ACT 3
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[ACT 3]
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Tatsumi: So you didn't find anything wrong with him?
Gojyo: Nope. *smokes*
Hakkai: He seemed perfectly normal to us, your majesty. ^_^
Tatsumi: That's exactly what's wrong in the first place.
Watari: Well maybe we should try a more direct approach!
Tatsumi: Direct?
Watari: Yeah! Maybe we could, I dunno, actually TALK to him or something!
Tatsumi: *looks confused* Why would I do that?
Watari: --; ...Oy, Tatsumi... *sigh*
Tatsumi: I've got another idea anyway... *clears throat*
Watari: What is it this time?
Tatsumi: You'll see... *glances at Hakkai and Gojyo* You two are dismissed.
Hakkai: Thank you. *bows slightly and then starts to walk off*
Gojyo: Geez, what a waste of time... When do we get going again?
Hakkai: ^_^ We don't come back until scene 2!
Gojyo: I meant get going out of here! ><
Hakkai: Good question. Maybe when we find Sanzo... He seems to have dissappeared...
[Hakkai and Gojyo exit. Konoe and Hisoka enter in.]
Konoe: You sent for us, your highness?
Tatsumi: Yes. All we have to do is wait for Tsuzuki...
Watari: What for?!
Tatsumi: We'll observe Tsuzuki talking with Hisoka and see what happens.
Hisoka: This is dumb...
Watari: Sounds good to me! *sits down in throne with a bag of popcorn*
Tatsumi: ...What are you doing?
Watari: I'm wanna watch and see what happens! ^__^
Tatsumi: -.- *grabs Watari by a few strands of hair* I don't think so. Move it. *starts to walk off*
Watari: Itai! >< Not the hair! NOT THE HAIR!
Konoe: 9_9 *follows quietly behind, and the three of them exit*
Hisoka: *stands there...*
Tsuzuki: *walks in holding plates, one with a slice of apple pie on it and chocolate cake on the other* To eat, or not to eat... *looks at both plates seriously* That is the question...*
Jen: *stomps onto stage. Grabs plates* TSUZUKI-SAMA NO BAKA! *WHACK*
Tsuzuki: ITAI! T___T Well at least let me eat the apple pie!
Jen: You're pondering over life and death, you moron, not desserts! >< *stomps offstage*
Hisoka: You know you deserved that.
Tsuzuki: T.T *weeps bitterly*
Hisoka: Anyway... *pulls out script* How fares you, my lord?
Tsuzuki: I'm SPIFFY! ^_^ How about you?
Hisoka: ... *raises eyebrow* Um... yeah... You know, I have a question about this love letter you wrote...
Tsuzuki: O_O Love letter?! I NEVER-
Hisoka: *holds it up* See?
Tsuzuki: It's a lie! *folds arms* I would never write such a thing to YOU!
Hisoka: ... *blushes angrily* Oh yeah?! Well maybe I wouldn't want one from you!
Tsuzuki: Um... *glances nervously at script* Oh yeah?! Well you should go join a nunnery!**
Tsuzuki: ITAI! X__X Was that SUPPOSED to happen?! *stumbles offstage holding his eye*
Jen: *offstage* ... *shakes head slowly* 9_9
Hisoka: *stomps off in other direction* Stupid... jerk... grr...
[Enter Tatsumi, Konoe, and Watari again.]
Tatsumi: Well. After witnessing that, it's obvious that Tsuzuki's madness is NOT due to his love for your daughter.
Konoe: Poor Hisoka. oo;
Watari: You mean poor Tsuzuki! Did you see what Bon did to his eye?! O_O
Konoe: I taught Hisoka well. *grins*
Tatsumi: *rolls his eyes* Watari, you'll have to talk to your son later on tonight, after the play thing we have to go to. I don't know what else to do with him. -_-
Watari: Mother and son togetherness! It'll be just like old times! *claps happily*
Konoe: I didn't know Tsuzuki was a mama's boy...
Tsuzuki: *offstage* I AM NOOOOT! T__T
Tatsumi: *rubs forehead* I'm leaving now...
[The three of them exit. The stage is empty.]
Jen: *offstage* ..More.. characters... Scene 2... Um... Saaaanzooooooo!
Sanzo: *offstage* What now? *is polishing his banishing gun*
Jen: *offstage* Saaaanzooooo... You know what I want, right? *big googly eyes*
Sanzo: *offstage* Dammit... You're almost as bad as that bakasaru!
Goku: *offstage* Saaaanzo! I'm hungry! *clings to Sanzo's leg*
Sanzo: *offstage* ... *eye twitches. He sighs in defeat and walks off*
[15 minutes later... There is a loud explosion backstage. One of the curtains catches on fire and burns it up completely. Audience 'ooh's and 'aww's in appreciation. Then... Sanzo comes onto stage dragging a tied up Kougaiji and Yaone, leaving gun power and ashes in his wake.]
