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by Seraphina Parts 1-5 Part 1 "Paul, it�s me. We need to talk. I�ll be at Grundey�s Caf� at four." So there he was. The answering machine message hadn�t actually demanded his presence but he knew better than to twist her words around. It really was just not worth it. She may look the part of the perfect little woman who speaks only when spoken to and who would stay home all day, slaving over a hot stove to have dinner on the table the moment her husband walked in the door but this couldn�t be farther from the truth and boy could she give a helluva black eye. He�d told Richard and Tim that he�d walked into the door. They�d just laughed and told him that Sara had just rung looking for him to say sorry for punching him in the face. He�d hate to think what would happen if he didn�t turn up here and used that excuse that she hadn�t actually asked him to come. "Table for one Sir?" He was suddenly shocked out of his thoughts by a waiter. "Sorry?...uh no, I�m here to meet Sara Fraser." "Over by the window Sir." Paul looked over to where the waiter was indicating and saw Sara�s familiar black hair. He thanked the waiter after ordering a coffee and made his way over to the table by the window. "Hey." He said and kissed her on the forehead and sat in the seat opposite her. "Hi." She looked different than usual. Less relaxed�like she had something on her mind. Sara had always been a carefree kind of person but right now, there was something wrong. She wouldn�t even look him in the eye. Reaching across the table, he took her hands in his. "So what�s up? Your message was a little less than informative." He ducked hi head a little, trying to make eye contact. Finally, she lifted her gaze to meet his with deep blue eyes. "I went to the doctors today�" Paul sighed and visibly relaxed. Sara noticed and looked at him questioningly. "I thought I�d left the toilet seat up at your place again or something." She shook her head in exasperation. "Paul�" she started but he cut her off. "So what did he say? Parkinson�s? Leukemia? Prostate cancer? If it�s the last one, you�re right, we do need to talk." She looked at him angrily. "Has anyone told you that you�re sick lately because I don�t think you hear it enough. You�re sick McDermott and while I�m at it, is it so hard for you to participate in a serious conversation for just once in your life?" "Sara I�" he started to apologise but stopped as the waiter put his coffee on the table. "Paul, would you just shut up and listen to me? This is important and if you aren�t going to be serious then I�ll just get up and fucking well leave." "Sara, I�m sorry. What did the doctor say? You went to him about your migraines right?" She sighed and nodded and broke eye contact with him again. "I told him all my symptoms, he did the whole check up thing and then sent me to get a head X-ray and a brain scan right away." Paul frowned. "A brain scan?" he asked in confusion. "What for?" She didn�t say anything, just stared out the window, looking at the busy street. Letting go of her hands, he reached across the table and gently took hold of her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Sara, what did he say?" He gazed into her eyes, searching for some clue as to what would make her behave like this. Taking a deep breath, she opened her mouth. "I have an aneurism, in my brain�a cerebral aneurism actually�" she paused. He didn�t say anything, just kept on staring at her. She took this as a sign to go on. "Paul, it�s fatal and there�s nothing they can do about it." Part 2 Paul�s hand dropped. He sat back in the chair and slowly took a sip of his coffee. He put the cup back down on the table. He laughed. Sara was shocked to say the least. "What the fuck are you laughing at?" He shook his head, still laughing. "God Sara, you nearly had me there. And you accuse me of being sick? It�s really cruel to joke about something like that." Tears fell down her cheeks but she made no attempt to stop them. He looked at her. "What? Did I say something wrong again?" "I wasn�t joking Paul. Enjoy your coffee." She stood up and left. The shock of what she had just said stopped him from following her straight away. He just sat there, feeling numb and not being able to think. All of a sudden, it hit him. He jumped out of his seat and made to sprint out of the caf� and go after her but he was stopped by a rather large waiter. "I�m sorry Sir but you haven�t payed for your coffee and your companion left without paying for her�s." Frantically, he rifled through his wallet, grabbed the first note he could find and thrust it into the hands of the waiter. "Keep the change." The waiter looked wide-eyed at the green bill in his hands and then at Paul�s back as he rushed out the door. He went straight to the park. he knew she�d be there without even looking anywhere else. And she was. Sitting on the bench by the path that overlooked the lake. The very bench in fact, that they�d met at. She�d been there with her dog, he�d been out for a walk to let off steam after having argued all afternoon with Tim over a comedy routine. He�d asked her what the dog�s name was and she�d said Timmy. He hadn�t laughed so hard in a long time. Timmy the dog had since passed away, �Timmy� his fellow DAAS member, was still arguing with him over trivialities and he�d been seeing Sara now for almost three years, earning her the official position of the love of his life. She sat there now, looking out over the lake. He sat down beside her. For a while he was silent and then, without looking at her, he began to speak. "And there�s absolutely nothing that can be done?" "Nothing." The tears that had dried up from her last outburst, began to fall once more. "I don�t want to leave you." She whispered. He moved quickly to her side, putting his arms around her, trying to protect but at the same time, knowing that this was one thing from which he couldn�t protect her. That thought hurt him so much that he had to fight to keep his own tears from falling. "How long?" "There�s no way of knowing. It could cause what they call a Subarachnoid Haemorrhage tomorrow, or it might not do anything for a few years. It�s all just a matter of time." �Just a matter of time.