MST3K: Kardkaptor Sakura/ Generation X
Original by Harry Putter Grinch
MiST by
Kairi Taylor and QuampQuamp's note: I know I said I wouldn't do another MiSTing unless I found something really, really bad. Well I have....
BEWARE: The original author's misspellings and bad grammar can cause one to construe this fan fic as being NC-17. It was not intended that way, however.
(Season 6 opening credits.)
Singers: In the not too distant future
Way down in Deep 13
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank
Were hatching an evil scheme
They hired a temp by the name of Mike
Just an average Joe that they didn't like
Their experiment needed a good test case
So they bopped him on the noggin and they shot him into space
Mike: GET - ME - OUT!
Singers: We'll send him cheesy media
The worst we can find (la la la)
He'll have to sit and watch them all
And we'll monitor his mind (la la la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control where the media begins or ends
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends
Robot roll call!
Cambot!
Gypsy!
Tom Servo!
Croooooow!
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts
Just repeat to yourself it's just a show
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
(Scene: the SOL bridge. Bleary-eyed Mike Nelson is seen entering the place, zipping up his bodysuit. His hair is a mess and he seems half-asleep. With him are Crow and Tom. The mads light is flashing.)
Mike: Aw, for the love of Pete, it's two hours before I normally wake up, what do the mads want this time?
Crow: I don't know, Mike, but I have a suspicion that it's not good.
(The screen opens, and on it appears Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank, in their usual attire. With them is a large box-like machine, which measures about 5'x5'x6'. It is a pleasant Harvest Gold color. On one side it has a funnel, and on the other a spigot.)
Dr. Forrester: Oh, I can hardly wait to show Mike our latest creation....
Mike: Dr. F, what's going on? Why did you wake me up?
(Deep 13)
Dr. Forrester: Ah, Mike. We've been working feverishly on this week's invention exchange, and we've finally come up with something that will really impress you. Behold the ultimate water purifier! Now, as you know, many municipalities put a lot of additives into their drinking water. Well, this machine filters everything out so you put tap water in one and out the other comes only pure H2O. Observe....
(Frank takes a pitcher of water, and pours the water into the machine. Dr. Forester pushes a button.)
Dr. Forrester: Now, while we wait for the machine to purify the water, let's hear what you've come up with.
(SOL. Mike is holding a comb in one hand, finishing combing his hair, while the other is holding up a small iron bar which has a spring on one end covered in a sheath. The bar also has a plastic handle on it.)
Mike: Ah, yes. Well, this time we've come up with a nice invention. Have you noticed that automobiles lately build up quite a lot of static electricity when they're running? Then when you stop and get out of the car, you get shocked trying to close the door? Well, this little gadget is something you install in the floor of your car, and before you exit it, you simply push down on it, and it will prevent you from getting electrocuted.
(Deep 13)
Dr. Forester: Well, things should be ready now. Frank, turn the tap.
(Frank puts the pitcher under the spigot, and turns the spigot. Pause. Nothing comes out.)
Dr. Forester: Hmm... must be a clogged filter somewhere. (He turns back to Mike) Well, now your experiment this week is a wonderfully awful piece of trash Frank found on the Internet. It's something so horrific you're sure to go bonkers in no time whatsoever. You bots might remember that experiment we had a few months ago with Rouge vs. Laidee Death. Well, one of those authors has created an ill-executed and ill-conceived crossover with Cardcaptor Sakura and Generation X. Frank, send them the fan fiction.
Frank: Will do, Clay.
(SOL. Lights flash, a buzzer sounds, and chaos erupts.)
Mike: Oh great, we've got fanfic sign! (Mike & the bots go into theater.)
(6, 5, 4, 3, 2,1...Theater. The fanfic in question appears on the screen.)
Mike: Ok, can anyone give me some background info on this anime here.
Tom: No problem Mike. Card Captor Sakura is about the adventures of a young girl named Sakura who has to get all the Clow cards back from the book she released them from.
Crow: It's what's known as shoujo anime, you know 'Magical Girl' anime.
Mike: Oh, like Sailor Moon & Pretty Sammy.
Tom: Yeah, pretty much.
Crow: Just be glad we didn't get any shounen-ai up here.
Mike: Wait, my Japanese is kinda rough...doesn't that translate to boy love?
Tom: Yep.
KardKaptor Sakura/ Generationn X
By Harry Putter Grinch
[email protected]Mike: Somebody might want to tell Harry that this isn't Mortal Kombat.
Tom: I always thought the Grinch would make a good golfer.
Crow: As always, the email does not work.
Mike: One can only imagine what flame mail never made it through.
Disclamyr: KardKaptor Sakura am opwned by Sanyo, and Generation X am owned by Marble comics. This fan fic am not for proffets.
Tom: Hey, isn't the original creator of Card Captor Sakura CLAMP? Why would a company that makes kitchen appliances have anything to do with anime?
Crow: I wanna know who this Marble Comics company is. They've probably made better comics than Marvel.
Mike: Apparently ol' Harry has never heard of a dictionary. Or thesaurus. Or good grammar.
