MST3K: Aeros
Original by Moises Delgado, MiST by icehole
songs referenced in this work: Moses in My Life by Ten Hands, Mother Earth Is a Vicious Crowd by Live, Let's Go to the Hop by ?, Rollerskate Skinny by the Old 97's, At the Moment by the Dead Milkmen, Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies, Union of the Snake by Duran Duran, High Hopes by Frank Sinatra (?,) Chains of Glory by the Agents of KAOS, Walk On by U2, No Surrender by Bruce Springsteen, Wasting My Time by Default, Dear God by XTC, and At the Moment by the Dead Milkmen.
(Deep INIT bridge. Mike, Angel, and the bots are there. They are standing around the place.)
Tom: No way! Britanny can take down Asrial any day!
Crow: You've got to be kidding me, Servo! Asrial is way more powerful and she can take down Britanny any day!
Mike: Guys, what are you talking about?
Crow: We're debating who's stronger: Asrial or Britanny.
Angel: Asrial who and Brittany Spears?
(Crow and Tom are shocked at this.)
Crow and Tom (simultaneously): Bite your tongue!!
Crow: We're talking about Britanny Diggers and Asrial Feeple.
Tom: Either of those proud heroines could beat the crap out of Brittany Spears any day!
Big John: I certainly wish they would.
Mike: Guys, this is just silly.
Big John: I agree. They already settled this in the Asrial vs. Cheetah one-shot.
Tom: That didn't solve anything! That ended up a tie.
Big John: They're good friends now, can't we keep them that way?
Crow: No! Comic book characters are friends only for a short time.
Mike: I think that's the Marvel universe you're thinking about.
Big John: He's got a point there.
Crow: Don't encourage him!
(Commercial light comes on.)
Mike: Let's pick this up after the commercials, all right?
Crow: Fine.
(Commercials. Garbage you don't want or need shoved in your face by impossibly hot babes and total studs. Mixed in with this is junk food and other stuff not good for you. When we come back, Deep INIT bridge.)
Crow: I still say Asrial can take Britanny down any day!
Tom: Never! Brit's way too smart and strong for Asrial!
(Mads light comes on.)
Mike: Guys, team n00b is calling.
(Castle Forrester. Bobo is seen reading a comic book. It is the free comic book of The Adventures of Barry Ween, Boy Genius. Nearby, Observer and Pearl are standing.)
Pearl: Oh, hello Nelslum. We just got back from taking Bobo here to the comic book shop for Free Comic Book day.
Bobo: Yea, I got this great comic book called The Adventures of Barry Ween.
Pearl: Well, we also got your experiment this week at the same free comic book day. It's a wonderfully drab, dull comic hailing proudly from a very dull, drab city - Plano, Texas.
(Deep INIT.)
Mike: Plano, Texas? Where's that?
Big John: It's a suburb of Dallas. Think rows of tract housing, minimalls and suburban hell.
Crow: Oh, come on. The suburbs aren't all bad. We're from Eden Prairie, Minnesota remember?
Big John: You may be, but I'm not.
Angel: Well, let's not judge a book by it's cover, all right?
(Castle Forrester. Pearl is holding up a copy of Aeros.)
Pearl: Oh, but this one you really can. It's called Aeros and the book rambles aimlessly... I'd describe the plot to you, but it doesn't really seem to have one. You know what they say, when you get something for free, you get what you pay for. Well, have an insane time now!
(Deep INIT station. Lights flash, a buzzer sounds, and chaos erupts.)
Mike: We've got comic book sign!!
(Door sequence. Theater of Torture. Mike, Angel and the bots sit.)
>Dual Instinct Productions
Tom: They should have listened to their second instinct that told them not to do this!
>Issue 1 December 2003 Free!
>AEROS
Big John: Who apparently has to sit down to scratch his crotch.
Angel: Big John!
>Story and art: Moises Delgado
Mike (sings): I got Moses/ In my life...
>Dialog editor: Amy Shiring
Crow: Oh no, a woman edited this! We're going to be talked to death!
Angel (getting angry): Just what do you mean by that?
Crow: I'm sorry, but comic books edited by women always turn out bad.
Big John: What about David's run on the Incredible Hulk? It was edited by Bobbie Chase.
Crow: Okay, there's always one exception to the rule.
>Assistant/Aid: Robert Hise
Tom: I don't think he helped enough here....
>Aeros is a man who has found himself in a precarious position with his very life hanging in the balance.