� Her words echoed through his head for what seemed like the millionth time. That conversation had taken place only eight months ago. She�d been gone for just over one month. One month since he�d held her in his arms- their longest time apart since they�d started dating- and God how he missed her. Missed her so much that sometimes he had trouble breathing through the pain in his heart. He guessed that it was just something he�d have to get used to. You were, of course, a long time dead. Part 3 "You and Sara coming to the bar tonight Paul?" Richard asked. The three Allstars were sitting on Tim�s couch after having workshopped one act all day. They�d decided that they deserved a well earned break and a cold beer. "Why, are you two going?" He asked and took a sip from the can. "Yes." "Then no, we�re not." He replied and gave a cheeky grin as Richard pouted. "Yes we�re going. I thought I told you last night." "You probably did." Tim piped up. "But this is Richard we�re talking about. How�s Sara holding up anyway?" he asked, changing the subject before their conversation turned into a full blown argument. Paul�s two best friends had found out about Sara�s condition and impending death, when he�s brooding and abnormally quiet mood forced him to spill the beans. They too had been shocked and saddened by the news, but like Paul, they had learnt to live with the fact. �She�s fine. I think we�re over the whole denial thing now. It�s been almost a month since we found out. She just doesn�t let it rule her life, she�s taken to ruling mine instead. And on that note," He drained the rest of his beer slammed the can down on the coffee table, and stood up. "I must be off for we wouldn�t want her wondering where I am. She�s all but given me a curfew and we don�t even live in the same damn house." Tim stood to see him out. "See you tonight then?" Richard asked. Paul looked down at him, not something he got to do all that often, considering his height. "I�m going to ignore the fact that you once again just basically asked if I was coming tonight after telling you yes twice already and say �Yes Richard, I�ll see you tonight." The bar, as per usual, was filled with a haze that smelt strongly of tobacco smoke and beer. It seemed to cling to your body and clothes until you got the chance to wash it off which wasn�t very often for Paul, as long as he could help it which, was in turn, not very long when you were going out with someone like Sara. She�d left a message on his machine saying that she�d meet him at the bar instead of their original plan which was for her to meet at his place and they�d go together. She said something about having some errands to run so she didn�t think much of it. Tim and Richard were already there and he�d just joined them in a pint of beer when Sara walked in. All three of them fell silent as they watched her walk towards them. This was not the sweet conservative Sara whom they knew so well. This was a sexier than ever Sara, sporting an extremely short, tight, midnight blue tube dress and knees high black lace-ups. Richard�s jaw dropped, Tim whistled under his breath, Paul didn�t have a chance to give a reaction as she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away from the other two. "We need to talk." He looked at her uncertainly. "I don�t like it when you say that. It never comes before good news." "I want to break up." "See, I told you it never comes before good news." She huffed. "Paul, I�m serious." He pulled his arm out of her grip. "So am I. What do you mean you want to break up?" "I mean just what I said. Now if you�ll excuse me, I have some business to attend to." With that, she turned and walked back tp where Richard and Tim were still staring at her lithe form, leaving Paul wondering what the fuck was going on. He didn�t have to wait long. Part 4 "Hey Tim, hey tricky dicky Ricky. Mind if I take a seat?" She smiled seductively and without waiting for an answer, jumped up on Richard�s lap. She wriggled a bit until she was comfortable and then put her arm around his shoulders. "One pint for me and one for each of my honey�s here." she told the bar girl. "H-hi Sara." Tim finally managed to stutter while Richard sat silently with her perched on his lap, still in a state of shock. He wasn�t the only one. Paul couldn�t believe what he was seeing. He strode over to the trio, his blood slowly beginning to boil. "What the fuck do you think you�re doing?" he asked through clenched teeth. She looked at him with an annoyed expression on her face. "What does it look like?" she absent mindedly began running her fingers over Richard�s chest. "We�re having fun aren�t we Richard?" Before Richard, who was slowly emerging from his stunned state, could answer, she turned and kissed him full on the lips, forcing her tongue into his mouth. If Paul was angry before, he was enraged now. Grabbing her by the upper arm, he yanked her off Richard�s knee. "Hey let go, you�re hurting me." She twisted her arm out of his grip and glared at him. "I thought I made it clear that I don�t want to have anything to do with you anymore." "Look Sara, I know what you�re trying to do and let me tell you now, it