Episode 4: ENTER THE VIPER- Jackie’s in N.Y., N.Y. to pursue a snake locked behind a glass prism. Okay, so it’s really the Snake Talisman that we’re talking here. Anyways, Jackie is told by the city museum curator that security is being real mean considering that an even more prized possession, the Pink Puma, is also being locked away. (Gee, what’s with the artifacts being named after animals? What’s next, the White Walrus?) The Chan Man is thus assured that no one could possibly steal the talisman, but just as Jackie walks away uncertain and unconvinced, he sees a rat, and it is NOT behind a prism this time around.

Jackie Chan vs. Ratso (**1/2)- Way too quick. Ratso is pretty much running away from Jackie, and they do hardly anything in the run except bump into a New Yorker who knows what the deal is a Martin Scorsese movie. Jackie moves fast and furious, but it’s apparent Ratso’s not much of a singles player.

Ratso leaves behind his coat, which Jackie manages to take from him during the scuffle. Jackie notices a ringing cell phone in the coat and discovers it’s a call from Valmont. Jackie does his best impression of Ratso and convinces Valmont so well that the Dark Hand leader advises Jackie to have the talisman stolen at midnight.

That night, back at the hotel, Jackie promises Jade that he’ll be there just in time to attend the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, but first he’ll have to get to the Snake Talisman before the Dark Hand gets it. Jade realizes Jackie’s going to become a criminal, and that’s just cool. As a reluctant Jackie makes his way into the museum, Jade follows, so Jackie has little choice but to have her help out. With amazing precision, Jackie actually stops cold the alarm system around the talisman by flicking a finger onto the system’s side. (Trivia; this is inspired by a popular Asian belief that certain areas of the human body when pressed onto them. Of course, this isn’t known to work on machines…) Following this evasion, Jackie grabs a miniature Lady Liberty and replaces her to the spot where the talisman lies, grabbing the talisman in the process, and storing it in a black bag.

What Jackie doesn’t know is that ANOTHER thief is stowing around the museum, but here she has the intent of taking the Pink Puma. Using efficient machinery that seem distracting compared to Jackie’s approach, the thief takes the Pink Puma into a black bag and is about to get out of there.

Jackie is about to leave, but he crosses and bumps paths with the thief. They fight very briefly, ultimately realizing that they’re making a mistake over the conflict and wish to leave each other be. The thief turns out to be named Viper, a shapely Afro-Asian American, or so I thunk, and she’s kind of impressed with Jackie’s moves. However, an alarm is accidentally set, so the two sides separate ways hastily.

But what’s this?! Apparently, a mix-up over the bags occurred, and now Jackie has the Pink Puma jewel! Leaving the jewel to Jade, a panicked Jackie rushes over to find Viper, but he rushes into the police instead, who immediately arrests him for the suspicion of burglary.

Jackie gets the call from Uncle, who deems his nephew the evil influence to Jade. Although Jackie can’t speak such, he hopes that Captain Black will eventually show up to clear this dilemma so he can leave the urban jungle with the talisman again.

Later, Viper can’t believe Jackie is so stupid to be arrested by the cops, until she realizes the error of her ways as well, seeing the Snake Talisman where the Pink Puma should’ve been. However, she gladly finds the mix-up encouraging, because the talisman enables her to move in invisible stealth, and she goes over to the local jail to find Jackie.

Meanwhile, the Enforcers are convinced that Jackie could become one of theirs. Valmont’s the usual cynic, and has Ratso return back to New York (from San Francisco?! What kind of plane does the Dark Hand ride?!) To see if Jackie has the talisman, Ratso has with him the Dragon Seeking Device granted to the faction by Shendu, the ruthless wall ornament. At first, the trail seems cold, for when Ratso manages to interrogate Jackie, the device doesn’t suggest he has the talisman anywhere. Ratso departs, and that’s when the device suddenly lights up from nowhere.

In the jail, the guard keeping watch over Jackie suddenly jerks into unconsciousness like he has eaten too much fries. Of course, it’s Viper with the Snake Talisman, and she wants to have Jackie out as part of some deal being agreed between her and Jade; if Jackie is freed, the switch will be made and Jackie can have the talisman.

