A day in the life of...
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A Day in the Life of the Tsuzuki-Puppy
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Jen: Konnichiwa, minna-san. ^_^ Welcome to our documentary... We will be studying the daily life of bishounen. Today features specifically, the characters from Yami no Matsuei. But before we begin... We need our other... er... hosts... Ikasuuuu!
Megan: *yawn* Hm? What?
Jen: You'll help me, won't you?
Megan: I guess. I don't have a choice though, do I? ^_^
Jen: Not really. *cackles*
Traci: *shudders* What are you going to do to the characters this time Jen...
Jen: Oh come on... Give me a little more credit than that. I won't completely trash them...
Traci: Yeah. Right. Sure.
Megan: Is Michelle coming?
Jen: Uh... yeah. One second. *walks out*
[Ten minutes later... Jen walks back in dragging Michelle who is kicking and screaming like mad.]
Michelle: LET ME GO! GRAAAAAAAH! I DON'T WANNA! *eyes glow red like fire...*
Jen: Too bad! *ties her to a nearby chair* We're ready to begin!
Megan: Hey, is Muraki going to be in this?
Jen: Yeah.
Megan: Yay!
Traci: *rolls her eyes*
Jen: *clears throat* Ahem. Today... We will be studying the life of the Tsuzuki-puppy. I had a scientific name picked out already, but I seem to have misplaced it... Ah well. Anyway. First, let's examine the way it reacts in it's natural habitat.
[Scene changes to the middle of a flowery field with butterflies and sparkles. Tsuzuki (in chibi, puppy form) bounces onto stage.]
Traci: Aww... Kawaii desu!
Megan: That doesn't look very natural.
Jen: Humor me, okay?
Traci: Wouldn't he be in his office or something? I mean really-
Jen: QUIET! As I was saying... Let's watch.
[Tsuzuki-puppy stares at camera.]
Jen: ...
Megan: ...
Traci: ... *blink blink*
Michelle: *growls in the corner*
Traci: *whispers* He's not doing anything...
Jen: You're right.
Megan: I know! We could-
Jen: He'll come in later, sensei.
Megan: I know, but... *grins*
Jen: Bah. Okay... Let's look at his normal diet. *presses a switch*
[Cakes and pies start falling from the sky...]
Tsuzuki: *starry eyes* FU FU FU FU FU! *eats and eats and eats*
Jen: So as you can see, the Tsuzuki-puppy takes in large amounts of sugar to sustain itself...
Megan: So if that's what he feeds on, what feeds on him? *grinning gets wider*
Jen: Didn't I tell you to wait?
[Suddenly, Hisoka-kitty walks up...]
Jen: Oh look, it's a Hisoka-kitty.
Traci: Hisoka?! *perks up considerably*
Jen: *points* See? Look.
Traci: I WANT-
Jen: *grabs her* Ohhhh no you don't. Don't interrupt. It seems that the Tsuzuki-puppy has taken some interest in Hisoka-kitty. Let's watch and see what happens when the two of them interact... This is a very rare encounter indeed.
Megan: I bet.
Michelle: *giggles insanely*
[Tsuzuki-puppy walks over to Hisoka-kitty. Sniffs him. Then...]
Tsuzuki: ... *leans forward* ... ^o^ *licks Hisoka-kitty on the cheek*
Hisoka: *BLUUUUSH* >< *slashes Tsuzuki-puppy across face*
Tsuzuki: *whimpers and bursts into tears*
Megan: That went well. ^_^
Traci: Aww... Poor Hisoka-kitty!
Jen: But Tsuzuki-puppy was the one who got hurt!
Traci: *smugly* Well if Tsuzuki-puppy hadn't been so forward...
Hisoka: *jumps into a nearby tree and curls up for a nap*
Jen: Well... as you can see... The Tsuzuki-puppy and Hisoka-kitty don't get along very well... But... what's this?
Tsuzuki: *walks up to the tree and paws at it while whining loudly*
Jen: I guess Hisoka-kitty is the one with the problem. Tsuzuki-puppy just wants to be friends... Amazing.