ain�t gonna work." He said trying to be patient. "Oh, and what am I trying to do?" she asked sweetly, her voice held an edge of danger. Paul crossed his arms and did a quick sweep of the bar with his eyes. People were starting to stare at them. "I�m not going to talk about it here. We can go some place more private and-" No Paul! I�m not leaving. Enlighten us as to what I�m �trying to do� as you put it. I�m sure Tim and Rich here would love to hear your thoughts on the matter because I sure as hell would." He couldn�t with hold his rage any longer. "You wanna make a scene?! Well that�s fine with me! I was only trying to save you the embarrassment but we�ll have this conversation right here if it make you happy!" Everyone in the bar was watching in fascination as the scene before them began to unfold. "You�re trying to get me to hate you because it hurts so much to know that you�ll be leaving someone behind that you love, knowing full well that they love you more than life itself." She sneered at him. "Well look at Mr. Psycho Analyst himself, unable to accept rejection. Well here�s a news flash for you McDermott, I don�t feel that way about you at all." She turned to leave but he grabbed her arm and wrenched her around to face him. "I don�t believe you." he said softly. "Then believe this." She spat in his face and tried to pull away but he tightened his grip. With his free hand, he wiped his face. "Look me in the eyes and say you don�t love me and I�ll let you go. You won�t ever have to hear from me again." He could see the tears welling up as she looked into his eyes with an icy blue stare. "I don�t love you." She broke out of his grip, turned and ran out of the bar. After what seemed like an age, Paul slowly turned back to the other two who�e eyes were all but popping out of their sockets. Paul�s face was expressionless. "I think I�ll go now." he said, his voice deadpan. He turned to leave but the bar girl called out to him. "Excuse me Mister, but you haven�t paid for your beer and your lady friend seems to have forgotten to pay for her�s too." In a daze, he pulled out a note and put it on the bar counter. "Keep the change" he walked slowly out of the bar. Tim, Richard and the bar girl, stared wide-eyed at the green bill on the counter top and then at Paul�s back as he walked out the door. Part 5 He didn�t remember the walk home nor did he have any recollection of arriving on his doorstep as a torrent of rain began to fall. But somehow, he ended up sitting on the couch, staring at a blank television screen, his mind empty and numb yet he still felt at somewhat of a hopeless loss. The words �I don�t love you� kept repeating from some far off place and although he was almost positive that Sara hadn�t meant what she�d said, the fact that she had said it, hurt a hell of a lot. In the end, he managed to turn his mind off almost completely, blocking out her spiteful words. He was so meditated in fact, that he almost failed to hear the doorbell and it wasn�t until the third ring that he hauled himself up and walked, unfeeling, to the door, opened it and stood staring dumbly at the figure before him. When he finally came out of his trance, the first thing he noticed was that she was wet�actually, wet was an understatement. She was saturated. The next thing he noticed was that despite the rain water that ran down the contours of her face, it was obvious that she had been crying. �Crying� was also an understatement. She�d been bawling and hadn�t quite finished it seemed as she let out a hiccup and a sob. Her boots were gone- no doubt discarded in a sudden outburst of rage and despair- and the wet dress clung to her even more than it had originally, if that was at all possible. She took a deep breath to ready herself to talk but instead, hiccupped again. If it wasn�t for the intensity of the moment, Paul was sure he would have found it cute and amusing. She frowned and took another breath and this time was able to speak freely. "I just came to say that I�m sorry and that�that�" she seemed to be having trouble with the last bit but finally managed to sob, "I can�t do this without you." She dropped to her knees in despair and buried her face in his trouser legs, sobbing freely and quite loudly. Paul didn�t know what to say. For one of the few times in his life. he was at a total and complete loss for words. As it was, he need not have said anything because she still wasn�t finished. "I didn�t mean what I said earlier and I hate myself for having done what I have. you were right about the whole �leaving a loved one behind� thing but it just hurts so much. I don�t expect you to understand. I just want for you to know that I love you. I need you to believe that I love you, I love you, I love you�" The last phrase was sobbed over and over into the general vicinity of his knees until he managed to find his voice and finally speak. "I believe you and I do understand because�because it hurts me too." She slowly lifted her head to look up at him, but still kept a firm grip on his trousers as if they were some kind of lifeline. "Sara, I love you." He held both hands out to her. She hesitated before reaching up and grasping them, pulling herself to her feet. He looked into her eyes for a few seconds before bringing his lips to hers and kissing her gently. She�d even moved into his place two days later as a final step to proving how strong the bond between them really was. Paul sighed, rolled over and for not the first time (and he was sure it wouldn�t be his last), cried himself to sleep, knowing full well that the empty space next to him would be staying that way for a long time. Parts 6-10 A Long Time Dead chapter index DAAS fiction index |
