But do enjoy
(or not for all i care)
The Carp:
Once upon a time, in the land of Overthere, there was a dullard of a girl and she was hungry. For four years she sat starving, and staring at this one apple think about eating it, and she would have too if she could only cut it, but she couldn't considering she wasn't allowed to around objects. She got to thinking one day, which can be a very dangerous thing for some people to do, about using the carp that she got for her birthday to cut the apple. This was a very clever idea which she got from watching a documentary about a man who had cut down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring. And cut she tried, but aparentsly she could not for the apple was too strong, and the carp was too weak (it being in a different temperate zone than it was used to). The carp trying to be a useful individual, did cut something though. It turned abruptly and bitted her finger straight through.
Moral of the story: some things are better left to the professionals, and don't use a carp when it's evident a herring will work
best.
The Story of Phil:
Once, in a far off land (three blocks down the street), a long time ago (last Tuesday), there was a sad woman who was drowning in the great dust flood of '79. If you ask me, what she needed was a vacuum. "What I need is a vacuum!" sayed she. So out she went founding herself a little vacuum friend. She searched high and low, low and high, but alas, alls she founded were three small, defective, ugly, and uninteresting vacooms. Since she hadn't found anything to interest her vacuum needs, she went home. But all of a suddy, a wonderous vacuum that really sucked appeared, right in front of her eyes. She had to have this vacuum, it would definitely solve the dust puppy problem that she'd been having. "How can I make this wonderous vacuuming thingy to be my very own?" asked she. "This madam, is the great vacuum Phil. His price is high, but he is the most sucky vacuum in all the land." replied the sailsman. "I'll take him" and so she did.
Lesson of the story: Phil the vacuum, he really sucks.
The End
The continuing story of
Once Upon a Time:
Once upon a time there was a spotted cow.
That's all for now.
Story Time:
Once, long ago, in the middlest part of the
forest, there was the most beautiful tree in all the land. And this was no ordinary tree, no... this was a talking tree (it also sang from time to time). Now, towards the outskirts of the very same forest, arrived Jack (named such because he was born to be a lumber jack, his parents weren't very original). Jack was the best tree-cutting lumber jack in all the land, and he was quickly and steadily making his way to the middlest part of the forest, where you'll remember is where the beautiful talking tree calls home. This was potentially a very dreadful incidence, so the Dark, Ominous, Cloud of Doom hovered about because there is nothing that Dark, Ominous, Clouds of Doom like more than dreadful incidences. What would happen to the talking tree? Would Jack be able to make it out of the forest alive? Would the Dark, Ominous, Cloud of Doom ever go away? (and other suspenseful questions)
Intermission
Back to the story...
Jack finally reached the talking tree, and fell madly in love upon seeing its beauty. The tree, being disgusted at inter-scientific kingdom (from biology) relationships, flung Jack far, far out of the forest and into the land of Nod.
Moral of the story: Just because a tree is beautiful doesn't mean that it's not a racist
A Nice, Calm, Happy Story:
Due to the evil complaints of the high-and-mighty B.F.K.D. A Nice Calm Happy Story is nolonger aloud to be shown. it was a kind-hearted and harmless story, but I am obligated to comply (for the threat of a punnishment of great annoyance that could lead to a slow and painful death) Those who care can email me at [email protected]
Story of a Superhero:
There once was a wonderous superhero who saved many a person, and critter. What was this super hero's name? Why Captain Rebellious Action Pro of course! Captain Rebellious Action Pro saved peoples and crittys of all kinds and creed from the Really Immoral Cheap Haughties who were generally the ones in charge. Now the Really Immoral Cheap Haughties didn't care much for critters or the incrittered peoples of the middle class. Captain Rebellious Action Pro really didn't like the haughtiness of the Really Immoral Cheap Haughties, so he made them go away by threatening them with the mysterious red goo that he found while cleaning out the refrigerator that shortly after caught on fire.
Lesson of the Story: C.R.A.P. can be considerably better than the R.I.C.H.
The End
Please feel free to email me at [email protected] with any questions/comments or stories you'd like to have added
Thank you, come again, buy more produce, and have a nice day :)