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Part 17: In the name of The Father and of The Son and of The Holy Spirit by Seraphina and Strawberry "Ok Paul, a little to your left, your other left Paul. Ok, now turn , a little to the right. Ok, and forward!" DOUFF! "Ow! Ferguson, you bloody fuckwit! You just made me walk into a wall!" Tim smirked. "Well yes, yes I did. It is your fault though, you must admit." "My fault? My fault?! How pray tell is it my fault?" "Well you�re the one who forgot their glasses. It had nothing to do with me or anyone else for that matter. Therefore, all evidence points to the fault being yours. Now pick up the pace before we�re late for R.E." And so, Paul grabbed a hold of the back of Tim�s mint green school shirt as they walked down the corridor in the direction of their classroom. Continuous DOUFF�s and OW�s could be heard as Tim purposely swung Paul into the lockers that lined the walls of the hallway. They walked into the classroom relieved to find that the teacher still had yet to arrive and that there were two empty seats next to Richard in the back row. Whether this was because he�d saved them for his two best buds or simply because no one would sit next to him, wasn�t the point. Quite frankly, there was no point at all. Tim took the seat closest to them, forcing Paul to navigate his way blindly around a table, a chair, several school bags and something on the floor which was completely undefinable that students had been avoiding for the past two weeks. The three of them had played a game last R.E. lesson that involved trying to guess what it had originally been. Richard had decided that it was a preserved frog from the biology labs what wasn�t as well preserved as it had once been. Tim had bet that it was an ancient banana from when they�d learnt about the workings of the condom in sex ed class. Paul had suggested and stuck with his idea of it being �cum smeared watermelon�. Tim hoped that it was the latter as Paul stood right in the middle of it. Paul swore and slid a little in the muck before falling into his seat. Pulling off his shoe, he managed to focus on a pink blur that he knew to be Wendy Harmer�s schoolbag, grabbed it and wiped the bottom of his shoe on it, all without her noticing. Tim laughed, pissed himself actually. Paul snickered as he put Wendy�s bag back behind her seat. "Would you two shutup!" Richard snapped agitatedly. "...please?" he added pleadingly, indicating that he was trying to do some work. "Tim put his hands up. "Woah, sorry Rich mate. Paul and I will be quite from now on, right Paul?" Paul looked at the fuzzy image of Tim before him and nodded. "Right Tim. From now?" "Yep , now." "Right now?" "Yep, right now. We�ll be silent from now on so that Richie can do his work. You ready?" "Whenever you are Timmy." "Well I�m ready if you are Paul." "Right, I�m read. Silence time is now time." ""So we�re silent now?" "As silent as they co-" "BE QUIET!!! " Richard yelled, slamming down his pen and glaring at them. "Well someone�s a little touchy today, eh Paul? PMT again Rich?" Tim smirked. "You should really try some of that primrose stuff Rich, it works wonders on Sharon," Paul said. "What work are you doing anyway Rich? The teacher ain�t even here yet." Tim grabbed Richard�s notebook, ignoring his studious friend�s protests. "Rich is doing...physics homework. But you haven�t had physics today so you can�t have homework for it." Richard�s eyes were downcast. "It�s yesterday�s homework and it�s due next period so could you please leave me in peace." "You mean to say..." Tim started. "...that you didn�t do your homework Richard?" Paul gasped. "Mr Fidler, congratulations," Tim said, slapping his friends on the back. "That would make it...three times now in your academic life?" "Four," Richard said indignantly. "There was today, the time Gran died, the time I was sick, and the time Paul ate it." He glared at his short pal as he said the last one. "Is it my fault that I like alfalfa sprouts?" Paul said, trying to defend himself. "Well you don�t generally eat alfalfa sprouts when they�re part of someone�s science project Paulie but you�re right, it�s not your fault you like �em. It�s probably something genetic," Tim said, patting Paul on the head in a comforting gesture. "So what�s your excuse this time Richie-boy? It had better be good." "Well..." "Yes..." "It was nothing really." "Tell us anyway." "Well..." "Yes..." "I was in my room entertaining Laura-" "OK class. Sorry I�m late but I got caught up in the staff room. Who�s saying prayer? Lisa? Good. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit�" Paul and Tim ignored the teacher, instead, they stared dumbly at each other. "Tim?" "Yes Paul?" "Isn�t Laura a girl�s name?" "It surely is Paul." "But that means..." "Yes Paul, it means..." "That Rich was entertaining a girl last night..." "In his bedroom." After staring, jaws dropped, at each other for a couple of seconds, they both frantically turned to Richard, trying to find out the how�s, who�s and wherefore�s of what Richard had just said. "Mr McDermott, Mr Ferguson, please refrain from that idle chitchat or I�ll be forced to move you two down the front." Tim and Paul sat back in their seats, shocked expressions plastered on their faces. The implications of this were unbearable to even contemplate. That Rich could get a woman and have her in his room before they did was simply ludicrous. They couldn�t wait til after the class was finished so they could be filled in on all the details. "Ok people," the teacher announced. "Today I�m going to talk about the main work requirement for this term. This is based on Community Service and will involve you visiting the nursing home just down the road. You will each be assigned to and elderly citizen of whom you are to entertain, and keep company, once a week for the rest of this term and some of the next one. Now, I�ll expect you to treat them with respect and...yes Mr McDermott? You have a question or is that arm up just to make up for your lack of height?" Paul scowled, "I was just going to say that I�m allergic to ancient people and so, with heavy heart, I�m going to have to decline taking part in this wonderfully planned out and educational program." "That�s fine..." the teacher said, smiling warmly as numerous protests went up around the room as well as several other cases of granny allergies. "You can just stay back here at school when the rest of us go. I�m sure you won�t get too lonely though. Eugene will keep you company. He�s allergic to the disinfectant they use at the home. Maybe you two could work on a more school based project. You�d enjoy that wouldn�t you Eugene?" A weedy kid in the front row turned and looked at Paul through huge, coke bottle glasses. He sniffed a globule of mucus back into his nose, but it only came back out again every time he breathed, in the form of a snot bubble. He smiled at Paul, his bracers gleaming with bit�s of food stuck in the wires. "Yup," he sniffed again, blew a snot bubble again. "That�ll be great fun. Me and Paul a great friends, we hang around in Literature together and always have lot�s of fun *sniff*, don�t we Paul?" He wiped his nose on his sleave, leaving a glistening trail up his arm. Paul squirmed in his seat. He hated Eugene. Lit was the only class he wasn�t in with Tim and Rich so Eugene always insisted on sitting next to him and being his �friend�. "On second thoughts, the rash I get didn�t seem to be a severe last time I went and say my Pop so maybe I�ll give it a try, see how I go." "As you wish Paul. Sorry Eugene, but it looks like you�ll be here by yourself," the teacher said, looking disdainfully at the child in front of him as snot bubbles appeared from both nostrils. "That�s alright, there�s always Lit, isn�t there Paul? We�ll just have to hang around each other double time then, won�t we?" "Yes, I guess we will," Paul replied sarcastically before the teacher returned to the prevised lesson plan. "Great, I wonder what else can go wrong," Paul whispered to Tim who was busy reading a playboy magazine and eating chocolate that was hidden in his massive pencil case. "Probably that," Tim said, looking up and indicating to something over Paul�s shoulder before turning back to his magazine. Paul turned around just in time to see a rather angry Wendy Harmer as she thrust the goo covered side of her bag into his face. "And don�t touch my stuff again you little prick!" |
