| ODD A continuation cos Harley is a poo who neva brings the book! Written by the collective insanity of Kinetic 44 This is a Mary sue by the way, as if you can't figure it out from all the lame writing. Actually it's kinda fitting you don't know WTF is going on and its as if u've stepped into a strange and scary alter universe. That's like all Mary sue fics, only this is like the middle of one, but you can read from the get go. It'll make no sense either way. ~_~_~_~_~_~_~ Draco wandered into the great hall, feeling the warm waves of post orgasmic delight, and threw an apprehensive look over his shoulder for any signs of the other blonde male. Sure, sex was good but doing it 24/7 could NOT be healthy! He sighed in relief when no corn coloured hair bounced into view. With that worry out of his mind, Draco nearly leapt out of his skin as he collided with something... A low moan sounded from the thing from the floor. Correction, someone. Draco looked down to see green eyes, a face with the same apprehension that was undoubtably on his own staring back at him. Draco gave a curt nod, "Potter." "Malfoy." Harry stood and dusted himself off, the two rivals studying each other. "Chased by a sex needy male," Draco offered. Harry blushed, "Just got out of a week in that girl's paintings." "Ah," Well, that sure explained why Potter looked so thoroughly shagged... was that how he looked like? "So..." "So..." Both looked at the other boy with something akin to understanding. This rare moment of non-fighting was broken as a familiar head popped between them with a bright smile. "JUST THE PEOPLE I'M LOOKING FOR!" Alita's teeth gleamed white. Boy Who Lived, and Boy Thoroughly Shagged paled several shades lighter. "Now I was thinking BDSM, or perhaps playing out this cute lil scene... Draco, you wouldn't mind crossdressing right? And Harry, I have the PERFECT nipple clamps with your name on them." From an observer's view, both boys were currently raking their nails along the floor as the girl cheerfully dragged them away. "Nooooooooooo..." A.N. This has nothing to do with the price of coconuts. ~~~~~~ "Hahahaha... HAHAHAHAHA.. BWAHAHAHAHAHA... MUAHAHHAAHAHAHAA!!!" Harley points to the hysterically laughing Alita. "What's with her today?" Opal, who was busy smiling evilly at Draco over the breakfast table, shrugged. "Lucius is coming today." Alita had a dreamy look on her face. "My beloved Lucius..." Draco, and several other Slytherins in hearing range choked on their eggs. "He's coming at last, and I will finally reveal my identity. How long have I stalked him, relishing the thought that I am that tingly uncomfortable feeling he gets, or why he gets those peculiar urges to shed his clothes at random times--" Many more now were getting clearly disturbed. "Lucius, MALFOY?!" Pansy Parkinson managed to choke out. Alita sighed, and grinned wider. "Yup, all that long blonde hair, smooth silky voice and that cane!" "Is she INSANE? That's Lucius Malfoy she's talking about!" "AND MY FATHER!" Alita bared her teeth in an unpleasant grin. "Since when did I say I was sane?" With that she skipped from the table like a demented sprite. "So... when's the next Quidditch match?" Opal asked nonchalantly. Harley wiggled his eyebrows. "Why, that happens to be TODAY, you would know if you come to practices darling." "Today... that's so convinent... wait, that's why Lucius is coming... to see Draco?" Opal touched a finger to her chin thoughtfully. "So Malfoy Snr's appearance actually has an explanation... that seems... odd." "Indeed." Harley looks at the readers. "Don't look so shocked viewers! This is the ONLY explanation for any events that HAPPEN in this story!" Pansy Parkinson stares at the finger currently pointing at her pug like nose. "Are you talking to me? What story?" Harley cleared his throat and pointed at the table. "LOOK! CHICKENS!!!" The Slytherins watched as a small conga line of baby chickens waddled by around the fruit bowls. "Okaaaay... That was abnormally strange," Drcao mused, then added as an afterthought, "Even if it is Hogwarts." "Hehehe... PIGEONS!!!" Harley ran after them. Opal quietly sliced at her bacon. Really, she wasn't a morning person. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Mary sues... are good for you... dodododododo..." The three voice hum was barely subconscious. Blaise leaned toward Draco. "Why are they HERE? In the boy's change rooms?!" he gestured frantically to the other side of the white screen where two sillouettes were obviously dressing and one was spinning for no particular reason, humming the accursed song. Draco blushed, "I have no idea. Harley has no problem with it though." "I swear, that guy has problems, rumors has it that he's..." Bliase paused and lowered his voice, "Queer." Draco went beat red, and snorted in an attempt not to laugh. Wasn't that... OBVIOUS? A low growl sounded, and both turned to the screen, eyes wide when they saw a distinctly phallic object shoot into the air, a hand furiously rubbing its