Crimes Between Us

Chapter Ten

Rating PG-13

The engines hummed softly beneath the ship as it rocketed through hyperspace. I

felt them, in my sleep at first, until they brought me slowly into wakefulness. It was

as pleasant a way as any to wake up, knowing that we were on our way away from

that wretched city.

I wondered if Qui-Gon had ever broken a promise in his life when I opened my eyes

and saw him there again, this time studying a data pad in the same chair he'd been

slumbering in earlier. I said as much, and it brought a chuckle to his lips, surfacing

from his throat as a low growl.

Somehow he knew I wouldn't want to waste time on pleasantries, perhaps because

everyone I met immediately knew that I wasn't really one for small talk. Usually the

moment I opened my mouth and inserted my foot, the pleasantries were over.

So instead of wasting a minute, he told me Adro was okay. I breathed a sharp sigh

of relief and brought a shaky hand up to my forehead. Some of the pain had

returned and I realized that I hadn't felt better the last time because I was healing,

rather because of some form of pain medication being slowly dispersed through my

body from an intravenous needle.

"Are you in pain?" Qui-Gon asked, leaning forward and searching my face with his

eyes.

I nodded slowly, realizing it was a futile task to lie to the Jedi. He wouldn't even

have to read into my mind to notice the pain written across my face. Reaching up,

he adjusted the medication flow slightly, and I settled back, waiting for it to take

effect. I thought about what I would say to him, and what Obi-Wan might have told

him about the reason I'd left Endor.

It was something I'd been wondering since I left. I would never know the answer

unless I asked one of them. And truthfully, the reason didn't matter. Not to Qui-

Gon anyway. He was hurt and I'd abandoned him. And here he sat, caring for me

as I lay injured.

Being selfish was something you learned to be when you were on your own.

Sometimes, I found myself in situations so rough, the only way out of them was

'every man for himself.' But when you made friends, those rules changed. Furry

had been the first to teach me that lesson. Now, Furry's life was as important to me

as my own.

"As a Jedi," Qui-Gon began, "I am taught that every being's life is as important as

another." He was answering my thoughts and I was secretly glad. Apologizing had

never been my strong suit. "That is why we dedicate our lives to preserving peace

and justice in the galaxy. That, Kalla Solo, is not your calling. It is mine."

I smiled slightly and tilted my head. "It does not excuse me from my behavior, Jedi

Qui-Gon," I said solemnly. "You have been a great friend to me, and I abandoned

you in your time of need."

The Jedi shook his head and chuckled softly. He reached forward and took my hand

gently in his, squeezing it several times. "It was hardly my time of need," he

lamented. "From what Obi-Wan told me, you had been assured of my healing

before you left."

My heart thumped in my chest at his words. *From what Obi-Wan told me...* I

watched him carefully and bit down on my bottom lip, something I did when I was

nervous. One didn't have to spend much time with me to know that I always bit my

lip when I was nervous. I was sure Qui-Gon had picked up on that habit.

Deciding to extend the same respect to the Jedi as he had to me regarding the news

about Adro, I immediately professed my musings. "What exactly did Obi-Wan tell

you about my leaving?" I asked softly.

Qui-Gon shrugged, not seeming uncomfortable in the least. It made me realize that

perhaps Obi-Wan hadn't been completely candid with his Master. Or perhaps Qui-

Gon was not bothered by such indiscretions. I found that the former was true when

the Jedi Master finally spoke.

"My Padawan didn't tell me much," Qui-Gon admitted softly. "Only that you left

after you were assured that my condition was no longer grave."

I frowned. "Did he tell you why?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "He did not offer the information and I did not pressure

him to tell me. He seemed withdrawn and agitated and I felt that perhaps it was

personal between the two of you." He spoke low, his tone guarded, and I got the

feeling that he did not want me to feel pressured either.

Suddenly appreciating the Jedi Master even more, I smiled. It quickly gave way into

a frown when I realized that because I'd left, I'd endangered the mission, the Jedi on

Correlia, and the Macedonians that were waiting for the seratin. If I'd only

retrieved the seratin and left it with Obi-Wan, or better yet, been an adult and

stayed with both Jedi and followed through the mission like I was supposed to.

Instead, I put myself, Furry, Adro, and a lot of other people in danger. I'd nearly

killed myself and was now laying here malnourished and severely injured.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I didn't bother to hold them back. I felt an intrusion in

my mind and knew Qui-Gon was reading into my emotions. I nearly laughed.

Leave it to me, Kalla Jacina Solo, to nearly get myself killed instead of acting like an

adult.

A tear slithered down my cheek and I flinched as Qui-Gon's callused finger reached

out and brushed it away. I did not deserve the compassion from this man. I knew he

was going to disagree with my self-degradation, but what else was he supposed to

do? Tell me I was wrong to leave? The Jedi believed I was the foreteller of my own

destiny. Who were they to tell me I was wrong for leaving their mission? But I was

wrong for doing it, and I wasn't going to let him convince me that it was okay.

"Kalla--"

It was that reprimanding tone, the one I'd heard him use on Obi-Wan when his

Padawan disobeyed.

"No, Qui-Gon. I'm not your Padawan," I argued. "I should have stayed to--"

"To what?" Qui-Gon interrupted me. "You're right. You're not my Padawan.

Obi-Wan has been with me since he was thirteen years old. We have spent the

better part of every day together. That will bond us closer than friends, closer than

brothers, closer than father and son. He is the one who will sit at my bedside when I

am ailing. You must not feel obligated."

"I didn't feel obligated!" I exclaimed. "I just--" I faltered. There really was no

explaining my guilt. And there was nothing I could do to take it back. Something

Obi-Wan had said once floated back to me.

Regret is simply wasted time.

"I should have stayed," I finally conceded, dropping my voice and forcing myself to

calm. "I'm sorry that I didn't. You've been infinitely good to me and I hope that I

can show my gratitude some day."

The Jedi seemed apt to say more, then decided against it, simply shaking his head.

"I do not believe you would have left had you not felt there was no other

alternative," he said softly.

I nodded and turned my head toward the wall. *I fell in love with your Padawan,* I

thought bitterly. *First he loved me back...then he hurt me.*

*Do not be so quick to yield, young Solo.*

I felt a shudder of pain course through the back of my head as I jolted back toward

the door when the slight message touched my mind. It's possible that I could have

imagined it, but I was fairly certain I hadn't. Qui-Gon was gone, and I caught the

retreating form of his shadow in the light that spilled from the corridor beyond the

door.