by Sandra D. (Dru)
::In a white room, four figures suddenly appear::
Spike: Bloody hell—
Edward: What the--?
The Jackal: Where are we?
Burnout: Caitlin? I'm sorry I posted those pictures of you on the net!
(((Hi, guys! Welcome to the Sattelite of Hate!)))
Edward: Who said that?
(((Oh, I'm the Powers That Be. Anyway, you all are now my hostages.)))
The Jackal: What? I thought I escaped the French Police...
(((You did, Monsieur Chacal. It's just that Claude Lebel gave me a hefty sum to put you up here.)))
Lebel's voice: ::from an intercom somewhere:: You may soon see the errors of your way. Your debt to soceity shall be paid by the torture this girl will put you through.
The Jackal: Torture?
(((Yeah, see, there's lots of bad fanfics that need MSTing.)))
Edward: What?
Jean-Claude's voice: ::also from an intercom:: It means you must remain here and comment on bad stories.
Edward: You did this to me?! I knew I couldn't trust a vamp!
Jean-Claude: Forgive me, Death, but I cannot risk you ruining my plan for Anita.
Burnout: Death?
(((The vampires call him Death, since he's their worst enemy and all)))
Burnout: Oh. Edward: You know what you can do with your plan!
Jean-Claude: Harumph. Indeed. Bon Voyage, Mon Ami!
Angel's voice: Spike? I really hope your time up there gives you a few insights on how cruel you've been. It's not fun to make people cry. I should know, I've done both. And it hurts to know that you, my childe, are killing people at random and just for fun, when i am sworn to save their souls—
Spike: Ah, shut up and leave, Poofelus. I don't care.
Angel: This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Spike: Not yet it doesn't.
Lebel: Well, Chacal, so this is the end.
The Jackal: In your point of view, yes. But you will forgive me for trying to escape and kill you later on?
Lebel: But of course. We are both gentlemen.
Burnout: Um...listen, Powers That Be?
(((Call me Sandra, Burnout.)))
Burnout: Well, Sandra, why am I here? These other three are heartless killers of the worst kind, but I'm a good guy! Sorta. I don't kill people for fun.
(((I'm sorry...there was a mixup at Wildstorm. I was going for Grifter.)))
Burnout: ::pouts:: Gee, thanks.
(((Oh, no, you make a great hostage!)))
Burnout: Really? Even though I'm not Grifter?
(((Yes, really! In fact, I think I'll keep you! Who needs him as a hostage anyway?)))
Burnout: ::beams:: Thanks. ::realizes what he's done:: Hey, wait...
(((Nope, too late! To the theater, guys! You've got fanfic sign!)))
::Door sequence::
::Burnout, The Jackal, Edward, and Spike sit down in the accustomed movie theater chairs::
Burnout: Can we at least get popcorn?
(((No, I'm afraid no popcorn is part of your torture.)))
Spike: Can I eat any one of these poufs?
Edward: Can I kill Spike?
(((No no no, no death murder and or mayhem!)))
The Jackal: Here it comes, boys...
>>Generation X/South Park
Burnout: AKA Hey, Look What Crack Does To Your Brain!
>>By the Commission on Superhuman Activities.
Edward: Aw....how cute, they're trying to sound professional!
The Jackal: Hm, that was my favourite show, back in the day.
Spike: "Back in the day?" ::snicker::
>>Disclaimer:
Edward: Disclaimer? I hardly know her!
Burnout: Nyuck nyuck nyuck.
>>South Parl is copy wright Matt Parker and Trey Stone. Generation X is copy >>wrightMarvel. This fan fic isn’t for prophets.
Edward: Yeah! Don't you *dare* read this, Elijah!
Burnout: Last time, we caught Mohammed trying to read it, and had to teach him a lesson.
>>Teaser image: We see the kids from South Park standing around a dead Stan.
Spike: Just an ordinary morning on the Hellmouth.
Edward: (Kid) Mooooom! They're poking some dead guy with a stick again!
The Jackal: (Mom) No one likes a tattletail, sweetie.
>>The members of Generation X art with them.
The Jackal: Ah, I see we've slipped into Ye Olde English speech.
>>Kyle: Oh my God! Penny killed Stan! You bastard!
Spike: Not too smart, calling a murderer a bastard.
>>(Page 1, panel 1. The Generation X plane. The members of Generation X are spitting
>>around
Burnout: (Jubilee) Ptui!
The Jackal: (Synch) Hey, watch the carpet!
>> as Penance and Jubilee fly the plane.)
Burnout: (Jubilee) Flying's not a problem. When we come to landing, I'll ask someone.
>>Captain: They have been flying home for ours.
Edward: And they're gonna get theirs now.
>>Captain: Now they will have sum trouble.
Spike:(Member of Gen X) Agh... I can't stand it...what *is* 2 + 2?
