Title: Jedi To Be
Author: Mary Alexander
Rating: PG
Setting: Pre-TPM
Catagory: Drama
Summary: Tam Chronin, a Jedi Padawan, is caught in the middle of a galactic
intrigue. Can she survive the machinations of a corrupt Senator who happens
to be the grandfather of her child?
Disclaimer: Master Yoda and the entire setting have sprung from the great
imagination of George Lucas, but I came up with everything else here. This
is a labor of love, or in other words I couldn't find anyone to pay me for
this. :)

******************************************************************
JEDI TO BE
It had been a long and tiring fight, not the kind Tam had been trained for.
Words of stinging accusation still rang in her ears, words that had never
been spoken in her presence while in training at the Jedi Academy her entire
life before now. They shouldn’t sting, they shouldn’t hurt, and they
shouldn’t enflame that core of anger that she had spent her life dampening,
but all the "shouldn’t" s in the galaxy couldn’t stop it entirely. It just
wasn’t fair, it wasn’t her fault, but there was no way Senator Rees would
see it from her point of view. Not if his only son would be put in a bad
light.
"Senator, I will not fight you with words any longer. That is your arena,
not mine." If you care to pick up a lightsaber I’d gladly finish—no, I
can’t afford to think like that. Always be mindful of the dark side, Tam
reminded herself. "Cshanil is yours, I won’t take your granddaughter away
from you for now."
"What do you mean, ‘for now’?" Senator Rees had a dangerous look in his
eye as he scanned her words for an implied threat.
With the cool calmness of one trained in inner control she looked him in
the eye. "The Force is strong in my family. Make no mistake, Senator; my
child will be trained as a Jedi. I have foreseen this."
Tam left with curses and epithets following her, making her skin crawl with
the darkness he could invoke. It was bad enough that Voron Rees had died
not knowing of their child, but now his father, Senator Rees, accused her of
bewitching his son. When Cshanil Chronin-Rees had been born a violent
custody battle had been fought with Tam the loser.
I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not…a single tear escaped her eyes
as she walked to her room. She stopped and concentrated on her breath,
willing the control to return long enough to see her to her haven. Her eyes
slipped closed and her face took on a look of relaxed calm while she stood
in the hall. Just as she felt the peace she sought, a familiar presence
approached.
"Much energy, much concentration has this problem stolen from you."
Tam opened her eyes and saw the wizened countenance of Master Yoda. "Yes
Master, I fear it has put me behind." Sorrow welled up within her,
threatening to break her control.
"Behind, you are. Regret you must not. A lesson this has taught you,
learn it you must, then return stronger you will. Your best you have done,
my Padawan, and these events may still be for the best." He paused, looking
into her eyes and to the core of her soul. "The chaos within you is holding
you back. Away you should go, to rest your mind and think clearly. Away
from those things that will remind you of your pain. Then stronger will you
be."
"You mean, leave here alone?"
"Surrounded by Jedi you have been from the moment of your creation, never
to know what it means to rely on yourself."
"I have always felt secure knowing there was someone I could trust near
me."
"Sheltered, you have been. Time to move on it is, after recent events sure
I am of this. Only then a Jedi can you be."
"But I need more training."
"Nothing more can you be taught. From within your strength must come or an
apprentice you will always be."
"How will I know when I am ready?"
"Ready you will be when you return. That knowledge too must come from
within."
Sensing that nothing could change his mind about her leaving, Tam stood
tall. "Yes, Master Yoda, I will do as you say."

Tam Chronin picked a planet at random and left behind the only home she had
ever known. Calmly she headed for the most remote planet she could easily
get to, some place called Dantoine. It meant nothing to her; she hadn’t
even met anyone on Coruscant who had even been there, so there were no
preassociations to cloud her thinking. It was a place she could be alone
with her meditations, where too many minds would not add to the internal
chaos she had to escape. All the preparations were made, all good-byes were
said, and even though she wouldn’t be gone for a long time she felt like she
was leaving everything behind for good. As she looked behind one last time
she had to put behind a strange feeling she would never see the Jedi Temple
on Coruscant ever again.
