Episode 40…DEMON WORLD, PART 1- On a nice city named Hong Kong, Jade finally shows off a welcome greeting face she must’ve perfected for many days. (I know this because she thinks Hong Kong sucks; why else would she prefer San Fran, or America, for that matter?) Anyways, the cute face easily makes her mama and papa happy. They’re even happier when cousin Jackie stops by as does another cousin, Uncle. (Uncle?! How brilliant Uncle is at hiding himself among the Chan genealogy!) The Chans are welcomed by another presence, the 600-pounder named Tohru, who proudly states that the final demon has been overcome. Jade immediately makes a recovery by adding that the demon is the name of a roller coaster at Hong Kong Moose World. She even has a Marlon Moose watch that says, “Heh heh, I’m Marlon Moose!” to prove her trip. With her parents convinced at the moment, Jade sighs and is ready to earn what she wants most; approval by her parents so she’d get away from home and hopefully get into a U.S. college, then a job, then maybe mate with a demon. Okay, so maybe I’m wrong with the last part, since the demons are all stuck in the Netherworld again.

 

Meanwhile, Shendu’s been thrown to Torture Avenue as Tchang Zu lets the sparks fly on him. Everybody’s got a bone to pick with him. Here now is the following demons....and their reasons to hate Shendu for many seasons!

 

Po Kong- Never got to see the sights of Tokyo. Since Tokyo’s one of the most populous cities in the world, Ms. Mountain should’ve had her Hometown Buffet not far off.

 

Xiao Fung- Had to rescue Shendu from prison, thus stalling his own retreat. (But that’s not entirely Shendu’s fault. Xiao Fung did give Shendu that stupid “You’ll get stuck with the guy you possess first” clause in his resurrection contract. Who ever knew Valmont was so vulnerable?)

 

Tchang Zu- The Thunder Demon didn’t get any real infamy or popularity, because everyone at Hollywood thought he was an animatronic. Then he got taken care of by castanets. The most electrifying mon in entertainment he wasn’t.

 

Tso Lan- Got outnumbered thanks to the Dark Hand’s abrupt departure to the trash. Shendu was the leader of the Dark Hand at that.

 

Dai Gui- Banished by a flower. Held by Jade. Who was helped by an uncle who just got off his beauty sleep in time. That should be enough clues for ya.

 

Hsi Wu- He’s got legions of fans to tell you what is wrong with his re-banishment. If I tell you all now, I’m going to make you doze.

 

Bai Tsa- With Shendu, she was able to leave San Francisco. Then when Shendu left for no apparent reason, she got ousted by the old man who locked on her by the crosshairs. No brotherly love here.

 

Shendu is screaming at the torture until he speaks a possible last resort to end the miseries of the Eight Demons; The Book of Ages. His brethren at first think he’s out of his rocker to change the past, but Shendu defends that an alteration is better than none, considering there are no other options to the Demon Portal thing. He adds a little sweetness by promising to possess the right human for the job.

 

That human is Jackie Chan. Just as the archaeologist enjoys tea at his cousins’ house, he is snagged by Shendu’s spirit and his eyes start glowing red. He becomes so violent in his quest that Jade, Uncle and Tohru, immediately identifying the sudden cause of Chan’s red eyes and venomous voice, try wrestling against him and excusing Jade’s parents for Jackie’s inconvenient “allergy” to tea. But the Shendu-ed Jackie powers up and makes an exit leaping off the second floor down to the streets of Hong Kong.

 

Uncle and Tohru rev their feet and zoom down the household to find Jackie. Jade’s about to join in on the race when her parents command her to stop and go to her room, which must’ve been like what, two years uninhabited by her, and yet remains spotless? The younger Chan is told that she will no longer be under the guidance of a reckless guardian like Jackie Chan ever again. Jade doesn’t complain and stays in her room, knowing only that Jackie’s in trouble and finding him is priority one.

 

Uncle and Tohru are searching for Jackie and the trail’s gone cold. Well, doi. Uncle sees like a goat and Tohru’s viewpoint is blocked by his tubbiness. Jade arrives and says she can’t find Jackie either, and that’s when her cell phone rings. (Let me get this straight...Cell phone, no cell phone, cell phone, no cell phone, cell phone.....Exactly how often does Jackie suspend Jade’s cell phone use?! Does she keep dialing 1-300-LUV-HSIW or what?)