Jade shows up under a bridge, doing her best impression of Kojak, or those other hardboiled detectives, clad in a khaki overcoat and a smooth hat. The trade-up is made, and Viper compliments the girl, saying she could have what it takes to be a thief. Jackie thinks that’s bad, but Jade doesn’t mind. In fact, Jade really hopes Viper could be Jackie’s wife, to say the least.

But as they part ways, the talisman cracks into dust on Jackie’s hand. The talisman is a fake! Jade is heartbroken, hoping deep in herself that Viper would have been civil enough for a generous trade. But Jackie tells Jade that there’s no honor among thieves, and that they ought to find Viper before she walks away with both the talisman and the Puma. A determined Jade wises up and agrees.

Viper is back in her hotel room when Valmont arrives. (He arrives from San Francisco to New York in less than an hour, the way this show seems to go. Somebody tell me the name of his air service!) Valmont threatens Viper to hand over the talisman, or he’ll sic in the Shadowkhan. Viper probably wishes the talisman can make Valmont go "blah blah blah", but since it can’t, she turns herself unseeable from Valmont’s naked eyes. Valmont holds up the seeking device, though, and quickly points the Shadowkhan to stop her. Viper relents with black-belt skill, and flees the scene. Jackie and Jade notice her, and apparently fearing Viper could fall to her death, Jackie grabs a gargantuan parade balloon, and the ride begins.

Jackie Chan, Viper and Jade [Handicap Tag, I think] vs. the Shadowkhan (*****)- WHOA! The finale is a welcome set piece as all the competitors fight for the Snake Talisman atop a drifting balloon, having trouble not just with each other, but with the bouncing surfaces of the balloon, which means anyone who falls out is easily E-liminated! Invisibility antics, some "Rush Hour-ish" double-team attacks, flying shurikens and green paint all provide the palette for an exciting picture of JCA action, one that the real Chan wouldn’t want to have any other way, and neither would we.

The fight finally comes to a close as the balloon is popped, sending the Shadowkhan far off Jackie’s reach and the "good" trio onto the Statue of Liberty. The talisman accidentally falls onto the Statue, which means momentarily Jackie, Jade and Viper look like they’re atop of nothing. Somehow, the trio manages to go down the seeming nothing, a feat which I think requires psychic intuition.

With the Pink Puma in her grasps, Viper bids Jackie good luck, saying she owes him one. While the whereabouts of the Snake Talisman is now certain, Jackie is still unsatisfied as the thief leaves, and that’s when Jade shocks Jackie by holding up the Puma with her hand, agreeing that the I.O.U. ought to be paid about now. Just in time, the police show up, and Jackie shows them that there is no more trouble, not when he can give them the Puma at last. The police agree, and then they query Jackie and Jade as to where they’ve hidden the missing Statue of Liberty. Uncle and niece nervously smile and simply shrug their shoulders. Too bad the episode ends this way, because I bet Jackie’s uncle would’ve shown up to pour a chi spell to fix his "evil" nephew. Well, you can’t win them all….

A-

"Enter the Viper" is more focused on plot than hard-hitting action, so it does take time to get used to the pace, especially when it lacks the humor of other JCA stories. Fortunately, the urgency of the story never has us yawning, and the main event is a payoff not to be missed. Be warned when trying to find this episode on DVD; this and two more episodes on the disc have the prologue sequences clipped from the original product. Stick to recording JCA episodes on TV instead.

* * *

Episode 5 SHELL GAME- In the Galapagos Islands, two scientists have found a most bizarre discovery; there’s a Rabbit Talisman embedded on the carapace of a giant tortoise. Not long after, the tortoise is taken to S.F.’s Bay Aquarium for research. Pretty strange that the tortoise has to be in an aquarium because of a talisman, don’t you think

Jackie and Jade are doing martial arts discipline, but Jade moves hastily, desiring to be a lean, mean, Jackie-Chan fighting machine (sounds like a tongue-twister, eh?) Jackie wants Jade to just slow down, for does who go slow and steady wins the race. Jade doesn’t really take the proverb in stride and she rushes off to breakfast.

