My policies are:
Free Jock McStay Hair-Dye for every voter
The History of Cheating, my new autobiography, for every voter
Free entry to Cliftonhill: "My God, we get crap crowds now and we're really desperate to get folk in!"
Pension Plan for all elderly, as endorsed by Kevin McAllister
*No full version until two of the following choke on the last day: East Fife, Albion Rovers, Morton.*
Nice to see that our old friend Peter Hetherston decided to drop in his tuppence worth the last time the Hoops clashed with the Dirty Rovers. After the game, Peter said to The Sun newspaper, ever a pillar of media truths, that he had posted comments from a Queen's site onto the dressing room wall to spur the players on.
Here's what Pete had to say: "My players and Coatbridge were subjected to a great deal of nastiness on a Queen's website. We pinned the insults up in the dressing room to spur us on - and it worked."
Wow, hang on a minute, so now he's trying to tell us that he is a man of the people? Maybe he should stand as a candidate in Coatbridge. What's shocking also is that Peter managed words as long as "nastiness" and even more so, The Sun printed them. Surely Britain's best selling tabloid isn't moving up-market!?
What's more, what if Rovers hadn't beaten Queen's? What would he have said then? More than likely he would have said: "That Brian Winter is a total cheat, wah, wah, I demand a return match, wah, wah." Should Rovers not go up this season, we'll be more than happy to bump into Peter again one day. Oh, and one last thing, "Stick this up on your wall, Hetherston!"