Part 1

The Council sat around the huge oval table, their attention riveted on the immense viewscreen that occupied one whole wall of the Council Chamber.

The screen showed a large spacecraft in orbit over Australia. So far, they had no clue as to who, or what, was aboard the craft. Attempts at communication had failed, and the ships they�d sent up to examine the craft in more detail had all been either shot down, or repelled by a force field that surrounded the craft.

There appeared to be a similar field in operation around Earth. None of the fleet could penetrate it, and the ships that had tried had been severely damaged.

"Do we know anything about it?" Jean-Paul, President of the Council, tore his eyes away from the screen and turned to the others, his frustration evident.

"Only what it isn�t." Xavier, the Chief Scientist of the Council, replied softly. "It isn�t made of any material with which we�re familiar � if the readings we get from our sensors can be believed. It isn�t from any culture that we�ve encountered so far. And it isn�t communicating with us �whether because it can�t or won�t is open to debate."

"Message from Australia, President." A voice speaking softly over the intercom interrupted their discussion.

"On main speaker." Jean-Paul instructed.

"Affirm. Switching." There was a slight pop as the main speaker was activated.

"This is Jean-Paul."

"President, this is Scott. We�re receiving a signal over every communication channel. You�re not going to believe this, sir."

"Relay it, Scott."

"Affirm." Scott�s voice was replaced by what sounded like hundreds of voices, all chanting the same word, over and over. "Allstars! Allstars! Allstars!"

Despite the seriousness of the situation, several Council members found it difficult to suppress their smiles.

"Dead and Alive?" Xavier whispered to Timiny.

"It would seem so."

"Perhaps if we played the next part of the CD, President?" Richelieu suggested hesitantly.

"It�s worth a try." Scott�s voice came clearly over the speaker. "Do I have your permission, President?"

Jean-Paul�s gaze moved around the table. One by one, each Councillor nodded. "Affirm." He said into the speaker.

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Part 2

The results were astonishing � and disturbing.

The next transmission from the craft consisted of four words repeated over and over in a flat, mechanical voice. "Allstars. Here. Now. Bring." This time the transmission was limited to the frequency used for government communications.

The trouble, of course, was that the Allstars were long dead. The last one had passed away � amazingly enough during a wild orgy celebrating his one-hundredth birthday � on May 13, 2062. More than one hundred and thirty years ago. The official cause of death had been listed as exhaustion.

The history of each member of the group was well documented. The Doug Anthony Allstars� cult following had gradually spread throughout human society. Whether on Earth, or on one of the far-flung colony planets, there was no one who had not heard of the twentieth-century comedic group. Vids and holograms of their performances were an intrinsic part of the curriculum of both the Academy of Comedy, and the Academy of Satirical Societal Studies. Quotes from DAAS - DAASisms - were common in everyday speech.

Attempts to communicate with the craft, to explain that the Allstars had long since died, were met with indifference, and the four words continued to repeat with ominous monotony. Even more ominously, power supplies began to fluctuate all over the planet - and the cause was traced directly back to the alien craft.

There was, as far as the Council could see, only one option. They would have to call upon the Time Wardens to travel back and retrieve the Allstars. It was a risky undertaking, but there seemed to be no other choice.

The Time Wardens � an independent body that had complete autonomy � reluctantly agreed to the request. They, too, could see little choice. Time travel was used only in the direst emergencies � and this certainly seemed to qualify as such.

It only remained for the Council to instruct them as to when they should go to pick the trio up.

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Part 3

"Couldn�t we just clone them? Their bodies are entombed in the Shitzu Tonka Shrine, after all." Richelieu wanted to know. The whole idea of tampering with time left him feeling very worried.

"You know as well as I do that without transferral, all we�d have would be three living, breathing, empty husks. Whatever it was that made them who they were would simply not be there." Xavier told him patiently.

"We�ll have to pick them up from 2000. That�s at the absolute limit of the time slip." Jean-Paul told the Council, studying the fact sheet that the time Wardens had provided. "Check the archives � when would be the best time to find them all together?"

Timiny scanned the files. The entire history of each of the Allstars had been painstakingly researched. All the known details were stored in the central computer. "Um, apparently they were all in the bar at the Renaissance Hotel in Sydney, Australia, on May 13, 2000. The records show that they spent the night in Tim Ferguson�s room at the hotel��oh�.apparently they were all very inebriated. It was before recreational drugs became legal and completely replaced alcohol."

"Okay then. Tell the Time Wardens that that�s when and where they have to go to." Jean-Paul instructed Xavier.

"Affirm." Xavier strode quickly from the room. A message of such delicacy was not to be trusted to the Net.

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Tim stared blearily at Paul and Richard before collapsing down onto the lounge. Richard was half-on, half-off one of the lounge chairs. Paul was sprawled out on the floor, partially hidden under the coffee table.