Traci: What's so amazing about it? That Tsuzuki-puppy is so annoying...
Jen: *glares* Hey. This is MY documentary. No bad mouthing the victim- I mean, subject.
Traci: I still think-
Megan: *opens her mouth*
Jen: No.
Megan: ... *sighs* -_-
Michelle: *rolls around on the floor* Wheeeeeeeeeee...
Megan: You know, I think I've waited long enough.
Jen: But-
Traci: Can I pet the kitty?
Jen: No!
Traci: But he's so kawaii! ;-;
Jen: Does it look like I care?
Traci: You're not letting us do anything... We're the hosts too, you know!
Jen: Look, I'm getting pretty sick of-
Traci: I WANNA PET THE KITTY!
Jen: NO!
Traci: GAAAAAAAH!
Megan: *grabs microphone* Hehehehe. My turn! Okay... We will now go into the predators of the Tsuzuki-puppy... There are many kinds, mostly horny old invisible guys with masks... But the most dangerous of them all is the dreaded Muraki-wolf...
[Tsuzuki-puppy, who is still whining for Hisoka-kitty to come down from the tree, doesn't notice the big silver wolf lurking up behind him.]
Muraki: *howls loudly as he spots Tsuzuki and runs towards him*
Tsuzuki: *looks up and squeals before dashing out of the way*
Muraki: *crashes into the tree*
Hisoka: *glares down at them both before resuming his nap*
Megan: Intense...
Jen: ...HEY WAIT A MINUTE! There aren't any Muraki-wolves in this area! You sent him out there! I told you not to! ><
Megan: *grins* Who's the sensei here?
Jen: ... ~_~
Traci: Don't just sigh! Someone stop that monster!
Jen: Yeah, yeah... Okay... Tsuzuki-puppy also has allies, as well as predators... Ah, look. Here comes one now... The Tatsumi-horse!
Michelle: *pauses setting things on fire to glance at Jen with an eyebrow raised* A horse?
Jen: I couldn't think of a good animal...
Michelle: Sure you can think of a better animal than a horse! If I'm going to be associated with him, you know-
Jen: Well what did you want him to be?! A ferret?!
Michelle: That's better than a horse!
Jen: Okay then, he'll be Tatsumi the HIPPO! Happy?!
Michelle: *eye twitches* You shouldn't say things you know you'll regret later! *reaches for flamethrower*
Traci: Eep! *quickly* Uhh... How about a squirrel?
Michelle: A squirrel?!
Traci: *grabs mic* Yes. The Tatsumi-squirrel. Known for it's miserly way of storing acorns... Also a fierce ally of Tsuzuki-puppy. Let's watch and see!
Tatsumi: *skitters out and decks Muraki-wolf with an acorn*
Jen: Geez. At least if he had been a horse, he could have just STOMPED on the thing! Or a hippo... One hit K.O., you know?
Michelle: �� Don't argue with me about this...
Muraki: *looks disoriented for a moment*
Tsuzuki: *glomps onto Tatsumi-squirrel*
Tatsumi: *smiles*
[Cherry blossoms float past them...]
Megan: *sweatdrops*
Traci: That is SO wrong!
Jen: I take no resposibility... *inches away*
Michelle: Get back here!
Traci: Jen. It's a squirrel and a dog! You can't DO that!
Jen: I don't know what you're talking about!
Megan: Perhaps if Tatsumi was a different animal, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad...
Traci: Ehhh?!
Megan: Aiye, I'm not supporting it or anything! I'm just saying...
Jen: We haven't gotten to mating habits yet. Shh. OKAY!
Tatsumi: *transforms into a dog* ...?
Jen: Oh look. Tatsumi-squirrel evolved into Tatsumi-puppy!
Megan: That's better. ^_^
Michelle: Much.
Traci: SHINEEEE-
Jen: *thwap* Be quiet! Anyway... Let's keep going. So... we see the Tatsumi-puppy protecting Tsuzuki-puppy... Oh no, Muraki-wolf has gained conciousness!
Muraki: *eyes glint* ...
Tatsumi: *grabs acorn*
Michelle: But he's a dog now...
