Tugger's Search for a mate

It was a cold night in the junkyard, and Rum Tum Tugger, curled up in the old hammock that was his bed.

The wind blew at him strongly, and he shuddered, and pulled his fur around his shoulders.

All of a sudden, a strange thought came into his head - he wanted a mate! But how to get one?

Then it came to him - auditions! He'd audition the females, and chose the right one! Genius! He decided to set to work the next day!

Tugger woke up, and stretched, as the sun's early rays bounced off his back. He yawned, and rose, absent-mindedly thinking of making some posters.

He walked around, looking for scraps of paper, and when he felt he had enough, he set to work.

A while later, Tugger sighed, and looked at the posters he'd made. He grinned, pleased with his effort. Tugger got up and put up the posters in every place he could think of! 

Pretty soon, there was a crowd of hormonal female cats crowding round the posters.

Bombalurina stalked up to the crowd.

"What's going on here?"

She looked at the poster.

"Tugger?...who'd want to be his mate?"

The gaggle of females all fell silent. A white orange and black cat stood near the front wearing dark glasses piped up  "What?..Are ya stupid?....ermmm i mean...are you stupid?"

Bombalurina sighed not fooled.

"Teazer you already have a mate...."

"Yeah, but I'm in charge of organising it!" Rumpleteazer exclaimed.

"Well, why are you wearing sunglasses then?" asked Bombalurina.

"Erm…well…I was going to audition…" replied Rumpleteazer in embarassment.  She continued, ""Anyway, who's auditioning?"

There was a mad dash of hands raised in the air. Bombalurina was not amongst them.

"Let's see," said Rumpleteazer, "I think there's five of you. Just let me check...Exotica, Electra, Victoria, Etcetera, Jemima and…you over there in the blue wig…." She paused looking confused.

"Are you auditioning too?" she asked the tall, rather masculine-looking queen.

"Yes," she said in a very deep voice, and on noticing her mistake, she continued in a higher pitched voice "erm…I mean yes…heeheehee"

"Ok then," said Rumpleteazer, exchanging glances with the other females,  "I'll go let Tugger know that there's five of you.""

With that, Rumpleteazer walked off, to find Tugger, and let him know that he was the most wanted mate in the Junkyard.

Bombalurina sighed, and wandered off, wondering how on earth she could make Tugger her mate, and if all fails, she decided, she would just have to enter those auditions!

Tugger took the news very well. In fact his reaction was to be about as excited as if he'd just seen himself in the mirror. His exact words were "Well, what can I say? I'm just naturally gorgeous!"

Rumpleteazer set the audition for 12 'o clock noon the very next day.

The next day, Rumpleteazer set up a room with two chairs, and began to interview all the female cats.  She let Tugger sit in to watch, on the condition that he didn't interfere.  He stood in the corner, whilst Rumpleteazer and the other females chatted.

First up was Exotica.  She came into the interview room, and sat down.

"So," said Rumpleteazer, "Why do you think you'd be a good mate for Tugger?"

Exotica's eyes wandered around the room, looking everywhere but at Rumpleteazer.

"Ah.  I see…." pondered Rumpleteazer.  After a minute of thought, and a glance at Tugger (who mouthed "No way!" at her) she shouted "NEXT!"

In came Electra.  She looked extremely pleased with herself.  She sat down, and glanced round the room.  On spotting Tugger, she giggled to herself.

"So, Electra, why do you think you'd be….." Rumpleteazer was stopped by a screech outside the room.  Slightly unnerved, she began again.  

"So, Electra…." Again the screeching from outside the room could be heard.  The door flew open, and before an indignant Rumpleteazer could protest, the intruder (also known as Jennyanydots) flew in, took Electra by the ear, and began to screech something about being too young.

"Ah well!" sighed Rumpleteazer, "Third time lucky?"  On this cue, Victoria entered the room.  Tugger decided to nip out, to see what was happening outside, and so left the two young queens alone.

"So, Vicky.  Why would you be a good mate for Tugger?" Rumpleteazer prompted.

"Well," began Victoria, "I dunno really.  I just got fed up of…." She burst into tears.

"Hey!" said Rumpleteazer soothingly, "What's up?"

"Waiting for Misto…" Victoria continued, still sobbing.

Rumpleteazer went over to Victoria, and put her arm around the young queen's shoulder.

"Don't worry," she whispered, "I'll get Tugger to…erm…pull a few strings…if ya like?"

"Ok," said Victoria, "but be discreet."

"Me? When am I not discreet?" said a voice behind them.  The two queens turned round to see Tugger stood in the doorway.  

"You'll have him as a mate before you can say 'Heavyside Layer'.  Just leave it to me." Tugger continued.

 "Shame…you ARE a pretty little cat….." he said, patting Victoria on the head.  

She gave him a dirty look, and said "Tugger!  Remember what you're supposed to be doing?  Honestly!  You'd flirt with anything with a pulse you would!"

Tugger, looking offended, replied, "Not quite anything…." before walking out of the room.

Rumpleteazer and Victoria exchanged confused glances.  "Anyway," said Rumpleteazer, "Seen as you won't need this interview anymore, dya wanna wait outside for me?"

"OK"

As Victoria was leaving the room, a little blur of cream, black and ginger ran into the room, screaming "Tugger! Tugger! Tugger"

The little blur pushed Victoria out of the way, and jumped on the interview chair.  The chair spun wildly out of control.

"AaAaAaAaAaAaHhhhhhh…." Yelled Etcetera.  