Kougaiji: What the hell?! SANZO!
Sanzo: Shut the hell up and deal with it.
Yaone: Kougaiji-sama! @_@
Kougaiji: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
Sanzo: *starts to walk off*
Kougaiji: I SWEAR I'M GOING TO-
Sanzo: Yeah, yeah, you're going to kill me someday. Che. *leaves*
Jen: *offstage* Ah. Sankyuu, Sanzo-sama! ^__^
Sanzo: *offstage* ... *mutters*
Jen: *offstage* Okay guys, you're on!
Kougaiji: On for WHAT?!
[Tsuzuki enters.]
Tsuzuki: *holds a piece of raw meat over his eye and wanders over toward Yaone and Kougaiji with his script in his other hand* Okay... Players... players... *glances down at them* Are you two the players?
Kougaiji: Untie me or die, human.
Tsuzuki: o_x ............... *looks towards the curtains and glances at Jen*
Jen: *offstage* ^__^ *gives him a thumbs up*
Tsuzuki: Okay... Err, you two remember everything I told you? About the changed lines?
Yaone: *glares up at him*
Kougaiji: *twitch twitch twitch*
Tsuzuki: ...OKAY! ^_x;;; *nervous laughter* Er... In the mean time, I will observe Tatsumi and watch him squirm. Bwhahahahahaha!
[Enter Tatsumi, Watari, Hisoka, Konoe, Hakkai, and Gojyo.]
Watari: Wheee! We're here for the play!
Hakkai: *glances at Kougaij and Yaone* Oh, you too? ^_^
Yaone: Yes. ~_~;;
Hakkai: Eh heh...
Kougaiij: I feel like an idiot...
Gojyo: Welcome to the club...
Tsuzuki: Everyone have a seat!
Tatsumi: What's being performed?
Tsuzuki: An interpretive dance by those two!
Yaone: Dance?!
Gojyo: *laughs* Kougaiji?! DANCE?
Hakkai: Gojyo, it's not nice to laugh at their misfortune... ^_^;;;;
Kougaiji: *growls* I'm not dancing for ANYBODY!
Tsuzuki: Onegai? ;-x
Kougaiji: I said no.
Sanzo: *offstage. Aims gun at Kougaiji's head*
Kougaiji: *notices out of the corner of his eye* .........................Fine.
Yaone: Kougaiji-sama?! You can't be serious!
Kougaiji: We have no choice! ><
Yaone: ... T_T All right... I'll go where ever you go, Kougaiji-sama... Forever.
Audience: Awww...
Jen: *offstage* Awww! ^o^
Hisoka: You people are sick...
[Yaone and Kougaiji are dragged offstage to be changed into costume.]
Watari: ^__^ *clap clap* Okie dokie, let's watch! *pulls everyone to the side and they all sit down*
Tsuzuki: *turns to Hisoka* Hiya. ^_x *attempts to wink*
Hisoka: ... *SMACK*
Tsuzuki: OW! x__x I was just gonna ask if you-
Hisoka: *SMACK*
Tsuzuki: Geez, I was just joking about the nunnery thing!
Hisoka: *SMACK SMACK SMACK!*
Tsuzuki: Hisoookaaaa~! T_x I THINK I'M BLEEDING!
Tatsumi: Shh. It's starting.
[The lights go out on stage. Then a spotlight comes down on Kougaiji, who is now wearing blue tights and ballet shoes.]
Goku: *offstage* ...EHHHH?! o_____o
Sanzo: *offstage* ...
Gojyo: ... *bursts out laughing*
Hakkai: Shh! ^^;;;;
Kougaiji: *twitch twitch* ... *twirls across the stage*
Watari: Wow, he's good. Beautiful form.
Tatsumi: *rolls his eyes* If you say so...
Yaone: *dances onto stage in a frilly pink tutu*
[Yaone dances over to Kougaiji. She smiles and swoons over him. Kougaiji... stands there... Then Kougaiji pretends to be asleep. Yaone twirls around him in a circle and then dances back off stage.]
Watari: Awww! Kawaii! ^__^ Although... I wish I knew what was going on...
Tsuzuki: *grabs script* Uhhhhh...
Konoe: .... *snores*
Hisoka: This is such a waste of time...
Hakkai: I find it quite interesting. ^_^
Gojyo: I think it's damn funny! XD
Tatsumi: ... *glances at watch*
[Suddenly, Oriya dances onto stage... wearing a tutu...]
All: ... *stunned silence*
Hijiri: *offstage* ... *sweatdrops* Are you SURE you couldn't find anyone else to do that part?
