story19

My Own Guardian
Janeen Noltensmeier

On Easter morning 1993 I had just finished taking a shower when my husband yelled that someone was at the door for me. A gentleman had been calling me for the last couple of days trying to set up a time that he could come talk to me about religion. I don't remember exactly what it was but I was curious that what this man had to say could change my life. So I hurried up and got dressed thinking that this man was there waiting for me. When I came out of the bathroom, it wasn't the man who I thought but a local policeman. He asked if I knew a AndrewThomas White. I said that I did, but his name was Thomas Andrew, not the other way around, and that he was my older brother.

As I looked at him with fear, he told me that I was to call a police department in one of the bigger Colorado towns, informing me that there had been an accident. I urgently pressed him for details as he told me that he didn't know anything else. I called, scared as the police officer looked at me with dreadful eyes. The investigator told me that my brother had been shot. I asked if he was going to be all right, and heard "no ma'am." I waited for what seemed like forever, till I asked him if he was dead. I can only remember screaming for what seemed like forever as I heard that my best friend, my brother was dead. I called my mom immediately wanting her to tell me that it wasn't true, but the worst thing in the world is hearing a mother scream as she learns that her oldest son was dead, and on Easter morning. That was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do.

I miss my brother a lot, and often asked God why he took him and why he had to die so young. He was only 26. Andy was my best friend. He was the only one that I could talk to about absolutely anything and he never interrupted, he never told me I was stupid and he never made me feel like my problems were horrible. He liked everyone and gave everyone a chance. He loved children and would have done anything for one. Actually, when he was 16 him and a friend saved 6 children from a burning house. I wondered why God took him if he had so much to offer. I look back now and I thank God though because of His power. A month before Andy died my husband and I made a quick decision to go up and see him. He had never seen my daughter,Ashley, who was then 4 months old. We left after supper and the roads were some what slick,and our car wasn't the best. But we made it. I now know that there was a reason for us going. Andy and I got into somewhat of a heated discussion about something that had happened a long time ago. He sat there and cried and told me that he was sorry. That he never meant to hurt me and he wanted me to know that it wasn't my fault and that I should stop blaming myself. My brother crying was a sight. Andy was what you would call a biker. He had the leather coat and long dark hair. He almost looked like the pictures of Jesus that humans have come up with. He did drugs, and drank. But at the time I had saw him he was clean. I knew him really well and knew he was ready to change his life. So why did God take him after he had learned and was straightening things out. I think I know the answer know.

In October 1994, I was expecting another child. I had been in labor for a month and was beginning to think that I was never going to have this child. As I was coming home from my mom's house I saw Andy standing there. He was almost transparent but I knew it was him. I heard him say, "It's okay Sis, I'm here." He always told me that. The next night, my daughter,Andee, was born. I believe that I didn't deliver her until after that night, because my brother wanted to be part of her. As I look at her now, she's almost three, she is everything that my brother was. Looking into her eyes, you can see him there. I believe I know that Andy went through all his troubles with alcohol and drugs for a reason. I had asked why God waited until he was clean before he took him.

There has been other times when I knew my brother was there. One night heading home from another town, I was noticing a full moon. I was just me and Andee in the car and she was sleeping so I was thinking of my brother. I think I spaced off for a minute because when I looked in front of me there was a herd of deer. I screamed and let go of the wheel, I drove right in between them and didn't hit any of them. Later on I was driving that same road and lost control of the car and put it in the ditch. Both girls were with me this time and all we got was a flat tire. I thought about how the car could have flipped and or if something would have been coming on the highway either way it would have it us, causing a lot of damage. But we weren't hurt.

I believe in Angels. I believe that there are many Angels and they are watching over me and my children. I know that everyday my Angels are there watching over me. I know that I can't take ridiculous chances but if by chance I really need an Angel I have a very special one close by.