Teaser Image: The members of Generation X am stand around KardKaptor Sakura and Leigh.
Mike: (as Jubilee) You're so cute! Can I have your autograph?
Crow (as Random Gen X member): We're you're biggest fans!
(Page 1, panel 1. KardKaptor Sakura am riding her skate bored down a path.)
Tom: Yes, you too can skate around your block while being bored to tears.
Crow: Funny, I could've sworn Sakura rollerblades to school.
Sakura: Wow! This am so keen!
Mike: Keen?
Crow: Well, Generation X is the same series where one of them said "Jeepers!"
(Panel 2. She run into Leigh.)
Tom: (in girlish voice) Darn it Sakura, that's the fifth time today you've run over me!
Sakura: Leigh!
Crow: Isn't her best friend called Tomoyo?
Mike: I'm guessing that Harry is using the translated version on Kids WB.
Crow: Ah, the censored one.
Mike: What's the difference?
Crow: I'll explain later. It's rather complicated.
(Panel 3. Leigh talk back.)
Mike: (as a teacher) Class! We do not tolerate talking back here!
Leigh: Hey, Sakura, what'm going on?
Sakura: It'm a grate day!
Mike: They're giving out free floor grates at the noodle shop! Want one?
(Panel 4. They talk sum more.)
Crow: [as Leigh/Lee] Man, that math homework last night was tough!
Leigh: Yea, so you am go hunt cloud cards today?
Tom: No, I kinda figured that Cloud was a wuss, especially when he couldn' choose between Aeris & Tifa.
Mike: Now Vincent...there's a real man!
Sakura: You bet, Leigh! I am red e!
Crow: Funny, she doesn't look like a letter of the English alphabet.
Tom: Or part of the slogan of the first Playstation.
(Page 2, panel 1. Talk talk talk talk)
Mike: If that was an attempt at sarcasm, then that was pointless.
Crow: If this is an attempt at FORESHADOWING, it's rather pointless.
Tom: [sings] Talk talk talk talk/All you do to me is talk talk.
Leigh: Well, what cloud card am we look for now?
Sakura: We am look for the Lite.
Tom: Didn't that already happen?
Crow: That actually won't happen for a few more episodes. Maybe they're looking for the Bud Lite Card!
Mike: We here at the SOL do not condone underage drinking... the author here on the other hand is a whole other matter.
(Panel 2. They talk sum mort.)
Leigh: Well, let'm get rolls!
Crow: Steamed Pork Bun Rolls are the best!!
Mike: Nah, I like mine baked.
Tom: [snooty voice] Let them eat cake!
(Panel 3. They walk off with each othur.)
Sakura: It'm go be good say!
Mike: (singing) Say, Say, Say What You Want! / But Don't Play Games With My Affection!
(Page 3, panel 1. Generation X head quarts. They am sit in the living room, talk.)
Tom: It's rather staggering how Marvel just up & cancelled this little gem, isn't it?
Mike: Issue #75 didn't do us any favors either.
Crow: Now they have to endure this. Oh, the horror...
Sink: So, what am we go do now?
Crow: What do you want to do tonight, Mardy?
Tom: I dunno, what do you want to do?
Lush: I no no. What am you want do?
Mike: Generation X-where anyone can be a superhero, even kitchen sinks.
Crow: Despite what some might think of Paige, I'm doubtful that somehow that's an accurate way of describing her.
(Panel 2. They tlak.)
Mike: As opposed to talking, which was already done by Sakura and Lee/Leigh.
Stink: I have humwork do.
Crow: (hums theme song to "The Slayers.")
Tom: Now we have an idea of how the author feels about Skin.
Mike: From this one page, there are 48 grammatical errors that the current MiSTer has located.
Tom: Well that didn't take long. Let's try to keep the breaking of the fourth wall to a minimum.
(Panel 3. They talk.)
Jubalee: Let'm do our humwork together! We'lll learn mort.
Crow: C'mon everyone, hum with us!
(Mike, Crow & Tom hum the theme song to "Trigun".)
Lush: Oh, cum on!
Crow: Ok, that one is too easy & perverted, even for me!
Mike: Harry must have more than writing on his so-called 'mind'.
Tom: Using that term VERY loosely.
(Panel 4. Lush turns tooo Jubalee.)
Mike: Yes, eventually Paige used her powers to transform into other mutants.
Tom: That would actually be a good idea for another mutant power. Too bad Marvel would screw it up.
Crow: Isn't that Mystique's power? Or have they changed continuity of late?
Lush: You am no good at English.
Crow: And by the looks of things, neither are you.
Mike: I thought she was no good at math - or is this some other continuity?
jUbalee: I am two!
Mike: The whole lot of you are failures at English.
Tom: (imitating Geese Howard) I STAIN MY HANS WITH YOUR BUTT!!
Crow: Huh?
Tom: Didn't you ever play Capcom vs. SNK? It's one of his opening quotes.
Mike: Ah, the curse of English.
(Panl 5. They talk..)
Lush: I don't want no talk toyou.