Jen: *offstage* 9_9 Alright... I'll admit it... I just wanted to see him in a tutu. *shrugs* And he didn't have a problem with it, so...
Tatsumi: ..............I'm insulted.
All: *glance at Tatsumi* ...?
Tatsumi: ...Nevermind.
Gojyo: Who's the chick?
Hakkai: Today's just not your day, is it?
Gojyo: What do you mean...? *clueless*
Jen: *offstage* ... *giggles*
Oriya: *twirls* Ha ha ha ha... Yes, everyone look and admire my beauty! Wah ha ha ha- *trips over the 'sleeping' Kougaiji* GACK! X_X
Kougaiji: --;;;;;;
Tsuzuki: *coughs uncomfortably* Uhh... Here comes the climax, everyone.
Oriya: Dammit... *stands up and dusts off his tights* Ah. Okay. *pulls out vial and leans over Kougaiji to pour poison in his ear*
Tatsumi: ...That SO isn't what happened.
All: *glance at Tatsumi again* ...? *murmur*
Tatsumi: I mean- STOP THE PLAY!
[Lights go up as Tatsumi stands up from his seat.]
Tatsumi: Err... I need to go... count my money! Yeah! *stomps off*
Watari: oo;;; Tatsumi! Waaaait! *runs after him, dragging a semi-concious Konoe*
Hakkai: Perhaps we should leave too...?
Gojyo: Whatever! Oh wait, one more thing... *pulls out camera. Snaps Kougaiji's picture* HAH!
Kougaiji: >< DAMN YOU!
Tsuzuki: Ah-HA! Tatsumi was flustered... That means he committed the murder! YEAAAH! Give that man a medal!
Hisoka: Tsuzuki, what the-
Tsuzuki: I win! I win! I wiiiin! And... I think my eye is healed! O_O SUGOOOOI!
Hisoka: ... -- BAKA! *exits*
Oriya: *glances at almost empty stage* Wait, my part is over already? That's so lame! *stalks off*
Kougaiji: *crawls away in despair* Any pride I had left before this day has been completely wiped out...
Tsuzuki: This calls for some...CAKE! ^_____^
Muraki: *appears* Not so fast, Tsuzuki-saaaan...
Tsuzuki: O_O AHHH! NO!
Muraki: You're supposed to be getting revenge my dearest Tsuzuki...
Tsuzuki: Um... Some things came up...?
Muraki: *latches onto him* Now really, son. If I didn't already know how much you loved me, I might start to think that you're slacking off on purpose or something...
Tsuzuki: 9___9 Eh heh. Noooo, not me...
Muraki: Good boy... *smile smile*
Tsuzuki: ... *inches away* Um... so... I guess I'll get going on those plans now. oo;;;;;;;;;
Muraki: Go talk to your mother first though. Make her feel sorry for what she's done... Mwahahahahaha...
Tsuzuki: Sure dad... Whatever you want... *scurries away*
Muraki: *glances around at dark stage with the spotlight still shining down on him* Ooh. A chance to perform... My flaming tongue dance...
Audience: o____o *lean forward in their seats, especially the fangirls*
Jen: *offstage* Oh for the love of- MURAKI! ><
Muraki: *ignores her* I'll just rip off this... *reaches for shirt*
Jen: KYAAAAAAAH! *jumps onto stage and tackles him to the ground* You can't do that in a public theatre!
Muraki: *sigh* Alas. Another missed opportunity. Some other time then... *vanishes*
Tatsumi: I've had enough. Get that kid out of here.
Gojyo: What are we supposed to do with him?
Tatsumi: England. Take him to England.
Hakkai: Oh, how nice. ^_^ That's towards the WEST, isn't it?
Gojyo: We're not going that far. -.-
Tatsumi: Just get him out of here. I don't care what you do with him.
Gojyo: If you say so...
[Hakkai and Gojyo exit.]
Tatsumi: I'm sure Tsuzuki has found me out by now... He's probably so upset about his father's death... I must confess my sin. *kneels*
[Suddenly, Sanzo is shoved onto the stage.]
Sanzo: Oy! >< Last time I checked, I wasn't apart of the agreement!
Jen: *offstage* But you're a priest!
Sanzo: Dammit-
Tatsumi: I killed my brother!
[Music: Dun, dun, DUUUUUN!!!]
Sanzo: Yeah? So?
Tatsumi: I know I don't deserve forgiveness...
Sanzo: Yeah, well. It's too late to cry about it now. He's dead. Get over it.
Tatsumi: I am over it.
