Jen: Hey, welcome to the show! ^_^ Today you will be witnessing a performance of one of the most tragic plays ever written by William Shakespeare.
Tsuzuki: I wouldn't say the most tragic...
Jen: What would you know about it?
Tsuzuki: oo; N-Nothing... Sorry...
Jen: -_- Yeah. You should be. Anyway... Before we begin, it's important that our readers become familiar with the cast members. Otherwise, you'll be clueless. *pulls out list* So, here's the main character. Tsuzuki will be playing the role of Hamlet.
Tsuzuki: *waves* ^__^
Jen: ...Stop smiling like that.
Tsuzuki: Huh? Why?
Jen: We'll talk, later... Anyway. Next is the Queen, Gertrude. She will be played by-
Watari: *bounds onto the stage all decked out in his gown and make up* TA-DAAAAA!
Tsuzuki: O_O
Jen: There you have it!
Watari: *plays with his hair* Aren't I gorgeous?!
Tsuzuki: ... *inches away*
Jen: The King, Claudius will be played by Tatsumi.
Tsuzuki: Tatsumi's my stepfather?! *bursts out laughing*
Jen: You won't be laughing once the play starts.
Tsuzuki: What does that mean?
Jen: Tatsumi! Where are you?!
Watari: Oh, he's still changing. Those tights you gave him were giving him a bit of trouble. I offered to help, but he wouldn't let me. o.o *shrugs*
Jen: *sweatdrops* Yes. Well. You all know Tatsumi anyway, right? Right. *clears throat* Next is Ophelia! Hisoka?
Hisoka: *offstage* I'm not coming out!
Jen: Yes you are! Come on, everyone has to see you or they won't know who you are once the performance starts!
Hisoka: I look STUPID!
Jen: *mumbles* ...That's nothing new...
Hisoka: *stomps onto stage in a big poofy dress* I heard that, Jen.
Jen: Good.
[Lightning and sparks fly between them.]
Watari: Aren't they amusing?
Tsuzuki: You guys act so much alike! ^_^
Hisoka and Jen: *glare at Tsuzuki* BAKA!
Tsuzuki: @_@ What did I do?!
Jen: Anyway... I'll consider reworking your dress-thing... IF you're nice to me.
Hisoka: -.- *mutters under his breath*
Jen: Now. We have a few more left... Um... Laertes is Terazuma.
[Silence.]
Jen: Terazuma?
Watari: Maybe he got stuck in traffic?
Jen: He better not be trying to ditch!
Tsuzuki: HAH!
Jen: What are you laughing at? *rolls her eyes* Fine. Polonius... is still being decided.
Hisoka: What do you have to decide?! Just pick somebody!
Jen: Last time I checked, there weren't that many Yami no Matsuei characters to begin with!
Hisoka: Well who's fault is that?
Jen: Not mine! *scans list* The other people you'll see during the play will be easy to recognize... All that's left for the main characters is the ghost...
[More silence.]
Tsuzuki: Dare I ask?
Jen: Well you sound like you know already. ^_^;;
Tsuzuki: O__O Please don't tell me-
Jen: Oh MURAAAAKIIII! Come on down!
Muraki: *appears on stage* You called?
Jen: Meet the ghost. *points*
Muraki: *smile* ... *sparkle sparkle*
Hisoka: *faints*
Tsuzuki: Hisoka? o__o;
Watari: I was married to THAT?!
Jen: *giggles* It's just a play, silly.
Watari: It's the PRINCIPLE of the thing!
Tsuzuki: Is it too late to back out and run for my life yet? oo;;;;;;;;;
Jen: I'm afraid so. Well, time to start the show! Hope everyone enjoys it... *bows and walks across stage to lower the curtain*
Muraki: Oh Tsuzuki-san... How about you and me spend some quality "family" time together... *moves towards him*
Tsuzuki: AIIIYEEEEE! *runs*
Watari: Maaa... *drags unconcious Hisoka off by the foot as curtain closes*
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[ACT 1]
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[Enter three guards, on watch...]
Oriya: Damn it all! I'm freezing my butt off out here!
Hijiri: *cheerily* Well perhaps you shouldn't have worn your kimono in the dead of winter!
Oriya: There was no way I was gonna wear all that heavy armor that girl shoved on me...
003: HOOT HOOT!
Hijiri: Hey, I know what will warm us all up! *pulls out violin* Music... ne? *eye glows eerily*
Oriya: Uh... no thanks...