Mike: Who's Toyou? Don't tell me there's another anime reference in here.
Tom: [sings] I don't wanna walk around with you...
Jubalee: Finite.
Tom: What? The story's over already? GOOD! I'm gone. (Gets up to leave)
Mike: This is far from done.
Crow: If I have to suffer through this, so do you.
(Panel 4, panel 1. The Generation X gnag am watch Jubalee exit.)
Crow: I knew that Gen X always needed a mascot, but why a gnag? They're such messy eaters.
Tom: Probably couldn't catch a Stantler.
Jubalee: You acn studlee without mp3.
Tom: And none of you greedy posers can have my Guitar Vader MP3!!
(Panel 2. Go back to Kardkaptor Sakura. She am skate bored into a class.)
Mike (as the teacher): Young lady, if you're going to skate into my classroom, at least have the decency to look happy while doing it!
Crow (as Sakura): But I've got a short attention span! I can't help it!
Teacher: Well, it am about time you get here, Sakura.
Tom: [as Sakura] I can't help it if the author made me late!
Sakura: I am sorry.
Mike: You shouldn't apologize to us...if anybody should, it's gonna be the author!
(Panel 3. Sakura sit.)
Crow: Stay! Good girl.
Tom: Sit, Ubu Sit! Good dog!
Teacher: We am go to learn today.
(Panel 4. Teacher teach.)
Mike: We'll learn all about proper sentence structure & spelling, as well as speaking in clear, intelligent speech. Something the author here has failed to do.
Teacher: We learn today about sceince.
Mike: Good thing he's not teaching English.
Tom: I was gonna teach you about SCIENCE, but I hear it's the devil's work!
Crow: The Scopes trial!
(Panel 5. Teacher teach.)
Mike: Someone here is a dropout.
Teacher: There am 1111 elements in the world today. They fault into 5 cat a gorys.
Tom: My data indicates that as of 2001, there are 18 elements in the world, which includes two, which have yet to be named.
Crow: Why don't we ask the expert? (To above) Yo! Madman scientist! Wanna take this one?
(Page 5, panel 1. Teacher teach.)
Tom: [sings] Teacher teacher/Can you teach me?
Crow: Are you sure you want this teacher teaching you?
Teacher: The fist am metals. The second am metal lloyds. The third am non metals.
Crow: How is a fist a metal?
Tom: Iron Fist?
Mike: Here, let me show you.
(socks Crow in the jaw.)
Crow: Yeah that would make sense.
(Dr. Forrester enters.)
Dr. Forrester: This author dares to insult science? Well thank goodness the MiSTer sent me up here!
Crow: Again with the fourth wall!
(Panel 2. Teach er teach.)
teacher: Can anyone name a metal? How about you, Sakura?
Mike: I think anyone who can sit through this deserves a metal.
(Panel 3. Sakura stnad.)
Crow: Now Sit! Roll over! Beg! Good girl!
Sakura: Oxygin am a metal.
Teacher: That am right.
Dr. Forrester: Oxygen is SO not a metal. If one looks at a periodic table, it clearly shows that Oxygen is classified NON METAL with an atomic mass of 15.9994 AMU! In addition, gases such as hydrogen, carbon & sulfur are classified as non-metals!
Mike: Thanks for the quick science lesson!
Dr. Forrester: Yes. Well continue with the experiment! (Doc leaves muttering about weight of electrons & cubic density.)
(Panel 4. Sakura smile.)
Sakura: Hully gee!
Mike: Hully gee? What kind of a girl talks that way these days?
Crow: One that is VERY out of touch with things.
Tom: Let's spare readers the jeepers riff again.
Mike: Fourth wall, Tom.
[text missing]
Crow: I can only guess that the author forgot to type the rest of his fractured science lesson.
Mike: Apparently.
Tom: Then again, would you want to have to endure it?
Crow: Not really.
(Page 7, panel 1. Sakura meat Leigh.)
Tom: (as Leigh) Why thank you Sakura, I've always wanted my own collection of cured European hams & venison!
Crow: (as Leigh) Wait a minute... you forgot the Kielbasa!
Sakura: Leigh! It am good to see you again.
Tom: You two are in the same class! You weren't that far apart!
Mike: Um, Crow...
Crow: Like I said, I'll explain everything later!
Leigh: Sakura!
(Panel 2. The two of them hold hnads.)
Crow: Just where is a hnad?
Mike: I'm not too sure I want to know.
Tom: [sings] Hold my hnad...
Leigh: We have get cloud card.
Mike: I think you should get a decent writer first.
Sakura: I know, Leigh.
Mike: Now if we can only get the 'Get Out Of Detention Free' card!
(Panel 3. Sakura draw he
Tom: Yes, the He card! Now every time hot water splashes Sakura, she changes into a guy!
Sakura: Fli card! Release adn misspell!
Tom: Too late, somebody already released the 'Misspell' card.
Mike: They've been working that thing to death, though.
(Panel 4. Sakura fli around with Leigh.)
Crow: Of course, Sakura actually wanted to FLY, but that card somehow turned up missing.
Leigh: We'll get that cloud card!