Mike (as Aeros): If only my anti-perspirent hadn't given out!*
>Leaving Baroke is hard for Aeros
Angel: He just has to have some money with him no matter where he goes!
>as he has grown complacent, enjoying the relative safety and security of his isolated cave.
Crow: Hey, the Y2K thing didn't happen! You should come back to the rest of us now!
>Shortly after leaving he discovers that a gift he wields could be more than just the key to his survival....
Big John: He just might find a babe or two...
>My mind
>It's something I rarely use anymore.
All: That's obvious.
>I'm hungry and weak.
Tom: Erm... who's talking here?
Mike: Who cares?
>My body survives solely on the meager fare of unclean caverats.
Angel: You should have stockpiled more food for Y2K, you know.
Crow: I never knew caverats were that nutritious.
>Barely enough to meet my appetite.
Big John: You know, this guy takes all that fear and paranoia that's been spreading since 9/11 to extremes, don't you think?
>A soul...
>I sense a soul...
Tom (Psycho voice): Ah fresh meat for the slaughter...
>Man: AEROS!
>Aeros, where are you?
Mike: It's the landlord, and I want my rent now!
>Aeros: I'm here.
>What do you want?
Angel (nervously, as Aeros): I'll have the rent next week, I swear!
>Man: Kassen the Red sent me here to get you. He needs to talk to you.
Crow: Apparently, he finds it amusing to talk to psychotic hermits.
>Aeros: Hmm... He needs to talk to me, huh?
Big John (sings): Talk to me now/ Talk to me now/ Mother Earth is a vicious crowd...
>Do you know what he needs to talk about?
Tom: The rent!
>Man: I don't have a clue.
All: That's pretty obvious.
>He didn't tell me anything.
Angel (as the man): But after seeing you, I can understand why he didn't want me to know anything.
>Aeros: I wonder what circumstance has brought our great leader's attention on me?
Mike (Torgo voice): ThE mAsTeR wAnTs YoU. tHe MaStEr LiKeS yOu.
Crow: I wonder what he thinks the results of this comic book will be?
>Nothing good I can imagine.
Big John: You got your answer there.
>Fine. Let's go.
Tom (sings): Let's go to the hop...
>Two years I have lived in Baroke, and never one spoken to Kassen;
Angel (as Kassen): I wish I could have kept it that way too.
>each of us being who we are, it would be difficult to see eye to eye.
Mike (sings): Ain't nobody gonna see eye to eye/ With a girl that only stands collarbone high...
>My own dirty disarranged robes don't seem to hold up to Kassen the Red's finely tuned sense of style;
Angel: Well, men never do have a great sense of fashion anyway...
Big John: What do you expect? Take a look at what the fashion centers of the world are churning out for men; it's the same old, same old.
>his eyes have become so accustomed to his fastidious nature.
Crow: This sentence brought to you by $5 words-r-us.
>Perhaps what truly separates us is deeper.
Tom: You mean he has a life and you don't?
>He takes the tangible to keep his youth, while I rely on something far more ephemeral for my sustenance.
Mike: You know, I think you may have lived in that cave a little too long there...
>Bit that doesn't matter really, at it's essence we are both killers.
Angel: Yea, I can feel some of my brain cells dying right now...
>We're both predators, prime beings of the food chain.
Big John: Well, your being human is a bit debatable...
>If for that reason alone, I thought that Kassen would have no difficulties accepting me in his circle....
>.... but he does.
Crow (as Aeros): For some unfathomable reason, he insists that I shower and shave every day. I can't for the life of me figure out why.
>Voice from off panel: Good evening, Aeros.
>Welcome.
Tom (Snooty British accent): Would you like some tea and crumpets?
>Kassen (?): You must forgive my rudeness but at the moment
Big John (sings): At the moment you made up your mind the sky turns gray....
>formalities would only be an inconvenience and it would be in your best interests to hear me out tonight.
Mike (ranting to the song): How do you know what my best interests are? I went to your churches, I went to your educational facilities, so how do you know what my best interests are!?
>The union of Lucrin has taken four Baroke citizens in for questioning for the deaths of sixteen Lucrian citizens.
Angel (hick accent): And unlike down in these here parts, "he needed killin'" jest doesn't seem to be a valid defense up thar.
>I heard that they have enough evidence to conclude it was the work of a Blood Oath member.
Crow: All right, but what does this have to do with some caverat eating hermit?