[Suddenly, there's a great wind...]
Hijiri: Huh? Oh look! *points*
[Enter the Ghost.]
Muraki: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
Jen: *offstage. Chucks a brick at him* You're supposed to be silent!
Muraki: *is hit* Ow. *glares at Jen*
Jen: Eh heh... *ducks behind the curtain*
Muraki: Anyway. *clears throat* ...
Hijiri: It's a ghost! *gasp*
Oriya: No, it's just Muraki! That BASTARD! *shakes a fist* YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULD-
Hijiri: *nudges him, whispering nervously* Stick to the script!
Oriya: BAH! *feigns terror* Oh no. He looks like our recently deceased king. What shall we do...
003: Hoot!
Oriya: *glares* Who's dumb idea was it to make the bird a character?!
003: HOOT HOOT! *pecks Oriya in the eye*
Oriya: OW! DAMN IT! >_<
Hijiri: I think the ghost is leaving now. Your shouting must have scared it off!
Muraki: *hears 'ghost' and 'leaving'* Oh. Yeah. Bye. *vanishes*
Hijiri: We must tell Prince Tsuzuki of these strange events!
Oriya: FINE! *stomps off stage with a hand over his eye*
003: Hoot!
[Meanwhile, inside the castle's audience chamber...]
Tatsumi: Well. My brother is dead.
Audience: *stare blankly*
Tatsumi: And... I'm king now. So. Yeah.
Audience: ... *cheer loudly*
Tatsumi: *holds hand up to silence them* As your new king, however, there are some things that must be taken care of. First... all this frivilous spending going on in this court has to stop. Otherwise, you're all fired.
Audience: ... *cheer weakly, confused*
Tatsumi: And another thing-
Watari: Um... Tatsumi, dearest, I think that's enough. You can talk about budget cuts later...
Tatsumi: Meh. I suppose...
Tsuzuki: *runs in* I OBJECT!
All: *silence*
Tatsumi: Object to what? This isn't a trial.
Tsuzuki: ...Oh! Um. Nothing. Sorry. *starts to inch away*
Jen: *offstage* Baka... ~_~
Watari: Tsuzuki, don't go! *grabs his arm and yanks him back*
Tsuzuki: x_x I was following the script, I swear! It said we were in court, so I assumed-
Tatsumi: Nevermind. Now... as you know... You are now my son. *smiles warmly* And as such, you have certain responsibilities...
Tsuzuki: *starts to fall asleep* ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz...
Watari: *sweatdrops* Um... Well, lets be gone! It's time to party!
Tatsumi: You didn't help prepare the drinks... did you?
Watari: *feigns innocence* Now what sort of a question is that?
Tsuzuki: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[Everyone leaves. Tsuzuki continues bawling for a few minutes, then stops.]
Tsuzuki: This is whack! First they take away my allowance! Now I can't have my cake either! I'll DIE!
Hijiri: *runs in* Your lordship!
Oriya: *pants* We have... *gasp* news.
003: Hoot hoot!
Tsuzuki: What's up?
Hijiri: We saw your father!
[Music in the background: Dun, dun, DUUUUUN!!!]
Tsuzuki: No kidding?!
Hijiri: No kidding! We really did!
Tsuzuki: Um. I guess I'm intrigued. Let's go see! *bounces away*
Hijiri: Hey wait for us, sir!
Oriya: *limps after them* Gaaaah...
003: *perches on his head* HOOT!
[In another area of the castle, later.]
Terazuma: Yeah, so like I said, that Prince Tsuzuki is nothing but a lousy, stinking-
Hisoka: *has changed his costume and is now dressed in jeans and a frilly shirt* ... *yawn*
Watari: *offstage* Oy, how come Bon doesn't have to wear a dress? I have to wear one!
Jen: *offstage* If I recall correctly, you were the one who wanted to wear a dress.
Watari: *offstage* Oh. Oh yeah! ^_^
Terazuma: -dirty old man!
Hisoka: What's your point?
Terazuma: My point? Um... That is to say... Oh. Stay away from Prince Tsuzuki! He's only after one thing, you know... *eye twitches*
Hisoka: Pie?
Terazuma: *splutters* NO!
Hisoka: Well that's what he wanted last time. I spent all my money on him... that baka.
Terazuma: Fine! Don't give him any pie, okay Hisoka?!
Hisoka: You mean don't give him any more pie.
Terazuma: *blushes for some reason...* Yeah. Sure. Whatever!