The Jackal:(Member of GenX) I can't tell you.
Spike:(Member of GenX) I need the truth, man!
The Jackal:(Member of GenX) You can't handle the truth!
>>Jubilee: Whew! What a daisy!
Edward: (Jubilee) Dammit, Angelo, I told you to avoid those burritos!
>>Hush: I know, Jubilee, but we have to get hum.
Burnout: ::meditates:: Hummmmmm....hummmmmmmmmm....
>>Sink: Guys, we’ve got a problem here!Our stabilizer’s gone out!
The Jackal: That would explain the plot contrivances.
>>Jubilee: We’re going to have to set her down!
Spike: There's nothing that can be done...we're going to have to set her down.
Burnout: No! Not Fluffy!
>>Penance: Prepare for cash landing.
Burnout: Money money money!
Edward: Hell, it's about time we get paid!
>>Chamber: We’re going to have to bale out of the plane!
The Jackal: And enter the vertix!
Spike: You're taking the intelligent humor bit a lil' far, mate.
>>(Panel 4. Chamber opens up the door.)
The Jackal: And subsequently gets sucked out by the varying air speeds and pressures.
>>Chamber: We’ve got three par a chutes.
Edward: Hey, it's one of those puzzles! You've got to guess. Do they have three pairs of chutes, or three parachutes?
>>Jubilee: Oh my good we’re going to have to teem up but someone will have to stay be
>>hind.
Edward: Today on All My Mutants... someone makes the ultimate sacrifice.
Burnout: Aw, it's no sacrifice! They get to stay out of the fic!
>>(Page 2, panel 1. Penance turns.)
>>Penance: I’ll stay. The rest of you goat.
Spike: Whatever you do, keep the goat safe.
>>(Panel 3. Jubilee turns too Penance.)
>>Jubilee: Are you sure Penny I mean we can’t just leave you hear
Burnout: (Jubilee) But better you than us, so bu-bye!
>>I wash we had another par a chute to give you
Edward: (Penance) Of course you do...::mutters:: lousy airheaded skank.
>>it’s just like us not to prepare for the wurst of life
Spike: (Jubilee) It's also just like us to hate you and slowly plot your death!
The Jackal: (narrator) What our friends don't know is that Penance has secretly cut all parachute wires! Let's watch now.
>> and then it hits us in the face
Edward: Just like the rest of us wish we could.
>>I wish we could do better over and ova wallet be so simple four us to have a nice day
>>for once
Spike: If I had a violin, I'd be playing it.
>>its so horrible to be in a life with such term oil
Burnout: Is my term oil massage ready yet?
The Jackal: Almost, sir.
>>we need to be better organ sized in the future
Edward: And the Grinch's heart grew *three* sizes that day!
>>its bad enough that we live thes lives with Stryfe and chaos
Burnout: Yeah, and they're always hogging the bathroom!
Spike: (Jubilee) Stry-yyyyyyfe! I've got to gooooooo!
Burnout: (Stryfe) Can't you use the other one?
Spike: (Jubilee) But Chaos is taking a bath!
>>you ramp plug garden mats wheel mist you Penny I know I wash there was a better
>>way to doo this.
Edward: Of course there is! Why doesn't anyone use a garrote anymore?
>>Penance: Just do it.
The Jackal: Ah, American product placement, I see.
>>(Panel 4. The Generation X gang pairs up this: Sink/N, Chamber/Hush, and Jubilee/Sin
>>They strip on par a chutes.)
Spike: Ooh, kinky! Take it *off*!!!
>>Jubilee: Good buy Pennance we’ll mist you.
Spike: Please luv, she's not dead yet!
>>Penance: I’m not dead yet.
Edward: (Jubilee) Oh, that's just because the poison hasn't kicked in yet.
>>Panel 5. The Gen X members jump from the plain.
Burnout: And land in the beauiful, baby!
>>Sink: I wish there was another way.
Spike: Quit your bloody yapping and come over to the dark side.
>>(Page 3, panel 1. The Generation X gang par a chute down to South Park.)
Burnout: Whoo-hoo, it's raining girls with impossibly attractive bodies in skintight uniforms!
>>(Panel 2. They land in front of South Park elementary.
Burnout: Hey, that's not fair!
Edward: Huh?
Burnout: The vast majority is still prepubescent. They can't appreciate those skintight costumes like I can!
Spike: Well, I haven't been a teenager for over a century, but I'm with Burnout here.
>>Jubilee: Where are we?
>>Hush: Looks like some kinds of school.
The Jackal: Said Sherlock Holmes after noticing the pencils, chalkboards, and tiny desks.
>>(Panel 3. The South Park Gang enters.)
Edward: And quickly exits as they realize they're in a bad fanfic.
>>Kenny: Mnph mnph nmnth mph.
