Aquiesce
by Beth Gualda [email protected]
Rated PG Drama/romance
Takes place roughly two years after the Phantom Menace
Summary: On their first assigned mission together, Anakin and Obi Wan look for a runaway jedi apprentice.
Disclaimer-All the characters and situations of EP1 are not mine, they belong to George Lucas and any infringement is not my intention.
Chapter One
It was well past nightfall on Coruscant. The halls of the Jedi Temple were dim and still now. Most of the students and masters had retreated into their private quarters for studying or meditation.
Anakin chose to do neither and was busily recording correspondence to two people his heart treasured most; his mother on Tattooine and the young queen of the Naboo, Amidala.
He hadn't seen either one in over a year and was determined to keep in touch with them, despite his current cloistered existence.
Tonight's letters were more mundane details of life at the temple and reports of his progress there. 'The test yesterday went well. The lesson this morning was easy.' And so on and so forth. He wanted to end each correspondence on a cheerful and personal note. He tried hard to keep his emotions at bay. He didn't want either one of them to hear just how unhappy he really was. Of course he wanted them to know he missed them, but not the extent. Twice he had to redo Amidala's letter. Finally, he turned off the recorder and surrendered himself to silent brooding.
He inhaled deeply, clearing his mind, and closed his eyes. The Force became like a tangible element and suddenly he was sharply aware of a oneness with all things around him. It helped him feel less alone. Only through the Force could he feel like a part of the other students at the temple who unintentionally had rejected him. They always tried to be polite to him, but behind their civility, Anakin easily sensed shards of resentment, confusion, and mistrust. He spent long hours pondering why this was so and came to the conclusion it was because he was not like them. He hadn't been brought up in the temple since infancy like they had. His childhood had not been filled with lessons, kindly mentors, and wise masters. His early life had been one of slavery, labor, and poverty. To make matters worse, he had already been apprenticed to a jedi even before he arrived at the temple. This immediately set him apart from the others, who struggled through lessons everyday in hopes of catching the attention of one of the masters looking for a padawan.
The students here had also led a very sheltered life which kept them sensitive to violence and evil. Anakin was beyond indifferent to such things. He had already seen every kind of greed, ruthlessness, and villianry the galaxy had to offer. It was as though the other students sensed in him and interpreted a tolerance for evil.
Anakin sighed despondently. In the two years he'd been at the temple, not one student had come forward to offer friendship. Worse than that, it seemed to Anakin that his own master wanted little to do with him. Obi Wan rarely came by to offer instruction and never included Anakin on any of his assigned missions. Anakin's protests were often met with a dismissive gesture and single word explanations. More often than not, the word was 'patience.'
Anakin opened his eyes with a snap. A familiar anger and bitterness were surfacing and he struggled to suppress both. He emptied his mind. As a sense of calm drifted over him, he could feel the Force ripple, then surge. He sensed an approaching presence, or rather the Force surrounding it. Anakin's heart beat faster. He could hardly believe what he was feeling. He focused his eyes on the closed doors of his quarters and tried hard to wait for the knock that would announce the arrival of someone Anakin had not seen in over a month.
"Obi Wan...." Anakin breathed.
Obi Wan Kenobi paused, stretching out with the Force, wanting to know Anakin's state of mind, before rapping lightly on the boy's door. He wasn't sure if Anakin would be receptive to him after the argument they had the last time they were together. The flicker of darkness he'd sensed earlier was gone now, replaced by an eager anticipation. That was encouraging to Obi Wan, for he was certain Anakin had sensed his presence, but he couldn't fathom why the boy would be pleased to see him.
As soon as Obi Wan knocked, Anakin sprang across the room and opened the door.
Obi Wan stared blankly at his apprentice for a moment or two before finding his voice.
"Anakin...May I come in?"
The boy nodded quickly, flashing a smile. He stepped aside and the jedi knight soundlessly glided into the room. Anakin was surprised at how much he had missed Obi Wan. He bit his lower lip and firmly rooted himself by the door to keep from running over to his master and welcoming him back with a brotherly bear hug. He didn't think the older jedi would appreciate such a gesture from him. He believed Obi Wan thought of him as a pupil, nothing more, nothing less; even though Anakin thought of Obi Wan as not only his teacher, but his friend, brother, and the father he never had. It was times like this that Anakin missed his mother's reassuring affection most.
