Heaven Sent
"The 7 Blocks"
Part
IV: "Descent"
Descent
is also the title of a Cure instrumental. Very hard to find these days, because
it was a b-side to one of their singles.
(Front cover. A
chibi Samantha and a chibi Kyle are arguing with each other.)
Kyle: I am not
acting immature! Am not! Am not! Am not! Am not!!
Caption
(N): Kyle goes to hell!!
Chibis (or SDs) were originally used to show that a character was
behaving very immaturely. I got the inspiration for this from reading a preview
of Super Tiny Dragon Arms.
(Page 1, panel 1.
Texas Patrol headquarters,
Caption (N): Life
for a chosen one is never easy. Especially if your name is Kyle Taylor.
(Panel 2. Mist
suddenly appears on the ground. Kyle notices this, and stops doing his
homework.)
Kyle: Uh-oh.
(Panel 3. Hearne
the Hunter appears in front of Kyle. Hearne is a tall male with deer antlers.
He is clad in armor and holding a sword.)
Hearne: I seek
Kyle Taylor.
Kyle: Uh...
That's me.
(Panel 4. Hearne
holds out his sword for Kyle.)
Hearne: God has
sent me to give you this for your upcoming journey. When you were asked to
choose among the legendary swords*, one was held back - the sword
* Issue #5.
I
wonder why Ben Dunn didn’t put
(Panel 5. Kyle
takes
Kyle: Whoa...
Thanks!
Hearne: Use
One
need only look at history to see this. Nero, Hitler, Mussolini, Saddam Hussain,
and Caligula… history is littered with these dictators.
(Panel 6. Hearne vanishes.)
Kyle:
Wait until I show this to Samantha!
(Page 2, panel 1.
Lotus and Samantha enter.)
Samantha: Show me
what?
(Panel 2. Kyle
holds up
Kyle: This dude
with deer antlers came in and gave me this. Isn't it cool?
Lotus: Say, isn't
that
Samantha: I
certainly looks and feels like it.
Kyle
has never heard of Hearne the Hunter, the character most left out in the Robin
Hood legends.
(Panel 3. Lotus
and Samantha look at each other.)
Lotus: I've never
heard of Hearne the Hunter loaning out
Samantha: He
never has before. This must be even more serious than we thought.
Kyle: Who's
Hearne the hunter?
(Panel 4. Lotus
and Samantha look at Kyle.)
Lotus: Hearne
represents the spirit of Sherwood forest in
Samantha: Hearne
is an archangel like Michael. He is extremely picky about who he gives his
equipment to. In fact, I've never seen him loan out
In
modern times, Hearne’s appearance is supposed to signal a death in the
royal family. The last time someone claimed to have spotted him was in 1997,
two months before Princess Diana’s death. However, he did not make this
known until after Diana’s death, thus leading people to question
the sighting…
(Panel 5. Kyle
stares at
Kyle: Wow...
Lotus: we have
faith in you, Kyle.
Samantha: The
last guy he lent that sword to was Robin of Loxley... Before he and his party
rescued Robin's fiancé
Samantha
is hoping history will repeat itself.
(Panel 6. Kyle
smiles.)
Kyle: Well, I'll
be sure to take care of it.
Lotus:
Take care of your strength and it will take care of you.
The same goes true for almost anything else.
(Page 2, panel 1.
Kyle and Samantha head out the door.)
Kyle: I can't
wait to try this in the battle simulator.
This
battle simulator scene looks much cooler when drawn out. Just visualize it in
your heads.
(Panel 2. Inside
the battle simulator. Kyle and Samantha stand back-to-back, swords drawn. Both
look ready for a fight.)
Kyle: Computer,
begin program!
(Panel 2. About 6
large humanoid robots surround Kyle and Samantha.)
Kyle: Let's take
out the trash.
(Panel 3. Kyle
gives a slash to one robot while kicking another.)
SFX: Pow!
(Panel 4.
Samantha slashes at another robot slicing it in two.)
SFX: Slash!
(Panel 5. Kyle
thrusts his sword into another robot, and sparks come from the robot.)
SFX: Crackle!
(Panel 6. The
robot falls, deactivated. Kyle looks at Samantha slice the head off another
robot.)
Kyle: Need help?
Samantha:
I got this one.
(Page 3, panel 1.
The final robot slumps over, broken.)
Kyle: Whew! That
was fun.
Samantha: you
have progressed a lot, Kyle. You are almost ready to make your journey.
(Panel 2. In the
briefing room, Lotus is working on the computer.)
Lotus: Let's see
here... We've almost got Shiva's location here...
I
haven’t really decided how to explain how the computer is able to track
down Shiva… just take my word for it that it can somehow.
(Panel 3. The
large screen shows Shiva talking to Baine. Lotus' eyes go wide in shock and
horror.)
Baine: We are
close, Shiva... Soon, hell will be on earth!
(Panel 4. Lotus
can only look with horror as Baine and Shiva talk.)
Shiva: Well, I
have to get back to soul harvesting... Getting Kyle's soul has put me below
quota this month.
Baine: Fine...
Just be sure you get the blood of the chosen one.
Lotus: Baine...
Lotus
knew there was someone else on the other side. She didn’t know it was the
one who almost prevented her from completing her chosen one mission.
(Panel 5. Baine looks
at the screen.)
Baine: That
voice... Lotus seems to have found me...
Shiva: She could
ruin everything!
(Panel 6. Baine
scowls at the screen.)
Baine: Well,
little Miss Jones came out of hiding, hmm? Too bad for her she is too late.
