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by Seraphina Parts 41-45 Part 41 It was almost midday by the time Paul woke up. He�d still be asleep to if it wasn�t for the yelling going on in the other room. "No! I don�t believe you!" "Charli, I wouldn�t lie about something like this." Paul groaned and rubbed his eyes. What the hell was going on and whatever it was, the least they could do was keep it down a little. "No! It�s not true!" Charli�s voice sounded choked and Sara didn�t sound any better. "Please, Charli, you have to believe me." "NO!" There was the sound of hurried footsteps before Charli appeared in the doorway of the bedroom, sobbing. "Tell her-" she started as Sara came into view behind her. "Tell her not to say those kind of things to me, please." Her eyes pleaded with him but Paul was still half asleep and didn�t have a clue as to what was going on. "Charli," Sara said, putting her hand on the young girl�s shoulder. Charli shook it off roughly. "NO!" "Would someone please tell me what�s going on?" Charli advanced towards the bed timidly. "Sara said�she said that she�s going to die. Tell her not to joke about things like that, please?" She looked so frightened and young fragile, it almost broke his heart. He sighed and sat up in the bed. "It�s not a joke Charli. Sara�s�ill, very ill." Charli�s face contorted with pain. "No," she whispered. "Why? Why does everyone leave me? They all left me, and now you�re going to leave me?" she asked, looking accusingly at Sara. She made a choked sob before pushing past Sara and running out of the house. "Charli, wait," Sara called after her and went to follow but Paul jumped up and grabbed her arm. "Leave her," he said softly. "She just needs some time to think." Sara nodded, her head bowed low. He noticed she was shaking. "You ok?" he asked, pulling her around to face him. She shook her head, before collapsing in front of him. "Sara?" he asked, alarmed as he barely caught her in his arms. He heard her sob out loud and realising that she was ok, he gently picked her up in his arms and took her over to the bed, laying her down and climbing in next to her. He held her shaking form to him as she cried and cried and cried some more. He would have cried too if not for the obligation he felt to being the strong one for now. "I can�t do this," she whispered finally. "I thought I could be strong, I tried to be strong but I can�t do it any more." She looked up at him. "I�m so scared Paul. I try not to be scared but it�s not working anymore. It�s not working anymore." Paul started to feel uneasy at what she was saying. "I want it to end," she sobbed quietly. "Make it end, please." "Soon," he crooned softly. "It�ll all be over soon�" Sara woke with a start, her face wet with tears, the words of her dream echoing in her head. "It�ll all be over soon." Glancing over at the clock on her bedside table, she saw it was just after 6 am. The sun would be up soon, Charli would be back and she�d have to tell her, for real this time. She just hoped the dream hadn�t been a premonition of any kind and that Charli wouldn�t react the way she�d seen her react. She could feel the signs of a headache coming on. Her skin was clammy from the cold sweat she�d broken into during her dream, that of which was still having uneasy effects on her. Paul stirred and rolled over and snuggled into her back, nuzzling the back of her neck. "Hey," he whispered as his hand came around to gently caress her breasts. "Hey," she said pushing her dream into the depths of her mind, trying to ignore the sense of dread she felt and instead, arched her back a little as he lightly flicked one nipple and then the other. "Mmmmm, nice," she groaned as his hand dipped further south, creeping in between her thighs. She felt him grin into her shoulder as he planted kisses all over her back. His fingers moved rhythmically in her moist folds, concentrating on her small bundle of nerves, bringing her to heightened pleasure before withdrawing his hand just before she climaxed. Whimpering, she tried to bring his hand back to her but he pulled away. "Uh uh, don�t be so greedy. There�s time for that later." Ignoring her small protests, he rolled he gently onto her back, drawing the sheets back off her so he could revel in her naked form. She lay beside him, panting slightly from the strain of being so close to orgasm yet so far away. Her eye were closed, her lips parted slightly and a slight frown was etched on her forehead. Her headache had definitely set in now as she felt Paul�s hand sweep lightly across her sweat soaked brow. She loved