Author: Dorotea
Title: The Return 18
Disclaimer: Yadda, yadda, not making any money, yadda
Rating: NC-17
Feedback: Of course! [email protected]

"This one goes to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind
A simple prop to occupy my time
This one goes out to the one I love
Fire (she's comin' down on her own, now)

REM, The One I Love




He strokes your hair softly, whisper, "I love you, little one."
You can feel his love for you and you close your eyes tightly, fighting back
tears.
The guilt and shame washes over you. You don't deserve his love. You know
that Obi-Wan doesn't love you in this way, but you can't give him up. You
want both of them, you can't choose one over the other.
"Why do you love me?" you ask, your voice barely a whisper. "Why?"
****
The Return 18

You wait for an answer, but Qui-Gon doesn't say anything.
You lift your head, "It wasn't a rhetorical question, you're supposed to
answer."
He gives you a small grin, but before he can answer, Obi-Wan's door slides
open.
Obi-Wan enters the room, stares directly at you and, feigning innocence says,
"Not done yet?"

Qui-Gon gives him a withering glare, which Obi-Wan returns. This is not
good, you think. You attempt to untangle yourself from Qui-Gon, but he won't
let go of you.
You sigh heavily. "Aren't you supposed to be meditating?" you ask Obi-Wan.
He doesn't take his eyes off of Qui-Gon for a second as he answers, "I'm
going to the practice room to work out." His eyes challenge Qui-Gon to
object.

Qui-Gon replies in a cold voice, "Considering the frustration I sense from
you, that is a good idea. Go now, padawan."
Obi-Wan holds the glare for another second, then his eyes shift downward,
unwilling to challenge his Master. He glances at you and you can see the
jealousy burning in his eyes as he realizes that Qui-gon is still inside of
you. You sense his anger projected at you as he quickly turns and leaves the
room without saying anything else.

After the door closes, Qui-Gon releases you and get up and start dressing.
As he does the same, you pick up the wine bottle and pour another glass. You
sit down on the sofa and finish the glass in one swallow. You pour another
one and offer it to Qui-Gon as he sits down next to you.

"Maybe I should go talk to Obi-Wan," you say quietly as Qui-Gon takes a small
drink from the glass and returns it to the floor.
"No, I'll go, but not yet. Let him work off some of his aggression first,"
he says as he pulls you into his arms. You think it would be better if you
went, considering the glares they were exchanging, but you don't feel like
arguing right now so you let it drop.

"Why do you love me?" you ask.
He sighs softly, "Because of everything you are."
"Is that an answer? I don't think that is an answer."
He kisses you softly on the cheek. "I love the way you walk, the way you
smile, your laugh, your hair, your attitude. I love everything about you,"
he says as he strokes your face and kisses your lips softly.
"Except for the fact I can't seem to keep my hands off your padawan," you add
in a guilty tone.

"I just wish you could see how wrong you are for each other and how dangerous
your relationship is," he says matter of factly.
"Why do you think we are wrong for each other?" you ask defensively.
"You bring out the worst in each other. You bring out the animal in him and
he brings out your desire to be dominated to an unhealthy level. He is not
patient enough for your games and you're not patient enough to deal with his
quick temper."
You bristle at his words, part of you suspecting he is right, but the
majority of you not willing to admit it.
"I disagree," you say stiffly.

"Was he rough with you after I left this morning?" he asks, his tone telling
you he already knows the answer.
"Not seriously," you say softly.
He sighs and kisses you softly on the forehead, "You have created a monster."
Anger rises in you. "I have not!" you protest.
"You have," he says with a slight bitterness in his voice. "You let him hit
you, practically rape you and then told him you loved him. What kind of
message do you think that sends to him? What do you think is he is going to
when you get angry at him or when he is angry at you?"

"You're wrong! You just want me all to yourself, you'll say anything to turn
me away from him. He has never done anything to me that I didn't want him
to," you answer, hoping to hurt him, satisfied with the quick flash of anger
and hurt you see in his eyes. "You just don't want to believe that we might
actually love each other."

"I believe that you care about each other, but I don't believe you are in
love with each other. Obi-Wan doesn't even know the difference between love
and lust yet. You are just telling yourself that because if you can't admit
that it is just lust. You can't accept the fact that your relationship with
Obi-Wan is based only on sex," Qui-Gon responds with an exasperated tone.

"It is not just about sex! You just trying to make me feel guiltier than I
already do! You sensed I was feeling guilty today and now you are using it
to try and keep me all to yourself. I don't belong to you. My relationship
with Obi-Wan is not just about sex and it is not dangerous."

"What do you think would happen right now, if I let you go talk to him first?
You saw the look in his eyes when he left here. You saw the way he was
looking at me. Do you think you can control that much anger?"
You stand up angrily. "We're going to find out, because I am going to go
talk to him now."

Qui-Gon stands up and puts his hand on your shoulder. "You're right, I would
prefer to have you all to myself, because I am in love with you. You're the
only woman I want. But, I'm just telling you this for your own good. I don't
want either one of you to get hurt. I just want to prevent this already
dangerous situation from escalating," he responds calmly.