Jade’s eating breakfast and watching television in Section 13. (Trivia: do you notice a man with a funny hat on during this scene? His headwear is based on the "Men In Black" cartoon series, which has many of the producers and writers of this very show. Wouldn’t want to leave you confused, amigos!) Jade’s eyes go wide open as she sees a news report of a tortoise bearing what she is certain must be the Rabbit Talisman (Wow, the reporters actually report THIS? I’m still hoping they’d say too much grains are bad for men! Um, ahem…). Jade tells Jackie about what she has seen, and Jackie resolves that he’ll go to the Bay Aquarium while Jade’s at school. Cue in Jade’s favorite (or least favorite) line; "Awww!"

Residing on a couch in Dark Hand HQ, Finn does some channel surfing, passing by the rabbit talisman at one channel. Valmont shows up and demands him to turn it back. (For a moment there, Finn actually watches a program featuring El Toro. What do you know? The luchadore has no more talisman, and he’s still the champ! Hooray! Well, I’d go hooray unless ole Finn is watching a repeat here…) Finn switches the channel back to the news program, and convinced, Valmont calls Tohru. (Hey, where’s the other Enforcers as well in this room? This scene almost convinces me that Valmont and Finn are…ah, forget about it.)

JCA fans get to go see inside Jade’s elementary school for the first time. Jade tells a boy named Drew the fantastic stories she’s already had (and we’ve already seen) from previous episodes. Drew absolutely finds little scrutiny in the stories, calling Viper "Snake Lady" or El Toro "Ox Man", but Jade’s still ecstatic over the storytelling. The teacher knows Jade’s not paying attention and proposes that the little girl ought to do an extra credit assignment to make up for the grades. Jade’s listening.

At the Bay Aquarium, Jackie tries to pry the talisman off the carapace of the tortoise (Aesop), without any luck. That’s when Jade appears right behind Jackie, explaining that her e.c. assignment is going to be on the tortoise! Before Jackie can complain, the walls explode, and out comes The Enforcers. (Great entrance there with the explosions…so why don’t you guys ever do THAT at Uncle’s shop?)

Jackie & Jade [Handicap] vs. The Enforcers (***1/2)- Jackie does most of the flying fists and feet against Tohru, Finn and some unknown newbie (you know, one of those guys who never appears after Season 1) on the manmade island and then to the waters below, where a shark lurks for a human morsel. Ratso desperately tries to get the talisman off with assorted tools, including a flaming welder! Jade tries to come to Aesop’s rescue, but Tohru hoists the tortoise and escapes with it. However, he’s so impatient with Ratso that he has thrown his own partner-in-crime down an octopus tank! (Way to go, Tohru; screwing your allies is the best way to screw the plan…)

Jackie and Jade can’t find The Enforcers or Aesop, but they do find Ratso, suction cup marks littered across his face, departing the aquarium in hopes of touching base with his allies again. The Chans stealthily follow the green-skinned Enforcer.

Back at Dark Hand HQ, Valmont’s not quite happy with Shendu the wall ornament. The reason is that the Dark Hand is spending so much dinero on capturing talismans, and nothing is coming in return. Shendu promises Valmont will have more than enough riches to make up for that, but like the Tortoise who defeats the Hare, Valmont must remain patient to get to the wealth.

At the plane, Finn tells Valmont that they have the talisman and the Galapagos Tortoise due to time constraints. (Tohru by then has removed the talisman off Aesop’s back with his teeth. Great dental plan you’ve got, Tohru…) Valmont, still hoping to touch some rectangular greens, advises Finn to stop by a particular man who may want the Tortoise for a generous price. Finn obeys, and then Ratso calls Finn.

Ratso’s by a pay phone and is told where the rendezvous point should be. He goes off, and Jackie tells Jade to go over to a cab. Willing to follow Ratso, Jade goes inside the cab, only to discover Uncle inside and Jackie running off after Ratso! Jade is mad that she’s been had, but quickly scares the H-E-double hockey sticks out of Uncle by declaring herself an evil Rabbit Spirit in Jade’s body. (Listen to Jade’s voice in this scene!) The artifice actually works, and Jade hops off the cab to follow Jackie.

