[Scene begins in a graveyard. Enter Hijiri, as the gravedigger.]
Hijiri: La la la, I'm digging a hole. ^__^
Tsuzuki: *runs onto stage* Man I'm hungry... ~_~ *glances over at the rather large hole* HEY! What are you digging for?
Hijiri: *pokes his head out of the grave* There's gonna be a funeral!
Tsuzuki: Who died?
Hijiri: Some guy... I dunno. I forgot to ask. ^_^ *continues digging* La la la la... Hey, why are all these bones down here? Icky! *tosses them out*
Tsuzuki: *is conked in the head with a skull* OW! X_X *rubs head* Sheesh... *looks at it* Hey... you look familiar to me...
Hijiri: I think this was the old grave of the court jester... Oriya!
Oriya: *offstage* ... *gapes*
Jen: *offstage* ...You wanted to be part of the tragedy. ._.
Tsuzuki: Ah... Alas, poor Oriya. I knew him well... At least I think so. 9_9 *ponders* Y'know, maybe I didn't. Hm. He must not have been that funny or something.
Oriya: *offstage* ... *falls over*
Jen: *offstage* Oriya?! *pokes him with a stick*
[Enter The King and Queen, Terazuma, Sanzo, and a 'dead' Hisoka.]
Tsuzuki: Eep! Better hide! *jumps behind another gravestone*
Hijiri: *stands up and stops digging* I'm done!
Sanzo: *muttering to himself* Do I have to give a sermon?
Tatsumi: ...Nah.
Watari: *bawling* THIS IS SO DEPRESSING!
Sanzo: Mm. All right, throw him in.
[Hisoka is dumped into the open grave.]
Hisoka: *from below* Ow! *shakes a fist*
Hijiri: *still in the grave* ^^ *waves*
Hisoka: -_-;;
Tatsumi: I think we're done here.
Sanzo: Good. *starts to walk off, searching for a cigarette*
Tsuzuki: *from behind another gravestone* Hisoka is dead?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *wails*
Watari: *walks over to the grave with a handfull of flower petals* Sweets to the sweet... Farewell, Bon... ;-; *throws them in*
Hisoka: ... *sneezes* >_<
Jen: *offstage* I don't think corpses are supposed to make so much NOISE. -_-
Hisoka: ... *holds his breath*
Terazuma: *looks down into the grave* Um... We're just gonna leave it open like this? Someone should close it up!
Hijiri: *raises shovel as he climbs out of the grave* I'LL HELP! ^_^ *swings it right into Terazuma's foot*
Terazuma: GYAH! *goes tumbling into the grave*
Hijiri: Eep! *climbs out*
Hisoka: OW! GET OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW!
Tsuzuki: *gasps* I'LL SAVE YOU HISOKA! *jumps in*
Terazuma: Damn you! MOVE YOUR FOOT!
Tsuzuki: How dare you try to molest Hisoka! You shall pay!
Hisoka: BAKA! *THWACK*
Tsuzuki: *goes flying out of the grave and into the sky* Ahhhhh! X___X
Hisoka: *looks at Terazuma* .... *eyes flash dangerously*
Terazuma: Ah! *jumps out*
Hijiri: oo;;; ...Gomen nasai!
Watari: .......Well! ^__^ Let's go have the reception then.
Tatsumi: Err.... yeah. Let's go. ~_~ *sighs and walks off*
[Everyone leaves the stage. Jen glances at script a few more times.]
Jen: *offstage* Um... Wow, last scene already. You guys ready?
Tsuzuki: *now has TWO black eyes* Not really! x_-
Tatsumi: Can we just get it over with?
Jen: Yeah, yeah...
Hisoka: *sits in the corner* I'm out.
Oriya: *sits up shakily* Am I in this at ALL anymore?!
Jen: Uh... oo;;; We'll see. Everyone get ready!
[Lights dim on the stage, and then... Enter Tsuzuki, Tatsumi, Watari, Terazuma, and a bunch of cutout cardboard figures.]
Tsuzuki: Who are they?
Jen: *whispers, backstage* The audience!
Tsuzuki: But don't we already have an audience...? oo;
Tatsumi: ~_~ Tsuzuki! You and Terazuma will have a sword fight now.
Terazuma: I've been waiting for this! *growls, pulling out a sword*
Tsuzuki: O.O What?! But I... er... Hisoka! Where's Hisoka?!
Hisoka: *backstage, reading a book* .....
Watari: Oh, it'll be FUN! ^___^ I brought refreshments!
All: *glance at him warily* ........
Watari: What? o.o
Tatsumi: We'll pass. On with the duel.
Tsuzuki: Wait a minute! @_@
Terazuma: En garde!
Tsuzuki: o___o NOOOOO! *runs in circles* I don't know how to fight with a sword!
Terazuma: Stand still, dammit! ><
Watari: Have some punch, Tatsumi! *hands him a glass*
Tatsumi: *stares at it* Not on your li- *pause* Hey... *takes glass* I think I'll be able to use this. Thank you. *smirk*
Watari: *sparkle sparkle* YOU'RE WELCOME! Now don't drink it too fast. You haven't had any other medication in the last 24 hours, have you?
Tatsumi: *blink blink* ........
Watari: I mean- Um... ^__^ Drink up, dear!