Burnout: Translation: Get me out of this fic!
>>Cartman: Yea, you’re right, Kenny... we got some hot babes here!
Burnout: I agree with the fanfic.
Edward: How would you know?
Burnout: Oh, I met them once. They're cool, and the chicks *are* all babes...but they refuse to wear anything skimpier than a swimsuit.
The Jackal (dryly): How terrible for you.
>>Panel 4. The Gen X gang tries to talk to the South Park gang.)
The Jackal: And fails, on account of a generation gap.
::the rest groan::
Spike: Pleeeease can I eat him for that bad pun?
>>Sink: Who are you kids?
>>Kyle: I’m Kyle, and these are Stan, Cartman, and Kenny.
The Jackal: Geez, don't their parents tell them not to speak to strangers?
Burnout: Believe me, if you met these girls, you'd forget everything your mother told you, too.
>>(Panel 5. They talk some moor.
Edward: (Gen X member) No, no, Scotland's are the best.
Spike: (South Park kid) Actually, I always liked Othello the best.
>>N: We are Generation X. My name is N,
Burnout: (M) Cause I'm a member of the Men In Black!
>>these are Sink,
Burnout: That's 'Everything but the Kitchen'.
>>Chamber,
Burnout: What? When'd he show up?
Edward: He's the lucky one. He's been forgotten by the fic writer.
>>Hush,
Burnout: The new member who can make annoying little brats shut up.
>>and Jubilee.
Spike: What kind of name is that?!
Burnout: It's her real name. She had cruel parents.
>>Stan: Well, we’re going to school. We need to get there or we’ll be late.
The Jackal: But aren't they *at* the school already?
Edward: Don't stress, just enjoy the bad continuity ride.
>>(Page 4, panel 1. Enter the principle as the South Park gag exits.)
The Jackal: That is what they refer to as a running gag.
::The others groan::
>>Principle: There you are! You must be the new teachers I hired! Come on, you’re latte!
Edward: They're sweet milky coffee? All right!
>>(Panel 2. The principle pushes them toward school.)
Spike: Doesn't make them much different than most kids.
>>Principle: Come on you guys your are the only ones who can do this
Burnout: (Gen X member) Aw, can't you just get the X-men?
>> I knead some teachers
Spike: --then I shape them into a nice loaf, and stick them in a preheated oven.
>>and you have just volunteered
Burnout: If by volunteer you mean parachute onto an elementary school and say nothing to anyone but the students, then sure!
>>for this we don’t want to keep the kids waiting do we now
Edward: Sure you do, it builds character.
>>let’s get in there and do our best
The Jackal: "Our"? Since when is this a joint venture?
>>to teach out young fort they are the future of our land
Spike: Does she mean Fort Young?
Edward: I've been there. Nice place, if you ignore the crying.
>>we have to teach them well or they wilt end up in jail like
Burnout: -- I did, back in '78. I had just come home from 'Nam, you see, and...
>>a common criminal
Spike: We want to make them supercriminals!
>>its they’re only hop for you to teach them well please your are they’re only hop for a
>>brighter tomorrow
The Jackal: Guilt won't work on us, we're heartless assassins...except for Burnout.
Burnout: Nag, nag, nag.
>>we knead you bad.
Spike: And it hurts, baby, it hurts.
>>(Panel 3. Generation X are pushed into the school.)
Edward: Funny how you kids always have to be pushed into school.
Burnout: Hey! As one of those kids, I take offense.
>>Principle: You get assignments from my secretary.
The Jackal: That must be the ultimate humiliation.
>>Now, goad!
Spike: Um, okay...your mother was a hamster! Now do you want to fight?
>>(Panel 4. The Principle exits.)
The Jackal: How intelligent of her.
>>Jubilee: But... like... we...
Burnout: Everyone, watch out, she's going to produce a full sentence!
>>N: Looks like we’re stuck here, Jubilee.
Burnout: ::sings:: Stuck in the middle with you! And I wonder what it is I should do...
>>(Panel 5. They approach the secretary.)
The Jackal: But stop approaching as soon as they reach the moat and she pulls out her mace.
>>Secretary: You temps are always late!
Edward: (Gen X member) Feh, I'd like to see you plot the murder of your teammate while in a plane, parachute down into this school, still have hair as great as mine, and show up on time!
>>Well, let’s get this on the road here...
Spike: Does that mean we can leave?
>>9 page 5, panel 1. the gecretary sives out the assignments.0
>>secretary; ok blondie, you teach history.
Edward: Debbie Harry's there?
The Jackal: No, it's Dagwood's wife.
>>the hexican mombre can teach spinich
Edward: Them dirty Hexicans are taking over American jobs!
The Jackal: Yes, and trying to turn every average Joe into Popeye by spreading their sick spinage.
>>the mack blan can teach science
Spike: Roit, is it just me, or is there a definite spoonerism in each sentence?