His calm voice just makes you angrier. You push his hand off your shoulder
and grab your boots. You sit back down and put them on, your teeth clenched
tightly.
"I don't need you to do anything for my own good. You're just thinking about
yourself. I can take care of myself!" you yell as you stand up and stomp
toward the door. You don't look back as you storm out of his quarters.


************************************************************************************************
You locate Obi-Wan in one of the practice rooms, doing his kata. You lean
against the wall and watch him go through the motions with perfectly, with
just the hint of sweat on his brow. He senses your presence and stops and
walks over to you.
"I wasn't expecting to see you for a while," he says with a small grin.

"We need to talk," you answer.
He presses you against the wall and kisses you. You push him away.
"I said talk!"
His brows knit together, "We don't need to talk right now."
"Yes, we do. You should've heard the things that Qui-Gon was saying to me."

He frowns, "I don't really want to hear about his declarations of love for
you." He again kisses you, his hand rubbing your breast.
You push his hand away angrily. "Obi-Wan do you love me or do you just love
having sex with me?"
He ignores your question as his again finds a breast to fondle. His other
hand goes down below your stomach and under your tunic as his lips attack
your neck.
You feel the lust rising in you as well as anger. 'This is so wrong', you
think. Was Qui-Gon right?
"Obi-Wan stop, now!" you say firmly. "Answer my question!"
"What question?" he mumbles his hands still stroking you.
"Do you love me or do you just love having sex with me?"
"Does it matter? You have Qui-Gon to love you, you don't need me for that,"
he replies bitterly, as his fondling turns rougher.

"Yes, it matters!" you exclaim as you push him away from you. A wave of
anger washes over as you realize that Qui-Gon was right. Why does he have to
be right so often?
Anger flashes in his eyes, "Don't push me," he says in low, harsh voice.
"I'm leaving now," you say as you turn to walk away from him.
He grabs your arm and pushes you back up against the wall. "I'm not going to
walk away from me."
"Let go of me now," you say very slowly, trying to control your anger.
"No," he answers, as his hand roughly explores your body.

You close your eyes for a moment, weighing your options. He obviously wasn't
going to listen to you, so you can either let him do this to you or fight
back.
You sigh heavily. "Obi-Wan stop now, or else..." you warn him one last time.

"Or else what?" he replies angrily. "Are you going to tell Qui-Gon? I'm not
scared of him."
"It is not him you have to worry about right now," you say under your breath
as you gather the Force around you. You first just try to push him away, but
he doesn't let go and he slams you hard against the wall.
"How sweet, you know I like it when you struggle," he says in a harsh whisper
as he attempts to unclasp your belt.

'You have no one to blame for this but yourself,' you think. He has no idea
what he is even doing. Now is the time to stop it. You Force push him away
and he sprawls on the floor. He immediatly jumps up and starts toward you,
before he reaches you swing around with a high leg kick, your boot connecting
hard with his chest. He staggers backwards, but doesn't fall.
"You're going to pay for that," he warns.

"Not today," you answer coldly as you arm stretches out and you force push
him back again, before he can recover your boot connects with his face,
knocking him to the ground.
You stand above him watching the blood run down his cheek, that was not going
to look pretty. He moans and starts to get up. You quickly squat down and
place your hand on his forehead. "Sleep," you say, using the force to put him
out. You stroke his face lightly, so beautiful. You don't feel any anger
toward him, just regret that it had to come to this.
You sigh. "What was I thinking? Better question, what was I thinking with?"

You stand up, your heart still racing from the fight, and reach for your
commlink to call Qui-Gon, but as you turn you see him standing in the
doorway. You let go of your commlink and sigh. How does he do that? You
wonder how long he has been watching. You were hoping to leave before he
arrived. You feel like a fool. You know he won't be so cruel as to actually
say 'I told you so', but it would be in his eyes.

"I was just going to contact you," you say trying to calm yourself.
"I was already on my way," he says glancing at Obi-Wan.
"I told you I can take of myself," you say defiantly.
"I know you can, I was worried about Obi-Wan," he says with a hint of
amusement as he walks over and bends down to check on his padawan.
"He's not hurt badly, I just put him to sleep."

You glance down at Obi-Wan, then study Qui-Gon for a moment. You can see the
'I told you so' in his eyes. You look away from him and then turn to leave.

Before you can even take a step, Qui-Gon is there, with his hand on your
shoulder.
"Are you okay?" he asks softly.
You don't answer, just stare straight ahead, not sure of the answer.
"It wasn't a rhetorical question," he says.
You give him a small smile. "I'm fine. I just need some time."
"I'll be here."

You turn to face him, looking at chest. It would be so easy to bury your
face in him and let him wrap his strong arms around you. You would feel safe
and loved. You close your eyes for a long moment, then look up at his face.
You can feel his longing to hold you, to love you. It would be so easy to
let him. You glance at Obi-Wan still sprawled on the floor. 'No, not yet,
maybe never,' you tell yourself.

He leans down and lightly kisses your lips. 'So easy,' you think again.
You look up into his eyes, "Okay," you say softly.

'I will not kiss him, I will not kiss him,' you repeat to yourself. You turn
quickly before you can change your mind and walk out of the practice room.

TBC