(Scene: An empty stage, except for a black stool. On that stool sits a man hidden in the shadows. Note: Torgo sings except where noted. The announcer speaks in an obscenely cheerful voice.)
Announcer: Junk Bond Records, the same people who brought you the trashiest disco of the 70's, sappy love ballads from the 70's and 80's, proudly present an all-new low in music! From the movie Manos, the Hands of Fate… Torgo sings love songs!
(The lights come up and we see Torgo sitting on the stool. He holds a microphone in his hands. Music for "Two Princes" By the Spin Doctors plays in the background.)
Torgo: MaRrY hIm oR mARry Me/ I'M thE oNE liVinG/ Oh Can'T yOU sEe....
Announcer: That's right, your favorite evil satyr from Manos, the Hands of Fate comes to life and gives you his best in this timeless collection. We've gathered 15 all time classic love songs that wows the ladies every time Torgo sings them. Just listen!
(The music for "Love Song" by the Cure plays in the background.)
Torgo: WhEnEvEr I'M AlONe witH yOu/ yOU maKe mE feEl lIkE I aM WhOlE agAIn.
(The music for "Bye, Bye, Bye" by 'Nsync plays. Torgo tries to wave his hand goodbye as he sings.)
Torgo: byE BYe bYe...
(The music for "Hit Me One More Time" Plays in the background.)
Torgo: My loNeLiNeSS iS kIlliNG Me/ I MuSt cONfeSs I sTIll bElIeVe/ WHEn I'm NOt wITh yOu I lOsE mY mInd/ giVE ME a sIGn /HiT mE BaBy oNe MoRe TIme...
Announcer: You get a lot more on this record, we'd like to play snippets of them all, but common decency forbids it!
Plus you'll get a special bonus: Order now and we'll give you a free coupon for a large sausage with mushroom from Torgo's pizza! But wait! Call within the next 30 minutes, and we'll throw in a bag of Torgo's crazy bread ABSOLUTELY FREE! Guaranteed warm!
Torgo: [not singing] I hoPe yoU eNJoY thIS cD AS mUcH as I eNJoyED brINgINg it tO YoU. I pUT a LOT of EfForT inTo it. It'S MaSTeR PlEaSINg....
(The music for "MacArthur Park" plays in the background.)
Torgo: [sings again] SomEonE leFT my CakE ouT in thE RaIn/ AnD I dON'T thinK I caN taKe IT/ CauSE iT Took sO LonG to BakE it/ aND I dON'T thiNK I'lL havE thAT reCipE aGaIN/ agAIn!
Announcer: Don't delay, call us right now! This CD is yours
for the economical price of just $19.95! Call 1-800-555-YECH and order your copy now!