Lotus:
I don't know how you survived me dropping that boulder on you, but whatever
you're planning, I will stop you!
Lotus can see into other people’s souls. In Baine’s soul
she sees nothing but hatred and evil.
(Page 3, panel 1.
Baine smiles an evil smile.)
Baine: Well, like
Mark Twain, reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. But it's good to know
that you will witness my hour of triumph and cannot stop me.
Mark
Twain factoid: He was born 1834 and died in 1910. Halley’s Comet appeared
in both those years. The last time the comet appeared was in 1986. It’s
not due back until 2062. The quote came because a newspaper reported that he
was on a ship that sunk in the Atlantic returning from
(Panel 2. Lotus
grits her teeth at Baine.)
Lotus: You know
that the devil will not follow through with his word.
Baine: I am about
to become all-powerful! Enough power to destroy you and you ilk a million times
over! When that time comes... I will make you my slave, humiliate you in every
conceivable way, and then kill you in the most painful way possible.
More
generic villain dialogue. Baine is a Trey Despondent without the looks.
(Panel 3. Lotus
shakes her head.)
Lotus: He's not
called the prince of lies for nothing, you know. Well, you'll find out the hard
way you sew what you reap.
(Panel 4. The
screen goes blank.)
Baine: See you in
hell, Jones.
Lotus' thoughts:
I hope Kyle is ready... He's got to go now.
Lotus
knows that if Baine is successful, there is no chance of Kyle being successful.
(Panel 5. Kyle
and Samantha are busy cleaning up the mess left by their exercise. There is a
large bin in the middle of the room.)
Kyle: I don't
know which is harder... Training or cleaning up afterwards.
Samantha:
Well... If you make a mess, you should clean it up.
Something kids and presidents have a hard time learning.
(Page 4, panel 1.
Lotus enters.)
Lotus: There's
been a change of plans. Kyle must start his journey now.
Kyle: Whoa... I
don't know if I'm completely ready yet.
Once
called, you cannot go back. Sometimes, a small amount of training is needed.
(Panel 2. Lotus
approaches Kyle.)
Lotus: Baine has
entered the equation. This is something the team will handle. You will be in
too much danger if you stay here.
Kyle (confused):
So to be safer, I'm getting sent to hell?
(Panel 3. Lotus
grimaces at Kyle.)
Lotus: Compared
to what this guy will do to you, hell will seem like a cake walk. He needs your
blood to get what he wants. What he wants is to transform earth into hell. Hell
is the last place he will look for you.
Kyle: Oh....
(Panel 4. Lotus
turns to the door.)
Lotus: When
you're done cleaning up, go back to Cupid's place to get some thing you'll
need. Then it's straight to hell.
Samantha: Well, I
will be accompanying you.
(Panel 5. Lotus
exits.)
Lotus: One last
piece of advice... When all seems lost, listen to the divine heart within.
Kyle: What does
that mean? Divine heart within?
(Panel 6.
Samantha takes Kyle's hand. The mess is gone now.)
Caption (N):
Later...
Samantha:
Well, here we go...
(Page 5, panel 1.
Samantha flies up into the air, with Kyle holding on.)
Samantha: Hang on
tight!
“Hang
on tight” is the first line in the song They Might Be Giants by They
Might Be Giants. Factoid: Todd Nauck, the creator of Wildguard, is a big They
Might Be Giants fan. So is Aaron Williams, Nodwick creator. So am
(Panel 2. Baine
and Shiva are talking.)
Baine: We must
act now. They will try to hide him in heaven.
Shiva: His blood
will open the new era... An era where Lucifer will be the king of kings!
(Panel 3. Shiva
vanishes.)
Shiva: I will get
a demon... And take care of that holier-than-thou witch.
Baine: Get the
most powerful one you can find... Do not underestimate the chosen one.
Shiva
hates Samantha because Samantha was once her slave. Shiva considers herself
vastly superior to Samantha, but she knows deep down inside, Samantha is a
better person.
(Panel 4.
Samantha and Kyle are flying among the stars.)
Caption (N): A
little later...
Samantha: Almost
there...
(Panel 5.
Suddenly a shot hits Samantha in the wing.)
SFX: Zap!
Samantha: Ah!
(Panel 6. Shiva
enters, sword drawn. At Shiva's feet is a small furry creature that looks so
cute it makes you want to puke.)
Samantha (Nursing
her hurt wing): You again!
Shiva:
This is it, Sienna... Only one of us is walking away from this!
“Only one of us is walking out of here under his own
steam… and it won’t be me!” is a famous goof from Captain
(Page 6, panel 1.
Shiva and Samantha clash swords in the background. In the foreground Kyle holds
up his sword against the excessively cute demon.)
Kyle: You may
look cute, but a book can never be judged by its cover.
(Panel 2.
Samantha and Shiva continue to fight in the background. The demon opens its
mouth, and foul-smelling gases come forth. Kyle holds his nose.)
Kyle: Whoa!
That's even worse than the school gym laundry!
Samantha: Looks
like you're getting desperate.
Shiva: So are
you.
Both of
them know that a psychological advantage is crucial for winning a fight.
(Panel 3. Kyle
slashes at the demon, missing. Samantha dodges a kick from Shiva.)
Kyle: This guy is
a slippery one.
(Panel 4. Kyle
thrusts his sword into the demon, causing its blood to spill.)
SFX: Shurlk!
(Panel 5. Kyle
pulls back from the dead demon.)
Kyle: That was
almost too easy.
(Panel 6.
Suddenly a large, hideous demon rises up from the dead demon. It raises its
sharp claws at Kyle.)