>>the asian can meach tath.
Edward: It's yust jou.
>>and lastly, you can teach art, brunette.
Spike: Damn. There goes my theory.
>>skeen; well, let’s go, bat o.
Burnout: "Bat outta hellllllll....."
>>9panel 2. the members of xeneration g go out.
Spike: Hah! Definate spoonerism!
>>secretary; good lick.
Burnout: And moving into the NC-17 rated area.
>>9panel 3. follow mn to the art studio. 0
The Jackal: Filled with various guys in glasses with bad acne and greasy hair.
>>9panel 4. a announcement comes over the spoudleaker.0
Spike: (Announcement) Will the student that took my blowup doll kindly return her? No questions asked. Please... her name is Amber.
>>principle; attention students, this is your sprinciple peaking
Edward: Rumors that say it is, in fact, a trained monkey speaking are entirely false.
>> since you kave hilled the last tubstitute seachers,
Burnout: Tubstitute seachers always make me want to hill.
>>we nave ired some hew hones.
Edward: They're already pre-angered, just ready for you to close in for the kill.
>> enjoy them.
Edward: And get me some bananas, dammit!
>>9page 6, panel 1. the menerationx gembers go into thee leachers tounge.
Spike: And come out missing a few pints of blood... I envy those leachers.
>>jubalee; so, like, what do we do now/ i don’t want to do this.
Everyone: And we don't want to read this!
>>sink; we have to do this, jubalee. the cids are kountingon us.
Edward: So disappoint them! It's not like they come from the perfect family!
>>9panel 2. they o gout to their classes.0
Spike: So they ran in a style resembling horses?
The Jackal: No, no, that's "gait", not "gout".
Spike: Spoilsport.
>>jubalee; i think this is not a good idea...
Burnout: Tell that to the writer of this fanfic!
>>9panel 3. see wing jubilee about to entur the classroom.
Burnout: ::perking up:: Wing? Like Gundam Wing?
Edward: No, I don't think so.
>>jubalee; alright, i’m your tath meacher, and io don’t want no balking tack.
Spike: (Jubilee) Else I'm gonna pimp slap you lil' hootchies!
>>my jame’s nubalee. now open your pooks to sage bix.
The Jackal: Allright, this is just disturbing. Was the author dyslexic, perhaps?
Edward: Naw. Just hopped up on painkillers.
>>Ike: We don’t tave no hextbooks, jubalee.
The Jackal: Nor do we have a proper grasp on the English language, apparently!
Burnout: Calm down, man, it's okay...
>>9panel 4. jubalee rights on the bored.0
Spike: Are those *our* rights?
Edward: ::calls to ceiling:: Hey! If even prisoners have rights, can't we have rights, too?
(((Edward, shut up and read your fic.)))
Edward: ::pouts:: Fine. Bitch.
>>jubalee: Who tan cell me what is the sum of 2=3/
The Jackal: That's not a bleedin' equation!!! It's not!!!
Edward: Geez, get a hold of yourself. The Jackal: I know it was an American who wrote this! An Englishman would never abuse language like that!
Spike: Bloody right on!
>> Wendee: How’d you like to iss my kass?
Burnout: I'd love to. Once I figure out what an iss is, and where your kass is located.
>>{Once again, [for those of you familar with these bad stories] we have text missing.}
Edward: Hey, guys, our sins have been forgiven! We've been spared part of the story!
All: Yay!
>>(Page 10, panel 1. Sink takes the teacher’s desk.)
Burnout: And he sells it on Ebay for $12.50.
>>Sink: My name is Sink, and I will bee your Englush teechur for today...
The Jackal: Irony comes in many forms.
Spike: Hey, wasn't he supposed to teach Science?
Edward: Not in a story with continuity as screwed up as this.
>>Sink: Now, who can tell us how a dangling preposition is done with?
>>Derrick: I no! I no!
Spike: The poor man's version of "Not me." Or maybe it's a thick accent.
Burnout: (Derrick) Por favor señor, I no wanna answer!
>>(Panel 4. Derrick stand.)
The Jackal: See Derrick stand. Stand, Derrick, stand.
>>Derrick: A dangling preposition is –
Edward: Unmentionable in polite company.
>>Wendy: Shut up and kiss my @$$!
Spike: You sweet talker, you. How can any man resist?
>>Kenny: Oy gevalt! You’re making a meshuga of this place!
The Jackal: It's not enough to abuse English, now they're also missusing Yiddish!
Edward: Geez, can't we get you some Valium?
The Jackal: ::deep breath:: Sorry. It's...it's a pet peeve of mine.
>>(Page 11, panel 1. Derrick sit.0
The Jackal: See Derrick sit. Sit, Derrick, sit.
>>Sink: Teching these kids is snot going to be easy.
