Tam smiled into huge planet looming overhead. It was strange to watch from the moon she stepped out of the ship to. Still, at least it was no where she had been before. She was glad to leave the planet that had once been her home, too much had changed for her to feel comfortable. The Senate building was the same, but nothing else was. Even the Jedi Temple that had been her only home was long gone, destroyed by the same Emperor who had destroyed the Jedi.

It was hard for Tam to accept all the changes calmly. It was too sudden and too much for her to accept all at once. Luke Skywalker had listened to her talking about it calmly, then smiled. "I have a suggestion. Come with me to the new Jedi Temple on Yavin 4. You can meditate in peace there and recover from all the shocks."

"That might be a good idea. I’ve never heard of that place, so I won’t feel so, um, shaken by any changes."

He laughed. "You are the first person in I’ve talked to in years that hasn’t even heard of Yavin 4. That, and it hasn’t changed much in the last century or so except that there are people there now."

"Oh. If it was uninhabited for so long that would explain why I never heard of it. Most of my training was in combat and diplomacy, I paid more attention to the more important planets involved in galactic politics from my time. I even knew more about Corellia than most other Jedi because I helped negotiations a couple of times trying to get them in the Republic. Do you know how that turned out?"

He laughed again. "As a matter of fact, they joined a while later, just before the Emperor took power. I know a lot of people who come from Corellia, including my brother-in-law."

"Good." Tam smiled, glad to have been a part of that.

"Now, we have to work on your telekinesis, that seems to be your weak point right now." He pulled out a feather and she reached out with her mind, confident that today she would have the control she did before. They spent hours working on getting her strength and control back. Finally Luke stopped and sat back, thinking.

"Master Skywalker, am I doing something wrong?"

"What?" He looked surprised "It’s not that at all. I was just thinking about your potential once you are back up to full strength. Your training was much different from the training any of the Jedi today received. We won’t be able to offer you the same thing today that you had before."

"Do you think that’s a danger to my training?"

"No, it’s not that. I want to think about it for a while, but you must be willing to adapt."

"Of course, Master Skywalker. I will do what I can."

"I know you will. Do you think you’ll be well enough to go to Yavin 4 tomorrow?"

"No problem. Maybe I’ll make better progress away from here." Tam smiled with a look full of hope.

"Your progress so far has been astounding. How much better do you expect to be by now?"

"Just wait until I am back at full strength." Tam gave him a playful wink.

"I’m almost afraid to," he admitted with a rare laugh. He patted her on the shoulder and then left. Tam slipped quickly into a deep meditation, trying to regain her touch with the Force.

She vividly recalled that conversation as she looked around and stared at her new surroundings. Yavin 4 was beautiful, Tam was awed by the view of the large planet that loomed over them. She had rarely seen such jungles in her travels and was awed by the amount of green everywhere. That, and there was a feeling of peace predominant in the area that she had only felt at the old Jedi Temple. There were many Jedi there, all doing different tasks, but with the same sense of peace and harmony as the general feeling.

"It wasn’t always like this," Luke told her quietly. "Thousands of years ago the Sith Lord Exar Kun, built the Temples here and invested a lot of his evil energy in them. When I started the Jedi Academy here his ghost attempted to seduce a few of my students and killed one."

"I imagine it took some time to change the feel of the place."

"It was all thanks to the students I have had. I’m proud of the Jedi we have today."

"If Jaina, Jacen and Anakin are any example I’d be proud too. I haven’t met many Jedi who were that mature and responsible at their ages, but there they are, all three Knights so soon. I know when I was Anakin’s age I wasn’t able to handle it."

"How old are you? I thought you were the same age."

"No, I’m 23. When I was Anakin’s age I had, well, an incident with the family I was protecting. I fell in love with their son and slept with him when I shouldn’t have. His father discovered us and I was, um, reprimanded and taken from the case. A week later the son and his mother died with the Jedi Master I had been temporarily assigned to. A week after that I found out I was pregnant." They were both silent for a time. "Even then I felt twice as old as I was. I can’t imagine why I would look younger."

"I think I know why." Jacen’s voice was coming from right behind them, causing Tam to jump. "The prolonged stasis caused the slight wrinkles and creases on your face to gradually even out. Your muscles were relaxed for a very long time, even your hands have less creases than most people your age. I just realized it when some of the lines started coming back."

Tam’s hands went involuntarily to her face. She noticed what she was doing and gave a short laugh. "I guess that was inevitable, no sense being vane about it." She smiled sheepishly, ducking her head while the two guys laughed.

"Nothing that bad," Jacen said. "I just noticed there was a slight difference while we were flying back here. You still look younger than your alleged 23 years."

"Yah, and you act younger than your 22 years." She stuck her tongue out at him like she had seen his sister do so many times before over the past month. They all shared another laugh, something Tam was growing accustomed to since being around Jacen and Jaina. The twins had seemed to adopt her as one of their own, treating her like family. Tam was surprised to realize that it was just what she needed. She was happier than she had ever been.