as much as she hated the way he�d deny her ultimate pleasure until he saw fit. She was so close to begging him to make her come just to help her forget about the gradual pounding in her head. Perhaps that the pounding of something elsewhere was just what the doctor ordered, she thought, smiling to herself. "What are you grinning at?" Paul asked, his lips softly dancing across the hollow of her throat. "Nothing," she said breathlessly. "Paul�please?" she asked, her own hand travelling down between her legs. He slapped it away lightly. "Not yet," he said firmly, his hands and lips travelling all over her body. "I want to worship every last inch of you," he said, and so he did, sinking his teeth softly into her abdomen, her breasts, her thighs. Bringing her to the brink over and over again, but easing off as soon as he thought she�d got excited enough. The sun had begun to rise, the first rays filtering through the lace curtains as his tongue dipped into her bellybutton as she elicited moan after moan. He kissed the tip of each of her fingers then traced circles with his tongue on the pulse points of her wrists. Only when he thought that he couldn�t handle the strain anymore, did he gently lower himself onto her, capturing her mouth with his, their tongues beginning a passionate dual as she all too willingly parted her thighs for him. He teased her for a while, entering her a little before pulling out again, doing this several times before she used some of the last remaining strength she had to bite down hard on his tongue and thrust her hips forwards. Paul moaned and sheathed himself fully into her. The blood pumped hard through both their bodies, they both felt the throbbing of it in their temples, accompanying the rhythmic thrusts of their love making. Sara�s legs came up and wrapped around his hips in an attempt to bring him deeper into her, an attempt that brought them both crashing into ecstasy as they cried out together, clutching at each other, trying to get as close to being one as possible until they lay, still joined in a panting heap, the early morning sun streaming over them. The headache which had subsided a little with the added �activity�, suddenly wrenched back into full strength. Sara cried out, tensing in Paul�s embrace. "What?," Paul asked sharply in concern. "What�s the matter?" She was about to answer when the pain disappeared abruptly, leaving her with a strange weak and floating feeling. She turned her head slowly to look at him , her eyes glassy. "Paul," she said softly. "You have to let go." He looked at her in confusion. �What? What are you talking about?" "Remember I told you that you�d have to let go of me?" He looked at her strangely. "Yeah," he said slowly, trying to figure out what she was getting at. "And I told you I would�when the time comes." Sara�s hand travelled slowly up to rest on his cheek. "It�s time," she whispered so softly, he had to strain to hear her. He wished he hadn�t heard her. "No," he said, shaking his head slowly. "No, it�s not. It can�t be. I�m not ready." "I love you, Paul." "No. NO!" he said, the tears streaming down his face. "Paul, you have to let go," she said as her vision started to go dark. "I can�t, I�m sorry, but I can�t. You can�t leave, please don�t leave me," he said, burying his head in her shoulder. She gently stroked the back of his head. "Please Paul, let go." he could feel her trembling beneath him as she too started to cry. he didn�t want that. He could not bare to see her hurt in their last moments together. He raised his head and looked lovingly down into her watery blue eyes. Already they seemed to lack something, something that made her who she was. He leant down and kissed her more gently, more softly then he had ever kissed her before, yet that one kiss held all the love he could ever hope to have for her and her for him. He�d stopped crying as he brushed away the tears that fell from her glazed eyes. "I�ll love you for ever Sara," he whispered. "Thankyou," she said, as she let her head fall slightly to one side. "Don�t forget, your promise," she whispered as her eyes fell shut for the final time. Part 42 "Oh great! Just f---ing great!" Charli swore, turning to glare at Paul, holding up his Allstars jacket that now appeared to be in two pieces. "Just when exactly were you going to deal with the fact that your sleeve is no longer attached to your shoulder?" she asked him angrily. Paul shrugged, apathetically turning back to his book. It was the 12th of August, 1993 and all four of them- Charli, Paul, Richard and Tim- were in the Doug�s dressing room at