Anakin sighed heavily, pining again for the kind of bond most apprentices had with their masters. A bond with Obi Wan that had yet to form. Disappointment edged his voice as he stated, "I sense this is not a social visit."
Obi Wan studied the boy from across the room. The odd mixture of emotions he sensed coming from Anakin puzzled him. He took a deep breath and tried to smile reassuringly.
"No, but I feel you'll be pleased by what I've come to tell you," the jedi relayed in his decidedly pleasant voice.
Anakin stood mulling Obi Wan's words in his mind before remembering his manners. He quickly gestured at a chair.
"Sit, please. Forgive me," he whispered.
The Force flowing between them darkened faintly. Obi Wan frowned, recognizing it. The boy was pleased to see him, but was also guarded and wary. Obi Wan's presence made Anakin uncomfortable. It always had.
I've been away too long this time, Obi Wan thought to himself. A shadow of regret fell over him. It was past time to mend their relationship. Gracefully, Obi Wan slipped off his cloak and sat down in the nearest chair.
Anakin blinked back at him, surprised. Obi Wan must intend to stay for awhile if he took off his cloak. Anakin strode over to his desk and slid into his chair anxiously, then gave the jedi his undivided attention.
"You keep this room too warm," Obi Wan pointed out.
"Oh, so that's why you took the time to remove your cloak," Anakin said. "I like the heat," he added dismally.
Obi Wan sighed. "I know. I didn't mean anything by it. It was just an opinion of mine." He frowned. This wasn't going at all as he had hoped. He tried again. "The reports of your progress that I have received, have been quite favorable," he said in a measured tone.
Anakin didn't say anything. Obi Wan continued.
"In the short time you have been here, you have not only caught up to the other students your age, but you have surpassed them. Your skills are remarkable."
Anakin looked down. His only acknowledgement was a nod.
Obi Wan sensed the boy's shift in mood and wondered at it.It was as if Obi Wan's praise had disturbed him. He folded his arms across his chest and regarded the boy with impatience.
"You should be pleased," Obi Wan chided softly.
Anakin quickly looked up. "I am pleased. I'm really glad you think I'm doing well in my training."
"Anakin, is something wrong? Is there something you're not telling me?"
The boy sighed heavily and dragged a hand through his short spikey bangs. "It's just that it is hard to be happy about something that makes me an outcast." He stared hard at Obi Wan. "It sets me apart from the others."
"The others? The other students, you mean?" Obi Wan asked a little taken aback. "Why should that displease you? The other students hold you in high regard. You've earned their respect. Their admiration--"
Anakin spun out of his chair and began pacing hotly. "Their envy and their mistrust would be more like it!" He stopped and glared at Obi Wan. "How can you come to such conclusions, Obi Wan? You're never here. You don't know how it is."
Obi Wan looked away and took a deep, steadying breath. Perhaps he deserved that. His apprentice's remark had stemmed from longing, not disrespect. Obi Wan had heard from Anakin's instructors how the other students shunned the boy. The instructors had often regarded Anakin as arrogant and aloof, but it was clear now, it was not by his choice. The other students had made the decision for Anakin. Obi Wan had hoped these reports were exaggerated at best.
"Anakin," he began quietly. "Sit down."
Anakin looked over at his master; his heart flooding with remorse. Was it any wonder why Obi Wan didn't want him around? Anakin was angry now, but more at himself than his master. He dropped heavily into his chair and massaged his eyes to ease the tension he was feeling.
"Forgive me, Master," he murmured. He focused his eyes on the floor, hoping to convey his humility.
Obi Wan waited until he was sure Anakin was calm again before continuing.
"How am I to rely on your control when you continually succumb to such outbursts?" the jedi began, softly but firmly. "The masters tell me you are ready for what I am about to propose, and yet you contradict them."
Anakin looked up sharply. Ready? Ready for what? he thought.
