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Waking Dreams

By: Aloysius Flyte

Rating: PG

Summary: Amidala and Anakin's thoughts about each other prior to their courtship

Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Star Wars. No copyright infringement is intended. These stories are purely for my enjoyment and (hopefully) the enjoyment of those who visit this page. I am not making any money in this deal, just havin' a good time writing.

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I have dreamed
That your arms are lovely.
I have dreamed
What a joy you'd be.
I have dreamed
Every word you'd whisper
When you're close, close to me.

I shouldn’t be thinking about you. It’s silly. You’re far too young for me. Five years can be a lifetime. That’s what my advisors say, anyway. I don’t know if I believe them. You have an old soul.

And you’ve faced so much! You try hard to keep it all away from everyone else, so hard not to let your pain spill over, but when you’re not busy trying to make everyone else smile, I sometimes catch a glimpse of sadness in those beautiful blue eyes. Ever since your mother died, the darkness seems to hover close to you, threatening to overwhelm your innocence. I hope it never does.

But even in your darkest moment, Ani, there is a light inside you. I think it’s that light that makes me . . . No, I won’t say that yet. It’s too soon. Sometimes I catch myself staring into space and thinking about you when I should be reading a financial report. I think about what it would be like to feel your arms around me, to kiss you. Even in my dreams, it’s powerful. I’ve never been kissed. Twenty-four years old and I’ve never so much has been on a date, unless one counts a few thousand dull reception dinners as dates. I certainly don’t. My life has been lived for my people.

I want to live for myself for awhile. I want to live for something more than just me, actually. I want to live for us. I just don’t know how.

How you look
In the glow of evening
I have dreamed
And enjoyed the view.
In these dreams I've loved you so
That by now I think I'd know
What it's like to be loved by you.
I will loved being loved by you.

Have any of those rich diplomats who are always flocking around you ever told you how beautiful you are? You are, you know. More than beautiful. Every time I see you, even if it’s only on the holonews, you take my breath away. I asked you once if you were an angel. I still think you are. My exquisite angel.

I can’t count how many nights I’ve passed wondering where you are, what you’re doing. I’d find it fascinating to listen to you talking about anything at all. You could explain how grass grows, and I would be enthralled.

I think about you a lot. Maybe I should try to stop, but I don’t want to. Thinking about you makes me happy. No matter how down I get, all I have to do is imagine you standing in front of me smiling, those gorgeous brown eyes so warm. And inviting? I never know. I think sometimes you think of me more as your kid brother than as a potential lover. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe brushing my hair out of my eyes and putting blankets over me when I go to sleep is the only way you can find to show your affection. Sometimes I don’t know how to either.

But soon I’ll be brave enough to tell you how I feel. Then... I will hold you. Hold you like I did in my dreams. It won’t be a dream anymore.