Gold Digger -38: Julia's First Christmas

(Page 1, panel 1. Julia and Theodore Diggers, now in their 20's, are teleporting into a pleasant late 1960's home. They are in the living room. The place looks dusty and disused.)

Caption (N1): The year is 1971. The people are Dr. Theodore Diggers and his new wife Julia are teleporting to earth for the first time in December.

Caption (N2): What awaits them is an adventure that

Theodore: We've arrived.

Julia: So this is earth, hmm?

(Panel 2. Julia looks around the place.)

Julia: Someone forgot to clean up here.

Theodore: Well, I haven't been here in two years. Let me take care of that.

(Panel 3. Theodore waves his hands, and we see some brushes and dusters appear. They clean up the dust.)

Theodore: Well, this time of year is special on Earth. December is the month of Christmas.

Julia: Christmas? What's that?

(Panel 4. Theodore smiles slightly as the brooms and dusters continue to work in the background.)

Theodore: Well, it's to celebrate one of earth's greatest religious leaders, Jesus Christ. It is his birth that marks the beginning of our calendar.

Julia: Hmm... sounds interesting.

(Panel 5. The brooms and dusters continue to work in the background as Theodore and Julia start heading upstairs.)

Theodore: It's filled with a lot of traditions... the Christmas tree... the exchanging of gifts... Santa Claus... and having a joyous time with your friends and family.

Julia: Oh... so it's something like the festival of the harvest.

(Panel 6. Julia and Theodore walk up the stairs.)

Theodore: Well, something like that. I've got a bunch of decorations in the attic - won't you help me set them up?

(Page 2, panel 1. Back in the living room, Theodore is setting up the artificial Christmas tree as Julia is setting a wreath in the window.)

Julia: I see now... this time is a time to celebrate the good things in life.

Theodore: You've got it.

(Panel 2. Julia rummages through some of the boxes.)

Julia: There is a lot of stuff here, you know.

Theodore: Well, there's a lot of tradition with this holiday.

(Panel 3. Julia pulls out a sprig of mistletoe.)

Julia: What's this for?

Theodore: Ah, allow me to demonstrate...

(Panel 4. Theodore holds the mistletoe over Julia's head.)

Theodore: It's called mistletoe... and when you hold it over someone else's head, they have to give you a kiss.

Julia (smiles): That's one tradition I think I like.

(Panel 5. Theodore and Julia kiss. Panel 6. They part.)

Theodore: Well, we should be getting back to putting this stuff up.

Julia:�Uh - right.

(Page 3, panel 1. Later on, Theodore and Julia have decorated the place. It is also now free of dust.)

Caption (N): A few hours later...

Theodore:�Well, all done. The place now brims with the holiday spirit.

Julia: It looks great.

(Panel 2. Theodore approaches Julia.)

Theodore: Well, now it's time for another tradition - holiday shopping. We've got to get the family some presents for Christmas.

Julia: Shopping?

(Panel 3. Theodore and Julia teleport out thanks to Theo's teleport spell.)

Theodore: I'll show you.

(Panel 4. A shopping mall. The place is bustling with people in 1970's dress going about their business. Theodore and Julia teleport in.)

Theodore: We're here.

Julia: Interesting...

(Panel 5. In the distance we see a mall Santa with a line of several kids waiting to see Santa. With the kids are their parents.)

Theodore: Well, where should we start? You know, my dad's been dropping not-so-subtle hints about wanting some things.

(Panel 6. Theodore grabs his head.)

Julia:�What's wrong?

Theodore: Someone's trying to communicate with me telepathically... I've got to take this. Just look around a bit, all right?

(Panel 7. Julia walks towards the Santa display. There is a sign that reads: "Have your picture taken with Santa!" there.)

Julia: What is this? These kids seem to be waiting for something.

(Panel 8. Julia gets closer to the Santa display.)

Julia: Hmm... I wish I could read earth languages... unfortunately, I can only read the Barbarian ones...

(Page 4, panel 1. Julia spots a young girl sitting in Santa's lap, and gets very angry.)

Julia: By the gods of Jade!

(Panel 2. This is nothing but sound effect.)

SFX: POW!!

(Panel 3. Julia is now holding the little girl in one arm, and looking very angry at the mall Santa. The mall Santa is on his back, now sporting a black eye.)

Julia: You filthy pervert! How dare you take advantage of this sweet, innocent girl!

Santa: ?

(Panel 4. Theodore intervenes, trying to lead Julia away from the scene. The kid in Julia's arm starts crying. Theodore smiles nervously.)

Theodore: Uh... you'll have to forgive my wife here... she's not from around here... she's never seen Santa before.

Girl: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!

(Panel 5. A young woman comes up to Julia as Julia sets the girl down. Julia looks confused.)