(Panel 5. Sakura spot being who am hop.)
Mike: So in Japan, they have the American House of Pancakes, whereas in America we have the International House of Pancakes!
Sakura: I see it! Cum on, let'm get it!
Crow: No! Not even this one! I mean they're fourth graders for God's sake!
Mike: You actually have a conscience Crow?
Crow: Mike, even I'm not that far demented.
Mike: Too bad he isn't, though...
Tom: You do realize he's just misspelling come, right?
Crow: It's still sick.
(Panel 6. Sakura land.)
Sakura: Cloud card, you are miner!
Tom: (as an old prospector.) That's right girly! I'm a dangum miner! Been mining these 'ere clouds since 1849!!
(Page 8, panel 1. Sakura and Leigh am run around the place.)
Mike: But how can they run around the place when they're flying?
Leigh: You not excape us!
(Panel 2. Sakura skrie cloud being with wanda.)
Tom: Uh oh, someone tell Spawn they're using his ex-wife as a blunt object.
Mike: Are you sure it's not the Scarlet Witch instead?
Sakura: I will de feet you!
Tom: But I don't even have any feet!
Mike: I've grown quite attached to my feet, thank you.
Crow: If you want feet, get your own!
(Panel 3. Cloud card unleash beam, hit Sakura and Leigh. They fanish.)
Sakura: What the --!?
Mike: Exactly what the MiSTers said when they saw this.
Tom: That's 3 times.
Crow: You know, I really miss that series... well, except for the one or two odd shorts they have sent us...
(Panel 4. Go ova to Generation X headquarts. Kardkaptor Sakura and Leigh land in licking room.)
Mike: Where Emma's huge supply of cats spend their time cleaning each other's fur.
Crow: Good damage control there Mike.
Tom: Headquarts? Let's not touch that one...
Sakura: Leigh~ Am you alirght?
Leigh: Sakura@ Am you alright?
Crow: [as Sakura] How could anyone be all right after being in a fanfic like this!?
(Page 9, panel 1. The two stnad.)
Crow: (like the cheer) Stand up, sit down, fight fight fight!
Sakura: I think sew.
Crow: (Imitating Sakura) I knitted you this really neato Chibi-Usa sweater!
Leigh: Where am we?
Mike: You're better off not knowing.
(Panel 2. Generation X enters.)
Mike: ANOTHER complete sentence? This must be a record.
Crow: I wouldn't get my hopes up for another one, though.
Lush: Who am you?
Mike: (as Tarzan) Me Tarzan. You Lush. You need drink less.
Sakura: We am Sakura and Leigh, the kardkaptors. We am fight a cloud card when we am sent here.
Tom: Well, so much for the whole keeping our identities secret routine.
(Panel 3. Generation X advance on Sakura.)
Crow: I'm pretty sure that this borderlines on child endangerment.
Mike: Someone call John Walsh and the NCFMEC! *
White Kween: You am in Generation X head quarts, and you have 3 2nds to tell us why you am here.
Tom: [sings] It takes a second to say goodbye/Say goodbye...
Sakura: We cum in pieces.
Tom: Some assembly required.
Crow: YIKES! Why is this author such a pedophile?
Mike: Hmm, let's see, lack of good grammar, various innuendo involving minors, complete lack of basic scientific laws...Yep, those were clues all right.
Tom: No wonder this guy is hard to find.
(Panel 4. The White Kween probes their minds.)
Mike: And finds tons of useless Sailor Moon & Magic Knight Rayearth trivia.
Tom: (as Sakura) But Tuxedo Mask is sooooo cute!
White Kween: She am tell truth.
Crow: [game show host voice] Welcome back to To Tell the Truth. And now will the real Sakura please stand up?
Sakura: We need know how get hum.
Crow: (a la the movie) You just put your lips together and blow.
Mike: Crow!
Crow: Sorry, I think this guy's pedophilia is catching.
(Page 10, panel 1. Sakura approach White Kween.)
Sakura: We am look for cloud card that put us here. We need get hum.
Tom: EASY! Hum like this! (Hums theme song to 'X-Men')
Mike: You're humming American shows now?
Tom: I can't hum the theme to 'Cowboy Bebop' very well.
White Kween: Cloud Card?
All: That's what she said, are you deaf?
(Panel 2. They tlak.)
Sakura: Yes. It am what brought us here.
(Panel 3. They talk moor.)
Mike: (imitating Emma) I do agree, the Irish Moors are lovely this time of year.
Crow: (imitating Sakura) But the Irish moors are so romantic!
Tom: (imitating Leigh/Lee) But I like the Scottish moors better!
White Kween: I have not seeen such a thign. You should leaven.
Tom: You know they would do that...IF THEY WEREN'T TELEPORTED THERE!!
Mike: Leaven? Do you think they're bread or something?
(Panel 4. Sakura and Leigh turn to exit.)
Tom: [sings] Turn to you/ Please let me turn to you...
Sakura: We am sorry bother you. Tanks forunder standing.
Mike: Is that like the Iran-Contra affair?