length. "AHH!!!" Blaise's eyes nearly popped out of his head, blood rushing to his cheeks and somewhere further south. Both of them visibly calmed when the sillouette was revealed to be a broom with a suspicious mushroom shaped head. Though the hand didn't stop rubbing it any less furiously. Blaise cleared his throat, turning around. "Um, TEAM! LET'S GO OUT THERE AND PLAY!" The others were a little too preoccupied staring at the suggestive sillouette. Blaise gritted his teeth, feeling the blood grow warm in his cheeks. Draco had a dazed look on his face. Opal appeared from behind the screen, raising an eyebrow at their expressions before turning to look at the screen. A half snort escaped her lips before turning into full blown laughter. Harley and Alita came from behind the screen shortly. "What so funny?" The whole team looked at the VERY shiny handle of Harley's broom before collectively looking away, faces beet red. "JUST GET OUT THERE AND PLAY!" Blaise screamed. "Chill." The Slytherin captain nearly went out of his skin as Harley's hand touched his shoulder, the blond's face suddenly too close to his for comfort. "Let's just have fun shall we?" The whole team practically ran from the change rooms. "What's with them?" Alita remarked. Harley shrugged and pulled Draco back before the other blond could escape, planting a sound kiss on the Seeker's lips before fluttering out into the field. Opal was still laughing. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "AND WE HAVE THE SLYTHERIN TEAM! WITH THE TWO NEW MEMBERS! HARLEQUINN EZRA SILVERARROW AS THE NEW KEEPER! AND OPAL BLACK AS THE NEW BEATER!" Cheers from the Slytherin stand. "AND THE NO DOUBT BETTER AND STILL FORMIDABLE GRYFINDOR TEAM WITH THE UNDEFEATED... except for that one time, GRYFINDOR SEEKER! HAAAAARRY POTTER!!!!" Louder cheers. The announcer who happened to be Seamus was suddenly wholloped over the head. Alita shoved him aside. "I refuse for there being any more bias! Slytherin, the only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, will not stand for bias where Gryfindor, the house who got them only on luck a few years back!" There was a few minutes struggle as Seamus tried to get the microphone back. The teachers were oddly not doing anything. Dumbledore got raised eyebrows from the other teachers and shrugged. "Perhaps it's better to have two sides of the commentary Minerva," he answered McGonagall's unspoken question. "Oi! Give that back yer cur!" Seamus's accent ran clear for a few minutes. "No! Slytherin, the only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, will not tolerate bias, I mean Dumbledore has a friggin GRIFFIN outside his office! If that ain't bias I don't know what is! And Slytherin, only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, agrees to have a fully unbias match!" "UNBIAS MY ASS!" "FINNIGAN!" "She said FRIGGIN!" "FINNIGAN!" Alita stuck her tongue out. The two glared at each other for a moment as two microphones appeared infront of them. Meanwhile, Madam Hooch strode into the field, the box with the Quidditch balls floating behind her. "Mount your brooms!" Both teams straddled their brooms and lifted slightly in the air. Ron looked decidedly nervous (he was keeper) as Opal smiled at him, tapping her beater's bat with a claw like finger. hi it's opal i cant write alita wants me to write but i can't cheers ok back to alita... who can indeed write though her grammar is appalling ok then i'll shut up yes that is a good idea ok back to alita Alita: Oh shut up. ANYWAYS... where were we? Draco and Harley were having hot random sex... Wait, that ain't right. Um... Right, Quidditch game. "AND THE PLAYERS HAVE LIFTED INTO THE AIR!!!" "They're all in position to play with each other!" Alita supplied. Seamus glanced at his co-announcer, that had sounded... sorta... "Er, right Madam Hooch released the snitch! And off it goes! Beaters ready, here come the Bludgers!" "YOU GET THOSE BALLS, OPAL!" Alita shouted. An answering cry of "FWOAR JEBUS!!" was heard as a bludger flew across the stadium, hitting a random Griffindor chaser between the shoulder blades. "AND THERE GOES THE QUAFFLE!" The players went into a blur. "Gryfindor has the quaffle, passes it to... we're not sure cause they're moving to fast!" Seamus shouted. "AND I have no idea who is playing on the loser team so it doesn't matter!" Alita clutched her mike. "MOVE YOUR ARSE BLAISE!" "Battle Angel!" She was hit on the head with a copy of the Daily Prophet. The girl continued on undeterred. "Slytherin, the only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, has the Quaffle!" "FOUL!!!! BLACK JUST WACKED HER BAT AT HARRY'S HEAD!" Finnigan complained. The said beater turned to look at the stand with an evil glint in her eyes. "I SAID, FWOAR. JEBUS." "Go Opal!!! SLYTHERIN, the only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, SCORES!!!! TAKE THAT WEASLEY!!!" "Professor! That was a foul!" Seamus cried indignantly, he shrank back realising McGonnagall had been replaced with Snape. The