Watari: *squeal* Interviews?! ^__^ I can finally spread the word about my new breakthrough experiment...
Jen: They're not going to ask you questions about stuff like that. ~_~;
Sanzo: Must I be involved? I could care less about stupid things like that.
Jen: Of course not Sanzo-sama... You and your party may be excused for a short while.
Gojyo: QUICK! Someone get the jeep!
Hakkai: Hakuryu is asleep...
Gojyo: DAMMIT! >< WAKE HIM UP THEN!
Hakkai: That wouldn't be nice... ~.~
Goku: Let's go get some lunch!
Kougaiji: Please tell me that we can leave too...
Yaone: *nods frantically*
Jen: Naa...? Oh! Yeah, you guys can leave, unless you'd rather stay for curtain call!
Kougaiji: No thanks. *glances at Sanzo* You four are on my hit list...
Goku: ^__^ SUGOI! You can be on mine too!
Gojyo: You don't even know what that is, bakasaru. -.-
Goku: Do too! ><
Hakkai: I thought we were already on his hit list. ^^;
Gojyo: That's true.
Sanzo: ...Baka.
[The Yami no Matsuei characters all take this opportunity to run for the door.]
Jen: OY! Get back here! YOU people are the main characters! And you've got interviews!
All: ... *sigh heavily and walk back*
[Camera moves to a closed off room somewhere. First up, Watari.]
Voice: So how do you feel about your part?
Watari: Hm. That's a good question... Well, I feel like I can really connect with Gertrude because my real life is so much like that! I'm sort of the motherly figure around the office. I take care of Tsuzuki, Bon, and even Tatsumi sometimes. I have so much love to give... ^__^
Tatsumi: *pops up in the background* You take care of me? What are you saying? I'm always the one cleaning up after you. -- All those chemical spills and lab explosions- who do you think PAYS for repairing all the damage?!
Watari: He's the daddy. ^^ *nod nod* Totally.
Tatsumi: I am not.
Watari: Yes you are! ^__^ *pinches his cheeks*
Tatsumi: Stop that!
Watari: Tee hee!
Voice: Um... Well, Tatsumi, how do YOU feel about your part?
Tatsumi: Claudius isn't really such a bad man. He just wants to save money...
Watari: No, that's YOU, Tatsumi.
Tatsumi: Quiet, Watari.
Voice: ...Thank you. NEXT!
[Camera beeps. Hisoka's turn.]
Voice: Can you connect with Ophelia?
Hisoka: No. Not at all. She's a complete pushover, and that's NOT me.
Voice: So you don't like her?
Hisoka: Of course not. Getting all emotional over something so dumb... Bah. Hamlet's a weakling as well. He wasn't worth the trouble!
Tsuzuki: *pops up, in inu-chibi form* Soka-chan, what are you saying?! T_T
Hisoka: I'm saying that this whole play is waste of time! Shakespeare was a moron! This should all be-
Jen: *pops up as well and covers Hisoka's mouth* NEXT!
[Camera beeps. Now it's Tsuzuki.]
Voice: What do you like most about playing the part of Hamlet?
Tsuzuki: I get to be a prince! ^_^ FUN! *stuffs face with sweets*
Voice: What do you like the least about it?
Tsuzuki: I have to kill people. ~.~ That's not fun.
Voice: Anything else?
Tsuzuki: Well...
Muraki: *pops up* ... *winks*
Random Fangirl: *in the background* Muraki IS... Mr. Wonderful. ^_~ Oooh-la-la!
Tsuzuki: *spazzes and his cakes and sweets go flying all over the place* OH NO! HEEEEEELP! @___@
Muraki: *glomp* Oh Tsuzuki-san! You are so ADORABLE.
Tsuzuki: *hits the floor* Waaaaaaaah!
Voice: I guess that answers my question...
[Camera shuts off.]
Jen: That's it! Back to the play!
All: *groan*
Oriya: But what about me?! You didn't interview me!
Jen: o.o That was only for the main characters...
Terazuma: So you mean I could have gone out to lunch?!
Konoe: I thought I was a main character! ><
Jen: But you died. ._.
Konoe: SO?!
Jen: 9_9;; ...Um, okay! Everyone back into your costumes! We're on in five minutes! *runs for her life*
---------------------------
[ACT 4]
Watari: *runs in* Aiye! Tatsumi! Tsuzuki has killed Konoe!
Tatsumi: ... *gasp* That's coming out of his paycheck.
Watari: Oh, what ever shall we do? *faints*
Tatsumi: Someone needs to find the body... Hakkai! Gojyo!
[Enter Hakkai and Gojyo.]
Gojyo: Yeah, yeah, what do you- *trips over Watari* Shit!