Demon: GROWL!
Kyle:
One of my earliest memories was watching a baseball game and seeing
comedian Milton Berle asking the crowd to give a moment of silent prayer for
Apollo 13. Now I’m really revealing my age. L
(Page 4, panel 1.
The demon slashes Kyle, sending Kyle back.)
SFX: Slash!
(Panel 2. Kyle
has slash marks on his face, and is bleeding. The demon holds up a bloody
hand.)
Demon: We have
it!
Shiva: Suckers!
See you in hell- on earth, that is.
(Panel 3. Shiva
and the demon vanish.)
Samantha:
@&*%$!!
Kyle: ....
Kyle
doesn’t understand exactly what happened, but he knows that things are
going to be pretty bad here.
(Panel 4. Kyle
looks at Samantha.)
Kyle: We...
Failed.
Samantha: Come
on, we have to get to Cupid's place.
(Panel 5.
Samantha takes Kyle's hand, and flies away.)
Samantha: This
makes things even more urgent. Hold on.
(Panel 6. Kyle
and Samantha fly away at top speed. The background is filled with speed lines.)
Kyle:
Whoa!
In his book Understanding Comics, Scott McCloud tells us the
origin of speed lines. It the camera is focusing on a fast-moving object but is
stationary, the object will be a blur. If the camera is focusing on a
stationary object but is moving, the object and the background will be a blur.
If the camera is focusing on an object moving at the same speed as the camera,
the object will be in focus, but the background will be blurred.
(Page 5, panel 1.
Lotus: We have
pinpointed his headquarters in south
(Panel 2. Lotus
and Diving Owl grab their heads, pain all over their faces.)
Lotus: We - Gah!
Lotus
has just sensed that Kyle has been hurt. Yes, it can be considered ripping off
Star Wars. But hey, “if you’re gonna steal, steal from the
best.” – Mojo Nixon.
(Panel 3. The
others look worried.)
Sonnos: Amiga?
(Panel 4. Lotus
and Diving Owl relax.)
Lotus: We leave
now. Baine must be stopped at all costs.
(Panel 5.
Everyone stands.)
Lotus: To the
bubblecraft!
Another
TMBG song reference. They did this one with The Elegant Too, like the song
“Am I Awake?” on the Indestructable Object CD5. To the Bubblecraft!
is available on the MP3 of the same name. Hard to find these days, though. But
you can still hear the song occasionally over at dialasong.com.
Sonnos: Amiga, we
should examine you. I've never seen you do that before.
Lotus: No time to
explain - we have to get to south
(Panel 6. Lotus
and Starshot are running down the hallway.)
Starshot: They
got hold of it, didn't they?
Lotus:
Yes.
Starshot is starting to get the picture as well. She’s trying
to learn ecumenicism from Lotus.
(Page 6, panel 1.
Samantha and Kyle arrive at Cupid's home. They meet up with Cupid.)
Cupid: You're
sending him there now?
Samantha:
Circumstances beyond our control have happened. We have to go now.
However,
Samantha knows they’re going to need something else here…
(Panel 2. Cupid
holds up a small pouch. It has a belt on it.)
Cupid: Take this
with you. It is a pouch of manifestation. You will need it.
Kyle: What does
it do?
(Panel 3. Kyle
takes the pouch, and ties it around his waist.)
Cupid: If you are
stuck in a bad situation and need some help, reach into the pouch and it will
give you exactly what you need. It's all we can give you now. The rest is up to
you two.
A
convenient plot device that I knew would help me out whenever Kyle needed
something. Usually heroes in traditional myth tales are given something by
divine powers (usually magical in nature) that will be exactly what they need
to complete the quest.
Samantha: Right.
(Panel 4. Back
with the Texas Patrol, They are in a bubble- shaped flying craft.)
Caption (N):
Meanwhile...
Lotus: I just
hope we are not too late.
Starshot: Aye.
(Panel 5. The
bubblecraft arrives at a nondescript warehouse. The Texas Patrol exits it.)
Lotus: I'll go in
first.
(Panel 6. Lotus
shifts into her spirit form, and passes through the wall.)
Lotus:
I'll have us inside in a moment.
While Lotus’ spirit form has substance, it is something that
can pass through solid objects. It cannot be touched by normal means.
(Page 7, panel 1.
The gates of hell. Kyle and Samantha arrive. There is a sign above the gates
that reads: "Abandon hope ye who enter here.")
Samantha: Well,
here we are.
Kyle: This is
worse than I expected.
(Panel 2.
Cerebus, the 3 headed dog guardian of hell enters. It growls menacingly.)
Kyle: Uh... Nice
doggie...
Samantha: We have
to get past it. Do something!
(Panel 3. Kyle
merely stands there, shaking nervously.)
Kyle: What do I
do?!
Samantha
(Annoyed): Use the bag of manifestation!
People
who are scared witless can’t really think that well…
(Panel 4. Kyle
reaches into the bag of manifestation. Panel 5. He pulls out a large bone.)
Kyle: a bone? I
think this pouch is defective.
(Panel 6. Cerebus
stops snarling and starts panting with excitement.)
Samantha: Throw
it!
Kyle: Uh...
Right.
(Panel 7. Kyle
throws the bone, and Cerebus goes after it.)
Kyle: Fetch!
(Panel 8. Cerebus
exits, following the bone.)
Kyle: I can't
believe that worked.
Samantha:
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Let's move on before Cerebus returns.
I think how I had Kyle deal with Cerebus is funnier than what Ben
Dunn did. Not to mention a little more realistic.