That night (NIGHT?! Can Ratso, Jackie and Jade actually walk for that long?), The Enforcers go to a port and meet an eccentric man named Karl Nivor (pronounced together as, you’ve guessed it, "Carnivore"), who especially loves to eat the rarest of animals upon his jaded lips. Tohru is disgusted that Karl would like a cooked-up Aesop, but nevertheless is satisfied to have the money offered to him. Jackie notices the Rabbit Talisman in Tohru’s grasps, while Jade is shocked that poor Aesop’s gonna die in torture (a.k.a., cooking).

Jackie wants to go get the talisman, but Jade, who may one day promote P.E.T.A., wants to save Aesop, who’s been taken into Nivor’s departing ship. Uncle and niece argue to each other the faults of their viewpoints, but the arguments are terribly noisy, and the terrible Tohru finds them, ready to mash some Chans.

Jackie [Handicap] w/ Jade vs. The Enforcers (****1/2)- This here’s a bash-the-settings spot fest with construction materials flying and bodies speeding down to failure. The Enforcers do a good job taking control of a crane and several platforms, leading Jackie to do more stunts that make you wonder how long the real Chan can keep HIS feet off the ground.

With most of the Enforcers defeated, Jackie’s remaining foe is Tohru. Tohru uncovers the Rabbit Talisman’s super speed power and unleashes killer velocities that leave Jackie helpless to the sumo. But Jackie stops Tohru in his tracks with conveniently placed barrels of oil, sending Tohru right into the Enforcers’ plane, sinking it and the crew to the depths below!

Jackie now has control of the talisman, but takes heed of Jade’s disappearance. It’s not long before he deducts that Jade’s gone into Karl Nivor’s liner! That’s not a big problem, though, cause Jackie speeds his way in several seconds flat.

Around this time, Shendu is sorely disappointed that Valmont has been having his men sell Aesop, and because of that sale, the Rabbit Talisman has been lost. Valmont reasons to Shendu that a little advance would’ve brightened the egos of his men, but Shendu replies by blowing fire, shutting Big V up. (What a deadly wall ornament!) Shendu then summons the ever-helpful Shadowkhan to find the talisman.

Jackie finds Jade locked in a quiet room. Jade has been trying to make sure Aesop wouldn’t get slaughtered by the chef, but her interference isn’t effective and Nivor has her trapped. (Nivor actually tells Jade that he wouldn’t eat children because they’re too common! Guess this means he’d appreciate a side order of endangered babies, then? EWW!) Jackie impresses Jade with the power of the talisman, and says proudly that slow and steady has certainly helped them. Jade then adds that Jackie’s now super fast, so exactly how slow and steady is he? Jackie doesn’t want to hear much more of that, so he takes Jade and is off to save Aesop.

The chef tries to guillotine Aesop with a cleaver, and in a moment, the cleaver is off his hands and he is sent locked up to the quiet room.

No sooner when this is done, the soundtrack arrives with more swooshes and whooshes. Nope, it’s not Sonic, Tails OR Knuckles the Echidna…

Jackie & Jade [Handicap] w/ Aesop vs. The Shadowkhan and Karl Nivor (***1/2)- I’ve always thought the kitchen to be such a great place for action scenes, so I’m quite disappointed that the final episode makes little use of the surroundings. Jackie does a neat set of parries with a frying pan, and even throws jars of spice that blind and gag The Shadowkhan (Whoa, THE MAGICAL SHADOWKHAN ARE ALLERGIC TO JARS O’ SPICE?! I think Shendu needs to fine-tune his warriors; they’re definitely behind the times). The Shadowkhan render Jackie down by spilling an oil canister (Now hold on; an oil barrel is in the kitchen?! Karl Nivor’s chef gets an "F" in Feng Shui). Fortunately, Jade places the talisman on Aesop, hoists Jackie up the tortoise, and flees the boat back over to San Francisco. The Shadowkhan don’t chase the Chans, probably realizing they can’t possibly follow them. At least they get an invitation from Nivor to attend dinner. Okay…with what this time?