>And, to make things worse, two of the four people summoned are bloodworkers. I am afraid that makes them suspects.
Tom: We were short-staffed at the blood clinic, now we're even further short-handed there! We need you to volunteer your time over there...
>Aeros: Who were the bloodworkers?
All: Who cares?
>Kassen: The founders of Baroke, Ralus and Devorias were called early this evening.
Big John: But darnit, they just wouldn't accept the collect call charges!
Mike: Should have used 10-10-320.
> The Union of Lucrin does not trust us, Aeros.
Tom (sings): The Union of the Snake is on the rise... .
>My guess is that they will return and convict more of our people for the deaths of their citizens.
Angel: Well, you shouldn't have killed them in the first place, don't you think?
>My main concern at the moment is that if they find you, as a homeless, nameless man you will be an easy scapegoat.
Mike (as a Union soldier): All right, who killed this guy here?
Big John: It was some nameless, homeless guy from Baroke.
Mike (as the soldier): Oh, well, that makes it easy to find the killer. Let's go hang him.
>However, if they do put a name to your face, you will be executed.
Crow (as Aeros): C'mon! There are hundreds of nameless, homeless people in this land! Your policies are no better than George W. Bush's!
>The Blood Sent, my master, has high hopes for you and your kind.
Tom (sings): 'Cause he's got/ High hopes/ He's got/ High hopes...
>He has directed me to aid you when necessary.
>Only when necessary.
Angel (as Kassen): So you're pretty much on your own here. If you end up dead, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your existence.
>and know this, Aeros, I do not think highly of you
All: Because you smell like a high school boy's gym locker room after a long workout by the team!
>and do this out of devotion to him.
Mike (as Kassen): If it were up to me, I'd let them hang you high. One less piece of vermin infesting the beautiful caves of Baroke.
>Aeros: So you're telling me to leave Baroke?
All: We don't want you anymore. Go away.
>Kassen: To be quite frank, your options are limited. Leaving would be the best for all involved.
Big John: We want to raise the IQ of this country, and you're bringing it down.
>Aeros: I knew it was inevitable. You've fallen under their power, so to hell with you, and to hell with this place!
All: You first!
>Kassen: Aeros!
>Understand my position;
Crow: You're lame and we want you out of here now!
>I have a certain loyalty to my citizens, my people,
Tom: And they're all sick of your foul-smelling hide stinking up the place!
>but at the same time, the bloodworkers, who we both know are guilty of the crime accused, also hold a certain sway in my mind.
Big John: I could have sworn I burned all those photos of me in Amsterdam's red light district, but they managed to find a copy!
(Not amused, Mike and Angel smack Big John.)
Big John: OW! Come on, it was just begging for that kind of a riff!
Mike: Wait your turn!
>However, if I side with them Lucrin cuts off trade with Baroke, driving the citizens out and leaving us out in the open.
Angel: So don't side with them! God, do we have to do all the thinking around here?!
>After that, the Union of Lucrin will not hesitate to crush us like the annoyance we are to them.
Tom: I think they should just crush you now and get it over with!
>Only real option is to side with the people.
Crow: And they all think you're a bad person.
>Thankfully, they also have taken the Oath of Blood and keep the custom alive which is my primary concern.
Big John: So you don't care about things like improving the lot of your people's lives?
Mike: This guy must have gone to the George W. Bush school of leadership.
>Aeros: What about we murderers?
Angel: Murders should go to prison, end of story.
>Kassen: Come now, you must see the utilitarianism of my decision!
Tom (as Aeros): No, but I see the stupidity of it!
>The death that the bloodworkers bring is mostly unnecessary, and removing them eliminates the possibility of sanction for myself and my community.
Crow: You want people to embargo goods and condemn your country?
Big John: He must have gone to the Saddam Hussain school of leadership.
>Anyway, the bloodworkers and yourself stand a better chance out on your own.
Mike: In other words, we're throwing you to the wolves.
>You have a great instinct for survival, and people like you don't hesitate when that instinct speaks.
Angel (sings): Got to keep my wits about me/ Gotta live through another night...
>Don't you see how much better you'll fare alone?
Tom: Wasn't this guy a hermit before all of this?
Crow: I think this guy read one to many Marvel comic books.
>Aeros: What is this pompous ass babbling about?
Big John: Your guess is as good as ours. Personally, I've given up caring at the beginning.
>Kassen: Is there something you want to say to me, Aeros?