Irishman's face paled when THE EYEBROW was raised. "Gryfindor has the ball... unfortunately..." Alita almost mumbled, then brightened, "Harley blocks! Good work babe! Slytherin, only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, races across the field! Bludgers near miss Slytherin chaser!" "BLAISE DROPS THE QUAFFLE!" Seamus nearly screams. Alita's angry shouts echo him. "What the F-*beep* are you *Beep*-ing doing?!" Seamus looked at Snape who shrugged. Alita gripped her mike. "Opal bats the Quaffle through the goal! Slytherin, only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, scores!" "Wait a second, is that legitimate?! A Beater can't score!" Seamus looked desperately at Madam Hooch who also shrugged. A cheer rose up in the crowds, making Seamus look back at the players, Alita remained stonily silent. It took a while but the Irishman came to realise that, "GRYFINDOR SCORED!!!" "THAT WAS A LUCKY SHOT! Harley!" Alita turned accusing eyes at the Slytherin keeper. The blond, even from the ground looked decidedly furious. Infact, the normally limp, short bangs were standing up in deadly spikes. The Gryfindor chasers were looking nervous. Harley's green eyes glowed, his mouth opened, "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" "OH MY GOD! HARLEY JUST TURNED SUPER SAIYAN!" Alita screamed. The Gryfindor chasers were slowly backing away from the screaming maniac. "He's just screaming 'is head off! What the heck is a super saiyan anyway?!" Seamus challenged. Alita covered her microphone. "Well, yer, he is, but it's a pretty damn effective tactic don't you think?" "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA!!!" "Slytherin, only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, scores again! And AGAIN! AND AGAIN! Opal is really hitting the Quaffle through that hoop!" "WEASLEY!" Alita and Seamus shrank back, surprised as Professor McGonnagall screamed into both their mikes at once. Needless to say, Ron actually started doing his job... sort of. Opal's bat was nearly fazed out of sight. The poor redhead has no chance. He blocked the quaffle... with his head. And the incoming bludger, with his chest. The result was Ron falling to the ground with both attached to him. Opal cackled. "Oops." "FOUL! SHE CAN'T DO THAT!" Seamus cried indignantly. "There is nothing in the rules against a Beater scoring! Weasley blocked with his own body, and that's perfectly legit, and it's at no fault of Opal's for Weasley's incompete self sacrifice!" Alita argued. "The girl is right, grammatical errors aside," Snape supplied. Seamus gaped. "Slytherin, only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row is now up 70 points to Gryfindor's inept 20! Harley is currently going into the stages of Super Saiyan two! Watch his hair grow!" Alita leaned forward, nearly falling from the stands. "Weasley is taken off the field! A replacement Keeper... is that... Granger takes Weasley's place! Opal sure is happy! Watch out buck teeth girl!" Seamus growled, clutching his own mike. "Gryffindor has the Quaffle by penalty! Take that yer mangy Slytherin curs! And then some more stuff happened really really fast and it was so fast that nobody could see what was happening. And Slytherin scored lots and lots of goals. And Gryffindor didn't score very many because Harley is the best keeper ever, even better than Oliver, who was still very good, just not as good as Harley because Harley was really really good. Harley was also super saiyan, which also helped to improve his performance on the field. Opal says Harley is cheating coz she's not writing properly. "AAAAARGH! My baby! You hurt my baby!" Opal screamed every time somebody made any sort of physical contact with her, regardless of how gentle. "OH NO! It has to be a foul!! THEY'RE HURTING OPAL'S BABY!!!" Alita screamed into the microphone. And then somehow, Draco caught the snitch. And Slytherin won. Duh. w00t And everybody cheered, well, not everybody. Mainly just the Slytherins. But it was a very loud cheer none the less. "YEAH AND SLYTHERIN, only house to win the House cup 9 years in a row and the Quidditch Cup 7 years in a row, HAS WON THE MATCH! GO TEAM, YEAH! w00t, bla bla bla..." Alita cried into the microphone. "YAY! WE WON! WE WON!" Harley cried "NOW I CAN SLEEP!" And with this he fell off his broom *powering down* and landed with a heavy thud on the ground, where he drifted into blissful unconsciousness. "Hmph." Opal glared at the Griffindor team as they all landed their brooms. "If my baby is born retarded, then you are sure as hell going to regret it 'cause it will have been YOUR fault" A pause. A cringe. A look of pure anger. "Fwoar! JEBUS! You hurt my baby! Holy Jack Dooby Crankus, what have you done?!" The Gryffindor people just stared and started whispering amongst themselves. Y'know, they were just whispering stuff like, 'Oh my God, she's pregnant? I wonder who the father is!? bla bla bla' And it was all just fine and dandy. Alita's super duper stalker vison eyes centered on the windblown