Edward: Hell, reading this fic isn't all that simple either.
Spike: We need to get a bloody translator.
>>(Pane; 2. Sunk stnad. )
The Jackal: See Sunk stnad. Stnad, Sunk, stnad.
Burnout: Hey! Not in front of the kids, you pervert!
>>Sink:
>>This is utterly terrible.
Spike: Hey, he's channeling his Inner Jackal!
The Jackal: You, sir, are a cad!
Spike: Go bugger yourself.
>>Suinkl: I have anidee.
Edward: Anidee? Geez, you better get a doctor to check that out.
>>(Pane l 23. Sink Shows off his aura.)
Burnout: Hey, that can land you an indecent exposure charge!
>>(Page 12, panel 1. Our Kentuckee coalgurl Page is now the teechur.)
The Jackal: Coalgurl? What's that?
Spike: Just a little something the S & M crowd really go for.
>>Lush:
Spike: Lush? That's her codename?!
Edward: What's her power, draining the liquor cabinet's contents in under 12 minutes?
>>Ay know y’all don’t ‘ave regular techeers, but Ay want you to know that Ay want to
>>bee your fiend.
The Jackal: I've studied accents for almost a decade now, and am utterly confused as to the location of 'Lush's' origin.
Spike: You're not the only one, mate.
>>Wendy: How’d you like to kissmy #$$?
Burnout: But it's so sudden, I mean, we don't even know each other.
>>(Panel 2. Lush is shoacked at Wendy.)
Edward: (Wendy) Aah! Stop shoacking me, I'm sorry!
>>Lush: Whut did you jest say, mate?
Burnout: Hey! I just figured it out...
Edward: What? Burnout: "Lush" is also from 18th century London--like Spike!
The Jackal: Why didn't I think of that?
Spike: ::mutters:: Wankers.
>>Wendy: How’d you like to kiss my @$$?
Burnout: Well, I haven't got some in about a year...sure!
>>(Panel 3. Lush grimaces at Wendy.)
Spike : (Husk/Lush) Sweetie, that sweater/vest/skirt combination just doesn't work. What is this, the 80's?
Edward: Mocked the man who appears to be Billy Idol's clone. Spike: Stick it up yer bum.
>>Wendy: Kiss my @$$.
Burnout: Let's go somewhere private.
>>(Panel 4. Husk
The Jackal: The author got the name right! ::everyone claps::
>>picks up Wendy by her wrist.)
Edward: And flings her out the window! She gets arrested, thus ending this story.
Spike: No such luck.
>>Husk: Alright, we’re going to the principle’s office.
The Jackal: (Husk) You've been a naughty girl, Wendy!
::porno film music::
>>Pan(el 5. Principle’s office.
Burnout: AKA the Office of Pleasures.
>>Principle: Don’t waste my time with such trivalitees, Ms. Lush.
Burnout: (Lush) 's not tri-tri-shtupid. You'll shee. I's easy. Monkeysh ::hic:: will eat yer brainsh up.::hic::
>>?Lush: You’re out of your mind!
Edward: (Principle) Hey, I'm not the one that's been chugging vodka nonstop.
>>*Panel 6. The Principle ushurs Lush out.(
The Jackal: (Principle) And for God's sake, get some help!!
>>Principle: Don’t come back here unless
The Jackal: -- you join the AA.
>>you have something serious.
Edward: Alcoholism is serious, people. Please...if you love a lush, get them help.
>>Lush: But she swore at me! Ah want satisfaction!
Burnout: ::sings:: I -- can't get no -- sat-is-fac-tion.
Everyone: And I try, and I try, and I try!
>>){she 24, [smr; 2/ Jidl yrstd jrt dlom pgg. trbrs;omg s dlom pg ,rys;._
Spike: Hey, this writer is slipping into Fyorl...
The Jackal: Fyorl?
Spike: It's a demon language.
Edward: That would explain a lot.
>>Jidl” Sj epm y estm upi shson.
Burnout: Hey, so the author's a demon?
Spike: Well, who else could create something so tortuous?
>>Jtkw” yjsy od ypys;;u fodhidyomh.
Edward: What did that say?
Spike: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
>>{smr; 3. Jidl dysmfd sy yjr jrsf pg yjr v;sdd.
Spike: What? My mother was a bleedin' saint!!!
>>Vsty,sm” O fpm y ;ilr yjr ;ppld pg yjod.
Spike: That's better. Grovel for forgiveness, you bloody worm!
>>Dysm:
Spike: Well...I'm sorry too.
Edward: The fanfic just apologised?
Spike: It's having a momentary lapse of conscience. It'll be evil again in a little bit.
>>Page 15, panel 1. Recess.
Spike: See?
>> The Generation X gang am supervising the South Park Gnag who am play.)
The Jackal: Apparently, it's a demon that confuses all future, past, and present tenses.
