This is my story about this one time when I made up a song about beans. I was just sitting there, doing nothing when it hit me! Beans! A song about beans! “I am a genius” I said to myself as I sat down with my pen and pad of paper and began to write. After about 2 hours and 80 sheets of paper I decided to give it a rest. My multicolored pencil was worn down to a nub and I was in need of a Sobe. I went to the kitchen, snatched the keys and set off on my trek for Sobe. “Oh Sobe! Wherefor art thou Sobe?!” I yelled with my windows down as I sped down the street. By the time I reached the stoplight I was sobbing. It was at this moment that I realized it. I was an addict. What kind of boob gets addicted to Sobe? Me! That’s who! And don’t you forget it! Sobes are powerful little creatures of fancy. You all might think that it’s called a Sobe because that’s the name of the drink. Wrong! It’s called Sobe because the Sobes reside inside the beverage. While many uneducated peoples call them sea monkeys and claim that they are not real. I, being enlightened far beyond my years, know this to be false. They are not sea monkeys, and they are not fake! Just because you can’t see them swimming around in the fruity goodness doesn’t mean that they’re not there. They are! And they’re mocking you! Mocking you and your stupidity for not believing that they are there! They are there and they are there to sacrifice themselves for your taste buds’ enjoyment. You must hold the Sobe bottle up toward heaven before you drink from it and praise the Sobes not only in the bottle you’re about to drink but the ones you and all the rest of the world have already drank They’re committing a mass genocide/suicide so you can have an enjoyable beverage! Keep in mind that every sip you take, no matter how small, is killing thousands of little beings whose sole purpose in life is to die for your pleasure. I hope you sleep well you murderer! Once people find out that you kill loveable creatures of fancy you will be shunned at the grocery store, banned from your local gas stations and not even the pope will show compassion to you. This is your punishment for going against the creatures of fancy. You are now the sworn enemy of goblins, pixies, fairies, gnomes, trolls, unicorns, leprechauns, wizards, witches, flying pigs, big foot, and, yes, even Nessie hates you. Those Sobes helped her out once, now she owes them a debt of gratitude. You see, Nessie fell in love with that handsome monster at Lake Champlain. She once told me that he was the most handsome green, scale-covered hunk of monster on this earth. She would do anything to get to know him a little better. The only problem was that he was in Canada and she was in Scotland. The Sobes soon took care of this problem by relocating them both to the Great Salt Lake where they now live happily with their 25 younguns. (They were busy.) If you ever see something floating out in the middle of the Great Salt Lake, wave. It’s Nessie! Nessie’s an American citizen now and she takes full advantage of this fact. She votes every four years without fail, and makes crafts to raise money for local charities and organizations for the children living in the ‘hood. If only everyone had as big of a heart as Nessie, we could all be happy. Ignorance is bliss so I would imagine that we would all also be incredibly stupid, like the people who think that Sobes are sea monkeys. We would all frolic around squealing with glee at every eye pleasing object. I can just imagine the people, “Oooh! Look at that dog poop! It’s such a pretty shade! I’m gonna take a sample so I can take it to Ace Hardware and get paint made to match! That’ll look great in my dining room!” or “Oh! A rattlesnake! I’ll just take him home for the kids! I’m sure they’ll love playing with this little guy! They can wear him, or tie him in knots and use him as a rope ladder for their play house, or just shake him all around like a maraca! It’ll be swell!” Then we would all die a painfully stupid death from something moronic like gas. The ER’s would fill with people saying, “Uhhh, my tummy hurts.” Of course the doctors are all dumb as sacks of hammers so they won’t know what to do. Eventually everyone will explode, creating a second primordial soup for more mindless beings to be born from. Merry Christmas!