the Ambassadors Theatre. In exactly one hour, they would be performing �Dead and Alive� for their London audience and while Tim and Rich were desperately trying to get ready, Paul was nonchalantly, sitting in a chair in the corner leaving Charli to stress for him. That was the way it had been for the past few months. He simply did not care any more. Luckily, his three best friends were pretty understanding towards this even though it was beginning to take it�s tole on them too. "Paul! You�re on in an hour and your uniform is f---ed. What the hell-" "Don�t worry about it Charli, just pin it back on," Richard said, chucking a packet of safety pins in her direction. Charli looked at him gratefully. "Well at least someone�s organised," she said, glaring in Paul�s direction again. He was oblivious and kept on with his reading. She sighed and started with the arduous task of mending something you couldn�t breathe within ten metres of. Paul�s clothes, not just his uniform, really were rank. Sara would never have put up with it. "Ta da!" Tim cried, prancing around in front of them. "I�m ready. How do I look?" He flashed his million dollar grin as Charli looked him up and down. "Your McCleans showing," she said in a singsong voice before returning to her pinning. "Huh?" Tim grunted, turning and looking at his teeth in the vanity mirror. "Your cock�s hanging out," Paul said monotonously without looking up from his book. "f---!" Tim swore, grabbing his zip and yanking it up quickly, catching himself in the process and screaming in pain. Charli shook her head and walked over to Paul�s corner whilst Tim danced around the room in pain with Richard trying to help him free his little friend. "This is gonna have to do," she said holding the jacket out for Paul to see. Paul grunted something inaudible. Charli sighed. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "I�ll just put one more pin in ok?" Paul shrugged, basically ignoring her once again until he felt a hand resting on his knee. He looked up to see Charli looking at him pleadingly, her eyes imploring, giving him a look that seemed so familiar yet somehow forgotten. "For God�s sake Paul. It�s been almost three months. You promised you would, you promised." Paul looked shocked. How could Charli have known about this? How? He shrugged then nodded in a sad acknowledgment. "When?" she pressed. "Tonight. I�ll do it tonight." "What?" Charli asked, looking up from the jacket. "What will you do tonight?" Paul looked at her in confusion. "Didn�t you just�" he trailed off. "What did you just say?" Charli shrugged. "I said that I�d put one more pin in. I just want to make sure your sleeve doesn�t come off half way through the show. Why? What did you think I said?" Paul shook his head. "Nothing, I�m just imagining stuff, that�s all." Charli nodded, deciding not to press on the subject. He seemed the most coherent he had been for a while, like something had suddenly woken him up form his little world of grieving and she didn�t want to ruin that. There was a squeal from the other side of the room as Richard finally manage to sort things out with Tim�s bits, the latter standing there looking a little sheepish as well as a little on the tender side. For once in a long time, Paul laughed. It wasn�t a straight out laugh, more of a chuckle really but it was still on the side of the jolly. He stood and retrieved his uniform, putting it on quickly and standing taking his place next to his fellow Allstars. Charli paced up and down there small line, straightening each of their clothes as she went, at least trying to make them look a little presentable. "Ready?" she asked, taking a deep breath. "Affirmative," Tim said military style. "Then London, watch out," Charli grinned, opening the door to the dressing room and walking out towards the green room. They followed her one by one, Paul being the last to leave. And as he did, he turned back and look into the room, one hand on the door handle, ready to pull it shut after him, the other on the light switch. "Ok Sara, I can�t believe you�re holding me to this but I�ll redeem my promise. Just you watch." The room went dark and the door closed as Paul left. Somewhere, there was a whisper. "I know you will and I love you for it." Part 43 The show was almost over, and his chance was coming up. As the moment drew closer he began to have second thoughts. Could he really do this? No, he didn�t think he could. Glancing out into the audience, he could have sworn he caught a glimpse of her in the second row but upon looking a little harder, he realised he had been mistaken. How could it be? She was gone. "You promised," he heard a whisper. He�d been hearing it a lot lately and it kept getting more insistent. Paul guessed there really was no getting out of this. He�d made a promise and was obliged to keep it. *Ok Sara,* he thought. *You want me to make it funny? You want people to laugh at it? Well I�ll make �em laugh, because I love you and I�d do anything for you, even in your death.