At the end of the episode, Jade’s class is in the Bay Aquarium, and Jade is telling one new story to Drew, who can’t believe that’s the story to the episode where he makes his debut. Drew’s right…He never gets a good rap anywhere in this show…

B

Why this rating, you may ask? While "Shell Game" is served a-plenty with great action scenes, the story just doesn’t seem to flow as intensely or carefully along with those scenes. The characters aren’t terribly charismatic as well; they’re too focused on the thin plot to show off much personality. Of course, my biggest gripe is with the tortoise; he doesn’t look very convincing or very interesting as a cartoon animal, and as you’ll see later, the show has much more compelling animals in other episodes. (My favorite’s got to be Cosmo the Monkey…I suppose Regina’s fav is Ruby?) The ending also is a little problematic. We never get to know if Jade gets an A on her extra credit assignment; isn’t that supposed to be HALF of what the story is about?

* * *

Episode 6…PROJECT A, FOR ASTRAL- (Trivia; "Project A" is the name of the movie fans tend to call Chan’s best display of action scenes ever. He plays a sailor determined to stop evil pirates who are stealing miles and miles of treasure. His troublesome partner in the movie, Sammo Hung, has directed Chan films often. The highlight action scene is when Jackie evades and attacks several enemies with the intricate use of a bicycle…)

Back to the SHOW….archaeologist Jackie Chan uncovers the Sheep Talisman from a package inside a speeding train afar from San Francisco. Just as everything seems dandy, in step the Shadowkhan, who don’t take Jackie’s wisecracks very nicely. You know the Shadowkhan…They’re not the audience of choice for guys like Eddie Murphy.

Jackie Chan [Mucho Handicap] vs. Shadowkhan, Ratso, Finn & Chow (****1/2)- Atop a train, to a helicopter and back onto solid ground, this was amazing. Chan did a crazy run off the falling train before leaping off to safety. The best moment in the set piece, however, belonged to Ratso, who, following Chan’s leap of faith, spouted one of the funniest lines ever in the series. Guess what? This isn’t the only other fun line in the episode. There’ s one more…You’ll see.

Chan makes it back to Uncle’s Rare Finds, and is ready to walk over to Dream Street. Jade’s gloomy and wants to leave the shop. Even more important, she wants Jackie to take her to the theme park Melvin World (I repeat, MELVIN WORLD, not MOOSE WORLD, which for some reason would be its new name), so she could have a rollicking good time, more interesting than smelling Uncle’s garlic breath every minute. But Jackie says he is too worn out for the moment, and must take rest, keeping the talisman in a little box. (Of course, we all know hiding precious items in little boxes is always a big mistake in TV shows.)

Jade pouts, but a light bulb shines in her head, albeit not the brightest one to be had. Jade manages to sneak up to the attic with the Sheep Talisman, hoping to uncover its power. After bonking it across walls and even chewing on it, Jade discovers its power…and suddenly discovers herself out of…herself. Realizing she’s become a ghost, she goes down to meet Uncle and Jackie, who can neither see her nor hear her. Jade decides then to move out of the shop and see what she could do in this form.

Unfortunately, the Enforcers head over to the shop, ready to duke it out on Chan and Uncle if it need be to get to the Sheep. Much to their surprise, though, they find an subconscious Jade holding the talisman, and they quickly take it in silence.

Back at the hideout, Shendu is finally glad to have a talisman to fit in one of 12 holes situated around his head piece. Once he has all 12 talismans, Shendu can finally be freed from the statue curse of many eons. The talisman enables Shendu’s astral (spiritual) projection to leave his solid form. The Enforcers proudly make a big story over beating up Jackie Chan despite his superhuman ability to chuck a bus at them, until Ratso incidentally blows it by revealing that the talisman has been retrieved off of a sleeping girl. Shendu suspects that the girl’s spirit has left the body, and quickly, his spirit escapes off to find the body.

Jade enjoys herself by teasing at others, and learns that it’s not fun when no one else can sense her presence, so she’s outtie. She returns back to her body, and then notices the talisman is missing. At once, too, a monstrous dragon zooms past her and into the body. Jade is in shock as the "Shendu-ed" Jade paces over to Jackie and Uncle, who are convinced it is still their precious little girl. Jade is helpless to ward away Shendu’s spirit, but gets clues. The evil Jade is eager to go to Section 13, and Jade figures this spirit is working with the Dark Hand to get to the already secured talismans. Jackie eventually calls Captain Black over Jade’s eagerness to leave the shop, so Black escorts the evil Jade on an automobile.

