it? Other things were equally interesting. Reincarnation - that was weird, but maybe true? Out-of-body experiences sounded plausible. ESP was fascinating. Ghosts? Maybe there was too much evidence for them to be totally a hoax. Same thing for UFO's. It's a big universe, after all. Who's to say? What about spirit quests? What about . . . You get the idea.

I went to church, but it didn't do anything for the hole in my soul. I know now that it didn't help because I never heard about Jesus there! (Pretty sad commentary on the state of today's churches) It wasn't until I started listening to Christian radio that I started hearing about sin and the need for a savior. I listened to one Bible teacher after another, and finally, things started to click. One day, I pulled into a grocery store with Christian radio playing in the car. Just as I parked, I heard, "If you were the only person that Jesus could have saved by dying on the cross - if you were the ONLY person who would listen and believe and have your sins forgiven - Jesus would have done it anyway, just for you. He loves you that much."

I sat there, stunned. The message stabbed me in the heart. Truth. I knew I was hearing the truth.

I decided to read the Bible from beginning to end. Every day I read, and every day I prayed, "If this is real, help me understand. Help me believe. I want to believe! Jesus, are you really God? Help me know for sure."

Somewhere during the twelve hundred and seventy-three pages, God had reached me and I had changed. I caught a glimpse of my life as God saw it. I'm sure I condemned myself to eternal suffering before age two, let alone those college years. But now I KNEW that Jesus loved me, and that he took every sin -- my angry outbursts, hypocritical judgments and others I don't even want to remember -- to the cross with him. When I die and stand before God, Jesus will step in front of me. God won't see my sins, but Jesus' righteousness instead. Heaven waits for me - not because I was good, kind and loving, but because God the Father punished Jesus instead of me.

Oh, I wish I could say that I knew Jesus as my savior from the time I was very young! I wish I hadn't spent so many wasted years. Now, I don't care if my children grow up to be senators or secretaries, as long as they grow up believing and trusting in Jesus as their savior. Many loved ones don't share that belief. Will I stand next to their graves someday, knowing that instead of enjoying the golden streets of heaven, they suffer everlasting fire instead? I couldn't bear it! And so I try to explain the forgiveness Jesus offers, even at the risk of sounding like a fanatic or that they might cut me out of their lives.

Regardless of what some people promote, truth counts. My sister says, "Just because it's true for you, doesn't mean it's true for me." She's wrong. Either it's true or it isn't. Either I've found the real path to heaven, or I've deceived myself. Jesus is really the Son of God and paid for my sins or he was a raving lunatic. There's no middle ground.

Some people say we just end when we die. One moment you're there, and the next, not. You can easily test how you feel about that. Picture yourself at the moment of death - being, thinking, existing - and then, NOT. You can do it in the abstract, but when you actually try to picture it, your mind rebels. I think that's because at some instinctive level, we know that our soul goes on. God has planted that knowledge in us.

Other people say everyone goes to heaven, as long as you've lived a good life and helped your fellow man. But, does it really work that way? Not according to the Bible. Not according to logic, either. Think about it. How many good deeds do you have to do? How much sin is too much? Is 200 sins acceptable - but 201 condemns you? How fair is that? Follow that line of reasoning, and you can see that one of two things has to happen. Either everyone gets into heaven, no matter what, and we'll share eternity with Hitler, Manson and Jack the Ripper. Or, a single sin condemns you to hell. God just wouldn't be God otherwise.

My conscience eliminates the first choice. But, that means I'm already condemned! Nobody can live a sinless life - except the Son of God. Jesus did what we couldn't do. And, then, he took the punishment that WE really deserve. And, then, God raised him from the dead to show that the payment was enough. That's the gospel - the good news! Our sins are paid for and eternal life is ours.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Would you like to talk about any of this? Maybe you have questions? Maybe you're not sure you believe it? Maybe you do, but you don't know what to do now? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me.