* The three of them were finishing the final strains of �Throw Your Arms Around Me� and the audience burst into applause. It was almost time. "We�d like now to do our last tune for this evening to leave you with a song in your heart," he heard Rich say. "A song in your hearts," Tim added. "And let�s just pray quietly while we�re still happy that there�s nothing else there for example a build up of fatty tissue the size of a golf ball which will of course stop your blood from flowing and kill you within seconds ok? Also, just a quick reminder�" Paul�s eyes skipped frantically over the crowed, searching for some source of comfort, his eyes landing on Charli in the front row. Dear Charli who�s knowledge of Sara�s impending death had reached her the day she�d died when she walked in to find Paul cradling her limp body in his arms. She�d done everything for him, right down to the organising of the funeral with Tim and Richard�s help. His three best friends, there for him even though he couldn�t help but push them away at the moment. Perhaps what he was about to do would help. Charli gave him a smile of encouragement as Tim came to the end of his ramble. "�Just keep that in the back of your mind, �bout there," he said, pointing to the back of his head. Paul took a deep breath and threw himself into the keeping of the most important promise he�d ever made. "And while we are having a chat about it, Multiple Sclerosis, MS as they call it. you can be a great ballerina or a classical cellist at, you know, the top of your career and the suddenly, one day, out of the blue without a f---ing warning�WHACK, your whole life�s f---ed." The audience laughed. So far so good, but he had yet to say that bit that counted, the bit that would resolve it all. "Brain haemorrhages, brain aneurisms, heart palpitations all these things, some of them can�t be traced, especially the old brain haemorrhage." This was it. He�d make them laugh about it or he�d die trying, just for her. Sara�s legs came up and wrapped around his hips in an attempt to bring him deeper into her, an attempt that brought them both crashing into ecstasy as they cried out together, clutching at each other, trying to get as close to being one as possible until they lay, still joined in a panting heap, the early morning sun streaming over them. "You could be sitting at home one day just having made love on an early, sleepy Sunday morning. The sun could be streaming through the window�" The headache which had subsided a little with the added �activity�, suddenly wrenched back into full strength. Sara cried out, tensing in Paul�s embrace. "�and then without warning�POP, goes a vein in your head�" "I�ll love you for ever Sara," he whispered. "Thankyou," she said, as she let her head fall slightly to one side. "Don�t forget, your promise," she whispered as her eyes fell shut for the final time. "�THWACK, you�re dead and there�s nothing you can f---ing do about it. Goodbye world." The audience laughed. Inside, Paul cried. Part 44 Paul headed straight back to the dressing room while the other two hung around in the green room for a bit. They knew he�d need some time alone and it was a good excuse to have a drink with the backstage crew. As he threw his mess of a jacket over the back of a chair, he noticed a big yellow envelope with his name on it in front of the vanity mirror. Slowly crossing to it, he noticed a hand written letter, also for him, next to the envelope. Picking it up, he began to read. To my �big brother�, Paul, I can�t believe I just wrote something so formal as that but that�s beside the point. In this envelope is something that Sara told me to give to you. Obviously, at the time, I had no idea that she didn�t have long to live and so I didn�t really understand when and why I was supposed to do this but she told me that I�d know when. I understand now and I know that you need this now, even if you don�t realise it. By the time you read this, I�ll be gone. I don�t know where exactly but don�t worry, I�ll be fine. Tim organised a ticket back to Australia when I need it. please don�t be angry with him for helping me, I just need some time out, time to grieve, for Sara