Obi Wan stood slowly. "I see before me a boy who is controlled and motivated by his emotions, not the Force. When you can demonstrate to me that you are ready, then I'll speak with you about this again. Good night, Anakin." He bent to retrieve his cloak.
Anakin jumped out of his chair and seized Obi Wan's wrist.
"Master! You can't go now. You must tell me! I'm ready! I swear to you I'm ready!" His youthful exuberance easily pushed aside any shame Obi Wan's words might have instilled.
Obi Wan fought a smile. "So certain are you? Even though you've no idea what I'm talking about?"
Anakin nodded. He placed a hand over his heart. "I feel it. Here. Deep down inside."
The older jedi nodded. "I feel it too. That's why I came here tonight. I've been given a new assignment. I want you to come with me."
Anakin's already large blue eyes grew even larger with surprise and delight. "You...and me? Together on an assignment for the council?" He could barely get the words out, his heart was pounding away so hard in his chest, his breath was coming up short.
Obi Wan nodded again and Anakin threw his arms around him in an impulsive and gracious hug.
"Thank you! Thank you! You don't know what this means to me! I've wanted to be with you more than anything...." He suddenly realized what he was doing and released Obi Wan, stepping back quickly and glancing up at his master sheepishly. "Oh, I'm sorry.....I didn't mean to get all mushy like that. I'm just so happy."
But Obi Wan was smiling, amused. He put a reassuring hand on Anakin's shoulder, then gestured for him to sit down once more. Anakin hurried to obey. He grabbed his desk chair and slid into it. Obi Wan took the time to straighten his disheveled tunic before sitting down across from him.
"First of all," Obi Wan began, trying unsuccessfully to sound stern. "You must learn to control your emotions. Allow yourself to feel, but don't let your feelings run away with you. A jedi must be able to feel...everything. But it is important to maintain control of what you feel. Otherwise, your emotions can be used by others as a weapon against you."
Anakin nodded in wholehearted agreement. "Yes, Master. I know. It is my worst fault. It is something I struggle with everyday. I'll do better. I promise," he hurriedly assured. He took a deep breath and pushed everything out of his mind and filled it with thoughts of serenity and calm.
Obi Wan smiled again, settling back in his chair. He closed his eyes and tapped into Anakin's now peaceful state, struggling with his own onrush of emotions. Obi Wan realized at that moment, why he found it so difficult to be around the boy for very long. The connecting Force between them was always so charged and penetrating, Obi Wan often felt unable to control it's power. Anakin's power, to be precise. Did the boy have any clue at all of the magnitude of lifeforce within him? Did he realize how easily he could influence others with his own feelings? All those wants and ambitions? Did he realize how dangerous his powers could be to himself and those around him? Obi Wan shuddered involuntarily and quickly opened his eyes. He took a deep breath and dismissed his feelings as centering too much on his anxieties again. Something his own master, Qui Gon Jinn, was always quick to point out to him.
When he faced Anakin, he saw the boy was staring at him expectantly, his gaze piercing.
"I went before the council this morning," Obi Wan began quietly. "For a briefing. I asked if I could take you with me this time. I thought it would be a good mission for the two of us. Nothing dangerous, mind you. Just somewhat unpleasant, perhaps. This time the council agreed."
Anakin was startled. "You mean you had to get their permission before you could take me on a mission?" All this time, he thought Obi Wan simply hadn't wanted him along.
Obi Wan regarded him through narrowed eyes. "The council felt you needed to have all the groundworks laid in jedi training first before going out on assignment. I tried several times to persuade them to excuse you from schooling, as you already had mastered many of the basic skills." He paused and sighed. "It's been hard for me working alone. I needed someone with me, but they wouldn't agree to it." He shrugged. "I've never been one to defy the council's decision. Perhaps I should have. I didn't realize your time here was as unpleasant as it has been."
Anakin nodded. "I understand. I...wish you would have told me this before."
Obi Wan shrugged. "There was nothing either of us could have done to change the way things were. I suppose we should have confided in one another. I don't believe we have ever felt confident enough in our relationship, to open up to one another." He sat forward slightly. "But this mission will give us the chance to begin to trust one another. Depend on one another. The way a master and apprentice do. It's our chance, Anakin."