 

The person on the other line is Jackie, who is at the airport and has managed enough strength to make a call and tell Jade that Shendu’s sending him to Australia. Shendu regains control and snarls as he hangs up.

 

Jade quickly patches up to Captain Black (who, alas, alas, we never get to see here) and requests a satellite pickup and a really fast plane.

 

By the by, must I add that Shendu’s incredibly arrogant for a body-snatcher? Why couldn’t Shendu make his life simpler and just take the body of an Australian aborigine? At least Section 13 or the Chan clan wouldn’t be aware of following him! Plus, Shendu wouldn’t suffer jet lag.

 

At the land down under, Jade, Tohru and Uncle make it to a series of mesas via an Aussie’s farm truck....Huh? Exactly why hasn’t Captain Black assembled more resources to help out Jackie Chan? Maybe he’s having another company softball game again. Ah well, back to the show....

 

The Shendu-ed Jackie enters a cavern and chants raspy Chinese as a portal opens in front of him. Uncle, Tohru and Jade immediately follow inside and they enter a white temple where Shendu’s forcing Jackie to scrawl chicken-scratches on a giant book. Uncle gasps as he realizes that’s the Book of Ages, which records all of history (by itself, we presume...) This means Shendu is trying to alter the past! Jade runs in and grabs Jackie’s shoulder, but as she is bumped off easily, she grabs onto a page and tears a piece of it on the way down.

 

When Jade wakes up from an apparent stun, she sees her parents dressed up in blue rags, and sees a room full of stocky woodwork and dirty bricks. Jade has no idea where she is, and she’s told that she’s in the Chan family house. Her parents don’t understand why Jade owns sneakers, a windbreaker and the strange little watch. Jade looks on inquisitively at the place and at the torn page on her hand, but she stuffs the page inside a shoe and shrugs it for the time being. That’s when her parents tell her to join them outside because their ruler is coming. Jade’s lost for words hearing about a ruler.

 

She’s even at a greater loss for who the ruler is; it’s a living, breathing, flesh and blood Shendu! The Fire Demon is being throned on a huge chariot with gleaming green dragons motioning it. A thousand humans, also on tattered rags, bow acquiescently before Shendu, and Jade reluctantly leans down, for her mother says the girl will be killed for any defiance.

 

When the dust clears and the road of the apparent village is empty again, all the commoners walk back into their village. At that time, Jade sees a young man donning a purple and blue servant’s garb added with a matching cap and a waist-long queue at the back of his head. Jade immediately knows that that’s Uncle Jackie! Jade comes over to Jackie and wants to ask him about the whole Shendu thing. Jackie tells her that all humans are the servants of Shendu and his brethren, who all have a different dominion to themselves. Having pretty much finished what he knows, he wonders why Jade hasn’t dressed up and is preparing to serve Shendu in his castle. Jackie then departs from sight, still brooming the roads in peace.

 

Jade realizes, much to her horror, that Shendu’s altered the past to his whims; there is no technology, no human power, and the demons are all free from the Netherworld. This is a Demon World! But nobody seems to remember this but her.....It must’ve been the page she’s torn off from the Book of Ages. Somehow, the incidental possession of that page has helped Jade preserve everything about her, from her clothes to her memory. She is very aware that Shendu’s got to be stopped, but Jade will need Jackie‘s help, first and foremost.

 

The servant Jackie tells Jade to get herself dressed in a purple and blue costume just as well. They then make their way inside Shendu’s castle.

 

Jade sees some unbelievable sights. Valmont and his Dark Hand Enforcers are all dancing as Shendu’s personal jesters, while Jackie serves a giant bowl of disgustingly giant grubs for Shendu to consume. The giant dragon happily admits that he is so clever for keeping Jackie as his most loyal servant. Jade discovers that this quest won’t be easy; Shendu remembers his own alterations too. Shendu then bellows to Jade to come to him and trim his toe-nails.