Tsuzuki: *trying to make a run for the curtains* Help meeeee! @__@
Muraki: *hovering behind Jen* You rang? *smiles slowly*
Tsuzuki: EEP! O.O Byakko, time to go home! ;-;
Byakko: I DON'T WANNA!
Suzaku: *suddenly appears* Byakko!
Gojyo: *offstage* Woah. She's hot.
Sanzo: *offstage* Baka. --
Jen: *falls over*
Hijiri: *offstage* Oops! o.o Jen's down again...
Suzaku: Get over here! *drag* You can play around later! Let Tsuzuki-sama finish what he was doing!
Byakko: No waaaaait! Tsuzuki-samaaaaa... waaaaah...!!!!
[Both Shiki vanish in a flash of light.]
Tatsumi: *inching away, very... slowly...*
Tsuzuki: But what about my cake...? *glances back at Tatsumi* ...HEY! Get back here!
Tatsumi: Er... Tsuzuki, don't come any closer!
Tsuzuki: You tried to have me killed! T_T How could you?!
Tatsumi: I did it because... I just can't afford to pay you any more. I'm sorry, but I'm letting you go.
Tsuzuki: EHHHHH?! You can't fire me!
Tatsumi: I'm sorry, but this is the only way... *gets sad look on his face* You have one hour to clean out your desk... Oh, and about- *glances at watch* 5 minutes to live. Byyyye~! *runs offstage*
Tsuzuki: Do I still get last week's pay?! o__o
Tatsumi: *far away* NO!
Tsuzuki: But- Five minutes?! *glances at large wound in his side that is merrily gushing blood all over the stage* Oh. *pause* AHHHH!
Audience: ... *blink blink*
[Silence. Tsuzuki stands there and continues to bleed everywhere.]
Tsuzuki: ... o_o
[Offstage.]
Jen: *flipping through script* Wait... That can't possibly be the end. I think I'm missing something. Let's see... Hamlet is dying. Horatio is there while he gives his final speech... Horatio! O__O
Hijiri: I TRIED to tell you earlier! o.o
Jen: >__< You mean to tell me we did the entire play WITHOUT a Horatio?!
Hijiri: 9_9 *shrugs*
Jen: Um... um... Hisoka!
Hisoka: What?
Jen: Get out there. NOW!
Hisoka: But I'm dead, remember! -_-
Jen: Get your scrawny behind out there before I-
Muraki: I'll go. Heh heh heh...
Hijiri: Or I could! ^_^ *sparkle sparkle*
Oriya: *spazzes in the background* OR I COULD!
Jen: Hisoka, you're his partner! Don't you want to be with him during his last hour?! Er... His last three minutes!
Hisoka: No.
Jen: But-
Hisoka: No.
Jen: I-
Hisoka: No!
Jen: ...DAMMIT! *kicks him onto stage*
Hisoka: Ahhhh! *goes flying and lands on unconcious/dead Watari*
Watari: Oof! @_@ Hey watch it! Dead body laying here!
Jen: Watari! Get out of there! -_-
Watari: Okay, okay... *drags himself away* I wonder if my potion worked...
Muraki: *glare* I would have played the part, you know.
Jen: You would have done a lot of things. ~_~
Muraki: ...True, true...
Oriya: *bawling* I wanted to do it!
Hijiri: o.o Ummm...
Tsuzuki: Hisoka! I knew you wouldn't leave me hanging...
Hisoka: I know who *I* want to hang... *glares at Jen offstage while rubbing his sore backside*
Tsuzuki: *slumps over* Hisoka, I'm... I'm dying!
Hisoka: I can see that.
Tsuzuki: You were the best friend I ever had! I don't know what I could have done without you! Ooooooh... The pain... @_@
Hisoka: ... *glances at watch*
Tsuzuki: Um... *pulls out script and begins reading it* Things standing thus unknown, shall I leave behind me! If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart...*
Hisoka: *narrows eyes* What's that supposed to mean?
Tsuzuki: @@ Ack! Oh Hisoka, tell my story to the peoples! Carry on my name!
Hisoka: It's been 3 minutes. No, 5 minutes.
Tsuzuki: Oh, I DIE Hisoka! I DIE!
Hisoka: Then do it already! ><
Tsuzuki: ...Okay. X_X *dies*
Audience: *weep, applause*
[Curtain closes]
Jen: THE END!
Hijiri: Yaaay! *skips off into the sunset with his violin*
Sanzo: It's about damn time. Hakkai, Gojyo, Goku. We're leaving.
Goku: Can we eat on the way? Ne, Sanzo? Can we? Can we, huh? Food? o____o
Hakkai: That was fun! ^_^ I enjoyed myself.
Gojyo: Yeah. More fun than... hell. Or maybe not. Let's just go.
Jen: I feel like we're missing something.
[Suddenly, from somewhere backstage...]
Watari: IT WORKED! IT WORKED! I'M A REAL GIRL!
All: ........ *shudder*
Jen: That's not what I meant! But... Um... you guys can go too, you know. o_o *blinks*
Hisoka: You heard her! Get up, baka! *nudges Tsuzuki*
Tsuzuki: ...
Hisoka: *looks slightly concerned* ...Tsuzuki?
Tsuzuki: .................
Hisoka: Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki! Wake up! *hysterical* You can't die! You can't! TSUZUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