Tom: Ooh... someone's showing off their age here.
White Kween: Right.
Crow: No, left. Then make a turn at Krispy Kreme.
Tom: (old man voice) Ah, these kids these days just can't follow directions.
(Page 11, panel 1. Sakura step on front stair.)
Leigh: So where do we look next?
Mike: Well, if you're looking for some decent fan fiction, it's not here...
Crow: I'd look for a writer who's not such a pedophile.
Sakura: I not know.
(Panel 2. Enter Mea Lien, who look over Sakura and Leigh.)
Crow: It's Li Meilin actually.
Mike: Add Chinese to the languages that Harry has butchered.
Tom: Maybe she's leaning over.
Mea Lien: Well, nice to see you am here, Sakura.
Sakura: What am you doing here, Mea Lien?
Mike: Nothing that would make sense to an already confused plot, that's for sure!
Crow: Obviously, she was just thrown in here as a last minute character.
(Panel 3. They talk.)
Mike: Ah, you're all talk and no action.
Mea Lien: I am go study - sum thing I doubt you do.
Crow: Despite the little thing about a bunch of strange teenagers who haven't the slightest idea why I was teleported from Japan all the way here.
Tom: (as Sakura) But I can do math too!
Sakura: I studly too!
Tom: Um...no. This line is just too stupid for me to even acknowledge.
Crow: Say... is there something we *Don't know* about you, Sakura?
(Not amused, Mike swats Crow on the beak.)
Crow: OW!
(Panel 4. Mea Lien am angry at Sakura.)
Mea Lien: You know not how study!
Mike: And by the looks of things, neither do you.
Sakura: I do sew!
Tom: Yeah, she just knitted me this great Gundam Wing Beach Blanket!
Mike: She also knits a mean quilt, let me tell you!
(Page 12, panel 1. They argue.)
Mea Lien: You am a beech!
Mike: (imitating Sakura) For your information missy, I am named after a Cherry Blossom tree.
Crow: (as Sakura): But I'm a lot better tree than you are!
Sakura: Mea Lien! That am not good thing say!
Mike: Pretty much every line here is not a good thing to say.
(Panel 2. Mea Lien slap Sakura.)
Crow: Catfight!
Mea Lien: I hate you!
Tom: [sings] I hate you/ I love you...
Mike: Well, I guess that is one less person to be invited to Sakura's sleepover.
Sakura: Am!
Tom: (as Mea Lien/ Meilin): Are so!
Crow: (as Sakura) Am not!
(Panel 3. Sakura slap Mea Lien.)
Sakura: You am a skunk!
Mike: (imitating Meilin) WHAT? Is my B.O. that bad?
Crow: (as Mea Lien/Meilin) Well, it's better than being a tree!
(Panel 4. They snuggle with each other.)
Mike: Because they learned to be better friends than enemies are.
Crow: There's that pedophilia thing again. Man, this guy is SICK.
Mea Lien: Grr!
Sakura: Growl!
Tom: The after effects of reading a C.O.S.H.A. story.
(The lights come up, and the doors open. Mike & the bots exit the Theater. Door sequence.)
1,2,3,4,5,6
(SOL Bridge. Mike is sitting at a desk while Crow prepares a blackboard with some pictures of CCS characters.)
Mike: So, will this take long?
Crow: No, not really. Now, let's see. Now this here is Sakura Kinomoto. Her job is to catch the cards she released.
Mike: OK.
Crow: This here is her best friend Tomoyo Daidouji. She supplies her costumes to Sakura & she loves her.
Mike: Err...OK. You mean like a best pal.
Crow: Not exactly. You see, this is where it gets tricky. You see, Sakura is in love with her brother's classmate Yukito Tsukishiro. Li Meilin is the cousin & fiancée of Sakura's rival, Li Shaoran. Even though Li likes Sakura, he's in love with Yukito.
Mike: Wait a sec, Yukito's a guy.
Crow: No. It's revealed that Yukito's a GIRL!
Mike: So Sakura is in love with a girl, but doesn't know that her best friend, who's also a girl is in love with her. But Li...ah forget it, it's way too complicated. (Tom comes in.)
Tom: You think that's complicated? Watch Sailor Moon!
Mike: We'll be right back.
(Commercial comes on. Jubilee is selling a book.)
Jubilee: Are you the easily angered? Do you have a temper that would send even guys like Freeza & Darkseid running home to mommy? Well I have the book for you! It's 'Pure Violence: When Ignoring People Isn't Enough!' Now you can learn to use your latent anger into quick, but convincing acts of pure, grade A violence using ANYHING! But don't take my word for it! Here are some testimonials!
(Cut to Marrow holding various Marvel editors by the throat.)
Marrow: I was just another lost character that Marvel tossed away. But thanks to this book I got my own series. ISN'T THAT RIGHT? (holds up mallet.)
Marvel Ed: Sure, whatever you say!
(Cut to Vince McMahon dropping a truck over Bob Costas & Phil Mushnick)
Vince: After the failure of the XFL, this book taught me there's a time for business...AND THERE'S A TIME FOR @$$ WHOOPING!