>>(Jubaleee: You’all play nice now.
Burnout: ::southern accent:: Else I'll have ta get out mah cat o' nine tails.
>>Wendee: How would you like to kiss my @$$!?
Edward: With my lips?
>>(((((Panel 2. Kyle sit on swing.)
Spike: Ah, we're back in the NC-17 rated version.
>>Kyle: If ther’em one rthing I can stand, it’m bul lies.
The Jackal: I'm not even going to touch on that.
>>Panel 3..... Suddenly Pennnnance fall from sky and crash into Cartman. This tear
>>Cartman into ribbon.)
Burnout: ::sings:: It's raining Pen! Alleluia, it's raining Pen! Amen!
Edward: I'm not even going to ask how you knew that song.
>>Kenny: Oh my God! They kill Cartman!
Spike: Wait...didn't it say at the beginning that the Stan bloke would die?
The Jackal: This author is confused, or perhaps it’s a surprising plot twist.
::everyone laughs::
Edward: Ah, that was a good one.
>>Stan: You bastard!
Burnout: Sticks and stones may break my bones...
>>(Panel 4. Cocoaches come and eat Cartman dead body in seconds.)
Edward: No! Not cocoaches! Please, anything but cars made of chocolate!
>>(Page 16, panel 1. Kenny play on monkey bars.)
Spike: Bow chicka bow chicka bow chicka....
>>Kenny: Look at me! I’m finally swing on money bars!
Spike: Is this where the sultry temptress shows up and makes sexual advances?
>>Wendy: How would you like to kiss my @$$!
Spike: Hey, I was half right!
>>(Panel 2. Stan, Kyle and Kenny gather around each other, and talk.)
Burnout: Basically, they brag about the chicks they've scored with, talk about football, and have some beers.
>>Stan: Man, that Wendy sure am a beech.
Edward: But you gotta admit...she makes a damn sexy tree.
>>Kenny: You say it, Kyle~!
The Jackal: (Kyle) No, I refuse to say anything! It's my right under the fifth.
Burnout: For a Brit, you have a pretty good knowledge of the American law systems.
The Jackal: What can I say, it's come in handy in my career as a political assassin.
>>(Panel 3. Sink blow whistle.)
Spike: Was that—
Edward: Don't say it! What if some horny teen's reading this?
Burnout: What if some horny teen's *writing* this?
::everyone contemplates this for various seconds::
(((Hey! Get back to the fanfic!)))
Edward: Spoilsport.
>>(Panel 4. The students line up.)
The Jackal: And are butchered by a scythe in one quick stroke.
>>Sink: Alright, it’m time go to two too class.
Spike: Only two need to sacrifice themselves. The rest can play happily forever.
>>(Page 17, panel 1. N now teach glass.)
Edward: Hey, some types of glass can learn as much as a six-year old child!
>>N: So, we am go to learn geographee.
The Jackal: Thank God she's not teaching English.
>>(Panel 2. N point to gloub.)
>>N: Now, what am this?
Edward: A crappy piece of fanfiction?
>>Ike: It am a gloub.
Spike: Maybe we're not all Jackals...but I'm definately noticing a trend with the verbs here.
>>N: Alright, now who can tell me where the country of Jorden am?
Spike: Yep. Definately a trend.
>>(Panel 3. Ike stand.)
The Jackal: See Ike stand. Stand, Ike—
Edward: Stop it! It got old fast!
>>Ike: It am in South American.
The Jackal: What?! The Jordan is *not* in South America!!!
Burnout: How would you know?
The Jackal: I've had to assassinate several Jordanian politicians, and never did I cross an ocean!
Burnout: ::mutters:: Ask a silly question...
>>N: That am right.
Edward: It kinda hurts to say this, but Spike's right. About the verbs.
>>(Panel 4. Ike sit.)
The Jackal: Please may I say it?
Edward: Spike, if the Jackal says *it* again, you have my permission to eat him.
Spike: ::unenthusiastic:: Yay.
>>N: Now, I come from that particular country.
Spike: The Land of Cretins?
Edward: What?
Spike: It's what my roomate used to say. Nevermind.
Edward: ::blinks:: Okay. How long can you go without drinking blood, again?
>>(Page 18, panel 1.
>>Wendy: How would you like to kiss my @$$?
The Jackal: ::sigh:: I grow weary of this.
>>Panel 3. N ignore Wendy.)
Spike: Hey, that's a good approach. Shall we try it?
Burnout: Lets.
>>N: Now, let’m review the countries surround Jorden.
::The Jackal squirms::
>>We have Latvia,
::The Jackal bites his lip::
>>Laows,
::He looks pained::
>>Hon Duras,
The Jackal: Dammit! I can't take it! Hon Duras is nowhere near Jordan!