and for some other things. I have some stuff to sort out that I�m confused about at the moment. Revisiting the past is always a bitch but I�ll need to eventually. I may be only 16 but God I feel so much older Paul. I�ve seen things that most adults will never see and be better off for it. It may take a while, but some day I�ll tell you about it but for now, you�ll just have to trust me when I say that I know what I�m doing�ok, so I don�t know what I�m doing but I�ll be fine anyway. I shouldn�t be away for too long, I�ll probably come see you after you�re back from Edinburgh or perhaps I�ll wait til after Christmas. Either way, I�ll be seeing you, as well as missing you. You�ll never have any idea how much you being there when I needed you has kept me from doing the stupid, ok, so perhaps you do know because let�s face it; I�ve done some pretty stupid stuff. I have to go now before I cry on the paper and make the ink all run. Love you heaps and forever Charli P.S. When you do get back, don�t you dare neglect to retrieve Tiny from the McLachlans next door. If you do, I�ll march right over to your place and pull you by your nose hairs. P.P.S. When you retrieve Tiny from the McLachlans, don�t you dare neglect to feed him If you do, I�ll march right over to your place and pull you by your chest hairs. P.P.P.S. When you do feed him, don�t give him dairy products. I won�t be pulling any of your body hairs but I�ll be laughing a hell of a lot when he vomits on your new couch. Paul cracked a smile, albeit a sad one. He�d miss Charli. She�d been with him constantly since Sara died and it would be strange not to have her there with him. He was also a little worried for her, being in London now by herself although he�d learnt fairly quickly not to treat her like a child because in so many ways, she wasn�t one. Dismissing these thoughts, he reached in a pulled out a video cassette. On the label, in Sara�s handwriting was scrawled �Smile For the Camera� in permanent black texta. He stared at it blankly for a while before striding over to the television in the corner of the room, turning it on and pushing the video into the VCR. He was greeted by snowstorm before Sara�s face came into view. "Hi Paul. By the time you see this, I�ll be gone�I�ve always wanted to say that," she grinned. Just then, Richard and Tim walked in arguing about something but they became silent when they saw what was going on. Tim walked up and put his hand on Paul�s shoulder in comfort, tears beginning to form in the latter man�s eyes. All three watched the video in silence. "But seriously," the Sara on the screen continued. "I know this seems so cliched and all and I didn�t buy this camera with your credit card so that I could make a morbid documentary of our lives up until I die. I just thought it would be fun to make and I just wanted you to know, although if you don�t already, then you�re a moron�no, you�re a moron anyway�but I just wanted you to know that I love you, I always did, even before I met you. I know that sounds strange and perhaps a little sentimental and soppy but it�s true. But that�s enough of that shite. Sit back and be entertained." The Sara on the screen reached forward to turn of the camera but stopped abruptly. "Oh, and Paul, I�d like to apologise now. you�ll know what I�m talking about in a minute but I couldn�t help myself, you all looked so cute." Paul looked at Tim and Richard in confusion. The two of them were grinning at him. Damn, he hated not being in on a joke. What the hell had she done and not told him about? "Tim and Rich," Sara said. �I know you�ll be there because you always are so you might wanna stop him from putting his fist through the telly when he sees �you know what�. That�s it from me. Goodbye. I�ll miss you Paul." She blew him a kiss before the screen went blank again. The next thing to appear was Paul, the camera in his face as he prepared food for their anniversary. The film had obviously been edited as it cut from one thing to another. Sara answering the door for Tim and Richard, Richard mucking around with the camera, the backyard as Paul attempted to cook, Sara�s flaming barbecue, Tim teasing Tiny, the great dog chase ending with the explosion of the back yard. All three of them laughed throughout. There were several other shots of the clean up crew and of Tim and Richard leaving then suddenly, the film cut out again. "Just what was I supposed to find so offensive about that?" Paul asked the other two. They indicated for him to be quiet and watch. Suddenly, the hallway out side his bedroom was on the screen as Sara put