(Page 8, panel 1.
Back with the Texas Patrol, they have entered the building where Baine is. The
place is dark, dusty, and has cobwebs in various corners. Everyone is on high
alert.)
Caption (N): Back
in
Starshot: So
where is the blighter?
Lotus: He's down
below. We're going to have to fight our way to him.
(Panel 2. Six
rough-looking demons enter, ready to attack.)
Demon: There they
are >Snarl!< They must not get to the ceremony!
Lotus: You cannot
stop us.
(Panel 3. The
demons attack, and the Texas Patrol fights back. Lotus emits a white light from
her forehead, hitting one of the demons. This causes a small fire, which burns
the demon's skin.)
SFX: Hiss!!
Demon: Gah! Pure
divine energy!
Lotus: That is
but one of my many talents, demon.
We all
have divine energy within us. Lotus is able to focus hers into a beam of light.
It is a source as limitless as the universe itself.
(Panel 4.
Starshot shhots her laser, hitting one of the other demons.)
Starshot: Earth
is nae a place f'r hell.
SFX: Zap!
(Panel 5. Dormira
shhots a green sphere at one of the demons, hitting it.)
Dormira:
Goodnight, comrade.
Dormira’s
main power is energy spheres that put people to sleep. She also possesses
superhuman strength.
(Panel 6. The
demon falls asleep.)
Demon:
Cannot... Stay... Awake....
(Page 9, panel 1.
Mindpath hits another demon with a psionic blast.)
Mindpath: This is
almost t'easy.
(Panel 2. Diving
Owl strikes another demon in one of its heads, sending it back.)
SFX: Pow!
This
demon can’t get its heads together.
(Panel 3. Lotus
strikes the first demon with a kick to the chest, sending it down.)
SFX: Wham!
Lotus:
Consciousness will prevail.
(Panel 4. In a
general perspective, the Texas Patrol members are finishing up taking down
these demons.)
Lotus: This can't
be right; it was too easy to take them down.
(panel 5. Go to
Shiva and Baine.)
Shiva: Why did
you send a bunch of weaklings against them?
Baine: It was a
test. I know Jones' power; I had to see what the rest of her team could do.
(Panel 6. Baine
grits his teeth.)
Baine: We'll need
top level demons to stop them.
Shiva:
They were chosen by God. Any idiot could have seen that.
Shiva is with Baine at this point, but will be journeying into hell soon.
(Page 11, panel
1. Back in hell, Samantha and Kyle are walking alongside the river
Samantha: Let's
see here... Charon should be here somewhere.
(Panel 2.
Samantha stops.)
Samantha: Wait -
we have to go back.
(Panel 3. Kyle
looks over at Samantha.)
Kyle: What do you
mean we have to go back?
Samantha: There's
no time to explain - we have to leave!
Kyle: Not without
my mom!
Samantha: Come
on, Kyle!
(Panel 4. The
pouch of manifestation glows. Kyle notices this.)
Kyle: Huh? Why is
that glowing?
Samantha: Kyle!
Listen to me for once!
Listen
to someone else or divine guidance? Which do you think Chip Kyle will
choose?
(Panel 5. Kyle
reaches into the pouch, pulling out a pair of Elvis Costello glasses.)
Kyle: Glasses?
(Panel 6. Kyle
puts on the glasses.)
Samantha:
You don't need that.
Sometimes you have to look through a dirty window to see the truth.
(Page 12, panel
1. We now see (as does Kyle) that there is a hideous looking demon where
Samantha was.)
Kyle: Hey, you're
not Samantha!
Demon: Kyle, what
are you talking about?
(Panel 2. Kyle
slashes the demon with
Kyle (angry):
Where is she?!
Kyle
‘s anger could get the best of him here. Then the demons would win.
(Panel 3. Kyle
presses his attack.)
Demon: You'll
never find her.
(Panel 4. Kyle
kicks the demon in the jaw, sending it down.)
Kyle: Then I will
find her myself!
(Panel 5. Kyle
swings around to see Samantha there. At her feet is another fallen demon.)
Kyle: Samantha...
Where have you been?
Samantha (1):
I've been here all this time. These demons were preventing you from seeing me.
Samantha (2):
Nice glasses, by the way.
(Panel 6. Kyle
smiles nervously.)
Kyle: Uh...
Thanks.
(Panel 7. Kyle
and Samantha walk juxtaposed.)
I have
a propensity to use words that some people may not understand. To juxtapose
means to place side by side.
Kyle: They show
me the truth.
Samantha: They
make you look like Elvis.
(Panel 8. Kyle
smiles. Samantha looks crestfallen.)
Kyle: I never
knew that Elvis Presley wore glasses.
Samantha:
I meant Elvis Costello.
This panel was inspired by Acoustic
Ross’ song “Talkin’ Don’t Pick on the Big Guy
Blues.” This song is about a person trying to find out about Elvis
Presley, but gets frustrated at every turn. At one point, he goes into a record
shop and asks for Elvis. The store clerk takes him to the bin with Elvis
Costello in it. The verse ends with the line “I should have seen that
coming, you should have too.”
(Page 13, panel
1. At the ceremony, several people clad in robes stand around as master Baine
has gathered all the items.)
Baine: We must
act quickly - the forces of good are at our doors.
(Panel 2. We see
two figures in robes standing separately from the others. One is taller than
the other.)
Taller one
(quietly): Wait for my signal...
Shorter one
(quietly): Of course...
Hooded
figures in robes? See the Mojo Nixon quote above.
(Panel 3. Baine
starts the ceremony.)