 

Eventually, Jade runs off from Shendu’s throne room and tosses a giant scissor in disgust. She’d sooner cut off Shendu’s toes then to spare herself the trouble of cutting the nails again! Jackie explains that that’s the way of life. Jade’s had it with this “that’s the way it is” garbage. She tells Jackie that he’s supposed to be a butt-kicking man who speaks softly and carries a big boot or two. Jade then says that she may know a way to help out the Chan Man from all this. The curious Jackie begins listening....

 

Jade and Jackie go inside Shendu’s personal library. Jackie warns her that entering the archive is forbidden, but Jade knows that’s very apparent. Jackie suddenly is hit in the head by a two-finger salute, and it's nobody less than Uncle! Uncle is responsible for keeping the books from the sights of any mortal eyes, and so it’s been that way for years. Jade tries searching around for books of magic, namely the Book of Ages, but Uncle stubbornly prods at her side and says that there is no such thing as magic. Jade’s at a loss and grabs a huge atlas and holds up a map leading to Australia. Uncle says that that place is forbidden while Jackie says there’s only a fortress out there. Jade mixes the logic together and is truly aware that the Book of Ages is there, and the Chans must change it. That way, everything will be back the way it is. Uncle thinks this is a madman’s realm of thought, but Jackie concedes that whether this is real or not, he doesn’t want to remain a servant through all this, and neither should any other human being. Might as well change the book then to leave things be. Glad that Jackie’s getting it, Jade shows Uncle a watch to prove she’s belonged to a world of technology, and then she activates the voice on her Marlon Moose watch. Uncle screams so loud that the echoes rumble across to Shendu’s bedroom.

 

But the cry doesn’t wake up Shendu. Instead, the library is filled with shadows shifting across the dimly lit room. Jade holds her breath as the Shadowkhan come out to play....

 

Jackie & Jade w/Uncle vs. Shadowkhan & Emerald Dragons (***)- Jade tells Jackie to get his fists and feet pumping, until Jackie tells her that he’s been forbidden from all manners of self-defense. He instead grabs Jade and makes a run for it. Without their notice, uncle and niece are aided by Uncle’s presence as the old man opens a secret passage to evade the wrath of the black and blue ninjas. Jackie scrambles across a creaky bridge, but a ninja grabs his queue while its partner lobs three shurikens screaming at Jackie’s melon. Jackie avoids, his queue is cut off, and the bridge collapses. Back in his normal hairstyle, Jackie runs with his niece as the Shadowkhan are incidentally joined by a multitude of dragons rushing at them and spewing flames at that. After failing to reach many twists to an exit, Jackie and Jade halt inside a cauldron of magic. The Shadowkhan bind them so that Shendu could punish them a thousand times over, until the familiar “Gyu Mo Gue Guai Fai Dei Tzao” rings in their ears. The Shadowkhan disappear into the nothing as Uncle arrives, holding some kind of bell.

 

Uncle hits Jackie and yells out that he’s had no other choice to save his nephew and the nephew’s niece. Jade points out smugly that Uncle’s a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to this magic stuff, and she likes that muy mucho. Uncle quietly replies that he just skims through books, not read them. Anyway, Uncle rebounds by saying that the three of them can no longer be safe in China, which means Jade might as well lead them to Australia. The journey will be hassling and the guardians of the fortress will tax them beyond any price. Jade knows this is time for a little Magic 101.

 

At Shendu’s colossal bedroom, Jade shows Uncle and Jackie a special balm that allows her hands to reach into Shendu’s flesh harmlessly and remove the talismans that give him his magical powers. That way, the Chans will own the necessary defenses to reach to the Book of Ages. Jade observes an example, fetching two of the essential talimans, and Uncle and Jackie are nothing short of impressed. Glad that they won’t have to reach anywhere below Shendu’s midriff, the older Chans dip their magical palms and reach in to take the talismans..

 

But at the perfectly wrong time, Jackie Chan sees Shendu’s gleaming red spheres staring at him. The Chan Man is thrown to the other side of the room as a seething dragon scorches Jackie like a BBQ! Talk about trying to get a midnight snack!

 

A

 

The Alternate Universe is up and coming! The plot is quite complex for a JCA story and therefore not a great deal of characters get to show up yet. Of course, this is only the first part, which means the second part should be just as good, even better. Tajeri Lynn still finds it funny that Jade’s mother is voiced by the same missus credited for playing Bai Tza. He finds it even funnier that with that build, Shendu hasn’t gotten himself a mate.