Konoe: *walks in, poses for camera, then holds script up to his face to read it* Have a good trip, son. Stay away from Tsuzuki, Hisoka. *big smile*
[A sign is lowered down from the ceiling and hovers over Konoe. It reads: "This is Polonius! *v-sign*"]
Konoe: *poses again, walks off*
Jen: *offstage* Well... so much for that scene...
Tatsumi: *offstage* Why did you pick him anyway?
Jen: *offstage* He was the only OLD person I could find.
Terazuma: *flings script into air and stalks off* I'm not being paid enough for this...
Hisoka: -.- *shrugs*
[Outside the castle again.]
Tsuzuki: KYAAAAAAAAAA! It's the ghost! *points at a 'lump' on the ground*
Hijiri: No, it's Oriya. You made him trip on your sword. Maybe you shouldn't drag it behind you like that all the time... ^^;
Tsuzuki: Maybe! *nudges Oriya with his boot* Gomen nasaaaaaai!
Oriya: *glares up at him* I don't think they spoke Japanese in 17th century Denmark!
Hijiri: I don't think they wore kimonos either, sir. ^_^
Oriya: Hey, what do you have against my clothes anyway?! Just because you're not as beautiful as I am...
Hijiri: I have nothing against your clothes! I think they're- HEY! I can be beautiful too you know!
Tsuzuki: *wanders off* I'm hungry...
003: *flies off in search of Watari* Hooooot...
Tsuzuki: Aiye! Come back! Now I'm all alone and unprotected! o_o;; I shouldn't have wandered off... *turns inu-chibi* TSUZUKI NO BAKAAAAA!
[Enter the ghost again...]
Muraki: Tsuzuki-saaaaan...
Tsuzuki: KYAAAAAAAA! It's the ghost... AGAIN! You're not Oriya, right?
Muraki: *glomp* I'll be anything you want me to be... Hehehehehe...
Tsuzuki: Ehh?! Wait... aren't you my father?!
Muraki: Love has no boundaries, Tsuzuki-san... *lecherous smirk*
Tsuzuki: *tries to squirm away* NOOOOOO! @___@
Muraki: Oh, I must tell you... I was murdered.
Tsuzuki: *overly dramatic gasp* Really?! By who?!
Muraki: By your uncle. My brother. Tatsumi.
[Music: Dun, dun, DUUUUUN!!!]
Tsuzuki: Ah! Well I gotta go thank him then! Let me go!
Muraki: Oh my precious Tsuzuki-san... now that I have you all to myself... Ah... Now your annoying mother can't get in the way...
Watari: *offstage* Oy! The feeling's mutual, pal!
Jen: *offstage* ... *sweatdrops* Watari-sama...
Watari: *offstage* What? *003 ruffles her feathers in Muraki's direction*
Muraki: You must get revenge, my beloved...
Tsuzuki: *has turned inu-chibi again and is digging a hole with his paws to get away* Okay! Whatever you say, dad!
Muraki: And if you don't... *drags him out of the hole by the tail* I might have to operate. *pulls out knife*
Tsuzuki: *howls* Okay, okay!
Muraki: Good. Now let me possess you-
Hijiri: Tsuzuuuuuuuuuuukiiiiiiiiiiiiii! *runs up* What's going on he-AH!
Muraki: Damn. I was so close. *vanishes*
[Offstage, the rest of the cast sighs in relief.]
Tsuzuki: Hijiri! You saved my life! *glomp*
Hijiri: No trouble at all, Tsuzuki-san! ^_^
Oriya: *runs up* Why does everyone keep running off and leaving me behind?!
Tsuzuki: Guys... Promise me you won't tell anyone about what you've seen tonight! I have a plan...
Oriya: Seen what?! I haven't seen anything!
Hijiri: What are you going to do, Tsuzuki-san?
Tsuzuki: *feigns seriousness* I'm going to act... normal.
Hijiri: *gasp* ..........Wait... What?
Oriya: That's a dumb plan.
Tsuzuki: I'm following my script! ~_~ Anyway... Let's away. The time is out of jam...
Hijiri: Strawberry? ^__^
Jen: *offstage* That's joint, Tsuzuki-sama! *smacks her forehead* The time is out of joint!*
Tsuzuki: Yeah! That's what I meant. I'm so hungry... @_@
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* - Act 1, scene 5/ Lines 210-212: Hamlet: The time is out of joint. O cursed spite that ever I was born to set it right! Nay, come, let's go together.
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