Baine: <Beware
to all who follow God... Your rein is at an end!>*
Caption (N): *
Translated from the demonic tongue.
(Panel 4. Baine
continues the ceremony.)
Baine: <The
lion shall kill the lamb... The destroyer shall destroy the creator.>
A twist
on a biblical quote: “the lion shall lay down with the lamb.”
(Panel 5. Baine
tosses a pair of bat wings into a bowl.)
Baine: <The
wings of a vampire bat that will let evil fly!>
(Panel 6. Baine
tosses in a pair of snake eyes.)
Baine:
<The eyes of a snake will let it see all good to destroy!>
(Page 14, panel
1. Baine throws in the jawbone of a tiger.)
Baine: <The
jaw of a tiger, to make it ferocious!>
(Panel 2. Baine
tosses in a Rhino horn.)
Baine: <The
horn of a Rhino shall make its skin impenetrable!>
(Panel 3. Baine
stirs the pot.)
Baine: Now we
just begin the chant.
(Panel 4. Back in
hell, Samantha and Kyle have arrived at Charon's Ferry. Charon is a tall man in
a robe. He is on a boat and holding a pole. Nearby, a sign reads: "Passage
shall be given for one gold coin.")
Samantha: We have
arrived at Charon's Ferry. We need to use him.
Kyle: Erm... I
don't have a gold coin.
(Panel 5. Kyle
reaches into the pouch of manifestation.)
Samantha: Use the
pouch again.
Kyle: Right.
Get the
feeling Kyle can’t think for himself here? Well, he’s scared.
Wouldn’t you be if you were caught in hell?
(Panel 6. Kyle
pulls out two gold coins.)
Kyle:
Here you go.
(Page 15, Panel
1. Kyle gives the coins to Charon.)
Kyle : Here you
go.
(Panel 2. Charon
ferries Kyle and Samantha down the river
Kyle: So this is
what awaits everyone who lives a bad life?
Samantha: Yes.
A
common metaphor of rebirth is floating down a river.
(Panel 3. Charon
stops the ferry at an island in the river.)
Samantha: Why are
we stopping here?
Kyle: I don't
know.
(Panel 4. Charon
gestures to a cave.)
Samantha: Go in
there, hmm?
(Panel 5. They
enter the cave to see an old woman there. She has white hair, and a look of
sorrow on her face.)
Kyle: Who are
you?
Joan (woman): You
may call me Joan. Listen to my story, won't you?
Joan is
in fact Joan Crawford. Her abuse of her daughter Christina is not the only
thing that led her to hell, if we are to believe the numerous urban legends
surrounding her. (Some depict her as a woman willing to sleep with any handsome
male; others depict her as a cold-hearted witch that would step on anyone she
could to get what she wanted.) Of course, the truth may never be known for
sure.
(Panel 6. Joan
continues to talk.)
Joan: When I was
alive, I was considered one of the most beautiful women on earth. I had it all:
a movie career, a husband, you name it.
Kyle: So what
happened?
(Panel 7. Joan
nurses her hip.)
Joan: I was also
very vain. When I grew older, I couldn't handle growing old. I became angry and
bitter. I took out my frustrations on my child. She was still young and
beautiful; I hated her for that.
The
vain can’t stand being old, and envy those who are still young.
(Panel 8. Joan
sits down.)
Joan: When I
died, I was deemed unworthy of heaven. Now I have to spend all eternity as an
old woman. Every day is filled with aches and pains. Every day is an
opportunity to fracture my frail bones. Every day, I see the horror I was. It's
too late for me, traveler. Pilgrim beware, of vanity fair.
“Pilgrim
beware/ Of Vanity Fair” is the chorus to a song by the band The Ocean
Blue. I used the lyrics to the song in the fic about the Temptress.
(Panel 7. Joan
nurses her hip.)
Joan: I fractured
my hip this morning. I'm still in a lot of pain.
In
hell, broken bones heal instantly, but the pain lasts forever.
(Panel 8.)
Joan:
I learned my lesson too late... But it's not too late for you.
It’s never too late to repent for your sins, until you
die…
(Page 16, panel
1. Back with the Texas Patrol, they are fighting their way down a hallway.)
Caption (N):
Meanwhile...
Lotus: Keep
fighting! We can make it!
(Panel 2. Lotus
strikes a demon with a karate chop.)
Starshot: We
always do our best for ye, Lecita.
(Panel 3. They
continue fighting towards an archway. Panel 4. Back with Baine, he now holds up
a bloody, severed demon hand.)
Baine: And last
but not least, we offer the blood of the chosen one!
(Panel 5. Baine
throws the hand into the pot. It starts to smoke.)
Baine: At last,
hell will spew forth on earth!
(Panel 6. An
older male in a suit and tie appears. He has a briefcase in his hands.)
Man:
I HAVE COME!
I almost used the line “BEWARE! I LIVE!” to refer back
to the old videogame Sinistar, but my beta reader said that nobody would
remember it. Even though Scott Kurtz used it a few years ago in PVP.
(Page 17, panel
1. The old man gestures at Baine.)
Man: You! I have
questions about your last tax return!
Baine: Yes, yes!
We will help you spread your evil throughout the world!
The
dreaded taxman cometh… I used to do taxes at Jackson Hewitt part time. It
was rarely fun.
Man: You have not
paid your taxes in 12 years! We will seize everything you own!
(Panel 2. The man
waves some papers at Baine.)
Man: Yes, You,
Wilfred Albert Baine will become broke!
(Panel 3. Go over
to see the two robed figures.)
Shorter one: A
tax agent?