Jade panics in heart-pounding tension (or does she? What does it feel like inside when you’re a ghost?). Ambrosia to her ears arrive when Uncle tells Jackie about the talisman’s powers, plus a revelation that the only way a ghost can communicate to a solid mortal is if the mortal is dreaming.

Jade waits for Jackie to go asleep, and just as it seems all he can do is broom the store, Chan begins to sleepwalk with broom in hand. Jade enters Jackie’s mind and tries to convince Jackie that the solid Jade isn’t really her, and that the talisman is no longer in the shop. Still locked in his dream, Jackie is running across a falling train in his skivvies, thinking that Jade is crazy. As if! Jade outbursts to Jackie to wake up. Just in time too, as Jackie wakes up, almost dropping to his doom atop the roof. With precision, Jackie hangs onto clotheslines and sighs in relief. Apparently, the scare works good for Jackie; he stops being droopy for the remainder of the tale.

Jackie is convinced that Jade speaks the truth, for the talisman is no longer in the box. He tells this to Uncle, but the wise man that he is, Uncle already can tell something must’ve gone wrong with Jade. Jackie is stunned at Uncle’s intelligence; the old man gets things perfectly before the last minute (sounds like "Action Man’s" AMP Factor, but never mind). Uncle tells Jackie to go find Jade’s body while he prepares a chi spell to banish the demon inside.

Unluckily for Jackie, hitchhiking rules are more enforced than ever and taxi cab drivers must’ve gone on strike, because his only choice is to run across the street and call Captain Black at the same time (Jackie, write the following on your to-do list; DRIVER LICENSE). Black assures Jade will be fine, and he hangs up. Jackie runs faster, not even stopping by a shop to get a skateboard. Jade’s spirit follows him too, though she obviously has no problem catching her breath.

Black then leads the Shendu-ed Jade to the intended destination. Shendu widens Jade’s eyes in delight, until he sees it’s Melvin World! Black, still not aware who Jade really is, takes her on rides all over the park. Obviously, Shendu sees it as one hell of a time. (And not the good kind of hell, if you get my drift). Black is sad that the vacation has to end so soon, though for Shendu, it’s just as bad as the Netherworld. As the costumed Melvin character tells Jade to smile for a picture, the evil spirit inside her says an incredibly priceless line evident of his evil. That line’s classic B-film villain stuff.

Jackie finally meets Black and tells him that Jade is evil, though it’s just torture trying to prove it. Black thinks Jackie’s gone sourpuss on Jade. Suddenly, Jade knocks Black unconscious, and she begins to speak as the perilous Shendu, thus marking this as the first major confrontation between Jackie and the Fire Demon.

Jackie [Mucho Handicap, Second Wind] vs. Shendu & the Shadowkhan (*****)- Does the resourcefulness of this series ever stop? Jackie learns Shendu can only do so much as little Jade. Shendu knows this and mutters how weak Jade is, offending the real Jade, whose pride is hurt. From there, Jackie takes a wild funhouse trek, ending up in a martial arts brawl atop the railings of the park’s largest roller coaster. The ninjas aren’t so careful on the railings as Chan is. One Shadowkhan actually goes unconscious after Chan tricks him into careening noggin-first onto the railing. Ouch! As you’d expect, the Shadowkhan aren’t so smart since there’re many of them and they attack Jackie one at a time. Furious that the mortal body can’t kill Jackie, Shendu tries to run over Chan with the roller coaster itself. But Chan whips up a mean cell phone and Uncle’s chi spell chants sends Shendu out of for a 1-2-3…4-5…Okay, you get it.

Shendu curses to himself as his spirit has been trapped once again in the statue. Valmont takes a good time to do a cheap shot, asking the supposed almighty Shendu why he hasn’t come back with a cache of talismans.

Jade returns back to her body, safe and sound. Jackie says that he is disappointed that the Sheep Talisman is gone, but not wanting to make his niece feel bad, assures that her that at least now they won’t have to worry about that creature ever getting to those talismans through her body. Jade smiles and says she wants to ride the roller coaster…again….

A

"Project A, for Astral" is one of the most versatile episodes of them all. Action and comedy are swirled successfully without losing a bouncy touch and without taking things seriously. What can we say? It’s a roller coaster for your brain.