 

By the by, the Extremo Luchadore has been checking into his personal little archive and remembers that this episode has a Kids WB feature called “Crazy Takes”, in which the network comes up with a couple of specially-made “bloopers” for its shows. Well, what the network isn’t aware of is that they’ve made a real blooper within a “blooper”.

 

Okay, here’s the blueprint. In the scene where the demons become surprised at Shendu mentioning the “Book of Ages”, Ratso would show up in a demon’s place, and the director would tell him to move out. I remember that when Ratso takes over the frame of the much revered Sky Demon, the “director” tells him what any JCA fan would fear to hear.

 

“Ratso, that’s His Wu’s spot.”

 

I suppose the writer was using Microsoft Word for the script. “Hsi” always gets auto-corrected as “His“.

 

Hsi Wu: Foolish mortal! I shall eat his soul!

 

Now that we know the easiest mistake in JCA history, I wonder when Jade’ll start calling Hsi Wu that?

 

*  *  *

 

Episode 41…DEMON WORLD, Part 2- Last time, on “Demon World” Part 1......

 

“Ooooh, Hsi Wu....”

 

“Jade....precious Jade....”

 

“Ai-yah! Sweet looks not now! I am carrying the book, and am getting a verrry aching back! So let me make you husband and wife first! One more thing, do not forni-horni-cate while I am talk-ing!”

 

Oh, wait a minute, what’s this? I’ve gotten carried away again.....Dang Alternate Universe Syndrome....

 

Back to the SHOW....

 

Jackie Chan has just become an entry in Shendu’s All-You-Can-Eat Grill....or has he? Much to Shendu’s immense dissatisfaction, the Chan Man remains crouched, his purple and blue servant garments completely intact. Jackie stands up and reveals that in his hands is the Dog Talisman. The enraged Shendu starts bringing up an army of dragons to get at Jackie and the other Chans.

 

Jackie Chan & Jade w/Uncle vs. Shendu and Emerald Dragons [NR]- Jade takes the old magi-matical formula “levitation plus speed equals flight” to a carpet. With the Rooster and Rabbit Talismans, the Chans escape Shendu’s realm like Aladdin and his bands atop the Magic Rug Express. Jade gets some hot girl power going as she takes the Dragon Talisman to incinerate the castle wall and make for a clean break to the horizon.

 

Seeing the cavity in his perfect demon realm, Shendu is outraged that even after all his efforts to change time, Jackie Chan persists in resisting the demon’s prowess. Shendu swears that the next time he meets Chan, there shall not longer be a spirit left of him!

 

As the carpet flies over the seas, Uncle admits that this trip is getting verrry interesting. However, even with the possession of the talismans, Shendu’s armies are numerous, and his brethren co-form a network that would be nearly unstoppable. Jade knows it’s time to get those freeze-dried allies and warm them up in the old crimefighting microwave! It’s time to get....the J-Team!!!

 

The Chans halt by a kingdom ruled over by the all-lipid, no-brain Mountain Demon Po Kong. Po Kong is ordering a volley of pitiful slaves to hand over her grub, which turns out to be a bunch of giant dead grubs....Uncle gets the willies and cowers behind the rocks. Jade tells Uncle to start reading the magic books or else Po Kong’s gonna eat her protein out of them. Jackie Chan creeps along and starts moving from one end to another.

 

Jackie Chan & Uncle w/Jade & Tohru vs. Po Kong [**]- Well, what do you know? Po Kong actually has the brains to realize Jackie Chan is after her.....or is she too stupid to remember that her brother supposedly has revamped Jackie’s memory? Anyways, the Mountain Demon lobs her own meal at Jackie Chan Uncle finds a spell, but he doesn’t know the symbol to banish the demon. Jade sifts through a bag of symbols that have been collected, and then she notices the symbol to be a drum. Luckily for the Chans, there is a huge drum located nearby, supposedly to summon the mortals under Po Kong’s servitude. It’s at that time, too, that Jade sees a familiar 600-pound sumo looking hopelessly at Jackie’s reverie with Po Kong. Jade calls Tohru to bang the drum three times. Amazed and mystified that his name be spoken by a stranger, an urgent Tohru willfully gets up and hits percussions for the 1-2-3. The drum glows green and opens the familiar demon portal, sucking up the giant sucker for eternal torment....another period of eternal fasting.