(Panel 4.
Samantha and Kyle are walking back to the boat.)
Samantha: Hell is
what you make of it.
Kyle: Oh...
My
personal hell would be to be trapped with Brittany Spears in an elevator in a
1970’s shopping mall. She would have to sing disco tunes.
(Panel 5. They
enter Charon's boat.)
Kyle: So I see.
Let's get to mom, all right?
Samantha: Yes.
(Panel 6. Going
down the river, they see people suffering. One of them is a guy tied to a tree,
with an apple just outside of his reach.)
This
happens in an ancient Greek tale, but for the life of me, I don’t
remember the person’s name… L
Kyle: Whoa...
What did he do?
Samantha:
He was a glutton. He took food for the poor and kept it for himself. Now he
must spend eternity eternally hungry.
(Page 18, Panel
1. They pass by a man tied to the ground. Various large members of the cat
family [lions, tigers, etc.] tearing at his body.)
Kyle: He must
have done something nasty.
Samantha: That is
the man who was known as the Corrector.
(Panel 2. Kyle
looks surprised.)
Kyle: The Corrector
here? But he did a lot of good in the world! He stopped a lot of criminals dead
in their tracks!
Samantha: And
caused a ton of needless property damage and killed innocent civilians in the
process. When the quest for justice becomes so obsessive that everything else
is ignored, then it becomes injustice.
A nice
little paradox that our leaders seem to have forgotten….
(Panel 3. Kyle
can only stare in disbelief at Samantha.)
Kyle: Wow... And
I admired him too.
Samantha: His
actions were never approved by any legal authority. When everyone takes the law
into their own hands, the result is anarchy.
Just
ask the people of
(Panel 4. Kyle
ducks to avoid a flying bat.)
Kyle: Whoa!
Samantha: Hell
can do that to a person.
(Panel 5. Back
with Baine, the man has cornered Baine.)
Caption (N): And
so....
Man: You are now
without anything, Mister Baine. Even your wheelchair will be repossessed.
(Panel 6. Baine's
wheelchair vanishes, and he crashes to the ground.)
SFX: Thump!
(Panel 7. Baine
now realizes he's in trouble. He stops smiling.)
Baine: What in
the --!? I summoned you! You cannot turn against me!
Abusing
power always leads to a downfall. Unfortunately, Baine is learning this too
late…
(Panel 8. The man
smiles sinisterly.)
Man:
Watch me.
(Page 19, Panel
1. A demon comes flying into the room, having been thrown in. It crashes into
one of the hooded figures.)
SFX: Wham!
(Panel 2. The
Texas Patrol enters, lead by Lotus.)
Lotus: Baine!
This ends here and now!
(Panel 3. Two of
the hooded figures throw off their robes, showing them to be the Demon
Hunters.)
Baine: You're too
late, Jones! My ultimate evil has been unleashed on this earth.... And you are
powerless to stop it!
Sarah: That's
where you're wrong.
I
couldn’t have the story without these two now, could I?
(Panel 4. Lotus
advances on Baine.)
Sarah: We
substituted some of your ingredients with different ones. The bat wings you put
into it were that of a fruit bat.
David: The worst
thing you could have created was a minor setback, like this demon of tax
audits.
Baine: No! This
can't be happening! I will have my ultimate evil!
(Panel 4. Lotus
is face-to-face with Baine.)
Lotus: You have
proved me wrong. I believed that everyone has some good in them... That people
will redeem themselves if given the chance... But you have not.
The
Truly evil will not repent even when confronted with their downfall. That is
what makes a cool evil person. Fred Perry pointed this out in Gold Digger:
Perfect Memory #4.
(Panel 5. Lotus
grabs Baine by his shoulders.)
Lotus: Since you
love Satan so much... You can join him in hell!
(Panel 6. Lotus
pulls Baine's spirit out of his body.)
Baine:
YARRRGGHH!!!!
Lotus does not use this power except as a last resort. The spirit pulling
power is quite draining on the spirit.
(Page 20, panel
1. Lotus collapses onto the ground. The other people in robes gather as the
demon hunters draw their weapons.)
Diving Owl: Rest,
Lecita.
Robed figure: We
have failed. Get them!
(Panel 3. Baine's
spirit gets pulled into the ground.)
Baine: No...
Sarah: This time,
there is no coming back.
(Panel 4. Sister
Sarah and the priest stand back-to-back as the other people in robes attack.)
Robed man: Satan
will not be denied!
“Give
the devil his due…” but they are getting their due…
(Panel 5. Back in
hell, Kyle and Samantha are walking down a path, surrounded by flames.)
Caption (N):
Later on...
Kyle: We've
traveled quite a distance. Do we have a lot farther to go?
Samantha: We're
about 1/3rd of the way there.
(Panel 6. Two men
in suits and ties approach Kyle and Samantha.)
Man 1: Allow me
to introduce myself! I am Rob Popperman, and I've got just the thing for you!
There
used to be a show on Univision (a Spanish language channel in the
(Panel 7. The two
guys try to pressure Kyle into buying from them. Neither Kyle nor Samantha are
amused, and their faces show it.)
Side
factoid: “We are not amused.” Was first used by Queen
Rob: We've got
this wonderful product called snake oil! It's a miracle in a bottle!
Kyle: If it's so
wonderful, why are you two selling it in hell?
Normally
Chip Amiable would be utterly clueless and want to buy it. Here, however, Kyle
can see the stuff for what it really is thanks to the glasses. Kyle sees the
bottle as filled with water.
(Panel 8. Kyle
and Samantha walk away, with the salesmen in hot pursuit.)