Sanzo: Good. Problem solved. What the hell did you need me for? *walks off muttering*
Tatsumi: Hm. Well... That was easy. *walks off as well*
Tsuzuki: *wanders back onto stage with sword* Ha ha! I'm here to take your life you- *blinks at empty stage* You... fiend? Tatsumi?! o__o; Aww man! Did I miss something?! *exits*
[Later, in the Queen's bedchambers.]
Konoe: Okay! I told Tsuzuki that you wanted to talk to him. When he comes, I'll hide here while you guys talk! That way, I'll be able to listen in on the conversation and he'll never know! Ha ha ha ha ha! Unless I make a lot of noise or something... but I won't! HA HA HA HA HA!
Watari: 9_9 Hm. I sense foreshadowing...
Konoe: *hears knock at the door* Ah! There he is! I'M HIDING! *hides behind yet ANOTHER (conveniently) placed potted plant*
[Enter Tsuzuki... Again!]
Tsuzuki: WOO! I'm on time! ^_^ *looks at Watari* Hi mom!
Watari: Hi! Tsuzuki... I want to talk to you about your father...
Tsuzuki: Which one?
Watari: Tatsumi, of course!
Tsuzuki: He ain't my daddy! --
Watari: True. But neither is Muraki... 9.9
Tsuzuki: *gasp* What are you saying?!
Watari: Tsuzuki... *feigns seriousness* I am your father.
[The sound of something (or someone) hitting the floor is heard offstage.]
Tsuzuki: WHAAAAAAT?! *thinks for a moment* ...Wait... yeah... What? oO
Watari: *slaps him on the back* I'm just jokin' with ya! ^___^ That just seemed really appropriate at the time...
Hijiri: *offstage* Tsk, tsk... *fans an unconcious Jen with Sanzo's sensu* He gave her quite a scare... ^_^
Goku: *offstage* Maybe she's hungry too?
Tsuzuki: Ah ha ha... You're so funny... x__x
Watari: ^_^ I know. *Megumi laugh* But anyway! All jokes aside...
Tsuzuki: You sure about that?
Watari: Of course! Now... What do you have against Tatsumi?
Tsuzuki: Nothin' at all!
Watari: *sweatdrops* So then what's the problem?
Tsuzuki: Nothin' at all! o.o
Muraki: *appears, only visible to Tsuzuki* Tsuuuzuuuukiiii...
Tsuzuki: GAH- I mean... Something IS wrong! @_@
Watari: What? o.o;;;
Tsuzuki: It's... um... Tatsumi! HE KILLED THE KING!
[Music: Dun, dun, DUUUUUN!!!]
Watari: Yeah? And?
Tsuzuki: Nothing...
Muraki: *eyes glint*
Tsuzuki: X_X You have to stay away from him! And don't tell him that I know what he did!
Watari: Um... okay. Your secret is safe with me, sweetheart! ^_~
Tatsumi: *offstage* Note to self... Put extra caffeine in Kachou's*** coffee from now on...
Hisoka: *offstage* But don't ask Watari for assistance.
Watari: I heard that, Bon... -_-;;;;
Tsuzuki: *hears Konoe's snoring and looks down. He pokes Konoe with his sword* oO; Is he dead?
Watari: Huh? Oh, not yet. Let's pretend! ^_^
Tsuzuki: But it says here I'm supposed to get him... *pokes Konoe in the ribs a little harder then necessary...*
Konoe: *wakes up* AH! I am slain! *bleeds, pretends to be dead* ... *thinks: Note to self... Fire Tsuzuki...*
Tsuzuki: Whoopsies. oo; Was I supposed to do that...?
Watari: Ohhh well... 9__9 He can't DIE anyway, right?
Tsuzuki: I hope not... Who would pay us then?
Tatsumi: *offstage* ... *evil smile*
Watari: Ah, um, Tsuzuki? We'd better get him some medical attention... just incase, ne?
Tsuzuki: Good point! o__o
[All three exit.]
Jen: *offstage. Has awaken* Nani... Where are we now?
[Offstage.]
Tatsumi: We just finished Act 3.
Hisoka: Is there an intermission at some point?!
Jen: Maybe... Not that you people deserve one! --
All: ....... *a few pull out weapons*
Jen: EEP! Kidding! ^_^ TAKE FIVE!
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* - Act 3, scene 1, lines 64-96: "To be or not to be-- that is the question: Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles. And, by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep--No more--and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to-- 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished..."
** - Act 3, scene 1--- The nunnery thing refers to when Hamlet speaks to Ophelia and tells her to go to one out of anger (the second time around. I think it was less harsh the first time he says it). Anyway, in my book it says that 'nunnery' could ALSO be used mockingly to refer to a brothel... Which would be why Oriya's laughing in the background. And if you know Oriya... ^^;; Yeah. Need I say more?
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