All: Bite me!
>Aeros: I know what must be done.
Mike: No you don't. If you did, you'd be ending this now!
>Kassen: And what pray tell are you planning?
Angel: Ending this would be nice.
Tom: Don't get your hopes up. We're not even halfway through the book yet.
>Aeros: I recognize that I cannot allow myself to be captured. I shall depart momentarily.
All: Good bye and good riddance!
>Kassen: Please, Aeros let me warn you,
Crow: No, don't warn him! Ignorance is bliss!
>the lucrin guard is aware of the exodus of umm....
Mike: Obvious Mary Sues?
Angel: Lame-o characters?
Big John: Stupidly done stories?
Crow: People we just don't care about?
Tom: Poorly drawn guys that are too stupid to be taken seriously?
>less than desirable characters that is about to flow outward from my city.
All: I think I was more correct!
>Do not think
Mike: Well, taking this is a whole lot easier when you turn your mind off.
>them unprepared.
Angel: You'll be a Mary Sue that dies a horrible, lingering death!
>There will be bounty hunters and officers of the guard in the surrounding area.
>I wish you good luck and good day.
Big John (obscenely cheerful): I'm sending you to your death. Have a nice day now!
(The lights come up, and the doors open. Door sequence. Deep INIT bridge. Mike, Angel, and the bots stand around.)
Angel: Phew! That one was definitely low-quality.
Tom: Yea, I haven't seen a story that bad since Victor Von Doom's stuff.
Crow: There are holes in the plot big enough to drive a mack truck through.
Mike: Yea, I mean, here's this guy, a hermit living in a cave, he isn't bothering anyone, and suddenly he's got to leave the place? That doesn't make any sense.
(The Hexfield viewer opens up, and we see Asrial Feeple and Britanny 'Gia there. Asrial is in a Salusian battle suit; Britanny is in a spandex outfit.)
Asrial: Hey, we heard you were arguing about which one of us could beat up the other.
Tom: Yea, well, we did say that as a hypothetical argument...
Britanny: Guys, we're heroines! We shouldn't be going around fighting each other.
Big John: Make love, not war I say.
Britanny: Well, Asrial and I are mothers now, we have to be serious about life. Raising kids is serious work, you know.
Asrial: We have to be sweet and loving to our kids. Being a mother is tough work, you know.
Crow: You weren't that sweet to them in Quagmire USA #1.
Mike: That's Crow for you. Open mouth, insert foot.
(We hear a crash from outside camera range from the Hexfield viewer. Asrial turns around.)
Asrial: Lexus! Kassy! Not again!!
Britanny: Well, got to go! Ta ta!
(Britanny waves good bye and Asrial rushes away from the camera as the Hexfield viewer closes.)
Angel: Could someone explain that one to me?
Big John: It's a man thing. You wouldn't understand because you have a life.
(Commercial sign comes on.)
Mike: Sometimes, I don't understand it all either. We'll be back after this.
(Commercials. Stuff you don't want or need shoved into your face by people who've had plastic surgery to sculpt them into nearly-impossible creatures. When we come back, theater of torture. Mike, Angel and the bots sit.)
>Caption: Later that morning.
Angel: He's out in the open! Kill him now!
Mike: Don't get your hopes up, dear.
>Aeros: I know what it is like to be driven from home,
All: DUH!!
>and once again I am leaving all that is familiar.
Tom (sings): All that you can't leave behind...
>This time I will not retreat
Big John (sings): No retreat baby/ No surrender...
>to some isolated cave or hovel barely fit to house the beasts that keep me company.
Crow (as Aeros): I want a full fledged cardboard refrigerator box out on the streets!
>The isolation, I have never understood that part of the code.
Tom: We must know that man is a feeling creature...
>Thou shalt not keep company with those apart from thyself.
Angel: Come on, meeting new people is an opportunity to make new friends!
>Know that if you are discovered thou shall be betrayed.
Mike: The secretary will disavow any knowledge of your existence.
>Thou shall find peace among the People of the Soul.
Crow: Of course, they don't want anything to do with you.
>Revere the Temple which houses thy sustenance.
Tom: In other words, don't bite the hand that feeds you.
>Thou shalt not make thyself known as one who bears the Gift.
Big John: Because the kids will be all over you and they'll want you to show it to them.
>What is the code to me?
Angel: 10-10-321?
Mike: 1-800-COLLECT?