Rob: Come on!
This is the best stuff ever!
Samantha:
Best at what? Parting a fool from his money?
(Page 21, panel
1. Kyle brandishes his sword at Rob.)
Kyle: Go away!
Rob: No! You have
to buy this!
Some
people just don’t know when to quit, and frankly, salespeople like this
always meet their match with me. I’ve reduced a few of them to tears.
(Panel 2. Kyle
takes a swing at Rob, missing.)
Kyle: Leave me
alone!
SFX: Swish!
(Panel 3. Rob
looks angry.)
Rob: Hey, What's
the big idea? I gotta make a living, you know!
Kyle: Make your
living somewhere else.
(Panel 4. Kyle
and Samantha walk away.)
Rob: You will buy
from me!
Kyle: What part
of no do you not understand?
Well,
pretty much every part….
(Panel 5. Rob and
the other salesman turn into terrifying demons.)
Rob: Then you
must die!
(Panel 6. The
demons attack.)
Rob: Die!!
Kyle:
You first.
In an episode of Home Improvement, the
(Page 22, panel
1. Back with the Texas Patrol, we see them fighting the robed figures.)
Caption (N):
Meanwhile...
Starshot: Why did
she have to do that?
(Panel 2. Sister
Sarah kicks a robed figure, sending him down.)
Sarah: Let's
worry about that after we beat these guys, all right?
(Panel 3.
Starshot shoots her laser, hitting another robed figure.)
Starshot: Aye...
but I havenae seen her take the law into her own hands like that.
Starshot
is very disturbed by Lotus’ actions. She knows the good guys wait around
for justice to be served.
(Panel 4. We see
another robed figure go down thanks to Sonnos sonically slams him into the
ground.)
Sonnos: I'm sure
she had a good reason, amiga.
(Panel 5. Diving
Owl knocks down the final robed figure.)
Diving Owl: I
will find out shortly.
SFX: Pow!
(Panel 6. Diving
Owl cradles Lotus in his arms.)
Diving Owl:
Gather at your center, Lecita. We are here for you.
Starshot:
We should join in.
Join in and seize your power. Here, Lotus’ body is fine, but
her spirit has been wounded. To heal the spirit takes the spirit.
(Page 23, panel
1. The rest of the Texas Patrol gathers around Lotus, except for Dormira. She
runs off.)
Starshot: Lecita,
come back.
Mindpath: Aye...
We need ye.
Sarah: Can we
help?
(Panel 2. Focus
on Diving Owl's face.)
Diving Owl: All
can help.
Everyone
has the power….
(Panel 3. Kyle
thrusts his sword into Rob.)
Kyle: That should
take care of you.
Rob: Ha! That
sword would need to be
(Panel 4. Kyle
smiles.)
Kyle: This is
(Panel 5. The
demon sees that the sword has the name
Rob: Aw
$%&@#!!
All
right, I admit it. I used a variation of this joke in a Nodwick story I did. (Nodwick is basically a dungeons &
dragons scene with Dilbert-style management.) In that story, Yager is fighting
a dragon. Yager thrusts the sword into the dragon’s body. The dragon says
“Bah! Your sword would need to be a reaper of evil +4 to kill me!”
Yager replies: “That is a reaper of evil +4.” The dragon then says
“Oh Krutz” and dies.
(Panel 6. Rob
falls down, bleeding.)
Rob: I should
have listened to mom and became a customer service agent.
Samantha:
Serves you right for using foul language in front of a kid.
Not that Kyle hasn’t heard that kind of language before…
(Page 24, panel
1. Samantha and Kyle come to a hole in the ground.)
Samantha: This is
the passage to the lowest circle of hell. Here you will face your biggest tests
yet.
Kyle: Let's do
it.
(Panel 2.
Samantha takes Kyle's hand, and flies over the hole.)
Samantha: There's
no turning back now.
(Panel 3. They go
down a shaft. There are hands holding swords in the walls that try to slash at
them. Samantha and Kyle narrowly avoid getting hit.)
Kyle: Whoa!
(Panel 4. One of
the swords nicks Kyle's hair.)
SFX: Cut!
Kyle: Ow!
(Panel 5. Another
sword nicks Samantha's wing.)
Samantha: Ah!
(Panel 6.
Samantha and Kyle plunge headlong towards the ground.)
Kyle: Oh my God!
We're going to die!
Samantha:
What do you mean we? I'm already dead!
Remember?
(Page 25, panel
1. Back with the Texas Patrol, We see The others gathered trying to help Diving
Owl.)
Diving Owl:
Lecita, you should return now.
(Panel 2. Lotus
wakes up, Her eyes fluttering open.)
Lotus: Uhn.... I
feel like a semi ran over me.
Diving Owl: You
did the spirit pull on Baine. Rest now.
(Panel 3. Lotus
nurses her head.)
Lotus: I thank
you for your help. So is everyone else o.k.?
Diving Owl: We
are unharmed. It is time to return home. Now let us hope that Kyle completes
his mission.
Half of
the battle is over, the big one is just beginning.
(Panel 4. Back in
hell, Kyle and Samantha crash into a heap on the ground.)
SFX: Crash!
(Panel 5. Kyle is
lying on his back, and Samantha is lying on top of him.)
Kyle: Ooh...
Will
they give in and admit they really love each other?
(Panel 6. Kyle
and Samantha lock eyes, their faces mere inches from each other. Panel 7.
Samantha pulls back from Kyle.)
Samantha: We have
to rescue your mom.
Kyle: Uh...
Right.