::The others sigh::
>>Lushemborg,
Edward: The land Husk/Lush came from?
>>and Armeeneea.
The Jackal: And that is not a country! Bloody hell, who wrote this?
Spike: Pet, *calm down*!
Burnout: Dang, I thought I had an Uncle in Armeeneea.
>>(Panel 4. The bell ring.)
Edward: Like a web ring, but you can only join if you *really* like bells.
>>(Pag3 3m ta3, panel 1. N continue to teech.)
>>N: Now, we - what am you looking at?
Burnout: (a student) The massive chest that is jutting out of your shirt.
Edward: (a student) Please, can't you at least tape them down?
Spike: (a student) You're going to poke someone's eye out!
>>Kenny: We like women with big bazoomas.
Spike: Who bloody well doesn't, I'd like to know.
The Jackal: Assuming by bazoomas, the author means breasts...yep!
Edward: Hell yeah. Burnout: Amen!
(((I really need to add a woman to these hostages)))
>>(Panel 2. N roll eye.)
Edward: Rolled right down the hallway and out the window.
>>N: Let’m behave in dignified social intercourse.
Burnout: Hey, you're the one that's getting us all hot and bothered!
>>(Panel 4. Panel 4. N ist fed up with GWEndy.)
Spike: Like those Gwendy dolls in that movie, Small Soldiers?
Edward: ::note of threat in voice:: Hey, I liked that movie!
Spike: Never said anything, mate! Just...they have this voice... reminds me of some chit.
>>N: That is it, you stoopit American brats am out of control!
The Jackal: I agree. I would've put a bullet through their heads by now.
Edward: Chopped their heads off.
Spike: Drained them dry.
Burnout: Barbequed them!
::the others stare at him, and smile::
Edward: He's learning.
Spike: One day with us and the lit'l bloke's already more violent. I'm proud.
>>Stan: She am a real beech, teach.
Burnout: (M) I don't care if she's a tree! She's still a bitch!
>>(Page 19, panel 1. N put gWendy into courner.)
Edward: Sure, like that's going to help?
>>N: Now, let’m continue here. The world am a vast place. There are 54 continents in the
>>wohrld today.
The Jackal: Are not! There are 7!
>> Who can name them all?
>>(Panel 2. Silence.)
Edward: Enjoy it while you can, guys.
>>N: Nobody>
The Jackal: Big surprise, considering 47 don't exist.
>>(PAnel 3. N turns.)
>>N: I’ll say them oort you.
Edward: (M) Them oort you.
>>There’s North America, South America, Erupa, Afrika, Asha, Austraela, and Artica.
The Jackal: Why bother myself anymore? I'm letting it all go now. No more stress.
Burnout: That's good.
>>(Panel 4. asdfjkl; Thing go crazy from here.)
Edward: More Fyorl?
Spike: Yeah. It says "As if you needed to know".
>>Ned: It’s lunchtime...
Burnout: Who's Ned?
Spike: Who knows?
Edward: Who cares?
>>(Page 20, panel 1. The cafeteria. The members of Generation X are in line with the
>>students waiting for their meal.)
Burnout: Unlike a real cafeteria, where the food is avoided like the plague.
>>Chief: Yo, my lil’ home dudes, how’s it hanging?
Spike: Low, wrinkled, and a lit'l to the left.
::Edward smacks him::
Burnout: And *I'm* the immature one?
>>Cartmen: Hey chief.
The Jackal: Wait...wasn't he dead?
Edward: I thought you weren't going to stress about the continuity anymore?
The Jackal: Yeah, sorry.
Spike: Maybe he's undead.
>>(Panel 2. The chief serves the kids.)
Spike: Quite scrumptious when lightly coated in a white wine sauce.
>>Chief: It’s mysteree meet day.
Burnout: AKA the Blind Date.
>>Stan: Cruel!
Edward: Yeah, well, you haven't been subjected to this fanfic.
>>(Panel 3. The chief sings.)
>>Chief: Let me sing you a little song here...
The Jackal: Yes, O Great Tribal Leader.
>>(Panel 4. The chief sings.)
>>Chief [sings]: Sometimes you have to go/ And get yourself a babe/ Bang her good, like
>>you should/ And really get good laid.
Spike: Wow...is Burnout old enough to be reading this?
Burnout: Oh, like you all are over 30?
The Jackal: Um...
Edward: Well...
Spike: Mate, I've got roughly over a century on my belt...two, dependin' on who you ask.
Burnout: Oh. I really *am* in the wrong room, huh?
>>(Panel 5. The chief sings.)
>>Chief: You got to do her good/ Respect her like you should/ And you’ll be up to your
>>neck in ***** in no time.
ALL: Whoa! Edward: Geez, is the *author* old enough to be *writing* this?
The Jackal: By the grammar and content, I'd say no. But there it is.