length of long blonde hair. "LUUUUUUUUUUCIIUS!!!!" The man stared as the girl on a broom fell from the sky, landing solidly in his lap and snuggling against his chest with a wistful sigh. "I have waited so long for you..." The senior Malfoy raised a single eyebrow at the girl snuggling in his lap. His eyes widened as she started to peel off the layers of clothes. "What in God's name are you doing?!" "Huh?" Alita flung his scarf over the stand before starting on the outside cloak. "I'm stripping you!" "Stop!" The other bystanders where long gone, having been scared off with the first loss of clothing. Alita tugged off the cloak, even as Lucius tried valiantly to crawl away while prying her fingers loose. Next up was the under robes! "Stop!" "But I want to see you naked!" The other stands were watching in horror, either at them or at Opal who was supposedly pregnant. Or at Harley and Draco making out by the equipment shed... er... "Well I don't want YOU to see ME naked!" Lucius fumbled for his wand, only to have it snatched from his hands then used to cast bindings. BDSM like bindings. "Because, my dear Lucius, I want to ravish you." "Noooooooo..." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Opal carelessly tossed a roughly chopped catipillar into the glowing orange liquid in her cauldron. It exploded, covering everyone around her in orange crap. A collective "EEEEEEWWW" Sounded from from the class. "BLACK!!" Snape screeched from behind his desk. Opal looked up with an expression of mock innocence, orange crap dripping down her face. "Yes, Professor?" "What did you put in that potion!?" "What you told us to put in it, duh" "How many caterpillars did you put into it?" Opal rolled her eyes, "Like you said, just one" Snape glared, "And trust that you chopped it as finely as you could?" "Uh... no. Why, does it matter?" Snape blanched. "Black, come up to my desk IMMEDIATELY" Opal lazily got up and slowly approached the desk. "Well, hurry up! We don't have all day" "Sorry Professor," Opal smiled, arriving casually at his desk. "Can't rush, don't want to hurt the baby" What colour had been left on the pale face completely withdrew at those words. "Baby?" Snape echoed. Opal nodded nonchalantly, rubbing her tummy. "I'm pregnant." Snape leaned in, eyes wide. "Is it mine?" His voice was low enough so only Opal could hear. "Dunno, could be." Opal smiled cheerfully as Snape paled. "What the hell are you doing messing around with something as dangerous as potions then?!" he hissed patronisingly. Music started off somewhere and as a whole, the entire class jerked, everyone suddenly lining up on the tables, the orange gunk melted into robes and skin, and the music suddenly went into a cresendo. Harry's eyes widened as his arm moved of its own accord, thrusting out into the air followed by the other. "Hey, macarena macarena macarena..." Harley's arm jerked to touch his shoulders, and he realised with dawning horror they were doing the Macarena! Opal laughed, leapt onto the rim of Neville's melting cauldron, pirouetted and joined in with the dancing. Snape rushed after as she leapt from cauldron to cauldron in time with the omnipresent tune. Alita tried to slam her head into the wall in a attempt to stop dancing, only to have her hands go to her butt and shake booty. The whole class groaned in horror. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "WHEEEE!!!! CHEESE!!! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A CHEESE RACE!!! HA!!!" Opal flipped a Kraft single between her fingers into Hermione's face. Harry looked at the slice of cheese. "Uh, Hermione, I don't think that's a good idea..." "I ACCEPT! I'm the best at EVERYTHING! And I won 't lose at one little cheese race! BRING IT ON!" Hermione got her own Kraft single from somewhere. "YAY!! CHEESE!! CHEESE!! CHEESE!! CHEESE!! CHEESE!! CHEESE!! CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!! I LIEK CHEESE!!" Harley cried in excitement as he pulled a barbeque out of nowhere. "Ok, so who's in?" Alita asked, pulling out a packet of Kraft singles. "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Harley cried. "Me too, duh," Opal added, conjouring a violet flame under the barbecue. "THREE! TWO! ONE! LET IT RIP!" The three slapped their plastic cheese onto the barbecue on Alita's call. Harley's and Opal's started blister instantly Hermione's remained stone cold. Snape rushed into the scene. "Black! What do you think you'e doing?!" "What? Why are you picking on me?" She fell to her knees, tears welling up in his eyes. "Why wont you ever let me have any fun?" Snape blanched. What's this? Hormones? "You shouldn't be doing this! It's dangerous! The cheese might catch fire and squirt flaming noxious cheese into the faces of the onlookers, scarring them hideously (descripton courtesy of www.cheeseracing.org)! The fumes! The ba-" Opal's lip quivered. She collapsed, giving Snape a peek of panties. Her hands went under her robes to her abdomen. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I'll never hurt my child again!