 

With Tohru conveniently joining the Chan Clan, it’s time now to travel a little further.

 

In the nearest kingdom, two masked muscle-men are knuckling up in the spirit of two warriors. It comes to no surprise that one of those gladiators is El Toro Fuerte, the champion luchadore of Mexico. The lone spectators are El Toro Fuerte’s protege, Paco, and the Wind Demon Xiao Fung. Fung’s breaking wind, er, I mean he’s taking a break from the wind, and is relaxing on a throne as Paco fans the back of the giant toad. Paco then notices that the giant leaf of a fan he holds is glowing green, just at the same time an old man’s chant comes into play. The fan opens a demon portal and Xiao Fung screams as he is whisked off his realm and denied of seeing the outcome of El Toro’s match. As the Chan Clan and Tohru arrive, the match ends in a no-contest and El Toro’s opponent removes his mask and walks away. El Toro, meanwhile, declares he would never remove the mask.....El Toro and Paco plus the others now make six...

 

The next scene is one of the weirdest in JCA history. There’s this giant tower pointing up to the clouds, so one has a good idea whose tower this is supposed to be. Well, Hsi Wu the Sky Demon apparently has Viper suspended from inside a cage so that she could see him take a bath. Sounds like the demon wants to entice her with his abundance now, doesn’t it? But the moment Jackie plays a flute and whisks the bat boy into the demon portal, what‘s the demon got? His sash! The dude’s scared of revealing what lies beneath!

 

Extremo Quiz: Now why would Hsi Wu dip into suds while still wearing his clothes on?

 

Following theories....

 

1.) He ain’t big, if you get the drift.

 

2.) Censors told him to wear the sash or else the government will erase all civilians of their memory of him.

 

3.) Hsi Wu thinks a bath is tantamount to a pool. No harm there.

 

4.) What Hsi Wu must be thinking. Viper sucks. Jade rulz.

 

5.) Face common sense. The writers like Hsi Wu so much they don’t want him defeated in a humiliating state of nakedness.

 

6.) Male stars make less money out of being naked than female ones, so what’s the point?

 

7.) Because without that sash, every J-Team member will start gagging at what he owns. Of course, Jade will be out of breath and panting, and drooling....

 

With Viper freed from her birdcage, Jade announces that the J-Team’s been fully reconstructed. (But so much for calling the team a “Chantastic Five”, since we now have seven different members. Truth be told, there never is a “Chantastic Five” no matter how much Jade insists there is.) Before anyone even cares to debate about having supper, the clouds rumble and from the mists steps forth Tchang Zu, who now wants to cook the J-Team in his own traveling restaurant, Thunda Express!

 

The J-Team vs. Tchang Zu [Handicap...that’s a new one!] (**3/4)- The J-Team explode into action as Tchang Zu carelessly sends his lightning bolts demolishing bit parts of Hsi Wu’s sky tower. Jade nearly topples herself off the tower until Viper grabs her. The Marlon Moose watch giggles away as it takes a suicidal plunge from above, and Jade gulps. Also taking the plunge is the Ox Talisman, which is dropped by El Toro and Jackie colliding into one another. (El Toro apologizes the same old way; “Sor-ry”.) Taking cues out of Jade to hop and bop for martial arts, Jackie ricochets off of pillars before he nails Tchang Zu with an awesome big boot that gets the whole “Matrix” treatment. (Corey Yuen, here’s looking at ya.)

 

Ultimately, the Zu is shut up from earth as Uncle chants his classic lines while Paco delivers his own set of castanets to click the Thunder Demon to doom.

 

Now that the J-Team’s been assembled, the Chans will finally take a trip to Australia, where there’ll not be a second expended on a vacation.