Hakkai: Watch out for the Queen. Do you think it's really healthy for her to be sprawled out on the floor like that...? ^^;;;
Tatsumi: Don't worry about him. I mean- her. Whatever. Hamlet has murdered Konoe!
Hakkai: ... ^_^
Gojyo: ... -_-
Tatsumi: Hisoka's father! You know him, right?
Hakkai: ... ^_^ *shakes head*
Gojyo: ... -_- *shrugs*
Tatsumi: The old guy who couldn't stay awake for more than five minutes?
Hakkai and Gojyo: Ohhhh!
Konoe: *offstage* I resent that! I'm not THAT old!
Jen: *offstage* So how old are you?
Konoe: *offstage* ... *sheepishly* I lost count, actually...
Hakkai: We'll find the body, your majesty! Don't worry!
[Hakkai, Gojyo, and Tatsumi exit.]
Jen: *offstage* ...Someone get Watari!
[A few minutes later...]
Oriya: *walks onto stage with a broom* I'm just getting shafted in this production! Now I'm the friggin' janitor?! There really is NO justice! *shakes a fist up at the ceiling as he sweeps Watari offstage*
Watari: @__@ Ahhh! I'm getting dust in my hair! AHHHH!
[Enter Tsuzuki, Hakkai, and Gojyo.]
Gojyo: All right, where's the body?
Tsuzuki: In my underwear drawer! HAH!
Gojyo: I'm not touching that...
Hakkai: No, seriously, what did you do with it? ^_^;;;
Tsuzuki: BEEEEP! We're sorry! The number you have dialed is not in service... 9_9
Gojyo: Don't be a smartass! ><
Hakkai: *looks around* It's in here somewhere, right?
Tsuzuki: Of COURSE not! I especially wouldn't hide it in that poorly hidden wooden crate over there!
Music: Dun, dun, DUUUUUUN!!!
Tsuzuki: ...Aww crap!
Hakkai: Thank you! ^^
[Tatsumi enters]
Gojyo: We found it!
Tatsumi: Good. Tsuzuki? You're going to England! You've been a very bad boy! -.-
Tsuzuki: *shock* England?! *thinks* Is that north of Tokyo...?
Tatsumi: ... *shakes his head* Anyway.
Tsuzuki: I'll go... but only if they serve desserts on the plane!
Tatsumi: I don't have that kind of money to be throwing around. *sighs* ...And airplanes haven't even been invented yet!
Tsuzuki: This is true... Well, okay! Goodbye mother...(*)
Tatsumi: I'm your father, Tsuzuki... Have you been drinking?
Tsuzuki: Well geez, I dunno! Watari said-
Watari: *offstage* It was a joke! ~_~
Jen: *offstage* ... @@;;
[Hakkai and Gojyo glance at each other.]
Gojyo: I think we're done here. Let's go get some sak�. *thinks for a moment* And if we see Sanzo, we can kick his ass for dragging us into this.
Hakkai: I'll drink, you punch.
Gojyo: Sounds good.
[Hakkai and Gojyo sneak away.]
Tatsumi: ...and so on and so forth and blah, blah, blah. Okay?
Tsuzuki: ...Right! *skips away*
Tatsumi: And once you get there Tsuzuki, you will be attacked by pirates... *attempts evil laugh, fails miserably* ...Okay. I suppose a sinister chuckle will have to suffice. *sinister chuckle* There.
[Tatsumi exits.]
Jen: *offstage* Hm... Fortinbras! I need a Fortinbras! *looks around*
Goku: *offstage* Waaaah... Hariheta... *semi-passed out on the floor*
Jen: *offstage* Goku-sama! I need you again!
Goku: *looks up* Eh?
[Minutes later...]
Goku: *shoved onto stage wearing a lot of armor* Oy! This stuff is heavy!
Jen: *offstage* Say your lines!
Goku: Uh...
[Suddenly, Hijiri runs onto stage wearing the exact same costume and holding a giant sub sandwich.]
Hijiri: Go and tell the Danish king that I, the mighty and powerful Fortinbras, have come to march towards Poland!
Goku: *stares at sandwich* FOOD! @__@
Jen: *offstage* Hijiri?! What are you doing?!
Hijiri: Well I knew you needed a Fortinbras, so I got ready in advance for you! ^_^ *sparkle sparkle*
Audience: Aww...
Jen: *offstage* No, no! I meant the sandwich! What's the sandwich for?!
Hijiri: Huh? Oh, this? *blushes* My lunch?
Goku: Let me have some!
Hijiri: Uh... here. *breaks off a little piece of the bread*
Goku: YAY! *munch munch munch*
Sanzo: *offstage* Hasn't that kid ever been told, don't feed the animals?