A sudden wash of dread came over her, a disturbance in the force nearby.
Tam’s eyes scanned the people around her for something dangerous, something
out of the ordinary, but nothing caught her attention. She shrugged,
dismissing the sensation, but it lingered despite her dismissal. She
boarded the ship awaiting her, feeling through the Force to see if there was
something wrong with it that caused her feeling of impending doom, but there
was nothing there. Whatever it was, there was nothing she could do about
it, and it was too illusive to track down. She couldn’t even tell if it was
just a general sense of foreboding, or if it was something more specific.
Distracted, she walked to her assigned quarters without her usual
vigilance. The door opened, and a blaster met her face. Before she had a
chance to react she was falling to the floor, stunned….

She heard a voice she knew, and another she didn’t. There were men,
arguing back and forth, but they were trying to be quiet. The voice she
vaguely recognized was surprised. "I find it hard to believe it was that
easy to grab that witch. I thought the Jedi had special powers, but you
just knocked her out easier than-"
"I was surprised too, but she seemed distracted by something. If she
hadn’t been it would have been a lot harder still, so I don’t owe you
anything."
"Well, I guess I don’t owe you anything either. It was so easy that the
down payment I made for the attempt is obviously enough."
"Fine, I won’t warn you that she should be awake by now…."
"What?!?"
Tam sat up, head aching, but well enough to be a threat to most people.
"That’s right, Senator, you just made two mistakes at the same time it
seems. Trying to cheat your own mercenary, and getting in the way of a
Jedi."
"A mere apprentice. Don’t make me laugh. What are you going to do all
tied up without your weapon?"
The mercenary looked nervous. "You’ve never fought against a Jedi, or you
wouldn’t ask that. I want nothing to do with such a fool, keep your money.
There are better ways to die." He stood up to leave, but the Senator’s icy
voice held him back.
"I wouldn’t want to do anything hasty if I were you. Either of you. Tam,
don’t forget I still have power over you in the form of an innocent child,
and I don’t think you want her to die. If anything happens to me she will
be dead before you can reach her."
"I can’t believe you would do that to your own granddaughter. "
"I don’t want to, believe me, but that’s your decision to make. If she
dies it will be your fault, not mine."
"You are sick. Disturbed. Don’t do this." Tam wanted to convince him of
her words, but she knew she had no chance of changing his mind so her words
came out in a strangely lifeless, hopeless monotone.
"Then shut up and listen." Senator Rees looked at Tam as if daring her to
talk while the mercenary sat off to the side trying to blend into the
background. "I want to be sure you don’t get in my way ever again, but
since you are under the protection of the Jedi I can’t just kill you.
Despite that, I would kill you if I thought it would erase your genetic
taint from my line or bring back my son. I’m a reasonable man, and I
understand that your death wouldn’t solve any of my problems, but your
disappearance might. Cooperate, and Cshanil lives a happy life in a good
home. I’ll even tell her that you were a good person, not the evil spawn of
darkness you are. Fight me, and Cshanil will die."
"You are the only evil here, Rees." There. She finally found the
appropriate emotion to put into her words.
"Don’t push it, witch. Your entire family sold their souls to have those
powers, and I’m going to see to it that no descendant of mine falls that
way." He had a look in his eyes like that of a fanatic or a madman. "You
don’t really have a choice, I will have my way. Don’t make me hurt more
people than I must."
Tam sat still for a moment in thought, trying to find a solution. He truly
was angry enough, irrational enough, to make innocent people suffer for her
actions. It seemed all she could do was cooperate, at least for now. "What
did you have in mind?"
"That’s better. Right now, all I want you to do is agree to let yourself
be sedated for the trip we are going to make, and when you wake up I want
you to play along with me."
"What do you mean by play along? How will I know what to do?"
"You’re clever, you’ll find out when you wake up."