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" The barbecue was doused by her flood of tears. Harley had won and he was calmly nibbling on his crusty plastic cheese. Alita gave Opal a wary look, then looked at the cheese sadly. "So much wasted cheese... THE HORROR the funky horror! WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS!?! THE CHEESE! It is... melted! And I don't have a stick to put it on... and..." The girl was clearly distraught. Magically a light bulb shined above her head. "Oh! Silly me!" A wave of her hand and a cheese on a stick appeared in mid air, Alita happily nibbling, wandering off. Snape looked at the sobbing girl, who may or may not be having his baby on the floor, the lunatic that just walked out and the half sane boy who was currently pelting Granger with melted cheese packages. He felt a migraine coming on. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ In a stereotypical grave yard somewhere in Europe, in a stereotypically murky atmosphere, a gathering of men in stereotypically dark cloaks and white (Scream I, II & III, Scary Movie I & II when he was on a high) masks clustered around their Lord, who was currently sitting on a simply evil looking chair, with his EVIL, EVIL bunny slippers, REALLY evil platter of cookies, and a Diet Coke of Evil... diet coke. Even Dark Lords needed to keep in shape after all. Except one loyal? little Deatheater was not enjoying the murky atmosphere as he should. And unhappy Deatheaters make whiny Deatheaters. And whiny Deatheaters make Lord Voldermort, Dark wizard extraordinare and only man able to pull off that 'snake' look of this year's fashion, a very annoyed Evil Overlord (Class 1, Rank 3 *as somehow he was always beaten in the toplist by some girl called Relena*) "Luciusss, what on earth is the matter with you?" The blond man looked extremely disturbed, and Voldermort was pretty darn sure it wasn't him this time. Which annoyed him greatly, but only pecked at his curiosity. Lucius bowed formally, and a little shakedly, almost as if he was... sore? "Nothing my Lord, just... a descrepancy." Voldermort tried raising one eyebrow, but stopped mid action, realising he didn't HAVE eyebrows anymore, and the eloquence would be lost on someone as dim witted as Lucius. "Indeed." But still, he was intrigued. "And what might this descrepancy be?" Lucius choked, knowing very well he couldn't lie otherwise he would be Crucioed before he could say 'cheese on a stick'. The next words were a mumble. "A girl." The senior Malfoy looked around nervously, and added, "She's stalking me." Did Lord Voldermort just... chuckle?! Lucius sincerely hoped not, though the Dark Lord was doing something with his eyebrow ridges that he couldn't quite figure out. But continue he had to... "And ravished me quite recently." He WAS chuckling! Voldermort stopped abruptly, thinking this piece of amusing news over. "You have a spouse am I correct? Who is this girl who can trap a man with talents such as yourself?" Lucius blushed. "I don't know my Lord." The blond fumbled, "But she is one of the three who have been rumored to be adept at wandless magic." "Ah. Interesting," Voldermort mused. Heck, he was bored. "Bring them to me Luciusss." The blond hesitated before kneeling and kissing the ears of the EVIL EVIL fluffy bunny slippers. "Yes my Lord." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Isn't it so CONVENIENT we have a Halloween ball?" Harley muttered. "Yup! Perfect excuse for me to go in crossplay!" Alita whooped, then sighed in delight at the feel of the high necked black robes, heavy with cool buckles, tight around the waist with impressive flare on the sleeves and the cloak. The collection of golden bracelets shackled her left wrist and her breath constricted by a full face mask with flame like designs and a lock on one side with only one eyehole. It feels so cool to be dressing as Kurei... Seeing that Alita was off in her own world, Harley tugged at his own cute bright orange overalls, loosening one strap to hang off his shoulder, exposing more of the bright green shirt underneath. Opal bared magically elongated fangs from beneath black lips, the various chains attached to the spikes dog collar on her neck from her arms and waist chattering together as she attached a final chain to her belly button ring. In actuality, there was VERY little clothing, with a leather tight corset top and a long net skirt which was completely open to mid thigh at the front, revealing intimidating high heeled, spiky and high buckled boots which spanned to just above her knees. A whip hung at her hips, touched every so often by black gloved fingers. Opal was happy today. But enough with the unnecessarily long descriptions that really don't matter anyways... "Draco!" The blond boy shrieked as what was no doubt a whip lashed against his butt. Opal bared her fangs, curling the whip around her arm again. "Won't you be my pet Draco?" Harley shook his head. "Nope, he's mine today Opal