Chapter Three

Anakin couldn't get to sleep. His mind refused to shut down. So much had happened in such a short time. So many things had changed. He glanced over at Obi Wan who was lying in the bed across from his. He didn't move and his eyes were closed, but Anakin knew he wasn't asleep either. Perhaps he too, was thinking about how things had changed.

Anakin smiled to himself. Finally something interesting and positive to tell Amidala. Her face immediately came to him; his very own Iego moon angel. It had been such a long time since he'd last seen her. He wondered if she had changed any. He knew he had and wondered if she would even recognize him.

He picked up the long braid that was draped over his shoulder and examined the tightly bound end. It was only half this length when she'd seen him a year ago. He smiled and found himself proud of his braid for the first time. It was a distinguishing feature of an apprentice and was yet another way he was set apart from the other students at the temple. At first, he resented having to wear it, but now, it felt right. He wondered if Obi Wan missed his braid, for he had worn one for years as Qui Gon's apprentice.

"No...I don't miss it," came a quiet reply from across the room.

Anakin smiled. Obi Wan opened his eyes and rolled over on his side to face him.

"Not at all?" Anakin questioned.

Obi Wan shook his head slightly. "My time to wear one has passed." He took a slow, deep breath and folded his arm under his head. "Things change Anakin. It's the one truth you can entirely depend upon. Nothing stays the same, ever." The jedi paused and looked away briefly. "To miss my braid, or more directly, what it stood for, would be to reject change in my life. One must always embrace change. The good and the bad. To fight against it, to long for a never ending status quo, is an exercise in futility."

Anakin considered this. "Surely, we can accept change without having to 'embrace' it." His mother's words concerning change came quickly to mind.

Obi Wan smiled at him. "I sense the changes in your life, like the ones you were pondering before, are worthy of embracing. Very well, my young apprentice. Accept the bad. Embrace the good."

Anakin sighed. "I do admit, there has been good changes in my life."

"You're thinking of Queen Amidala," Obi Wan noted.

"Yes," Anakin confessed. "It will be good to see her again." He suddenly frowned. "Obi Wan, does she even know we are coming?"

His master nodded slightly. "In a way. Through the senate representatives, the council has informed the government on Naboo that two jedi are being dispatched to her planet for an assignment. Of that much, I'm certain."

Anakin wasn't sure if this bit of information was good or bad.

"I'm sure," Obi Wan continued softly and with a distinct glimmer of amusement in his eyes, "that Her Majesty is, at the very least, hoping one of those two jedi will be a particular young apprentice of whom she is quite fond of."

Anakin felt his heart beat faster and the warmth of a blush cover his face. He turned away from Obi Wan, embarrassed that the mere mentioning of Amidala's affection for him would provoke such a strange biological reaction. He quickly directed his thoughts to something else.

"She'll be pleased to see you too," he told Obi Wan flatly. "She's just as fond of you as she is me..." Anakin's voice drifted off as Obi Wan's infectious laugh filled the darkened room. "What?!" Anakin demanded, not understanding what he had said that had sparked the older jedi's mirth.

Obi Wan gazed at his young apprentice with a tactful expression. "I'm sorry Anakin. But you've no reason to feel ashamed. What you feel for Her Majesty, and vice versa, is endearing." He paused and sighed. "You are sharply intelligent and in possession of a worldly wisdom far beyond your years. Because of that, I too often forget with whom I'm speaking. I need to remind myself that there are certain subjects, certain truths, that you still approach with the naivete of a twelve year old boy."

Anakin still didn't understand. "Like what?"

Obi Wan refused to make it easy for him. "Tell me what it is you feel for Amidala and you'll have your answer."

".....Friendship, I suppose," Anakin responded. He leaned back, hoping to conceal his blushing in thicker shadows. "She's my friend."

"Of course she is," Obi Wan continued. "Like your friends back on Tattooine."

Anakin thought for a moment. "Well, no. Not exactly." He looked up at his master for some kind of hint as to what he was getting at.

"Trust me, Anakin," the jedi consoled. "Tell me what you feel."

Anakin, still embarrassed, shook his head to refuse, but words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop them.

"I'm not sure what I feel about her. It's different from anything I've ever felt before. I have to concentrate hard sometimes, not to let thoughts of her preoccupy me. It's as if I could lose myself in thoughts of her." Anakin frowned. He was sure he had answered badly. A jedi should hardly be spending most of his time thinking about a girl. Even if she was a queen.

"You must understand," Obi Wan began gently, "that what you are feeling is perfectly natural."

"So what am I feeling?" Anakin asked, impatiently.

"It sounds to me like you're in love."

"Love?!" Anakin snapped. He covered his eyes with his hand and groaned. "Then I must suppress it," he announced with a confidence he scarcely felt.

"Suppress it? Why?" the older jedi asked.

Anakin was beginning to get irritated. "Master, are you purposefully trying to confuse me? Wasn't it just yesterday that you were commanding me to control my emotions?"

"Control, yes. Suppress, no," Obi Wan stated. He hoped wholeheartedly he had not instilled that idea in Anakin. Was the boy truly confused or just baiting him? He took a deep steadying breath. "Listen closely, Padawan. It is always wise for a jedi to keep his emotions in check. A calm heart and a quiet mind is what enables the Force to guide us and speak to us. But don't ever think you are not allowed to feel anything, Anakin. Especially the tenderness and wonder of love."

"Love is a complicated feeling," Anakin replied quietly. "It's clear to me that not everything about love is tender and wonderful. Tamerlane Merl felt love for Master Seal Erons. Now she's run away, leaving behind the only life she's ever known and he's abandoned her to her fate."

Obi Wan nodded in solemn agreement. "It's not that they were really in love, Anakin. Sometimes love is hard to recognize, and sometimes something else is mistakenly identified as love."

Anakin sighed heavily. "Then how am I to know if what I feel for Amidala is really love?"

Obi Wan rolled over on his back and stared momentarily at the low ceiling. "Because, you are too unselfish for it to be anything else."

Anakin smiled. He let his thoughts drift back to Amidala and suddenly felt warm and happy. Maybe love wasn't such a bad thing after all. "Obi Wan, have you ever been in love before?"

There was a long moment of silence before the jedi answered. "No."

This struck Anakin as being rather sad. "Well...maybe someday."

"Yes," Obi Wan sighed. "Perhaps someday." He paused then effectively ended their night's conversation by saying, "Sleep now, Anakin. Tomorrow is going to come early."

Anakin turned and closed his eyes tightly. "Yes Master. Sleep well."