Woman: What are you doing, miss? Unhand my child!

Julia: But - she was -

Theodore: Just come with me, darling. I'll explain everything.

Girl: BAAAAWWWWLLL!!!

(Panel 6. Julia looks confused as Theodore leads her away from the scene. The woman puts her arms around the child, trying to calm her down. Santa uneasily stands up.)

Woman: There, there, the bad woman is going away now...

Santa: Whoa...

Girl: She hurt Santa!! WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Caption (N): It took the kid three years to overcome this trauma, with intensive psychotherapy.

(Page 5, panel 1. Julia is looking confused as Theodore tries to explain everything to her. They are walking in another part of the shopping mall.)

Caption (N): A little later...

Julia: So... you actually let this Santa Claus have children in his lap?

Theodore: Santa is a good person, Julia. He brings the good children toys at Christmas.

(Panel 2. Julia is having a hard time believing Theodore.)

Julia: You mean the good children who sit on his lap and let him indulge in his sick fettish.

Theodore: No, no, it's not like that... Santa Claus is a good person. He was based on St. Nicholas.

(Panel 3. Julia looks at Theodore as if he's lost his mind. She folds her arms across her chest. Theodore starts looking nervous.)

Julia: That guy was a saint? I find that hard to believe.

Theodore: Ah-ha. Well, Santa embodies the true spirit of Christmas - the giving of gifts, and the hope for a renewal.

(Panel 4. Julia stops walking, and so does Theodore.)

Julia: You realize the more you say, the deeper of a hole you're digging yourself into.

Theodore: Well... just call it one of our weird cultural quirks. Much like the Orange Man of the Elves.

(Panel 5. Julia shakes her head in disgust.)

Julia: *Sigh*... I don't think I'll ever completely understand this place... or you, Theo.

Theodore: Well, let's just teleport home, all right?

(Panel 6. Julia and Theodore teleport out.)

Julia: Earth has some strange cultural quirks, Theo...

(Page 5, panel 1. Back at the Diggers home, they have settled in. Julia and Theodore sit next to each other on the couch. They have several boxes in front of them, along with a few rolls of wrapping paper, a few bows, some tape, and a pair of scissors.)

Caption (N):�Later on...

Theodore: Now that we've got some presents, comes the duty of wrapping them.

Julia: Sounds like a chore.

(Panel 2. Theodore smiles.)

Theodore: Well, seeing your relatives and friends' faces light up when they get it makes up for it.

Julia: I see...

(Panel 3. They start wrapping the gifts. Panel 4. Julia now has her sword out, and throws the wrapping paper into the air, and it unravels. Panel 5. Julia slashes the wrapping paper with her sword, and makes a perfectly-sized sheet for the gift that needs wrapping.)

Theodore: Erm... don't you think that's just showing off a bit?

Julia: I have to keep my skills honed.

(Panel 4. Later on, they have all the gifts wrapped. Theodore is putting the final bow on the last one.)

Caption (N): Later on...

Theodore: There we go... all done.

Julia: So is that the last of the preparations?

(Panel 5. Theodore smiles.)

Theodore: Well, there's the traditional Christmas dinner, but that is usually done Christmas Day.

Julia: Interesting...

(Panel 6. The two of them start walking up the stairs again.)

Theodore: Well, we'd better get to bed. Santa will be in late tonight.

Julia: If he comes here, he'd best keep his meathooks off of me.

(Page 6, panel 1. The next morning. Julia and Theodore are attired in robes, and are entering the living room.)

Theodore: Merry Christmas, Julia. Come, let's open our presents.

(Panel 2. Julia and Theodore check the stockings hung by the chimney. Theodore has a scroll in his stocking, while Julia has a lump of coal in hers.)

Julia: Coal? What kind of a gift is this?

Theodore: Well... it's probably just a big misunderstanding, darling. Come on, I want you to open your present from me.

(Panel 3. Julia gets a box that is long and thin, holding it up.)

Julia: It feels powerful...

Theodore: Please, open it.

(Panel 4. Julia opens the box to find the mage bane sword there.)

Julia: Oh my....

Theodore: It's a mage bane sword. The jewel on the end can absorb spells. Since it is made of non-magical metal, aura magic cannot affect it.

(Panel 5. Julia makes a few slashing moves with the sword.)

Julia: It's wonderful, darling... Please, open up your present from me.

(Panel 6. Theodore opens up a package to see a talisman there.)

Theodore: Wow... a talisman of augmentation...

Julia: It was a treasure I got from beating a mage that had attacked my village on Jade... He was one formidable opponent...

(Panel 7. Theodore and Julia embrace each other.)

Theodore: Well... The best gift of all is the one you've given me... the gift of love.

Julia: Aw....

(Panel 8. The two of them kiss.)

-End-