Jen: *offstage* I guess not...
Goku: Mmm! More please!
Hijiri: Um... Sorry, I plan to eat the rest of this.
Goku: Give me the sandwich. *eyes flash*
Hijiri: No. *eye glows*
Goku: MIIIIIIINE! *tackle*
Hijiri: Ahhhh!
[Both of them go rolling off the stage in a flurry of armor and bread crumbs. Fangirls strike, once again.]
Sanzo: *offstage* I rest my case.
Jen: *offstage* I should get a security guard down there... Ah well. Let's just skip this scene. 9_9
Tsuzuki: *offstage* But what about my soliloquy?!
Jen: It's not important.
Tsuzuki: Aww! *hangs head*
Jen: Hisoka? You're up soon... *giggles*
Hisoka: ...
[Enter Watari and Yaone (who was dragged back and is now playing the part of a messenger/gentlewoman).]
Yaone: Your highness. I have some very sad news... The fair Hisoka has gone mad. I'm very, very sorry... *bows*
Watari: Bon? Naaaah...
Yaone: But it's true!
Watari: Yeah. Right! ^_^ I want to see for myself!
[Just then, Hisoka comes in...]
Hisoka: *sings* The hills are aliiiive, with the sound of muuuusiiiiic...
Watari: ... o__o
Yaone: See? He sings day and night about love and betrayal...
Hisoka: *continues singing* SHOT THROUGH THE HEART! And you're so-
Watari: This is a tragedy! @_@
Yaone: *covers her eyes* Isn't it though?
Sanzo: *offstage* You give love... a bad name...
Jen: *offstage* ...S-Sanzo-sama? oo;;
Sanzo: *offstage* What?
Hisoka: *more singing* And girls- They wanna have fu-un. Oooooh girls justa wanna have fuuuun...
Watari: *pause* I KNOW that song! *hums along* I never knew Bon had such a lovely singing voice!
[Everyone else in the entire theatre cover their ears and wince as Watari and Hisoka proceed with their rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round"...]
Yaone: They're both regressing... *sweatdrops*
[Enter Tatsumi, after a few minutes.]
Tatsumi: What is that god-awful noise?! *glances at Hisoka and Watari* Oh...
Watari and Hisoka: ...And BINGO was his name-o!
Tatsumi: This is not good...
Yaone: There's another problem, your highness. I've heard that Terazuma is back from France and he's not too happy about the death of his father... What will he do when he sees Hisoka-chan like this?
Tatsumi: Oh yeah, that's right. Perhaps I can come up with a big enough bribe... *pulls out wallet*
[Suddenly, Terazuma stomps in.]
Terazuma: I have come to ask for a raise! *glares* So you better hand it over!
Tatsumi: ...No.
Terazuma: *blink blink* Damn. Okay then... Um. Well... *thinks* I know I was supposed to ask you something else... OH! Oh yeah! HAND OVER MY DEAD FATHER, YOU CHEAPSKATE!
Tatsumi: I don't have him. *holds up hands* Does it look like I have him?
Terazuma: Don't play games with me!
Watari and Hisoka: ...join in any reindeer games! Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say: HO, HO, HO-
Tatsumi: Give it a rest already, Watari! --
Watari: *startled* Well! You don't have to get nasty about it. ~.~ *pats Hisoka on the head* We should start a singing group, Bon! We could call it... The Flaming Labcoats... WOO! And our lab coats would LITERALLY be on fire!
Hisoka: Like yours is all the time?
Watari: EXACTLY! ^__^ SUGOI, NE?
Tatsumi: ........Where's that bottle of aspirin.......
Terazuma: Um, okay... What the hell is wrong with Hisoka?
Tatsumi: Hm? What do you mean?
[Hisoka is currently wailing nonsensical melodies and his voice is cracking all over the place...]
Terazuma: *points at Hisoka* That's what I mean! What's wrong with him?!
Tatsumi: What?
Terazuma: I said... WHAT'S WRONG WITH HISOKA?!
Tatsumi: WHAAAT? *pulls out an earplug* What did you say?!
Terazuma: How did you get those- Aww screw it! ><
[Jen motions to Yaone, and she nods before dragging the still wailing Hisoka off the stage...]
Tatsumi: Ah. *shakes head* My ears are still ringing...
Watari: I thought it was quite enjoyable. ^__^
Tatsumi: ...I'm starting to wonder if bumping my brother off was really such a good idea.
Watari: Whaaaat?! *shock* Oh yeah?! Well let me tell you something, mister! I've had it up to HERE with your attitude! I'm not gonna take this anymore! Either give me some respect, or I WANT A DIVORCE!