"Uncle Luke, there’s a few things Kyp wanted to talk to you about. He was asking about you when I was on my way back out here."

"Sure, I have a few other things to do too, so I’ll probably be busy the rest of the day. Would you help Tam settle in while I take care of things?"

Jacen nodded, smiling. "No problem."

Luke walked away quickly, in a hurry to get everything done. Tam turned to Jacen and smiled up at him. "Have you seen Anakin yet?"

"I talked to him while he was in between teaching classes. He’s one of the best with a lightsaber, so there are a lot of Masters who ask him to help. He told me to tell you he was sorry he had to leave so soon after you woke up, but he didn’t want duties to pile up."

"I knew that when he left. He’s silly." She smiled and looked away, happy that he would have thought to say anything.

"Yah, well, you’re just as silly when it comes to him. Don’t think Jaina and I haven’t noticed." His tone was teasing, but his eyes seemed to explore her for a reaction.

"I’m that transparent? Oh, no."

"Don’t worry, Jaina and I can keep a secret. Well, we can if you can." He gave her a quirky lop-sided grin and walked off toward the Temple. She quickly followed, not sure how to take his last comment.

Jacen showed her around, telling her about the history of the place and what each room was used for today. It was interesting, but she found herself only listening with half an ear. Her mind kept straying to thoughts of Anakin and what she would say to him when she saw him again. Jacen noticed, but he didn’t say anything. No one was expected to remember everything from their first tour anyway, so he didn’t push her.

At the end he took her back outside. "That would be everything, probably more than you ever wanted to know about this place."

Tam sensed the teasing tone in his voice and realized he knew just how much attention she had really paid. "Oh no," she decided to tease back. "I found everything simply fascinating." She covered her hand over her mouth and gave a mock yawn.

"Sure, just as fascinating as you’ll find the Council meeting you’re going to be subjected to."

"Oh, no. Well, they can’t be as bad as they were when I was young. It took thousands of years to perfect that level of—"

"Hi Anakin! We were just talking bad about Uncle Luke."

"We were not," Tam protested.

"He’s on the Council," Jacen teased.

"I was just saying he couldn’t be nearly as bad as Master Yoda used to be, that’s all."

"Remember who trained him," Anakin warned ominously.

"Hey, remember who trained me!" Tam glared at him for a second, then was stunned. A vision hit her full on, derailing the laugh she had been about to issue.

"Tam, are you okay?" Anakin stepped closer, reaching for her. She backed away quickly before he could touch her, not trusting her control over her thoughts and emotions to hold against being touched.

"I’m fine…I just," she broke off, unsure of what to say. Jacen gave her a puzzled glance, concern flowing from him through the Force. Tam shook her head. "It was nothing, really."

"Well, it ruined a perfectly good joke," Jacen complained with a smile. His attempt at humor fell flat, but he had gotten used to that as a teen-ager. He shrugged, waiting for one of the others to restart the conversation.

Anakin finally spoke up. "So, how have you been progressing since I had to leave?"

Tam gave him a wry smile. "I may be the only one who thinks so, but disappointing. At least, I’m disappointed and your uncle thinks I’m doing great."

"If you push yourself too hard you could hold back your progress."

Tam and Jacen exchanged a glance. "Funny, that’s exactly what your big brother has been trying to tell me." Jacen smiled triumphantly at the caustic tone in Tam’s voice.

Anakin laughed. "Hey wait a minute! Since when are you and I supposed to agree?"

"Only when we don’t know that the other one does." Jacen smiled and then looked away. "I have a few more things to do, people to see, things like that. Could I leave you two alone for a while?"

Tam tried to keep the panicked look off of her face so that Anakin wouldn’t get the wrong idea. Anakin shrugged. "Sure, we haven’t had any time alone since she woke up."

"Great. I’ll see you two around."

"Yah, I’ll see you later…." Tam’s voice sounded weak to her own ears.

Silence greeted them as Jacen left, neither one sure how to start the conversation. Finally Anakin broke the silence. "You’re doing better than you give yourself credit for."

"What?"

"You were mostly distracted, that’s why you felt like you weren’t making much progress."

"How would you know that?"

"You had a vision just now, and you weren’t expecting to be able to, so it shocked you. Am I right?"

"Yes, but how—"

"I was waiting for that. Can I ask you what your vision was about?"

"That’s a little personal. Anyway, I haven’t had time to even think about it."

Anakin gestured over to an inviting grassy patch. They sat down and he looked deep in her eyes. "Take the time to think about it, I think it’s important."

She started to shake her head, but something told her to bring the vision back to her mind, recalling every vivid detail. She was still unwilling to share, but the look in his eyes drove her to say something. "It was about the future. We were both in it."

"What else?"

Tam looked across at him questioningly. "Why is this so important to you?"