Jen: He needs a weapon of some sort, doesn't he?
Hisoka: *looks down at the scene with mild interest*
[Suddenly, Watari-bunny bounces past, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake...]
Tatsumi: *looks up and suddenly growls* ... *runs towards Watari-bunny*
Watari: *hops away as fast as he can*
Jen: And there we see another of Tsuzuki-puppy's allies... running like hell.
Michelle: I bet it's about that budget of acorns...
Traci: What would a bunny do with acorns?!
Megan: Trade then in for high premium explosives?
All: *stare*
Megan: It's Watari, and I'M Watari, so I should know what he's thinking...
Tsuzuki: *whimpers loudly*
Muraki: *licks lips and pounces*
Traci: Oh. My. G-
Michelle: Goodness. Muraki's frisky...
Jen: *hushed voice* Let's see... The Muraki-wolf seems to either want to eat Tsuzuki-puppy, or... mate with it.
Traci: *turns pale* You're joking, right?
Megan: Did you know... That Muraki-wolves mate all year round?
Traci: *collapses*
Jen: That wasn't nice, sensei...
Megan: *grins* Your point?
[Suddenly, Hisoka-kitty leaps from the tree and hisses at Muraki-wolf.]
Jen: Oh look! I think it wants to protect Tsuzuki-puppy!
Traci: *stands up shakily* Wah? Hisoka? Where?!
Michelle: Hey look over there... *points to another kitty*
[Tsubaki-kitty saunters up to Hisoka-kitty.]
Jen: *grimly* A Tsubaki-kitty... Prone to mate with Hisoka-kitties...
Traci: Well at least they're of the same species!
Jen: *twitch* I suppose.
Tsubaki: *licks Hisoka-kitty* Meow!
Hisoka: *blushes and curls up to Tsubaki-kitty*
Tsuzuki: O_O *whines*
Muraki: ... *evil smile*
Michelle: KAWAII!
Jen: NO IT'S NOT!
All: *look at Jen*
Michelle: Why are you shouting?
Jen: ...No reason...
Megan: Hey, I always thought Tsubaki-kitties liked Muraki-wolves...
Michelle: Ew.
Muraki: *growls*
Tsubaki: *suddenly looks over at Muraki-wolf with starry eyes*
Megan: ...
All: *glare*
Megan: What?
Muraki: *looks confused*
Tsubaki: *shies away from Hisoka-kitty and rubs up against Muraki-wolf*
Michelle: Uh... Is anybody else confused by this?
Jen: Not particularly.
Traci: Poor Hisoka-kitty...
Jen: Let's see what Muraki-wolf will do in response. Maybe he'll leave Tsuzuki-puppy alone now.
Muraki: *shrugs* ... *CRUNCH!*
Hisoka: *looks horrified*
Tsuzuki: *blink blink* ... *winces*
Megan: *bursts out laughing*
Michelle: I don't see what's so funny... Poor Tsubaki-kitty...
Traci: That's just sick and wrong.
Jen: Hey, it's not Muraki's fault she was at the bottom of the food chain...
Michelle: Yes it is!
Hisoka: *lashes out and starts to scratch Muraki-wolf*
Muraki: *knocks him away*
Hisoka: *lands on the ground a few feet away, injured slightly*
Traci: *gasps* HISOKAAAAA-
Jen: *bashes her over the head* Shh!
Tsuzuki: *darts over to Hisoka-kitty, whimpering* ... *tentatively licks the wounds*
Traci and Jen: ...AWWWWWWWWWW! *gush*
Megan: *shakes her head*
Michelle: *covers her eyes* See no evil...
Hisoka: *looks at Tsuzuki in confusion*
Tsuzuki: *yips happily and wags tail* ^___^ *sparkle sparkle*
[Cherry blossoms...]
Megan: What's with the flower petals again?
Jen: ... *points at Traci* She did it.
Traci: No I didn't!
Muraki: *approaches menacingly*
Jen: Whoops! Forgot all about him. *clears throat* And so... Muraki-wolf has his prey in sight. What will Tsuzuki-puppy do now?
Michelle: Die screaming.