Tatsumi: ... *gasp*
Watari: R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
Hisoka: *offstage, shouting* Just a little bit! Just a little bit!
Tatsumi: ... *covers face in hands*
Terazuma: I'm outta here... *exits*
Tatsumi: No wait. Wait for me! *follows*
Watari: *sings* What you want! Baby I got it! What you neeeeed! You know I-
Jen: *offstage* For the love of all things holy, would you EXIT already?!
Watari: ...Okay! ^_^ *bows*
Audience: *cheers*
Watari: *blows kisses* I love you all! GOOD NIGHT WISCONSIN!
Random Audience member: THIS IS DENMARK!
Watari: Denmark, Wisconsin... What's a few thousand miles and an ocean give or take? 9_9
Jen: *reaches out and grabs his hair*
Watari: AH! @__@ *dragged off*
[Watari exits... finally...]
Jen: *offstage* Next scene! Tatsumi? Terazuma?
Hijiri: *offstage* Um... Jen?
Jen: What?
Hijiri: Aren't you forgetting a-
Jen: NO! I haven't forgotten anything! Are you saying I'm some kind of mediocre director?!
Hijiri: oo;; No, ma'am! I'm just saying-
Jen: TATSUUUMIIII! You're on!
Hijiri: ... *sighs* Nevermind...
[Enter Tatsumi and Terazuma.]
Tatsumi: ...So basically I sent him off on that ship, and he'll be attacked before he even reaches England.
Terazuma: Wow. Why didn't *I* think of that?
Tatsumi: Because you aren't me. *clears throat* So that's basically it. Happy now?
Terazuma: I suppose...
[Enter 003, holding a letter in her beak.]
003: HOOOOT!
Oriya: *offstage* What the-?! THE BIRD IS BACK?!
Jen: *offstage* I needed a messenger!
Oriya: *offstage* I'M AVAILABLE, DAMMIT!
Jen: *offstage* ...Oops? oo;;;
003: *lands on Tatsumi's shoulder with the letter*
Tatsumi: Hm? *opens envelope, and reads* Uh-oh.
Terazuma: What now?
Tatsumi: Well... it seems that... Tsuzuki's alive.
Terazuma: Ehhh?!
Tatsumi: It says here that they were about halfway across the ocean when Tsuzuki suddenly jumped overboard, claiming he had forgotten his suitcase... So he swam all the back, and by the time he had realized what he'd done, the ship was already long gone.
Terazuma: That idiot. --;
Tatsumi: No matter... *tosses letter over nearby shoulder* All right my boy. It's time to plot.
Terazuma: As long as I get to beat the crap out of Tsuzuki, I don't care.
Tatsumi: Well good then. We won't have any problems. You'll have a sword fight... And... you can have a poisoned blade with which to pierce him. So that way, you'll have your revenge, and *I* can get a refund on those blasted pirates... As well as shut the kid up about what happened to my brother and all.
Terazuma: It's a deal!
[Suddenly, Watari runs in.]
Watari: Ohhhh no! This is terrible!
Tatsumi: What is?
Watari: It's Bon! He has committed suicide!
Terazuma: ... *blink blink*
Hisoka: *offstage* You've got to be kidding me... I already played along and pretended to act like a nutcase. Wasn't that humiliating enough?!
Jen: *offstage* Nope. You have to go drown yourself. o.o Go on!
Hisoka: *offstage* Never!
Jen: *offstage* ... *sighs* I didn't want to do this, but... *snaps fingers*
Hisoka: Eh? *bursts into flames* Ahhhhhhhh! *runs out onto stage*
All: o___o
Watari: Stop, drop, and roll Bon! It works! Believe me!
Hisoka: *stops, drops, and rolls... right off the stage*
[Fangirls hold up a giant cartoon-ish bucket filled with water. Hisoka falls in with a loud SPLASH. Fangirls cheer and surround the bucket...]
Jen: *offstage* Hm. I really need to see about getting that security guard!
All: *stunned silence*
Watari: Um... Well there you have it! ^_^;;; He drowned himself. *sniffles* It's so sad...
Terazuma: Nooo! Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?!
Tatsumi: *holds hand over his face* I'm sure he had insurance...
Muraki: *floats up above, reading a magazine* Hm. *sigh* And I thought being a ghost would be fun. *yawns*
[End of ACT 4]
------------------------------
* - {Act 4, scene 4/Lines 58 - 62}: Hamlet: Farewell, dear mother. King (Claudius): Thy loving father, Hamlet. Hamlet: My mother. Father and mother is man and wife, man and wife is one flesh, and so, my mother.-- Come, for England.