darling, Max and Max..." He wrapped an arm around the adorably dressed Slytherin (they are still in the common room by the way). Draco pouted, tugged at his shirt which was blindingly bright with a STAR on it. "I resent this, I really do Silverarrow." "Wai..." Alita had hearts in her eyes -- eye, you could only see one through the mask. "I know what SHE is," Draco said pointedly in Opal's direction, "but who's the git you're dressing up as? That muggle Alice Cooper?" Draco lobed an eyebrow at the masked girl, though she looked distinctly male tonight. Alita's eye narrowed, "Omae wa Kurei da." "Translation, I'm crossplaying a male anime character named Kurei and therefore will not speak English for the rest of tonight," Harley said cheerfully. "Sou," Alita complied. Opal shrugged, fingering her whip again. "Rightio, I'm off to greet my pet." "Nan des ka?" "Sevvie-chan of course!" Opal grinned, strutting off in her dangerous high heels. Draco had this ridiculous urge to sweat drop but since this ain't a fanfic based on anime, he couldn't, so he didn't. (Alita: YOU TO BE OF FEAR TO MY BADDER GRAMMAR!!! BWAHAHAAHAA!!!) "She scares me," Draco stated. "Well, DUH," Alita answered. Harley gave her an odd look. "Japanese is exasperating, and not nearly as colliquial as English," she explained. Harley poked Alita's mask. "Stop using big words then. They annoy me." "'Kay!" Alita turned, her visible eye lighting up as Pansy Parkinson, Goyle and Crabbe came into view. "Neon! Jisho-kun! Joker-kun! My loyal Uruha!" Crabbe, who was the taller one of the two stooges, dressed as the large muscly man known as Jisho saluted in greeting, fingering is two weapons. "I like swords." Alita leaned toward Draco. "Don't worry, they're rubber." Pansy fidgeted, "Isn't this outfit a little... revealing?" Flute in hand, the girl currenty dressed as the flame haired female uruha with the leotard-like dress and Jocelyn like flab hanging out looked uncertainly at Kurei... um... Alita. "I like my... thing." The black and white, and masked Goyle hefted his weapon onto his shoulder. "Also rubber," Alita said helpfully. "How come you're getting all the spotlight all of a sudden?" Alita didn't answer only cheer gleefully as Opal returned. "Looking edible Severus!" The man in question was on his knees, diced up with a dog collar and chain, wearing what was undoubtly a leather body harness and thong. Knee boots and well as what looked like a metal garter adorned his legs. All of this and a blush. "Isn't he cute?" Opal ignored the man's glare, adorably non effective coupled with his blush, and wrapped her hand around the chain, tugging him along the common room on his hands and knees... to the horror of the rest of the house. Alita slumped. "Now I'm jealous." Harley sighed. "You and me both, how come you don't do that for me?" Draco looked petrified at the suggestion. "Must... go... wash... eyes..." Pansy muttered. "Now, now Neon-san, the party has just started." Alita grinned laviously at Snape's disappearing ass, fortunately, the look was hidden by the mask. Crabbe nodded. "I like swords." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Young lady! This is totally inappropriate!" Opal looked up at McGonnagall, her hands casually running through her now, harem like slaves which surrounded her on the table. Like the Yule Ball, the Great hall was now split into several different tables. "And SEVERUS!" Snape blushed, but didn't move from Opal's feet. "Mr Potter!" "She dragged me into this!" The young man proclaimed, also adorned in a nice BDSM outfit consisting of strappy-vinyl-belts-which-were-apparently-pants, and a blush. "Hush, slave." Opal tugged on Harry's chain, and the boy meekly sat back down on his giant, plush cushion at Opal's side. "Mr Finnigan! Mr Thomas! LONGBOTTOM!" The female professor dressed as, hahaha, the wicked witch of west, glared at the other boys. Seamus shrugged. "If you can't beat em, join 'em, I say." The Irishman was decked out in a dog collar, shackles on his wrists and legs and a small piece of leather underwear that was hidden under a chiffon loincloth. Dean nodded, though he was only wearing a tank topped leather cat suit and a ball gag. Neville blushed. "Ah... help?" Longbottom however was strapped up to the table, with magical feathers running down his body and only concealed by a small Hello Kitty cushion. Opal smiled at the Professor, running a hand through Harry's hair and her finger lightly down Neville's leg. McGonnagall was getting red in the face, but had to turn around from the loud crashes coming from the dance floor. Minerva had the urge to rub her temples seeing who it was. Harley was currently leading a blushing but oddly happy Draco in a maniac waltz around the ballroom, hitting everything, and everyone in their way with mad twirls. Those students that fell to the ground were getting trampled over when Harley and Draco made another spin around the hall. (Harley's a MAD waltzer! ~ Opal) Needless to say, not many people had as much imagination