Jen: ...Stop that. *glances up* Amazing!
Tsuzuki: *stands in front of Hisoka-kitty, growling cutely*
Jen: *watery eyes* He wants to protect Hisoka-kitty... That's so beautiful.
Michelle: What's he going to do? All he does is stand there and look cute!
Megan: Maybe he'll do a summon.
Jen: Puppies don't do summons...
Megan: He'd be one kick-ass puppy if he could though...
Traci: Oy, look at Hisoka-kitty!
Hisoka: *stands up weakly and leans against Tsuzuki-puppy for support*
Traci: *wobbles* KAWAII...
Jen: *clasps her hands together* I'm so happy...
Michelle: You know, if this were reality, Muraki-wolf would have eaten them both by now.
Traci and Jen: SILENCE!
Michelle: *sighs*
Megan: I believe you, Michelle. ^_^
Muraki: *leans forward to eat them*
Michelle: Finally!
Jen: We should do something!
Traci: Maybe we can throw something at it...
Megan: That would be interferring with nature...
Traci: So?!
Jen: She's kind of right though, Aya-kun. I mean... if we stopped all the Muraki-wolves from eating all Tsuzuki-puppies and Hisoka-kitties, the Muraki-wolf population would go down, and we'd be overrun by Tsuzuki-puppies and Hisoka-kitties...
Traci: Would that really be such a bad thing?
Jen: ...I see your point.
Michelle: Can those things even reproduce?!
Jen: Maybe they do it asexually. oO
Michelle: So then do they split themselves in half or what?
Megan: The cleaver does that for them! *cackles*
Jen: We're not referring back to the Devil's Trill episodes, THANK YOU.
Traci: What sort of animal would Hijiri be?
Michelle: Good question!
Jen: *looks up*
[Tsuzuki-puppy and Hisoka-kitty have run off. Muraki-wolf approaches camera.]
Jen: Hey, what happened to our subject?!
Megan: I think maybe Muraki-wolf heard all the noise we were making.
Jen: Good thing we're MILES away then! Ha ha ha ha ha!
[Muraki-wolf sniffs the camera. Eyes glow for a moment. Then he walks away.]
Traci: Where's he going?
Jen: Who cares. Let's find Tsuzuki-puppy again.
Michelle: There they are.
[Camera moves over to Tsuzuki-puppy and Hisoka-kitty standing next to a pond. Tatsumi-puppy has returned, dragging a rather beat up looking Watari-bunny.]
Jen: I wonder what they're planning to do...
Megan: Hee hee hee hee hee...
Traci: What are you laughing at?
Megan: ...Nothing. ^___^
[Suddenly, Tsuzuki-puppy rips all his clothes off (yes, he was wearing clothes...) and leaps into the pond.]
All: ...
Jen: *eyes are glued to screen*
Traci: *full body shiver* Why... why?! I didn't... need... to see that...
Megan: Perhaps not... but... at least we can be sure that he's a MALE Tsuzuki-puppy.
Michelle: Tsuzuki-puppies can only be male anyway, though... right?
Megan: Well, you never know. If he got together with Watari-bunny and talked for a bit, I'm sure the good scientist could hook him up with something to change his-
Traci: We are NOT having this conversation, people!
Michelle: *pokes Jen* Hey... Hey! Narrarator!
Jen: ... *eyes glaze over* ... *a bit of drool hangs from her mouth*
Michelle: I think she's dead. o_o
Traci: At least the rest of us aren't as perverted then! -.-
Michelle: ... 9_9
Megan: ^_^ Okay. Guess we'll take over from here.
[Watari-bunny and Tatsumi-puppy do the same and jump into the pond. Hisoka-kitty stays on shore, looking a bit frightened.]
Traci: So as you can see, Hisoka-kitties are afraid of water.
Megan: I could have told you that.
Michelle: Or maybe he's just seen too many of his furry friends with their skins off and butt-nekkid in an ice cold pond...
Megan: ^_^;; True enough.
Traci: ...ANYWAY!
Michelle: Oh come on. We all know you wanna see Hisoka-kitty strip...
