ACT 2
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[ACT 2... or something like it]
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[Enter Konoe (still Polonius)]
Konoe: I need someone to go and check up on my good for nothing son. Oh Messenger person~!
[Nothing happens.]
Konoe: ...?
Jen: *offstage* ...Dammit! *looks around* I'm still out of characters! Err... Wait right there! *runs off*
Konoe: *stands there* ...Well! The show must go on, as they say... How about some karaoke! *pulls out microphone*
Audience: ................. *a few people get up from their seats and start to walk out*
Konoe: O_O Ah! Wait! You can't leave! Um... here! I can do stand-up comedy! ^__^ *pulls out little notecards* Ready? Okay, here goes. Two Shinigami walked into a bar one evening...
[Goku (from Saiyuki, in case there is any confusion...) is shoved out onto stage.]
Konoe: Eh? Who are you supposed to be?
Goku: I dunno. o.o Who are you?
Konoe: ... *blink blink*
Jen: *offstage* PHEW! My show is saved! Just keep going! *glances at Sanzo behind her* I can't thank you enough for this... *tosses him a pack of cigarettes*
Sanzo: *offstage* -_- *shrugs and catches them* The things I'll do for a good smoke...
Konoe: Uhh... alright. *holds out envelope* Go to France and check on my son, Terazuma.
Goku: Which way is France?
Konoe: *points* That way!
Goku: Will you feed me if I go?
Konoe: Feed you?! Oh... Just go! *thinks for a moment* And bring me back some french pastries!
Goku: *whines loudly* But I'm hungry NOOOOOOOW!
Hisoka: *walks out onto stage* Dad, Prince Tsuzuki just came into my room, and he wasn't acting his normal idiotic self, so I'm worried and- *notices Goku* -oh Kami-sama, when did this turn into a crossover?!
Goku: Hi! *waves*
Konoe: I don't know anything! 9__9
Jen: *offstage* Goku was supposed to go on and then leave! ~_~
Sanzo: *offstage* Bakasaru... *tosses out a meatbun*
Goku: *looks up* UWAAAAH! *tackles meatbun, rolls off the stage and into the audience. Fangirls immediately mob him*
Jen: *offstage* @_@ Oh dear... Some one save the monkey!
Sanzo: *offstage* ...Do I really have to? *walks off muttering*
Jen: *offstage. Whispers urgently* Keep going you guys!
Konoe: *watches Sanzo thwack the fangirls out in the audience with his sensu* Wow... I need to get one of those. *winces as Sanzo is swarmed by the girls completely. Sanzo fires off a couple of rounds from his banishing gun. All is silent...*
Hisoka: *eye twitches* Dad?!
Konoe: Wah? Oh! Yes. Let's go tell the King!
[So they leave. Then, in the King's court... place... thing...]
Tatsumi: I'm sure you have noticed Tsuzuki's odd behavior lately...
Watari: I know! He only ate HALF of the cinnabon the servants brought him a little while ago! I'm so worried! *weeps*
Tatsumi: Something must be done. That's why I'm going to appoint some people to check on him.
Watari: You mean spy on him?
Tatsumi: That's such a blunt way to put it... But yes. So let's see... *pulls out script* Um... Rosencrantz and Guilden-?
Hakkai: *runs out, dragging a tied up and blind-folded Gojyo* Right here, your majesty! ^_^
Tatsumi: ...
Watari: Who are you people?
Hakkai: My name is Hakkai. *bows slightly*
Gojyo: *kicks and screams* I'M GOING TO KILL THAT DAMNED MONK WHEN I SEE HIM NEXT! GRAAAAAH!
Hakkai: And the loud one is Gojyo. He's a little bit unruly, and unfortunately, we couldn't get him drunk enough to come on peacefully. We were sort of... drafted into your play. I hope that's all right with you. ^_^;;
Watari: No problem! Welcome to Hell! ^__^
Tatsumi: Yes. Welcome. *raises an eyebrow* Anyway. You know my son Tsuzuki, right?
Gojyo: I've never met him! UNTIE ME DAMMIT!
Hakkai: Um, no, I'm sorry. We don't know him yet. ^_^
Tatsumi: *looks exasperated* Then how is this going to work?
Gojyo: SOMEONE'S GONNA GET THEIR ASS KICKED IF I DON'T GET OUT OF THESE ROPES IN TWO SECO-
Watari: My, my... he's such an unruly young man. *rips off the blindfold*
Gojyo: BASTARD! *looks up at Watari* ...? Oh! Hello there, beautiful! *sparkle sparkle, bishounen hair flip, etc.* What's a cute girl like you doing on a stage like this?
Watari: *Megumi laugh* Well, I'm flattered that you think I'm cute, but... Sadly, you are mistaken about the 'girl' part... *feigns sadness*
Gojyo: .............. *stares. His antennae(*) droop*
Jen: *offstage. Has fallen to the floor and gone into hysterics*
Hakkai: ^_^; Well, we should go now, right?
Tatsumi: *holds hand over his mouth* .......Yeah. Go.
Hakkai: Okay! Come along then, Gojyo. *starts to drag him away*
Gojyo: Hakkai?
Hakkai: Yes?
Gojyo: Kill me. Kill me now.
Hakkai: Hmm... Maybe later. ^_^ I think perhaps I'll let you suffer for a little while longer! *both of them leave*
Konoe: *runs in* Your highness. Something is seriously WRONG with your kid.
Tatsumi: So what else is new? He didn't get it from MY side of the family, that's for sure.
Watari: �� I don't think I like the implications of that statement.
Tatsumi: *smiles* So what did he do to you?
Konoe: Nothing. Hisoka was freaking out though.
Hisoka: *offstage* I was not. I don't "freak out" thank you very much.
Jen: *offstage* Whatever you say, 'Soka-chan.
Hisoka: *offstage* �� Don't call me that.
Jen: *offstage* ^_^ Tee hee.
Konoe: I KNOW he's got the hots for my daughter, so if you would kindly keep that boy at bay, everything will be just peachy keen!