Maybe they should stop celebrating birthdays. They always drank far too much and the next day was always an absolute nightmare as far as hangovers went. He�d see what the others thought when they regained consciousness in the morning, he decided, as he fought to stop the room from spinning.

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Part 4

The Time Wardens entered the room stealthily. A quick look at the trio confirmed that they would be out for quite a while yet. Just to be sure, each received a spray of anaesthetic gas. If nothing else, it would limit the effects of something called a �hangover�, which apparently usually followed consumption of excessive amounts of alcohol. God only knew, they�d be feeling bad enough after they travelled two hundred years forward in time. That was the price of time travel � successful time travel. The travellers experienced muscular pain and severe headaches. Unsuccessful travellers died.

The Time Warden assigned to Paul looked down at him in amazement. "My ten-year-old is bigger than him!" He exclaimed as he bent and lifted the limp body, allowing it to flop forward over his shoulder.

"Yeah. And the other two aren�t overly tall, either." The Time Warden assigned to Tim grinned as he hauled him to his feet and let him fall over his shoulder.

"Well, they do say that the population is getting taller � the average is 192.5 centimetres now, isn�t it?" The third Time Warden said as he picked Richard up in a similar manner to how the other two had picked up Tim and Paul.

"Something like that. Time to go." The first Warden said. "I�ll be glad to get out of here � travelling this far back always makes me nauseous."

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"Have you completed the cloning?" Jean-Paul asked Xavier as the two stood studying the screen which showed the three Allstars lying on separate beds in the hospital isolation ward. "What state are the clones in at this time?"

"Affirm. Transferral was also completed without incident. Physically, they are in the early stages of adolescence. They�ll stay there until and unless we need to continue the growth process."

"Excellent."

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"Oh, God!" Tim put his hands to his pounding head. "I am never going drinking with you two ever, ever again." He whispered, afraid to speak too loudly in case his head exploded.

"That�s what you said last time." Richard whispered back. "And the time before, and the time before, and - "

"I get the point, Rich, okay?" Tim groaned.

"What the f---?" Paul ignored the pounding of his own head as he looked around him. "Where the f--- are we?" The others forced their eyes open and looked around. They were in a large, pale grey room. The only furnishings in the room were the beds on which they lay. "And what the f--- are we wearing?" Paul continued. The clothes they had been wearing when they�d gone out drinking had been replaced by black pants, white shirts, and black waist-length, army-style jackets � complete with very familiar badges and patches.

"This is too weird." Tim tried sitting up, only to fall back with a groan. His entire body ached as though he�d been on the wrong side of a beating.

A panel in the wall slid open, and three men stepped into the room. "Greetings." The one in the middle spoke quietly as he and his two companions each approached one of the Allstars, handing them a glass of white liquid.

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Part 5

"Whatever." Paul muttered. "Who are you, and why are we here � wherever here is � and what�s with the nostalgia trip in clothes?"

"What�s this?" Richard asked, sniffing suspiciously at his glass.

"Milk. It will help to offset the effects of the transportation." One of the strangers told him.

"Uh-huh." Tim was sceptical.

They glanced at each other and shrugged. "What the f---." Paul downed the glassful in one long swallow. The others followed suit. "You still haven�t answered my questions." He turned a flat stare on the three men.

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After the situation had been explained to the trio (remember, they were never a threesome, because they could never decide who could be the one in the middle), they sat on the edges of their beds in stunned silence for a long moment.

"This is some kind of sick joke, right?" Tim asked staring at the three tall men.

"I�m afraid not." Jean-Paul told him soberly. "Perhaps it would help if we showed you? There�s a screen in the Council Chamber."

"Uh-huh." Richard risked a glance at Paul and Tim. Their faces were as pale as he felt.

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"Why isn�t anyone panicking in the streets?" Richard wanted to know. "I mean, a ship that size over one of the continents�.."

"They don�t know about it. Security has been very tight, and the ship isn�t visible from the ground."

"Oh." They walked along the pathway with Jean-Paul, Xavier, and Richelieu.

"So, where are we going now?" Paul wanted to know. He couldn�t help but notice that all the people they passed were taller even than Tim � and they kept staring at him strangely. "And why do people keep staring at me?"

"We�re going to the Citadel. It�s the central building of the Capital, and houses the Council � literally as well as figuratively. The Council Chamber is on the uppermost floor. I�ve arranged accommodation for the three of you there until we can find a solution to our problem." Jean-Paul explained.

"Uh-huh." Paul nodded. "Maybe I didn�t make myself clear with my other question. Why the f--- do people keep staring at me?"

Xavier cleared his throat nervously. "Um, well, the fact is that no one has ever seen an adult as, ah, petite as you. They�re fascinated."

Tim and Richard cracked up laughing at the expression on Paul�s face. "Fantastic. Fan-f---ing-tastic!"

"C�mon, Pixie � " Tim chortled. "At least you�re fascinating, and petite � Rich and I are just shortarses."

"F--- off, Ferguson." Paul muttered, hunching his shoulders and trying to ignore the constant stares.