or daring as to dress up properly for the Halloween Ball. Stereotypical angels, devils, vampires, fairies and other such mythological creatures were everywhere, but NONE could hold up to the bright secondary coloured pair that was Draco and Harley. Unless that person was Alita, but she's had enough spotlight for now, and you already know what she and her loyal Uruha looks like. (Alita: ^_^ Oh, leave me and my vanity in peace!) Opal 'aww'ed as the music changed to the rhythm of a hard tango and the pair on the dance floor changed paces immediately, with Harley leading Draco in provocative dirty dancing that had several girls (and guys) swooning from suggestive pelvic thrusts (step, step, rock rock rock, step two swivel kick! [GO the ballroom dancing teacher who can't dance ~ Opal]) or perhaps they were just falling in pain as Harley tangoed all over them. "Help... anyone?" Harry whispered. "I'll save you HARRY!!!" A girl pushed out of the crowd, her amber eyes shining, petite body dressed heavenly in a sparkling perfect blue gown with fairy wings, her red hair shining luciously as she ran toward the boy. "Ginny?" Ron muttered somewhere "I thought she was dead..." Hermione pondered. "HARRY!!!" "Kurenai! BURN THE LITTLE WITCH!" A magic flame angel (as Alita couldn't actually turn the souls of the dead into flame) sprang from Alita's back to encompass Ginny in a full body glomp, the sizzling and smell of burning meat rancid in the air. "Bwhahahahahaha!" "Hey! We're DANCING HERE!" Harley yelled, and dantily stepped over the puddle of sparkling goo with red hair which was now (hopefully) the deceased Ginny. "UGH!!! THERE IS WEASEL GOO ON MY WHIP!!!" Opal's eyes turned pure black as she tugged on two chains, and led Harry and Snape on their knees toward a sheepishly postured Alita. Without hesitation she wacked the masked girl on the head. "OW!" "UGH! Now it's on my hand!" Harley tangoed over with a breathless Draco in his arms. "Ewness. Can I poke it?" "No! Don't touch it! It's got cooties-" Alita hand shot out to stop Harley but too late, as their fingertips touched the edge of the goo. Two girlish screams echoed as a familiar tug on their naval was felt before all 6 people fell unceremoniously on grass. "GRASS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Alita leapt to her feet, scrubbing at her dark robes viciously. "GET IT OFF ME!!! GRASS. Evil!" (Alita's phobic of grass ~ Opal) "Get OFF ME POTTER!" Snape snarled. "Kawaii..." Opal purred, watching as her two subs tried to untangle from each other and their chains. "The Weaselette was a portkey, well, what remained of her... is that even possible?" Draco wondered aloud. Harley tapped his fingers on the grass. "Well, I'm pretty happy in this position, but it would be nice if you would DO something about it?" His voice was muffled by the fact his head was lost in Draco's bright volumious shirt with the boy sitting on his stomach. Draco hastily shifted. "Thisss, is them?" A voice proclaimed incredulously. Voldemort appraised the blonde male, seeing those green eyes glitter mischievously, the abnormally long and lush lashes flutter in a confused blink as those vivid eyes stared back, a cute nose sniffing the air suspiciously in his direction, while full, luscious pink lips wet themselves while chewing on a corn coloured strand of short hair. Then there was a girl with black lips and eyes, staring him down with a slight smirk, black shiny hair tied up in a high pony tail and wearing VERY little clothing. And then there was That. *An arrow points to Alita* That, at this very moment had a very scary gleam in her visible eye, Lucius took an unconscious step back just as the girl launched herself into the air... "VOLDIE!!!!!" A whip curled around her waist, yanking her back. "He's mine," Opal stated, standing, and tugging her chains along. Voldemort looked at her warily, wand out but could not do anything as Alita jumped infront of him, arms wide. "Hell no. You got the Slytherin Sex God, I therefore get The Heir of Slytherin himself," Alita demanded coldly, gesturing pointedly at Snape. "Explain Severusss," Voldermort commanded, his eyebrow ridge raising sexily as he looked at the potions master. "My Lord," Snape began, only to have Opal clench his jaw shut. "Did I give you permission to talk?" Snape looked at Opal, then Voldermort, and chose to obey the scarier evil, and remained silent. Opal smiled, fangs still in place. "You see, his voice is mine. I hope my baby has a voice like that... he weighs half a banana now, you know." "Indeed..." Voldermort said, trailing off. "Are you pure blooded?" Lucius demanded of Harley, watching as his son stood warily next to the slightly older boy. Harley displayed a victory sign. "Yup, no worries there my prejudiced man. It's a shame I don't hold any belief in all the crap your spout as I don't have prejudice against anyone. I hate everyone equally." Draco rolled his eyes. "I'm half," Alita spoke up just to fill the void of dialouge. "And I'm a Mudblood... sorta... Does