Crow: 1-800-CALL-ATT?
>It is suffocating. I want to breath
Tom (as Aeros): Because I can't seem to figure out how to breathe.
>to feel the air that I have been denied.
Big John: There's a good reason why we're denying you air. Suffocate, you insufferable Mary Sue!!
>I will consume as I please.
Angel (as Aeros): Because I take Xantrax-3! Incredible weight loss, powerful energy, and packed with ephedra!
>I know I may place a big of an undo burden on society, but am I really less than some despised animal because I bear the Gift?
All: No, you're despised because your LAME!
>I have been miserable too long.
Mike: So have I. Whining isn't going to change it, though.
>I am going to breath now!
Crow: Thanks for the warning. Everyone hold your breath so you don't have to smell his foul breath!
>Willon: Whadaya mean your gonna take a nap? It's only d'middle of da afternoon.
Tom: Bad comic books always make me tired.
Big John: Uh-oh. hick stereotypes dead ahead! We can't avoid them!
>Bobyle: Relax, Wilon. Ah jus ate, lemme take ma nap and when ah wake up you take your break.
Angel: Hey, no slacking off on the job! Get back to work, you lazy miscreants!
>Willon: Ah dunno why I do this?
(Big John picks up a small box and holds it up.)
Mike: Hey, you dropped your Southern drawl here.
Crow: Don't you just hate run-on sentences I really wish they would separate their sentences with the correct punctuation don't you agree?
>Bobyle: Huh?
Tom (as Bobyle, emotionally): Don't confuse me none with them fancy words like "do."
>Dis kinda work,
Big John: Well, pretty much everyone disses work.
>ahma fool for wastin' ma time tryin to beya mercenary.
Angel: No, but it sure looks like you wasted a lot of time in school instead of learning!
>Bobyle: Whadaya mean wastin your time?
Crow (sings):Well this is not for real/ Afraid to feel/ I just hit the floor/ Don't ask for more/ I'm
wasting my time/ I'm wasting my time...
>It's 200 credits a capture, that's easy money, friend. You don't get that kind of money anywhere else.
Tom: Unless you were Ken Lay.
>Besides what else would a couple of unemployed idiots like us be doin'.
Big John: Well, we took an idiot and made him President of the USA...
>Wilon: Shaddup.
All: You shut up!
>Ah just don't think
All: That's obvious.
>we're gonna make any money. No one here to pick up.
Mike: Water. Man. Sick. Thirsty.**
>Bobyle (?): Quit yer yappin an' keep watch so Ah kin take mah nap.
All: LALALALALALALALALA!!
>Wilon (?): Hold on... was dat?
Big John: An obvious Mary Sue? You bet!
>Wilon: Hey, there's somebody out dere Boblyle, wake up! There's somebody out dere, Ah see em!
Angel: (a la The Wizard of Oz): Oh Auntie Em! There's no place like home!
>Bobyle: Huh? Oh.. alright, I ah'll take da bow, you get the blade.
Crow (as Bobyle): Ah'll shoot at him from a distance while he chokes you to death.
>How far off is he?
All: Not enough for my tastes!
>Wilon: Looks 'bout sixty yards.
>Bobyle: Alright then, follow me. You jus watch mah back.
Tom: Why would I want to watch your back? It's all filthy and disgusting!
>HALT!
Mike: You're under arrest for being an obvious Mary Sue and a lame character! Stop in the name of good taste!
>Aeros: Damn, there's two of them.
Big John (as Aeros): I wanted more people to beat me into a pulp!
>Must be bounty hunters, though, not nearly attentive enough to their appearance to be true soldiers.
Angel: I'd classify their appearance along with homeless bums myself.
>Boblyle: What was dat thang again?
Crow: Here, You point it at the guy and pull the trigger! Jeez, you're so dumb you think that a bar mitzvah is a Jewish place to get a drink!
>Oh yea... You are under arrest and in the custody of the civilian militia under the authority of the Union of Lucrin.
Tom (a la South Park): Respect my Authori-tah!
>You shall be held accountable for anything you do or say in a court of law.
Mike (as Aeros): Ha! I'm in the Bush administration. I can't be held accountable for anything!!
>Wilon: That means ya ain't sposed to act lika tough guy an' come real quietlike.
Angel: Hey, not everyone out there has the intelligence of a tree stump.
>Aeros: They probably do have the power to arrest me, and Kassen is right.
Big John: Offing all three of you would improve the intelligence of both nations.