Phil: Ow, my liver!
(Cut to Luigi as he boots Mario & Pikachu through the roof of Nintendo HQ.)
Luigi: Thank you Jubilee! Now I have my own game for the Gamecube.
(Back to Jubilee.)
Jubilee: So order your book today. Or else!
(End commercials. When we come back, the scene is Deep 13. Dr. Forrester and Frank have the machine partially disassembled, and they are checking the unit over.)
Dr. Forrester: Ah, nice to get back, Frank. Well, let's check on how the work is coming on now. There's got to be something wrong with the unit. Check the reverse osmosis filter.
Frank: It's working fine, Dr. F. Maybe we just didn't put enough water into it.
Dr. Forrester: Good idea. Let's attach the garden hose to the unit, and hopefully we'll get something going.
(Frank removes the funnel from the end of the unit, and then attaches the garden hose to the unit.)
Dr. Forrester: All right, let's get this show on the road now....
(SOL. Mike and the bots are looking at each other and thinking.)
Crow: Mike, do you think that violence will actually get us what we want?
Mike: I dunno, Crow. But the thing is, how do we inflict violence on someone who's far away from us?
(Lights flash, a buzzer sounds, and chaos erupts.)
Mike: AH! We've got fanfic sign!
(Door sequence. 1-2-3-4-5-6. Theater of Pain. Mike and the bots sit.)
(Page 13, panel 1. (. They snuggle with each other moray )
Crow: They're snuggling with an eel? That's shocking!
Mike: That's an electric eel, Crow. A Moray doesn't electrocute people. But it's got a very nasty bite!
Mea Lien: Beech!
Tom: (as Meilin) You're an old, knotty tree!
Sakura: Skunk!
(The bots make cat hisses and screeches.)
(Panel 2. Leigh enter.)
Leigh: Sakura!~ What am go on here?
Mike: Are you sure you want the answer to that one?
Sakura: Leigh!
(Panel 3. Mea Lien push Sakura into Leigh.)
Mike: You know, now that I think about it, maybe they're trying to say that she's got a lien on Sakura.
Tom: But what for? A delinquent loan or something?
Mea Lien: Have your little
Tom: [sings] Have yourself a merry little Christmas...
(Panel 4. Sakura pull Mea Lien hare.)
Crow: [as Bullwinkle] Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
[More missing text]
Crow: A temporary reprieve! We're saved - well, until the next line comes, anyway.
(Page 15, panel 1. They cum to see the Cloud card being stnad there.)
Mike: (To Crow) Not one word out of you.
Tom: The images brought forth here are disturbing to say the least.
Crow: I'm glad they're getting this in MST format. It could drive a person crazy reading this without it.
Mike: Crow, we said leave the fourth wall alone, remember?
Crow: Sorry.
Leigh: There it am!
Sakura: We'm go get you nwo!
Tom: [sings] It's a New World Order/ A New World Order...
Mike: They're trying to get the card to a Wrestling group?
Crow: Actually, Nwo is the Japanese name for a Quagsire.
Tom: No, no that's Nuo.
Crow: Oh, yea, you're right.
(Panel 2. Sakura and Leigh rush two the cloud card being.)
Leigh: Do nut let it get away!
Mike: [French accent] For if I have to zuffer through zis, so do you!
Sakura: I won't!
Crow: (as Sakura) Because I'm not that kind of a girl...
(Mike hits Crow on the beak again.)
Crow: OW! Come on, I'm trying to discourage that kind of thing there...
(Panel 3. The Cloud card am use power on them. Sakura and Leigh am knock back.)
Mike: They're just fitting into the Generation X comics by getting their butts kicked just like Generation X does.
Crow: Well, a long time ago, Generation X USED to be able to win...
Sakura: ARGH!
Leigh: We can do it!
Mike: [as Lee/Leigh] Because we studied hard enough in school for the test!
Tom: Good save, Mike.
(Panel 4. Sakura stadn.)
Tom: Well, it's a change from stnading. Not necessarily a better change, though...
Sakura: This cloud card am hard.
Crow: You think the Cloud card/Clow Card is a Mary Sue here? Let's arrest the card!
(Not amused, Mike reaches over and slaps Crow on the beak again.)
Crow: OW! Come on, I'm trying to discourage something like this.
Leigh: We need miracle hear!
Tom: (as Bones from Star Trek) Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a preacher!
(Page 16, panel 1. Generation X enters, in their fling machine.)
Tom: (sings) Catapult/ Catapult...
Mike: Man, Marvel must really hate Generation X to take away their vehicles and leave them only with a catapult.
Crow: Are you sure it's not a trebuchet?
Banshe: Oy! There am the kids.
Mike: Oy? Since when did Banshee have a Cockney accent?
Crow: Well, this isn't Banshee, Mike. It's Banshe.
Mike: O.k., well, that makes sense...
White Kween: I swee them, Shawn.
Mike (as a random Gen X member): Ah! Stop sweeing me! I can't take it anymore!
Crow: (as the White Queen): I'm going to keep sweeing you until you do your homework right!