"You promise not to kill me or Cshanil if I do this?"
"You have my word."
"I will do what you say."

Tam felt the slight gravitational difference of a strange planet when she
regained consciousness. It wasn’t much, but details like that were apparent
to one trained in the Force. The next thing she was aware of was the
stimulant drug counteracting the depressants that had kept her asleep for an
unknown period of time. She could be anywhere in the galaxy and had no clue
where she even could be, except that it wasn’t Coruscant. A young man in a
lab coat hovered over her as she opened her eyes, checking over her vital
signs. He smiled at her, extending a hand to help her rise.
"We appreciate your coming here, not many would volunteer for something
like this. No, don’t try to talk yet, it will take a while to get over the
effects of the drugs. Just drink this and sit back, the doctor will be in
to see you in a few minutes." With another smile the man backed out of the
room, leaving her alone in a barren room with four white walls and a bed.
Tam did as she was told, wondering what exactly she had been volunteered
for. Seated on the edge of the bed, she sipped the cool drink she had been
given and waited while she regained her strength. After a short time the
door opened and Senator Rees walked in with a well-dressed Mon Calamari in
another white lab coat. He looked her over and seemed to approve.
"I am Doctor Fedarish, I will be overseeing operations during the
experiment. The senator has told me that you have had Jedi training and can
enter a trance state at will, is this correct?"
"Yes."
"How are you feeling, my brave volunteer?" Senator Rees sounded kind and
concerned, but Tam could see through it. Under the surface he was warning
her to play it cool or else.
"I think I’m a little disoriented, but I’m sure that will pass. Just
remind me what is supposed to happen while I rest and recuperate."
"Doctor, I wasn’t able to fill her in on the details anyway. If you could
fill in the empty spaces I’m sure it would make the experience easier for
Tam."
"Well, long term stasis is never easy," Doctor Fedarish began. "I’m sure
that’s why you have been the only Force-trained volunteer we have had.
Actually, you’re the only volunteer we’ve had, but I wouldn’t…."
Tam stopped listening for the most part after that. A cold chill ran
through her when she heard long term stasis, stunned that the senator would
be so cruel. Death would almost be a better alternative, if rumors she had
heard were correct. A part of her mind listened and stored the information
the doctor told her, but thinking about being locked away within herself for
any period of time brought an uncontrolled terror to her. She wouldn’t be
able to move at all, but she would still be aware of time passing and be
able to think…. What would it be like to want to breathe or blink and not
be able to? She used a Jedi calming technique to keep from showing how
bothered she was by this.
"I did ask that the volunteer be a Jedi because of the risks involved, but
the council turned me down due to a lack of interest. Of course, I’m sure
you all have more important things to do, it’s just—"
"Doctor, I’m sure it was nothing personal," Tam assured him when she became
aware that he was expressing his hurt and frustration. "I must admit to
some reluctance, but I have decided to assist you in this, so there is no
point in holding a grudge. To be exiled from existence for such a length of
time is intimidating to anyone."
"Yes, I know. You have a way with words, young lady, and I do appreciate
your sacrifice in this endeavor."
"Think nothing of it." Tam smiled, but it was a half-hearted gesture on
her part.
"We should leave now, there are many preparations still to be made."
Doctor Fedarish turned to the door, expecting Senator Rees to follow.
Senator Rees waited until the doctor was outside before the smile on his
face became an evil looking smirk. Tam’s eyes narrowed as the forbidden
anger washed over her, but it was accompanied by knowledge of her
helplessness that dampened rage with despair. No words were necessary
between the two adversaries, the situation was nearly resolved and the
senator was the only winner either could foresee.
"Just leave," Tam whispered, holding the door open for him with her
telekinetic power.
"Don’t strain or upset yourself too much, dear," Senator Rees directed in
his most ingratiating voice for the benefit of the people in the hall.
"You’ll need all your strength for the experiment."
"Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine." The door shut too quickly after him,
almost catching his foot, as Tam released it. It was the only satisfaction
Tam could get without endangering her daughter’s life.