>If brought before the authorities, I will be executed.
Crow: You make that sound like it's a bad thing.
>Boblyle: Just pull out yer weapon and drop it on d'ground.
Mike (as Aeros): I'll keep my clothes on, thank you!
>Aeros: If I attack them, they will over power my physically. But...
Angel (as Aeros): Time to whip out my trusty deus ex machina here!
>I can destroy their souls.
Big John: Media worse than this has tried, and all have failed!
>It would be difficult to consume them both. That one I will keep, but the fat one I will burn.
Tom: Oh, sure, burn the one that's too slow to run...
>Wilon: Bo, I don't think he's gonna...
Crow: Paging Wilon, we've found your lost Southern drawl. Please report to the courtesy booth for it.
>(Bobyle suddenly bursts into flames.)
>Bobyle: AAAAAAHHH!!
Mike (obscenely cheerful): Oh, come on, spontaneous combustion isn't painful at all!
Angel (a la Spinal Tap): Well, it's not very widely reported...
Tom: Is this what they mean by setting your soul on fire?
Big John: Not quite.
>Aeros: Strange how a thing as ephemeral as the soul can produce thick smoke as it burns.
Crow: Hey, get closer and inhale it. I dare ya!
>I suppose even his soul was lazy.
Mike: Or he just ate at McDonalds a lot.
>He looks petrified. I hope that makes this easier.
>Wilon: uugh...
Angel: He only attacks stupid white people that don't run.
>What da hell happen to ya, Bo?
Tom: Hey Wilon, your friend is pushing up daisies now. Run, you moron!!
>How did ya do dat. Please, ... don't kill me!
Big John (as Wilon): Ah'm already enough of a waste of a human lahfe!
>(Aeros takes out a sword and hacks off Bobyle's head.)
>Bobyle: AAHH!!
Crow: Hey, you missed Wilon there!
Mike: Apparently, having someone burst into flames isn't enough to kill him....
>Wilon: He's gonna kill me! Somebody Help! HELP!!
Angel: What do you think, guys? Should we help him?
(Brief pause.)
All: Nah.
>Aeros: Damn you, don't run.
Tom: Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!
>(Aeros runs after Wilon.)
Big John: And they're off! Wilon got a pretty good start but Aeros is gaining fast!
>(Aeros slashes Wilon's leg with his sword.)
>Wilon: EAAYhGh!
Crow: Maybe next time you'll listen to the guy when he tells you not to run!
>(Wilon falls to the ground.)
>Wilon: ah... dear god,
Mike (sings): Sorry to disturb you but/ But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear/ We all need a big reduction in the amount of tears...
>please... don't kill me!
Angel: Oh yea, like he'd really spare your life after you pointed a sword at him.
>Aeros: Sorry friend, it's survival of the fittest.
Tom: So he's your friend and you're killing him?
Big John: You always hurt the ones you love.
>Wilon: No, please, I'll do anything. I'll...
Crow: Even keep a consistent accent?
>(Aeros slashes Wilon in the face.)
Mike: That is the lousiest shave I've ever seen.
Angel: Should have used my Veet� bladeless razor kit.
>Aeros (?): I apologize for this, but you are more valuable to me dead than alive.
All: He's a kidney thief!!
>Wilon: ugn... glck... Koff koff
Tom (as Wilon): The... gold... is... in... the...
>Aeros: I've wasted the first one, so there's no need to take care of the ashes.
Big John: Litterbug! Litterbug! I hate you...
>But this one will feed me, so I have to take all due ceremony with the body.
Crow: Jeez, now he's playing Hanibal Lecter!
>It's a shame to think how many others could share the same fate, but I shouldn't question what I do.
Mike: That's right, don't question anything... just stay in your ignorant paradigm...
Angel: You realize that's how Hitler came to power.
>It is only survival and survival is just, isn't it?
Tom: Just surviving isn't enough in this world anymore, pal! You've got to succeed!
>Important info about Aeros
Big John: No. I refuse to believe there is anything important about him.
>Due to lack of funds and resources Aeros will not be a monthly series,
Crow: You'll have to endure hell every two months instead of one.
>and the continuing issues will be sold for 2$ each.
Mike: But who would want to pay for this?
>So if you've enjoyed Aeros #1
Angel: Please seek intensive psychotherapy now.
>and would like to receive issue #2 it's very important that you submit yourself
Tom: To a psychiatric ward immediately
>to our email list. Send us
Big John: Ungodly amounts of cash, please!!