(Panel 2. Banshe stand, and open door.)
Tom: And finds out those wacky Gen X pranksters have put a bucket of water over the door. Sploosh!
Mike: He's opening a door on a plane in mid-flight? Wouldn't he get sucked out of the plane?
Banshe: We got to get out! Goat! Goad! Nwo~
Crow: Oh, so NOW you have the Quagsire in there.
Tom: Crow, It's nuo.
Crow: I think this guy's misspelling is catching.
Mike: Stay away from me then.
(Panel 3. Generation X leave the plain
Crow: And go into the woods instead.
and go out see Sakura and Leigh battle Cloud card.)
Jubalee: There it am!
Mike: That does it. I'm starting a "Shut Jubilee up before she talks again" fund.
Crow: Well, I've got 10 cents here.
(Panel 4. Cloud card spray gas, and put all to sleeeep.)
Jubalee: No....
Mike: So he's the one who was so fixated with sleeping...
Mn: Must... stay... awake...
Crow: [as M/Mn] Have... to... study... so... I ... can... form... a ... complete... sentence... without... ellipses....
Mike: I think this guy should study a LOT before he tries to write again.
(Page 17, panel 1. They fall sleep.)
Mike: I can see why. This makes me want to fall asleep too.
Sound Afflict: FLAMP~
(Panel 2. They sleap.)
Crow: As opposed to sleeping, which would not really help here.
Tom: As if sleaping helps.
Sakura: Catch cloud card...
Tom: [sings] I'm always chasing the clouds...
(Panel 3. They sleeeep.)
Crow: [as Dr. Forrester in that MST3K episode] Sleep in heavenly peace!
Sakura: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
(Panel 4. The White Kween enter as the Cloud card exit.()
Tom: Side out, rotate!
White Kween: What am you do?
Tom: [sings] What am I gonna do/ When I get next to you....
(Panel 5. The White Kween wait all.)
Mike: [as the White Queen] You kids always make me wait for everything! I'm starting to run out of patience here!
White Kween: Wake up, gnag!
Crow: Wake up the gnag? But they're always so testy when you wake them up!
(Page 18, panel 1. The Cloud card reentur.)
White Kween: You stop rite there!
Mike: [as the White Queen/White Kween] We don't want your sick rituals around here, mister!
(Panel 2. White Kween use power on Cloud card. Cloud card grab sum head.)
Crow: That's it! We're going to go hunt this guy down and bring him to the police!
Mike: I'm not sure that would help.
White Kween: You am go down!~
Crow: [shakes his head] Well, at least this time they have someone over 18 making the sexual innuendoes.
Mike: Not that it's an improvement...
(Panel 3: Sakura then take wander, and hit Cloud card with it.)
Sakura: Cloud card, I capture you~
Tom [sings]: I'm caught in a trap/ I can't walk out...
(Panel 4. The Cloud card return to Cloud card form.)
Sakura: I have it now!
Crow: I think you should ask yourself if you really want it.
(Page 19, panel 1. Sakura talk to wHite Kween.)
Sakura: You help me. I thank you.
Mike: Tarzan appreciate your thanks.
White Kween: Now how do we ryn the weblike smarkelers?
Tom: Hold it right there! Smarklers are a spherical shape, not weblike!
(Panel 2. Later. They am stnading outside Generation X head quarts.)
Sakura: You am good at help me. I wish we could work together sym more.
Mike: [as Sakura] But common decency says we shouldn't!
White Kween: We have our anemones, you have yours.
Tom: [sings] Under the sea...
Mike: So keep your grubby meathooks of my sea anemone!
I am sure we will meat in the future.
Crow: [as the White Queen/White Kween] And this time, bring some kielbasa!
(Panel 3. Sakura go off.)
Crow: If I was in a fanfic like this, I'd go off too. Nice to see not only are these kids making sexual innuendoes, they're also cursing too.
(Not amused by this, Mike hits Crow on the beak.)
Crow: OW!
Sakura: We will meat again, I'm shure.
(Panel 4. Sakura leaf.)
Tom: She made like a tree! And of course, it was a beech tree!
Jubalee: Man, she shure am nice.
Mike: [as Jubilee] Unlike someone else who is of Algerian origin here!
Crow: Uh, Mike, M was born in Yugoslavia.
Mike: Well, that was before continuity was so screwed up, all right?
White Kween: Don't forget your humwork.
All: Hum... Om sha-la-la-la/ Om sha-la-la-la/ Life Savers! Hum...
(Panel 5. Leigh talk.)
Tom [sings]: Should we talk about the weather/ Should we talk about the government...
Leigh: So, what am you to do now?
Mike: Tarzan want out of this fan fic.
Jubalee: We am go to have schoolwortk.
Crow: As opposed to doing schoolwork, which would actually benefit them.
(Page 20, panel 1. They enter the school.)
Leigh: Your school am cool!
Mike: Hey, hey! Coolness and school are contradictions in terms!
Tom: Are you sure? We've heard so much about how school is cool.