Not
yet. My beta reader suggested that I have the face of one near a private place
of the other. I thought that was too wrong.
(Panel 8. Kyle
and Samantha stand up.)
Kyle's thoughts:
Maybe Samantha loves me after all? But...
Kyle: How bad is
it?
Samantha:
I'll be fine. Come on. I sense your mother is this way.
(Page 26, panel
1. Back with the Texas Patrol, Starshot is face-to-face with Lotus.)
Starshot: Lecita,
tell me! Why did ye kill him?
Lotus: You don't
know Baine like I do, Sara. The man was completely out of balance. He could not
be saved. He was completely consumed by evil. Had I let him live like I did
last time, he would have created more chaos in the world. There was no
alternative.
(Panel 2.
Starshot shakes her head.)
Starshot: Ye took
the law into yuir own hands. I cannae believe ye wouldnae leave him f'r the
law.
Lotus: He is
being judged by a higher law now, Sara... And things don't look too good for
him.
“…
and you’re judging me for a divine proclamation I carried out.”
(Panel 3. Sister
Sarah intervenes.)
Sister Sarah:
Look, let's dish out the mea culpas later. We've got to bring these people in
to justice, all right?
Starshot: Aye...
We'll take this up later.
(Panel 4. The
older man demon enters, with Dormira on his heels.)
Dormira: Catch
him!
Mindpath: What
the!?
(Panel 5. The
demon stops, and readies himself to attack.)
Demon: The demon
of minor inconveniences will not be trapped!
This is
a guy I created for one of the first of the Texas Patrol’s adventures.
The demon of minor inconveniences can only inflict minor inconveniences on
people. No getting smitten by bolts of demonic fire here; your shoelace gets
untied is his domain..
(Panel 6. The
demon gestures, and Starshot's hair frizzes.)
Demon: You! Take
a bad hair day!
(Panel 7. Lotus
looks at the demon with a combination of disgust, disappointment, and unease.)
Lotus: This is a
joke, right?
(Panel 8. The
demon gestures at Mindpath. Starshot, in the background, is trying on vain to
get her hair out of her face.)
Caption (N): No
this is a joke. A guy walks into a bar...
Lotus: Aw, man...
Demon:
You! You will have a leg cramp!
(Page 27, panel
1. Mindpath grabs his leg.)
Mindpath: Och!
Lotus: Great.
Kyle and Samantha get a bunch of great villains, and we get stuck with this
clown.
Icehole
suggested I say “Samantha and Kyle get Shiva, and we get this
bozo.” I felt that was too much foreshadowing of part VI.
(Panel 2. Dormira
knocks the demon down with a diving tackle.)
Caption (N): It's
their series.
SFX: Wham!
(Panel 3. Dormira
strikes the demon with a fist.)
Dormira: This is
for giving me PMS!
Sonnos
(Confused): How can you tell the difference?
Remember
Dormira is a Dorothy Petulant; in other words, she’s a raging case of PMS
24-7.
(Panel 4. The
demon is on the ground now, and Dormira has it in a hammer lock.)
Lotus: Well, you
caught it, Dormira.
(Panel 5. Back in
hell, Samantha's wing is being patched up by Kyle. She is kneeling while he
stands next to her.)
Kyle: You know,
there's one thing that makes me sad now that it's almost over.
Samantha: What
might that be?
(Panel 6. Kyle
finishes patching up Samantha's wing.)
Kyle: When this
is over, I may never see you again.
Samantha:
But I'll always be around, protecting you and guiding you the right way.
So what does the hero do when the journey’s over…?
(Page 27, Panel
1. Samantha stands up.)
Samantha: We've
got one more hurdle to clear before we can get to your mother.
(Panel 2. They
enter an area where 4 people are just sitting around. The two men and two women
are relaxing.)
Kyle: What's
going on here?
Man: Sit down,
relax, take a load off.
Here’s
the temptation of laziness.
(Panel 3. Kyle
advances on the man.)
Kyle: Where is my
mother?
Man: Now, you've
been working hard to get to this point. It wouldn't hurt to take a bather now,
would it?
(Panel 4. Kyle
pushes the man's seat over, causing the man to fall on the ground.)
Man: Whoa!
Kyle: It may not
hurt me to stop... But it will hurt my mother!
Kyle
doesn’t want his mother to suffer any more.
(Panel 5. A large
wall rises up, blocking Kyle's path.)
Kyle: Fine, I
will get through.
(Panel 6. Kyle
hacks at the wall with his sword.)
Kyle: I've come
too far to stop now!
SFX:
Hack! Hack!
(Page 28, panel
1. Samantha joins him in hacking at the wall.)
Samantha: You
have resisted the temptation of laziness.
SFX: Hack! Hack!
(Panel 2. The
wall breaks, revealing a dimly-lit area. Panel 3. Kyle and Samantha enter the
place.)
Kyle: I can't see
here.
Samantha: Use the
pouch of manifestation.
(Panel 4. Kyle
pulls out a flashlight, turning it on.)
Kyle: That's
better.
“Lo,
out of the darkness, I bring thee light…” I can’t remember
where that’s from, but it’s an important line in it…
(Panel 5. Kyle
shines the light on his mother. She is chained to a wall, and dressed in rags.
Several demon hands also hold her down.)
Kyle: M-mom?
(Panel 6. Ms.
Taylor looks up. She seems very weak.)
Ms. Taylor:
K-kyle?
Caption
(N): Next time: The end!
-To
be Continued-
At the time I wrote this, I had intended part VI to be part V and
the end. Divine inspiration took over again….