>your name, age, comics you normally read and the location of the shop where you received Aeros #1
Crow: What do you need all this information for?
Mike: Must be part of the Patriot Act.
>to [email protected].
>With this list we'll keep you updated of any releases and news about Aeros. Thanks for your time and cooperation.
Angel: Well, thank you for wasting an hour of my life that I'll never get back again.
>- D.I.P. staff.
Tom: Tobacco dippers? Eugh. That's disgusting.
>What is Dual Instinct?
Big John: Who cares?
>Dual Instinct could easily be called dual knowledge,
Crow: Does that mean you can only know two things?
Mike: Well, it would explain a lot about these guys...
>or just knowledge and instinct,
Angel: Or lack thereof,
>or the collective knowledge (which is just one big instinct in and of itself), [sic]
Tom: You mean the cosmic consciousness of Yung?
Big John: Don't jump to conclusions.
>but don't listen to me
All: Huh? What did you say?
>it's just a cool freakin name.
Crow: Ah, so this is where those hick drawls vanished to.
>You gotta admit. Well, enough of that crap let's talk about Dual Instinct Productions.
All: Let's not and say we did.
>At the moment
Mike (sings): You made up your mind the sky turns gray at the moment of fear at the moment when all is one...
>it's only three of us running the whole gig.
Angel: Well, hopefully someday you'll find someone with talent to put into your stable.
>Amy Shiring, 19 years old, college student,
Tom: Is seeking a handsome young male her age into running and spending ungodly amounts of money on her.
>who likes to cut my words up to make them better and does a damn good job we think.
All: Think again.
>There's also twenty-two year old Robert Hise, whom I met at work
Big John: Currently wanted for trying to pass of crap as quality entertainment.
>We talked a lot about storytelling and how cool it would be to publish some work, so now he helps me out financially.
Crow: Well, the odds of it succeeding were better than the lottery...
>He's also working on some of his own stuff, so possibly expect some of his work in the future.
Mike: Pearl must be absolutely delighted in that.
>Then there's me, Moises Delgado,
Angel: so you're the one we have to blame for this.
>I'm a twenty-two year old with hopes of reviving art
Tom: Kid, aim for the stars, but keep your feet on the ground.
>in what is now a very diluted, commercial, and faceless world.
Big John: You make that sound like it's a bad thing.
>A new movement has started and we have to take baby steps, one at a time.
Crow: Ah, you didn't say mother may I? You've got to go back to start!
>By next issue we should have some of the Dual Instinct Productions store catalogue up and running, which will consist some best art,
Mike: Well, obviously you're not going to have this on it then.
>literature, and music that our local region has to offer.
Angel: So what kind of stuff is that?
Big John: Well, Dallas isn't all bad. We did bring up the Dixie Chicks, the Old 97's, Lisa Loeb, and some others.
Tom: So you've got Bush bashing bimbos, has beens with no hit, and Dweezil Zappa's girl. You're not really helping their case, Big John.
>So expect some really cool items from us soon
Crow: And you will surely be disappointed.
>and thanks for all the support.
> - Dual Instinct Productions
(The lights come up, and the doors open. Door sequence. Deep INIT bridge. Crow and Tom are dressed in hick outfits. Crow is holding up a pair of binoculars to his head.)
Crow: Ah thank Ah see 'em!
Tom: Ooh-wee! We gonna get us 200 credits right in the bank!
(Enter Mike and Angel.)
Crow: Now jest hold on thar, you low-down polecat! Yer under arrest!
Tom: Yea, we here are the law in these here parts, and we gonna run you in!
Mike: Hey guys, what are you talking about?
Crow: Don't yew make us git out the guns.
Tom: Yea, jest come along quiet-like and nobody will git hurt
(Mads light comes on.)
Mike: Well, Loudmouth Lucy's calling again.
(Castle Forrester. Pearl and Observer are there.)
Pearl: Well, Nelslum, you managed to get out of this one all right... but the readings did give me some positive feedback here. Idiocy and disregard for continuity do seem to irritate you. Well, next time, we'll have something so foul and horrific that you won't be able to endure it at all.
Observer: I do find your evil so encouraging...
(End Credits.)
Stinger: Aeros: What is this pompous ass babbling about?
* This is something you have to see
** Apologies. ("If you're gonna steal, steal from the best." - Mojo Nixon.)