Mike: [to Tom] Imagine sitting at a desk for 8 hours, the only thing you are able to move is your hands to write, and having to listen to an uncaring teacher drone on in a non-stop monotone. That's what school is like. Then for an hour you have to play uninteresting games and workout.
Crow: Ick.
Sakura: You say it, Leigh!
(Panel 2. They go to living room.)
Mn: So just what am these cloud cards you try to catch?
Tom: Oh, they turned her into Manganese!
Sakura: There was a book that I open and the cloud card cum out.
Tom: Someone get this guy off the streets!
Lush: That sound scary.
Crow: It's not as scary as having to read this, though.
Mike: What frightens me is whomever wrote this is still on the streets and could be stalking my niece right now.
(Panel 3. They continue to talke.)
Banshe: You laps don't forget you have test tomorrow.
Tom: [as Banshe/Banshee] The rest of your body parts are safe for now...
(Panel 4. Jubalee talk.)
Mike: Stop Jubilee before she talks again!
Jubalee: Ohmigawd I like totalee forgot abou tit!
Mike: This guy is definitely one sick puppy. Now he's got a fixation with Jubilee.
Crow: Apparently, Sakura rejected him.
Tom: Can't say I blame her.
What am I do?
Mike: You can start by stopping this fan fic.
Mn: You could try study.
Crow: [as Jubilee] I'm a ditz! I'm not supposed to study!
(Page 21, panel 1. They tlak.)
Jubalee: Oh, right.
Tom: [as Jubilee] I so hate being the clueless member of the team!
(Panel 2. The gnag sit and study.)
Crow: Gnags are so hard to train.
Jubalee: We am go studly.
Mike: Jubilee, you are too young for that! Keep it in your pants, missy!
(Panel 3. They study.)
Tom: This is probably a first for Jubilee/Jubalee.
Jubalee: The average man am
Mn: No he am not, Jubalee.
Tom [sings] Is it plain as heebee jeebies or just existential blues?
(Panel 4. Jubalee get angry at Mn.)
Mike: We've already had one bad catfight, do we really need a second one?
Jubalee: That what it say here, Moaning. The book am right!
Crow: You know, I'm starting to suspect that the guy who wrote this also did that very sick and now defunct Generation XXX site.
(Mike raises a hand at Crow.)
Crow: I think I caught a case of this guy's pedophilia.
Mike: You're taking a shower after this fanfic.
(Page 22, panel 1. They talk.)
Sakura: Woha, hold on Jubalee. The book not always am right.
Crow: Well, you can't believe everything you read.
Mn: She am right, Jubalee. You can't always belive whut you reed.
Tom: [sings] Don't believe it all/ Find out before you spread/ News of the world.
(Panel 2. Jubalee black down.)
Crow: Yo home girl, how's it chillin'?
Mike: Now there's a racial slur for you.
Tom: This is another time you can't comment on a problem without contributing to it.
Juballe: i guess you am right.
Mike: The irony is overwhelming.
(Panel 3. They study more.)
Skeen: It am good to study.
Mike: It's the only way to really get into school.
(Panel 4. They talk moret.)
All: You say it, Moaning!
Crow: Ah, that wacky Monet/Moaning! She threw her voice over to Skin/Skeen!
--The Endr--
Tom [sings to the tune of the Cardcaptors theme] Kardkaptors/ A most sick adventure/ Kardkaptors/ A terrorizing fright.
(Door sequence. SOL bridge. The bots are standing at the counter, with Tom on the counter and Crow nearby. Crow is holding a small katana in his hand; Tom has a different katana in front of him. All throughout the scene, the mouths of the bots are not moving in sync with their words. Both of them are wearing kimonos.)
Crow: So! Servo-san, we meet at last!
Tom: Yes, Crow-san, we have encountered each other. But before I kill you, you must admit that I am the greatest samurai of all!
Crow: Never! I am the greatest samurai of all!
(Enter Mike as the Mads light comes on.)
Mike: Hey guys, what's going on?
Tom: Ah, you're just in time for the big fight scene, Mike.
Mike: (confused): Why are your mouths not moving in sync with your words?
Crow: Well, that's what happens in these Japanese animae things.
Tom: Now, where was I? Oh yes... You don't think I am the greatest Samurai Ever!? Then prepare to die! (To Mike) Uh, could you pick up that katana for me? I'd appreciate it.
Mike: Uh... I'll pass. We've got the mads calling.
(Deep 13)
Dr. Forrester: Ah, Mike. I have good news, bad news, and good news. Well, we have discovered that there is nothing wrong with our ultimate water purifier. We did an extensive analysis of the tap water here, (deadpan) and found out that there was no water in it. (Smiles.) However, on the plus side, we've found a boundless source for some of the chemicals we've needed here in Deep 13.
Frank: Yea, did you know that if you combine the tap water here with lemon juice it makes a wonderful facial scrub?
(SOL)
Mike: Really. Well, I'll have to try that sometime.
(Deep 13)
Dr. Forrester: Well, just push the button, Frank.
(Frank pushes the button, and the screen goes off. End credits. Stinger line:)
Sakura: We'm go get you nwo!
*The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.