Suddenly, without warning, Etcetera was flung off the chair, and landed on a fork, which had just magically appeared.

A giggle emerged from outside the door, and a flash of black and white could be seen running away.

"Wait for me!" yelled Victoria, suddenly recovering, and running after Mistoffelees.

 Tugger swaggered into the interview room, and, on seeing Etcetera, turned straight back round again, and hurriedly walked back out of the Junkyard.

On seeing Tugger, Etcetera's eyes lit up, and she ran after him, shouting "Tugger! Tugger! Tugger!"

Rumpleteazer was left alone in the room, twiddling her thumbs.  The door creaked open, and a pair of bright blue eyes appeared.  

"Is it too late to audition?" the little kitten said.

"No, come in, Jemima."

"Let's start shall we?  So, why do you want to be Tugger's mate?" enquired Rumpleteazer.

"Erm…" said Jemima, searching for an answer. 

At that exact moment, Tugger burst into the room, and locked the door behind him.  He turned round, panting, and, on seeing Jemima struggling to remain on the 'giant' chair, turned a funny shade of pink.

Jemima turned round, and looked at Tugger, blinking innocently.

"I…erm…have to go…to…erm...look for…erm…something under my bed…" he said awkwardly.  With that, he turned around and exited the room.

A high-pitched scream was heard outside the closed door, and a little voice was heard saying "Tugger! Tugger! Tugger!" which gradually grew quieter as Etcetera chased Rum Tum Tugger out of the Junkyard.
"It doesn't matter," said Jemima, sliding off the chair.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, well I'll be his mate eventually anyway…" she said, making her way to the door.

"Well how dya know that?"

Jemima turned round, and sighed "Tantomile told me" before exiting the room.

Rumpleteazer scratched off another name on her list, and yelled "NEXT!"

The door opened, and the scariest sight that Rumpleteazer had ever seen stood at the door.

A huge scarlet and white cat with a blue afro, and red lipstick smudged up her left cheek tottered towards the chair.  She slipped in her red stilettos, and muttered "Damn these heels!" in a deep voice.

"What?" asked Rumpleteazer in alarm.

"Erm…Need a set of wheels?" she squeaked.

"Erm…ok.  Take a seat." Said Rumpleteazer.

"Oh!  Thank you! Heeheehee…" the queen replied, giggling insanely.

The queen made her way over to the chair, bumping her human-sized, red handbag along the floor.  A small 'Ow!' could be heard with each bump.

"What's that?" asked Rumpleteazer.

"Erm….my dinner…?" replied the queen.

"So, what's your name then?"

"Plato…" she replied, giggling.  After hearing her handbag cough several times, she added "…Ette."

"What?"

"Platoette."

"Oh…right…." replied Rumpleteazer, as a mischievous grin spread across her face, "Well, everyone has to have a photo taken.  Is that ok?"

"Erm…." Said Platoette, listening intently to her handbag, which was hissing 'no.'  Platoette continued "That'd be super."

From inside the bag a loud 'Stupid freak' emerged.

"Erm, what was that?" asked Rumpleteazer curiously.

"Erm….going on holiday for a week?" she replied.

Victoria walked into the room, muttering something about losing 'him' again.

"Victoria, I'd like you to meet….Platoette" Rumpleteazer giggled.

"Hello, Platoette.  It's nice to….aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" she said.

"Why," said Rumpleteazer sarcastically, "Victoria, Whatever's the matter?"

"It's Plato in drag!"

On hearing this, Rum Tum Tugger burst in, surrounded by adoring females.

"Well, hi there!  Who are YOU?"

"Erm…" said Plato clearing his throat, "Plato…ette?"

"Ewwww!" screamed Tugger, jumping back six feet.

There was a flash of light, and Mistoffelees appeared.

"What's everyone….." he said, and on spotting Plato, began to laugh hysterically.  Everyone was staring at him, as he rolled about, thumping the floor.

"Erm…Misto?" said Victoria.

Mistoffelees stopped laughing and sat up.  "Oh yes!  I remember…You know what would make this moment even better?"

Victoria shook her head.

"A picture!" he said, reaching up and pulling a huge camera from behind Victoria's ear.

"Owwww…!" Victoria screamed.

"Say cheese," said Mistoffelees, ignoring Victoria's yelps of pain.

There was a flash, and Plato dropped his handbag with the shock of it.  A muffled 'Ow!' emerged, and a very crumpled-looking Pouncival rolled out of the bag.

"Oh…hi…" he said.

"Is it just me, or is there lots of pretty yellow birdies flying round my head right now?" he said, swatting at thin air.  

"After all this, I don't think I want a mate…" said Tugger.

The females sighed, and made their way out of the room.  Jemima was at the back of the group, and as she walked past Tugger, she gave him a small smile.

Tugger watched her walk out of the room.  When she had gone, he said "See you later" in a distant voice, and left the room.

"Rumpleteazer?" said Victoria.

"What?" replied Rumpleteazer, looking through her notes.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Probably not…"

"Misto?  Are you?"

Mistoffelees replied giggling, "I don't think so…"

Victoria muttered "Oh great everlasting cat!" under her breath, and sighed.

"Are you thinking it too?" said Mistoffelees.

"No." replied Victoria.

"I think I am," said Rumpleteazer.

Mistoffelees gasped, and stared at Rumpleteazer.

"I hope you're not!"

Victoria sighed, and walked over to the door.  She opened it, and peered out.  She watched as Tugger followed Jemima, and sighed "I was right."

Copyright Velina and LilTeaza