>>Jubelee: That was like totally disgusting.
ALL: We agree.
>>Like, no woman thinks that way, like, okay?
Burnout: Unless they're guests on the Jerry Springer show.
>>(Page 21, panel 1. The chief examines Generation X.)
Spike: (Gen X member) ::giggle:: But that's not where you check a pulse!
Edward: (Chef) Now, stick out your tounge and say ah!
>>Chief: Well, who do we have here? The Jackal: None of your business!
>>Cartman: These are our new teachers. This is Jubelee, LusK, Sink, Chambur, N, adn
>>Skim.
Burnout: AKA Richard Simmons!
>>(Panel 2. Generation X goes off.)
Edward: (Gen X member) You stupid =beep beep= son of a =beep beep= with =beep=ing bad hair!
Spike: (Gen X member) Yeah? Well *your* sister has a great =beep beep= especially =beep= when you =beep beep= her!
>>Jubelee: We are like so out of here, you know?
The Jackal: And everyone's insanely jealous of you.
>>(Panel 3. )
>>Cheif: Some women are no fun.
Spike: Yeah. They either report you for sexual harrasment, or get you with their tazer.
>> Say, isn’t there one of you missing here?
Edward: Naw, they're all taking this story in shifts.
>>Stan: Kyle got killed this morning again.
Spike: Bloody hell! Just pronounce them all zombies!
>>One of those babes sliced him in half.
Burnout: Well... what a way to go.
>>(Panel 4. The South Park Gang goes out to the eating area, and snits.)
Edward: Hey, they're too young to be snitting! Much less in public!
>>Kenny: You know, It’s goof to have friends likr you.
Burnout: Heeyuck! Gawrsh...
>>(Panel 5. They eek.)
ALL : (As South Park kids) Eek! Eek! Eek!
>>(Page 22, panel 1. The kids finish their lunches.)
Edward: Except for that one kid whose lunch was stolen.
>>Jubelee: So, like, what’s totally next?
Spike: ::hopefully:: The end?
>>Penance: Let’s go hum.
The Jackal: (Husk) Aw, but we allready meditated in the beginning of the fic!
>>(Panel 2. They go off.)
Spike: My =beep beep beep=?! Well your =beep=ing mother!
Burnout: Yeah? Well =beep beep bepp= that cute tush of yours =beep=ing attractive!
>>Cartman: We’ll miss you. Edward: --and your bouncy, overexposed bosoms!
>>(Panel 3. They go outside to see the Generation X plane and enter it.)
The Jackal: Didn't it crash?
Edward: Yeah, well, this is the *other* Generation X plane.
>>Mn: Well this was an interesting day we got to commune with kids younger than us
>>I don’t think I’d want to goo back there though
Spike: In their hurry to reach the end, seems these poufs forgot their punctuation marks.
The Jackal: What a pity.
>>it was kinda weird seeing kids curse like that
Edward: The kids? What about that chef, corrupting the minds of the innocent!?
>>butt one thing I have to ask is just what was the comic point to all of this
Burnout: There was no point, except to make us all suffer and want to give into Sandra's demands.
>>it seems to mee that there is no point
ALL: Agreed.
>>to any of life in gneral and were jest frittering things here
Spike: Yes, all you mortals are just happy meals on legs...
::licks lips::
Edward: Down, boy.
>>I Donna
Edward: Donna? Donna! ::stands up:: Donna, help me, honey pot! It's me, your Ted! Please, get me out of here! Spike: You realize that's a misspelled version of "don't"?
Edward: ::sits back down:: I knew that.
>> understand it all The Jackal: We didn't understand *any* of it.
>>what do you think gnag it seems show shallow and list less I think.
Spike: (Generation X Member) You've been hitting Lush's supply of Vodka again, haven't you?
>>(Panel 4. Go back
ALL: No!
The Jackal: We blatantly refuse!
>>to see the South Park kids watching the Generation X plane fli off.)
Burnout: I thought they already left.
Spike: Lack of continuity, man.
>>Wendy: How would you like to kiss my @$$?
Burnout: You're all talk! Let's get to a closet somewhere....
>>Stan: Man, she’s one messed up bitch.
Edward: She's a beech tree, too.
>>_End_
All: Finally!
::stand up and leave the theater::
Edward: So now what? Are we allowed to leave?
(((Nope...not yet guys.)))
The Jackal: ::sigh:: I knew it.
(((Oh, come on, I'm not that bad of a host! You guys do get free cable...)))
Edward: ::sarcastic:: Well, that makes this all worthwhile.
(((And board and breakfast, and etc! In return, you just have to MST stuff for me.)))
Spike: Well...
(((Please? I'll pay money)))
Burnout: I'll do it!
The Jackal: Money's good.
Spike: Oh, I like money.
Edward: ::shrugs:: It's a deal... for now.
--End—