 

As the J-Team fly off on a carpet, Shendu, riding aboard a dragon steed, roars aloud as he retrieves and reabsorbs the falling Ox Talisman. Just as his scream subsides, Shendu meets the super-sized mugs of his remaining siblings, Tso Lan, Bai Tza and Dai Gui, in the sky (now if they could do that, why couldn‘t Shendu warn all his siblings about Jackie Chan? Magic abilites broken?). The siblings all have realized that Jackie Chan has somehow regained his old groove against the demons and are banishing them one by one. Shendu then sees the fragments of a Marlon Moose watch. Immediately (and very regretfully) recognizing the watch to be that of a particular girl’s favorite mascot, Shendu realizes that Jade’s regained her memory through the whole ordeal. But this also means that Jade still knows of the Book of Ages and would have such will to tell Jackie of it! The Fire Demon rushes off while his siblings carry on their own direction to thwart any alteration of the Book.

 

Jackie Chan gets his groove back. Under the night sky, his niece teaches him the real disciplinary codes of martial arts. She shows him how to relax, how to breathe and let your control be beyond the body and mind....You know, typical Taoism.

 

Three months of talismans being used, portals opening left and right, demons saying “NOOOOOO!” and Uncle screaming “Ai-yah!” have led up to the grudge match of the decade! Watch as the base of power changes before your very eyes as the J-Team and the demons square off in a riveting climax at Australia!

 

The J-Team vs. Shendu, Tso Lan, Bai Tza, Dai Gui & The Shadowkhan (*****)- Ferocious wargames match, very long and very funny. In the world of wrestling, wargames commonly refer to the end game of an enemy faction, and this one is no different. The Shadowkhan are snuffed out by talisman magic and Uncle’s chi spells done at a twist of the wrist. (Stupid Shendu hasn’t even changed the book to make his ninjas stronger. Wassup wit dat?) That leaves the demons running amok against Jackie, Viper, El Toro and Tohru. Jackie Chan once again evades Shendu’s fiery grill, a steaming Viper gets the action on the damp Bai Tza, Tohru plays a game of tag with Dai Gui and the normally ground-based El Toro Fuerte takes to the air against Tso Lan. Barely able to catch his breathe at one time, Dai Gui makes a funny little comment questioning why Shendu owns powers that mortal people can use. (Yeah, the dragon should’ve installed thumb-readers on his talismans so the wrong folks couldn’t activate them.)

 

Uncle, Jade and Paco enter inside the rift where the Book of Ages is being stored. Once again, they are transported to an eerie white temple with the book laid out for them at the center. Jade tells Uncle to find the page with a tear on its edge; Jade still keeps the missing bit of text critical to re-fabricating all of history. Bad news; the demons arrive and carry the vanquished muscles of the J-Team, and Shendu warns the trio that it is game over. But Jade’s played video games before, and in this kind of fight, one-ups are possible! She takes the pen, and....oh, no, no, no, no.... I am SO not gonna tell you what happens from here to the close of the battle. That would be giving away the absitively posolutely best parts of the show. Do yourself a favor and take a look at this!

 

With the comic-book rejects no longer invading the J-Team, Uncle has at last identified the torn page. Jade immediately picks up the missing text long secured on her shoe and conjoins it with the Book of Ages.

 

The next moment, Jade is greeting her parents in their Hong Kong apartment. It’s as if things are back to normal with the reunion among Jade’s direct family. But hold on, not just is Uncle, Jackie and Tohru present, but so is El Toro Fuerte, Paco and Viper! All provide testimonies to how great a guardian Jackie is to Jade, although El Toro has to be elbowed from blowing it with more demon talk (who’d ever knew Viper’s that strong?). The parents conclude that Jackie’s become a very positive influence on their daughter, and Jackie replies with a wink to Jade, saying that sometimes his niece is the real teacher among the two. Guess this means Jade’ll have her stay in America for another year or so, no?

 

A

 

Good finale to the Demon Portal timeline. Lots of action and lots of humor between heroes and villains, but it is slightly disappointing that the story has to rush in for the first half of the show. This episode sure feels alot like a video game, a cross between Final Fantasy (getting a bunch of friends to tag along) and Mega Man (beating eight baddies with weird abilities). We’re all aware that video-gamish episodes never qualify as reaching pinpoints of excellence. After the lumpy first half, however, the show’s rock-solid again as its characters make their way into Australia, where the excitement really jets to fun heights. Let’s hope Shendu really does mean it when he gets revenge. He and his brethren have been the most colorful amalgam of villains in JCA by far.