Anakin thought about it for a while. He took a deep breath and seemed to come to a conclusion. "The first time I saw you, when you were still in stasis, I had a strong feeling about you. It wasn’t a vision or anything, just this feeling that you were important in some way. I couldn’t shake the feeling, so I was thrilled when we had a chance to talk. The feeling grew stronger, and when I left—" He broke off and looked off in the distance. "I had a vision as soon as I stepped out the door. I realized that you are important to me, but I don’t know why. When you had your vision I felt a reverberation through the Force. I want to know why, I want to know what I mean to you."

"I just saw…something that felt like it had a deeper meaning that I can’t know yet. You were falling and you reached for my hand. I grabbed you close to me and realized it had been me that was falling. There was much more to it, but it seems clouded. I can’t explain more than that."

"Yes," he murmured softly. "A feeling of danger without…." His voice trailed off.

"Anakin? What do you think it means?"

"I wish I knew. Believe me Tam, I wish we both knew."

Tam fell asleep that night with difficulty. She felt an intense need for Anakin that kept her awake far longer than she had ever been kept awake in that way. Visions of her friends and loved ones from long ago loomed behind her eyelids and she somehow knew that Anakin’s presence could drive them away. Clutching that thought firmly in her mental grasp she finally fell asleep.

The dream was harrowing. Master Yoda was being chased to the far reaches of the galaxy, finally settling in a swampy hovel and living his last years in hiding. Master Janak stared with empty eyes while the room she was in was consumed in the explosion that took her life. Voron looked sadly in the distance, sad that he would never know in the waking world that he had a daughter. Cshanil cried out, "There is no death, there is the force—but where is my mother?"

Ghosts came and went, each with their lament or tragedy. Tam could only watch in horror, as she knew she had been alive but helpless the entire time. She tried to go to them, show them how to live. Show them that she didn’t abandon them willingly. They looked through her as if she were the one dead. She felt alone and helpless, nothing she could do to help them, no way to let them know she was there.

She screamed in the dream, but none of the ghostly images even paused. "I want to go back, I never wanted to leave you!" The words fell on deaf ears and she began to cry. She became aware of someone else approaching. She held her arms up in a protective manner, covering her face so she wouldn’t see any more. "I can’t help you, I can’t help any of you."

"Then I will help you." It was Anakin’s voice. With fearful eyes she looked up at him, afraid that he would ignore her too. He walked closer, his movements deliberate.

"Can you hear me?"

"Yes. Come here, let me help you." He opened his arms to her and she ran to him.

Before she reached him she woke up. Gasping in the sudden darkness she sat up on her bed and curled up with her head resting on her knees. Tam realized that sleep wouldn’t come in the state she was in, her emotions were running away with her at a quick pace. She grabbed a robe and threw it on, deciding to go for a walk.

As she opened the door she saw Anakin standing there with one arm hovering impotently in the air. "Are you all right?" He lowered his arm and took a step in the room. "What happened to you?"

"I’m fine, I just—" She had been standing tall, but the dream hit her all over again. Her shoulders slumped and her eyes filled with tears.

Anakin held his arms out to her and wrapped her up in a great hug. "Just let it out, I’m here. Don’t worry, just let it out." His voice was soft and soothing, his arms were strong but gentle, and Tam clutched to him like he was her last hope in this reality.

"I want to go home," she sobbed. "I want to go back and—" Her voice became unintelligible as her emotions overwhelmed her.

Anakin looked for a place where they both could sit, but the bed was the only spot big enough for them. After a moment of thought he guided her over to the bed and sat down with her on his lap. He held her like that for a long time before she could regain control. She grew quiet for a time and he knew she was almost ready to let it go.

"I’ll never see any of them again." Tam’s voice was a hoarse whisper. "They never knew what happened to me and I’ll never be able to tell them. I’ll never—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping this on you."

"Nonsense. I came here to help you, I knew you needed it. I’m glad I could share this with you." She smiled up at him and rested her head against his chest. "You are right, Tam. There is no turning back, there is no return to your yesterday. I wish that I could take you back there right now, just so I could see you happy like you were earlier. I wish there was something I could do."

"You have helped. I don’t know what I would have done without you." She brought up a hand to smother a yawn, then glanced back up at him again. "I would never have gotten sleepy again after that terrible dream without you here." She shuddered and then frowned. "I don’t know if I can get to sleep, even after your help."

"Sure you can. Here, I want you to lay down, rest your head on my lap." He scooted to the head of the bed and rested his back against the wall. "Now, think about the stars above us and all around us. They are the same stars that have been there for thousands or even millions of years. When they "die" their raw materials explode out and send out dust that will become a new star. They may change form or location, but they are essentially the same stars that they were from the start. Some of the stars we would see from outside tonight sent that light out thousands of years ago and it is just now reaching us here. That light has been on an endless path here since it left its source so long ago." He looked upon her sleeping face and reached out with the Force to turn the light off, leaning his head back with a smile.

--tbc--

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