Technicians took her vital information and calibrated the machinery that
would hold her frozen for however long it took. In just a few hours Tam was
lying down in a coffin-shaped box attached to many unusual devices she
couldn’t recognize on a good day. They all smiled and thanked her for her
help, assuring her that what she did would be a great help to the scientific
and medical communities. The excitement they all felt was almost
contagious; making her wonder if her defeat was more of a victory on a
larger scale. She almost felt good by the time Doctor Fedarish approached
her again. "We are almost ready, in a few minutes we will need you to enter
the deepest trance state you can achieve. The initial discomfort will not
send your system into shock if you are successful; we have not had a high
success rate with creatures that could not approach the state of mind
necessary. That is, of course, why we asked the Jedi for a volunteer, but
that was in the initial report."
"I was never given that report."
"What? I thought Senator Rees said, quite clearly—"
"Where is Senator Rees right now?"
"Why?"
"I just need to know."
"He had to stay in our waiting room, official personnel only are allowed in
here. If someone that didn’t know what was what accidentally tripped over
the wrong wire—"
"I understand." Tam almost smiled, then thought of another question. "Can
he hear what is going on in here?"
"No, we never saw the need to put listening devices in the waiting room.
If something went wrong we didn’t want to panic any family members that
might be in there." Tam could feel his confusion flowing through the air
between them. "If this makes you uncomfortable, I’m sorry, but there is
nothing I can do about that at this time."
"No. I need to tell you something without his hearing. I want you to know
the truth."
"Are you going to change your mind?"
"Yes, but not in the way you think. I want to go through with this, but
when I arrived here I didn’t have any idea what was going on. Senator Rees
has lied to you all, you must believe me. He took me here against my will,
threatening someone I love to keep me from fighting him."
"The senator has been our strongest supporter, he has kept us going despite
many setbacks we have suffered. I find it hard to believe what you are
telling me."
"I am a Jedi, why would I lie? I have nothing to gain from this, but
Senator Rees does. I won’t ask you to stop this, what you are doing here is
good and may serve a greater purpose than my life alone could do. He only
wants to get rid of me without killing me in a way the rest of the Jedi
would connect to him. I am a hindrance he wants to put away for a time. If
you can get a message to Master Yoda so that he will know the truth it could
prevent much needless suffering for others that might justly stand in the
senator’s way."
"I will look into what you have said, but I can promise nothing."
"That will have to be good enough. Do what you feel is right, I would not
ask anything else from anyone."
"We should stop this, it isn’t right to hold you—"
"No. If Rees suspects anything he will kill my daughter. He will demand
to see me in stasis, I’m sure. Sometimes what is perceived as a setback
initially is a greater boon in the end. I give my consent to be used in
this experiment, there is no better way."
"Thank you. This is my life work, and I could not stand to put it off any
longer. I will bring you out as soon as I can, that way if the senator has
deceived us all you can put an end to it sooner. May the Force be with you,
Tam Chronin. You must prepare yourself now."
Tam closed her eyes, feeling better than she had since Voron’s death. She
had done all she could, that would have to be enough. She began slowing
down her vital functions to the point that even the best medic droid would
be hard pressed to prove she was still alive. It was the deepest she had
ever had to go, but it felt so right that it was easier than any trance she
had done before. Peace was her guide as she trusted in the Force to lead
her to the state she needed to be.
The activity in the room increased, as well as the excitement in all the
people who had spent so many years perfecting the stasis chamber. One of
them announced, "She has reached optimum trance state, it is time." There
was much cheering among those gathered. "Close the chamber on my mark…
four…three…two…"
The outer doors exploded open, freezing the scientists in shock. The dark
figure that walked in seemed to bounce every stare away, no one could keep
their eyes on it long enough to know what it looked like. In one swift
movement it shot Tam with a blaster and walked out. No one could react at
all, and a moment later the stasis chamber hissed closed on the injured
apprentice.


--tbc--
*****************************************************************