Title: Hidden Legacy

Author: Mary Alexander

Rating: PG right now...but I will go NC-17 as she gets older

Setting: Pre-TPM (after Tam is put in stasis)

Catagory: Drama/romance and more...

Summary: Tam Chronin's daughter has to cope with the consequences of her ancestor's actions while growing up in their shadows.

Sequel to Jedi to Be

Disclaimer: I don't have any money, please don't sue me for playing with George's toys...in their younger incarnations. Sure, I know that Mace and Yoda and Palpatine aren't mine...but a girl can dream can't she?

My mother had died when I was little, when I was two. My father had died before I was born, a week after I was conceived. I was taken away from my grandfather when I was four to go to the Jedi Academy. When I was nine he was removed from office for corrupt acts as a Republic Senator. A year later he was found electrocuted in his quarters. I was taught that there is no death; there is the Force. I knew my abilities with the Force were weak next to those of my mother, but I didn’t know what to believe about death. None of my dead relatives left a trace of a presence with the Force where I could feel it. Even my mother, who was supposed to be one of the most gifted Jedi to have existed. I couldn’t feel a trace of that loving presence through the Force. I had tried for long hours to touch her kind and powerful mind, but she was just gone. I hadn’t even felt her presence shut off, I looked for her one day and was comforted, looked the next and couldn’t touch her.

My grandfather had been gone that day, I remember because I wanted to ask him where Mother had gone. When he came home he told me that she had died, shot during a dangerous experiment the Jedi council had sent her to do. "When am I going to see her again?" I had asked in all innocence, like only a young child could. He had merely shaken his head and walked away, and I could feel that he didn’t like my mother and was glad she was dead. That was my first memory.

I tried not to like my grandfather after that, my mother had been the world to me. I wish it had lasted, that feeling that my grandfather had "stolen" me away from the most wonderful person who had ever lived. It didn’t though, he won me over with toys and trips to the best places on Coruscant. He even took me to Chandrila, where he was from, and showed me important landmarks there. I was happy for a time. I lived like a princess and looked like one too. I was given respect and admired by everyone who met me.

Then I met a Jedi Master for the first time. He was tall and imposing. He wasn’t impressed by me even though he showed my grandfather the respect he was due. My grandfather surprised me by showing this Jedi respect, though inside he resented it. I was instantly awed by this show, my grandfather even treated the Supreme Chancellor as an equal. Who was this person that commanded my grandfather’s respect even when he resented it? I wanted to be like that some day, so no one could look down on me.

The Jedi smiled down at me, patting me on the head. "That is a good aspiration child, but for the wrong reason. You are young to be so power hungry, small to contain such ambition. If you come to the Temple to become a Jedi you must be willing to unlearn that kind of thinking."

"Yes sir." My voice was meek, but my young mind was confident. I would become a Jedi, I wanted nothing more in the galaxy.

I knew better than to make a scene in public so I waited to get home before I told my grandfather that I would become a Jedi. "Cshanil, you can’t be serious. You are too young to make a decision of such importance."

"I am serious Grandpa. I know what I want to be, and right now I want to be a Jedi. You will not stop me."

"You would do this even after they sent your own mother to her death?"

I vividly recalled the moment he told me about her death. "I am sure they felt at least some sorrow at that. At least they would find no joy in it."

I ran from the room, unwilling to face the next thought he was forming. I didn’t open my door for three days, I refused to eat or talk to anyone. Finally my grandfather came in and asked what this was about.

"I will be a Jedi, I am showing you how determined I am."

"What makes you think they would take you?"

"Don’t try to trick me, I will do this."

"You haven’t eaten anything for days, I could take you to a hospital and they would force you to eat."

"Fine. Bring me some food. I will still be a Jedi."

He motioned for my nanny to fetch some food and I ate it in silence. "You won’t get food this good if you’re a Jedi."

I refused to answer him. I did not want him to change my mind, something deep within was driving me, something I wasn’t sure I understood, but I needed to do this.

"You won’t be able to visit me, what would I do without you?"

"I’d find a way to see you. They can’t deny me that. You said that determination and perseverance win in the end. I didn’t understand what that meant, but I looked it up and I know now. I will win in the end, just like you always do."

He looked haunted. "You sound just like your father did at your age. Don’t do this to me. Don’t let me lose you like…." I could feel a guilty pain coming from him, but I didn’t understand it. I don’t know how I did it, but I felt nothing for him but a distant sort of pity. I just went over to my bed and got ready to sleep. As soon as I had pulled up the covers I said goodnight and turned out the light. As soon as I felt everyone fall asleep I slipped out of bed, got dressed, and I ran away. It felt like I was guided by something larger, a great big mind that knew everything and needed me to leave. I found my way to the Jedi Temple with no problems. A kind old lady was waiting for me and let me in. She put me to bed and tucked me in kindly. "Welcome home Cshanil. You must rest, you have a big day ahead of you."

I was tested for Force ability, asked questions all day, and given puzzles to figure out. I told them that I would be a Jedi only if I could visit my grandfather once in a while. There was an argument about that, but they reluctantly told be they would agree to the condition. I didn’t smile at my triumph, I simply thanked them as I had been taught to do. I was a Jedi trainee with all the other children my age, blending in and following what I was taught every day except for one day a month. On that day I was my grandfather’s princess with my own Jedi guard. We had fun together and visited many of the more interesting places on Coruscant over and over again, and in the evening he always treated me to a live play.

When the scandal forced him to resign from the Senate he returned to Chandrila and left me to the Jedi. He had no choice in the matter, I couldn’t have safely abandoned my training and he was no longer safe on Coruscant. He wrote me letters all the time and sent holo messages when he could. He told me to stay where I was, that I’d be safe there. I could read between the lines, so I wasn’t surprised when he was found dead. I was sad and hurt, but I had been expecting something bad to happen to him for a while. I went to Chandrila for the funeral and went back to Coruscant with a new determination to absorb myself in what it was to be a Jedi.

I found peace, I found calm, I found no trace of my dead loved ones. Years passed this way and I searched harder and harder all the time. I had every teaching memorized, but I was finding peace more and more illusive.

--tbc--

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