Anakin felt ashamed of the bitterness he had harbored against Obi Wan for so long. He lowered his head, feeling a lump in his throat. He wanted to apologize, but he didn't know what to say. Did Obi Wan even know how angry he had been with him all this time?
As if in answer to his unspoken question, the older jedi continued.
"I know I haven't been there for you the way you needed me to be." Anakin looked up, shocked. Obi Wan smiled sadly. "I want you to know, I've been going through a rough time myself, since Qui Gon was killed. We had been a team for so long, it's hard for me to picture myself along side any one else. Even my own apprentice. An apprentice he gave to me." He shook his head ruefully. "I never should have let my devotion to Qui Gon impede our relationship. I didn't mean to abandon you, Anakin. Please don't feel that way."
"Master...don't apologize," Anakin whispered. Anakin recalled how much Qui Gon had meant to him and how much it hurt to have to let him go. And he had only known the master a very short time. Certainly Obi Wan would have been affected ten times as much by his death. Anakin hadn't even taken Obi Wan's feelings into account. Obi Wan, like his master before him, was outwardly serene. He rarely appeared emotional about anything. It always gave Anakin the impression that Obi Wan was apathetic and dispassionate. Looking at his master's expressive face now, he should have known better.
Obi Wan held up his hand. "Anakin, please let me finish. I owe you this," he persisted. "I don't fault your dislike of me. But I'm asking you to put those feelings behind you. Come forward with me."
Anakin's shoulders slumped and his face flushed with embarrassment. He had always thought Obi Wan didn't like him and he never understood why. He suddenly remembered a conversation between Qui Gon and Obi Wan concerning him. Obi Wan came right out and told Qui Gon that Anakin was dangerous. At the time, Anakin thought Obi Wan was grossly exaggerating since he was only a small boy. It was the first time he had felt animosity towards Obi Wan. He thought then, maybe Obi Wan was jealous of all the attention Qui Gon was giving him. It wasn't until after Qui Gon's funeral, and after Obi Wan had told Anakin he was going to train him, that the young master had informed Anakin of his fears of teaching someone as powerful as Anakin to tap into the Force. He had explained that until Anakin had control and understanding of his immense powers, training him was dangerous. Obi Wan admitted he feared the negative possibilites of failure on his part. Anakin had been so relieved to hear that the jedi had only been referring to his training when he had labeled him dangerous, that he scarcely heard anything else Obi Wan had said that night. Anakin had misjudged him then and realized he had misjudged him again.
"Anakin, I'm asking your forgiveness," Obi Wan prompted when the boy failed to respond.
Anakin blinked back tears. "You're apologizing because I made you feel like you had done something to deserve my anger. You haven't done anything wrong, Obi Wan. I'm the one who needs forgiving. I want you to know,whatever I may have felt about you, I've always been honored to be known as your apprentice. You're very respected by the students here and I have to confess," Anakin added with a grin. "I never passed up a chance to tell someone that my master was Obi Wan Kenobi."
Obi Wan laughed and shook his head in disbelief. "Don't think you're the only apprentice who does that. Even I used to brag about Qui Gon being my master. He was well known in the classrooms as a hard to please, maverick-type of jedi. Everyone wanted to be his apprentice because he was powerful and could wield a lightsaber like no body's business." He smiled with recollection. "When he finally chose me as his padawan, I told everyone: all my friends still at the temple, my teachers, the other masters, and even my worse rival, just to make him envious." Obi Wan cleared his throat. "Of course, now I see how immature and boastful that was...but at the time, it was great fun."
Anakin was staring at Obi Wan, entirely enthralled. He could feel from this moment on that things had changed between them. He relished being able to sit and talk with Obi Wan this way. It was something he had always longed for.
"If I were you," Obi Wan continued, "I would hold off on the bragging until I have proven myself worthy of it."
Anakin's brow furrowed. "I've never doubted the promise you made me. You will be a fine master, Obi Wan. Why would you think otherwise?"