her hand out and pushed open the bedroom door and focused on the bed. "No," Paul whispered. "She wouldn�t have. She couldn�t have. She," He trailed off as the camera focused properly and there, on the screen, appeared him asleep in his bed, the Mclachlan kids asleep around him and Tiny on the end of the bed. He stood looking angrily at the screen, the other two pissing themselves laughing. The camera turned and Sara�s face looked down the lens, grinning maniacally. "Smile Paul, you�re on candid camera." "Paul, buddy. Wake up. For God�s sake Tim. Why the hell did you go do that?" "Oh come on, I didn�t hit him that hard. Besides, the stupid pixie was pissing me off." "But you didn�t have to punch him!. Wait, he�s coming �round." Paul groaned and opened his eye, trying to focus on the face that was hovering above him. "Sara?" he rasped as his vision cleared. Richard and Tim looked at each other and then back at their prostrate friend. "Paul, who�s Sara?" Paul sat up slowly and looked around him. They were in Tim�s lounge room. "Paul?" Rich prodded him for an answer again. "Huh? What?" Paul asked, looking at his two friends in a bit of a daze. "You just called me Sara. Who is she?" "I�" Paul shook his head, trying to make the fuzziness go away. "I don�t know," he said. "What happened?" he asked looking at the sheepish expression on Tim�s face. "You and Tim were having an argument and he hit you," Richard explained, glaring at Tim. "Oh. How long have I been out for?" "About a minute," Tim said, grinning apologetically at him. Paul attempted to stand up but couldn�t do so without the help of the others. Finally, on his feet, he tried walking around a bit, stumbling at times as he regained his balance. "I need some fresh air," he said, holding his hand to his head. "I�ll be back later, I�m just going for a walk." Richard looked at him worriedly. "Are you sure you�re ok?" "I�m fine Rich, no thanks to you Ferguson." "How many fingers am I holding up?" Richard asked. "Um, Rich, you�re not holding up any. Your hands are in your pockets," Paul observed through a splitting headache. "Oh, yeah," Rich blushed as Paul grabbed his coat and headed for the door. "Well, what�s the date then?" "March 24, 1990," Paul said, opening the door. "Rich, I�m fine. I�ll be back soon." Part 45 Paul didn�t wait to hear any further protests from Richard and shut the door and walked down Tim�s path and heading in the direction of the park. Once there, he began a slow walk around the lake, the aching in his head gradually residing. Although he�d only been unconscious for one minute, he could have sworn it had been for a lot longer. He knew he�d had a dream, a very vivid one at that but he couldn�t for the life of him recall what it had been about. Giving up thinking about it, he continued on his walk, thinking of how much Tim shitted him and trying to come up with some sort of revenge for having been knocked out cold. Maybe he could shave his eye brows off as he slept, or put peroxide in his shampoo bottle, or gnaw on his ankle or something. What ever he did, he would have revenge. All this thinking was beginning to bring back his headache so he decided to take a rest on the next park bench he came to which was about 100 metres away or so he guessed. As he approached it, he couldn�t help but feel a sense of deja vu that only increased as he came to sit down next to a young dark haired woman with her fluffy white dog. The dog came up and sniffed at Paul before Chewing on his pants. "Hey!" he cried as he yanked his leg away. �"Oh god, I�m so sorry," the woman said, pulling her dog to her and giving him a rap on the nose. "It�s fine, really," Paul said turning to get a closer look at her. She really was quite attractive with pale skin, bright blue eyes and dark, jet hair. "What�s his name?" he asked, attempting to strike up a conversation. The dog seemed a good starting point. "Timmy," she said, smiling a little uncertainly although her eyes glinted. She seemed so familiar. "I�m sorry," Paul said. "But I feel like I�ve met you before somewhere. I�m Paul, Paul McDermott." She looked at him strangely. "No, I don�t think we have. I only just recently moved up here from Melbourne." "Well, can I have your name anyway?" he asked, giving her a cheeky smile. "Sara," she said timidly. "Sara Fraser." "Well Sara Fraser, I don�t suppose you feel like getting a coffee with me?" She smiled and nodded shyly. She had a feeling this was going to be the beginning of something big. Hell, she might even die in his arms. A Long Time Dead index Back to DAAS Fiction Index Email Seraphina |
