"We has all heard of World War II, but have you heard that a few years before that was something called World War I?"
"The only reason him went and did that war in Iraq was because I made one comment about how Saddam's cock must look like." -character of Laura Bush in a book Ali G was presenting to a publisher
"This book was written from a man who has boned over six bitches, nine if you count fingers and thumbs."
"When bitches are readin it on the bus or in the library, they don't have enough privacy to strum their own banjo....This book simulate the mind and the punani."
"Legally, should Ruben Studdard be the president?"
"Could you do that, just say if you is got pubes, you can vote? If there's grass on the pitch, let's play. If there's fluff on the muff, she's old enough."
"[Peter Jackson's outfit at the Oscars] is like a mini-9/11." [Bruno] "He's a fashion terrorist." [fashion critic]
"Do you think that if house music was around in the 1930s, World War II wouldn't have happened?" [Bruno] "Absolutely."
"The rise of club music and the fall of apartheid? Coincidence?" [Bruno] "Absolutely not."
"Do you think an animal would mind if he was going to a premier on the back of P.Diddy?"
"Aren't fur coats the way out of the ghetto for some animals?"
"Do you think it's right that some animals have human girlfriends?"
"You don't have to do anything except pay taxes and die." -Sam Donaldson
"I would like to do a romance inside of each of you, but only if you let me." -Borat
"But what is to stop a terrorist from takin over a train, driving it into, God forbid, the Whitehouse?"
"If you ain't managed to marry an American, but you is got jiggy with like loads of them, can you still get a Green Card?"
"In Khazistan the most favorite hobbies are disco dancing, archery, rape and table tennis." -Borat
"What is the best way to defense you from a Jew?...But how do you stop their Jew claws?" -Borat
"What is the best way to stop my wife do a rape on me?" -Borat
"Do you worry that if we use too much solar energy, the sun will run out?"
"In Khazistan, I was a made ice, I was a gypsy catcher, also I work with animals. I make them have explosion for liquid for make more animals." -Borat
"Why don't you arrange special flights for terrorist, so if they is gonna do this terrible behavior, let them ruin their own flight?"
"Ain't it the problem though, that 99% of dogs son't speak English? So, how does they let you know who is carrying a bomb?"
"You know those machines that beep when you got coins in your pocket? Can you develop a machine that beeps when you is carrying a gun?....Them is mainly designed for coins and keys, isn't it?"
"I is totally into abortion, I is been responsible for at least five."
"Khazistanis have many oppurtunity in US and A. For men: construction, taxi drive and accountant. For women: prostitute." -Borat
"One time when I was high, I sold me car for like 28 chicken McNuggets." -Ali G
disgusting jokes from dead_babies lj community:
What do you do with a black jew?
Make him go to the back of the oven.
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
An inside out baby!
What's pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?
An erection.
What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You cry when you chop an onion.
How do you make a baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
What's the best sound in the world?
Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!
What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun
What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
Sexy.
Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
The live one eating it's way out
what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a 69 cadallac?
I don't have a 69 cadallac in my garage
What's worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree?
A dead baby nailed to ten trees
How do you fit ten babies in a suitcase?
With a blender.
How do you get them oout again?
With nachos.