"I'm inexperienced. I've never trained a jedi before. It's a tremendous undertaking. A responsibility not unlike that of raising a child." Obi Wan paused, his mood growing more serious. "The Force is so strong in you, Anakin. Your grasp of it so far is what has enabled you to excel here. But I know you have yet to realize your full potential. You haven't mastered a tenth of the powers within you. When you finally do, you will be one of the most powerful jedi ever. Qui Gon sensed this about you. He knew this to be true which is why he was so adamant about you being trained. He believed in you."
"He believed in you too, Obi Wan."
The older jedi flashed a smile. "And I'll do everything I can to guide you and help you become the jedi knight Qui Gon saw in you." His eyes took on a distant look. "One day, you will know your full power and you will rise above the greatest evil in the galaxy. You will be the master and with one fateful act of unselfish courage, you will bring balance to the Force. Evil will no longer reign."
Anakin's eyes were as wide as saucers. "You've seen this for me?"
Obi Wan nodded. "Qui Gon saw it too."
Anakin was stunned. "But Master Yoda has always said my future was clouded. Too difficult to see."
"It is clouded. I don't have a precise picture of how and when all this is to come about, I only know that it will. It is the reason I find the task of training you so daunting. Until you learn to control your emotions and utilize the Force in the way of a jedi; there will always be the chance you could be 'turned.'"
"Turned?" Anakin didn't understand.
"To the dark side," Obi Wan said gravely. "There is that threat. Especially if the Sith Lords ever get wind of you. They would teach you to use the Force for evil." He paused and took a deep breath. "The darkness can enslave you. It seems easier, stronger. It can control you beyond your values, your morals, your beliefs. It will strip away the person you are and mold you into someone your mother wouldn't recognize. The Sith don't even retain their own names. They take new ones. You are truly lost if you succumb to the dark side. Fear, anger, aggression. Hate. You must never give into those feelings."
Anakin felt cold, despite the high temperature in the room. He couldn't imagine anything that would make him turn to the dark side. He would rather be dead than use his knowledge of the Force in the service of a Sith.
Obi Wan sighed. "Which brings me to the reason for our assignment," he stated. Anakin perked up.
"You mentioned it might be unpleasant," Anakin hinted.
Obi Wan nodded. "It could be quite unpleasant, but necessary. We can only hope it won't come to that." He looked at Anakin and frowned. "For a young jedi in training, and even an apprentice alone, the galaxy can be a dangerous place. And now, with evidence of activity in a new Sith faction, a young and inexperienced jedi on their own poses an even greater risk. Not only to themselves, but us all."
"Who is it, Master?" Anakin asked.
"Tamerlane Merl," Obi Wan announced. "I doubt you've heard of her. She was chosen as an apprentice six years ago by Master Elle Zack. Four years ago, Master Zack developed an illness. She died recently. Tamerlane was left alone quite suddenly and at nineteen, she still has quite a bit of training left before she can face the trials that would make her a full fledged jedi. Another master, a longtime friend of Master Zack's, came forward and offered to take Tamerlane as his apprentice, in memory of his friend. His name is Master Brock Seal Erons. His intentions were good, but he wasn't aware or chose to ignore the fragile emotional state of his new apprentice. Their shared feelings of grief and loneliness became misplaced towards each other. Well, it was only a matter of time before circumstances errupted between them."
Anakin was trying hard to grasp Obi Wan's meaning. "What happened? Did they get in a fight?"
"There was an altercation of sorts. In the end, Tamerlane interpreted this mutual grief as something else. Master Seal Erons rejected her. Now she's gone off on her own. It's up to us to find her."
Anakin still didn't understand. "Why doesn't her master go after her?"
"Two reasons mainly," Obi Wan explained. "The council fears his pursuit of her would only make her flee even further. And secondly, Master Seal Erons does not want her as an apprentice anymore. He accepted her as his apprentice for the wrong reasons. He sees that now." Obi Wan paused and took a deep breath. He could still see the confusion in Anakin's eyes. He tried to rephrase his explanation. With Anakin, it was easy to forget he was talking to a twelve year old boy. "Quite simply, she believed that she was in love with him. Now she's feeling rejected and betrayed. It devastated her emotionally. She's run away."