it count for three generations of squibs? Hey, you know that Sirius character? He's my ex-husband." Opal smirked. Voldermort's eyes narrowed, so did Lucius's. Opal's grin grew bigger. "Mudblood and proud. My family, however are not so sharing of my sentiments. Actually, I don't think they can think of anything at all when they're dead can they?" "Unless they're ghosts," Alita spoke up. "Shut up." Opal glared then turned her eyes on Voldie. "So why did you kidnap us... with icky Weaselette goo no less." "Isn't it obvious? We're super powerful with our nifty wandless magic. Voldie wants to use us to take over the world and some such," Harley explained. "I have no such deluded intentions and - what on EARTH are you doing you foolish wench?!" Alita smiled, tugging Voldermort's cloak off in one solid motion that had the dark lord twirling. A demented giggle escaped her lips. "You have Harry Potter in your hands yet you don't kill him. You have legions in your grasp, a whole government at your manipulation yet you go after muggles who outnumber you on pure flesh. You have many of the most sexiest men in your command and still you don't utilise everything that you own. You have the whole Wizarding world fearing to speak your name, and what do you do? You go after a 15 year old whelp that doesn't know a thing he's doing." Alita turned to Harry. "No offense, but it's true." Harry shrugged. "I know that." Snape snorted. Alita looked Voldermort over. "Frankly, you should've taken over the world already. You need your good looks back, and some hard cold mecha to stomp down a few people. No war can be won without good mecha." *nod nod* "A... ha." Lucius noticed his Lord doing that strange thing with his eyebrow ridges again. "So... like... are you tying us up or anything?" Opal presented her wrists to Good Ol' Snakey, cocking her head to the side. He blinked, bewildered, and she rolled her eyes. "I got it, I got it..." Strange, black, thorny vines appeared from nowhere and bound her ankles and wrists. "Are you gonna get on with it?" He blinked again. "Shouldn't've asked. More vines flew around her, binding her to a plastic looking tombstone that materialised behind her. "That's your cue." The Death Eaters and his master remained stunned stupid and she cried out in exasperation. "Dude! Can't men do ANYTHING around here?" Suddenly, her body convulsed as if she was under the Crucacius curse. Snape swore and tried to move, but found himself in binds similar to those around his Mistress. She paused long enough to snap, "I did not give you permission to speak OR move," before resuming her convulsing. Harley and Alita were sitting cross legged in a small fairy ring surrounded by mushrooms, playing with rag dolls that looked oddly like each of the men outside their ring. Alita was slowly removing the tiny robes from the blonde doll while Harley whistled the Offspring thinking song. Lucius made a sudden grab for his clothes as his cloak flew into the air. Completely irked, he cried, "Oi," attracting the delighted attention of the two. Harley suddenly spotted Opal, who was slumped against the plastic tombstone, which happened to read "Aureya of Chocolate, 1988 - 2004. Founder and destroyer of Choclatia". (Like your cameo, Jazz? ~ Opal) She lifted her head and croaked out, "Please... please... My... my baby..." Immediately, the other two sprang up and promptly glomped Lord Voldie. "You monster!" shrieked Alita, tossing his cloak aside. "That's your heir she's carrying!" cried Harley, stripping off his shirt. They both yelled together, "She'd been sober for three hours 'til you showed up!!!" ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Sex and drugs and organised crime... Sex and drugs and organised crime..." Harley and Opal danced around the roped up Voldie, chanting the Hansel and Gretel of 1999 motto. (Hi Harley! Remember that? ~Opal) "Sex and drugs and organised crime, yes please! Sex and drugs and organised crime, yes please!" Alita sat somewhere to the side, simply enjoying the view. And she had the best seat in the house. Lucius' lap. He had been bound and gagged on Aureya's plastic tombstone. BDSM style again, of course. As was Lordie Voldie. A handy metal frame had appeared and he was strung in a vulnerable and very provocative position, dressed in what looked like a snakeskin leotard. Easily bored with things she didn't know about, Alita called out to the others. "I need some more cheese." They immediately appeared at her side in a Charlies Angels pose, and Harley pointed a finger at Voldie's crotch. "Portus." His reptilian eyes widened in horror as the three made a grab for his heritage, Alita and Opal yanking Lucius and Snape, both oddly untied from their bonds. ~~~~~ Alita slowly opened her eyes and sat up in bed. "Geezus, what a crazy dream" she muttered to herself. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Dream!? Oh, I think not! You cannot escape this nightmare of a reality." oMgWtflOL. The end. harley i don't get it ~ opal |