The Start of Something New … Again.

Let me start out by saying … FUCK! There, I feel better.  I had this whole thing written out.  It was poetic, tragic, and beautiful.  Then the program I was using crashed on me.  Anyone thinking about using Yahoo Page Builder might as well just jack off with sandpaper.  You’re going to get the same result.  Increased frustration, no satisfaction, and even a little bit of pain.  Right now you’re all thinking “Jesus Steve, did we really need that visual?”  Yes, yes you did.  Now, let’s see if I can put this thing back together.

Hello there my sweet internet children.  It’s been more than a year since my last edition of Gallagher’s rants on life.  This year has been enough to test the quality of ones metal.  I was arrested for bullshit in Canada.  Let me tell you how fucking fun that was.  Sitting in an icebox of a holding cell in the Saskatchewan, being questioned by a mountie that didn’t ride up sitting backwards on a horse.  She rolled up in a car.  What the fuck is that?  My mother had a major injury, and was diagnosed with skin cancer.  I fell in love, or at least fell in love with the idea of falling in love again.  The only problem is I fell for a girl I didn’t really know, and from the way ended she obviously didn’t give a damn.  I gave up my dream for most of the year.  I quit acting to do something that would give me “stability”.  Now I’m back to acting, so much for stability huh?  So overall nothing I’ve planned has happened.  The good news is a few things I didn’t plan have turned out pretty well.  So children it’s time for me to empty my head once again.  Don’t worry kids.  Daddy’s home, this time with a happy “ending”.

• Topic #1: Trust
  Trust is a bitch.  The people you can’t trust look exactly the ones you should let get close to you.  A very close friend of mine follows the old rule of “Don’t Trust Anyone”.  While I find this to be a good way not to get hurt its also a damn good way to keep the people who really love you at arms length.  The truth is I like trusting people.  Why do I still believe?  The short answer: I’m a schmuck.  The long answer: There is still a part of me that wants to believe what that innocent little kid that I once was believed.  Do I know that I shouldn’t?  Yes.  Do I hate being like this?  Yes.  Does it kill me every time when people break that trust?  More than you will ever know, but somewhere deep down inside that kid still lives.  With every disappointment, does he get a little quieter, a little smaller, and a little more cynical but he’s still there.
  
  
• Topic #2: Drama
  Those of you not in the theatrical world think drama is just theatre.  Let me fill you in on something, drama has a completely different meaning.  Drama is basically getting into other people’s business and causing shit.  It’s dangerous, but when there are 30 people in a small area doing it you might as well just give up.  There is more to life than who is fucking who, who used to be fucking who, and who wants to be fucking who.  Just work hard, do what you’re asked, and keep your business to yourself.  You’ll live longer and live better.
  
  
• Topic #3: Women
  Ok, I know I have an entire rant on this, but it’s a year old and about someone I only went out with a couple times.  The only thing I can tell you about that girl was her name.  Amazing how things seem important at the time.  As I mentioned above I fell in love.  You know when you think about it “fall in love” is the perfect way of expressing that.  When you’re in love it’s like you’re flying.  Nothing can touch you.  Kinda like the experience skydivers have during free fall (I still need to try that).  It’s perfect.  Then something happened.  I’m not going to give details because I’ve gotten in trouble for that in the past.  Let’s just say I cried for a week, couldn’t sleep for a month, and started smoking a pack a day.  It was all too real.  I found myself wanting to shut down.  Give up, say fuck it and just go back to being the old Steve and just screw anyone who I feel would be a good time.  Eventually I came around with the help of my friends.  I don’t usually do this in rants but I’m going to do a little shout out.  Thank you Sara, Brian, and Bart.  A special thank you has to go out to my sister as well.  She drove all the way to New Philly just to make sure I was alright.  Without these 4 people I don’t know where I’d be right now.  I’m not going to lie, that was a long night and I had some dark thoughts.  Falling in love is magical, but also like skydiving watch out.  The landing can be a real bitch.
  
  
• Topic #4: Family
  My family has always been dysfunctional.  We love each other, but it seems like we want to kill each other at times, but hell at least we’re entertaining.  To those people who love the Gallagher cynical with there are 3 people you should be thanking.  Mom, Dad, and Darci.  Now I’m sure there are more people you could thank.  The people who influenced Mom and Dad, and those who can give me a run for my money.  This has been a rough year, what with mom’s bad luck.  Darci getting engaged only to find out the jackass she was going to marry is more frog than prince.  Hate to say I told you so on that one.  And dad is … dad is … well dad is dad.  If you know him you know what I mean.  My family has always been dysfunctional, but all of this is the root of any strength or sanity that I have left.  They are my rock.  I don’t know why I had to say that, I just did.
  
  
• Topic #5: The promised happy ending
  Just when life seems unbearable things come back into focus.  I have a family that loves me, a select group of very good friends, a new apartment that I get to move into in a few weeks, my DVD Home Theatre System hooked up again.  Batman Begins sounds badass in Dolby 5.1 (keep it in your pants Gentry).  I’ve also started seeing someone.  Now for those of you who say it’s too soon and I’m still too bitter you may be right, but you don’t get anywhere by not taking chances.  We’re taking it slow which is nice.  She came into my life when I was at a very low point, and she pursued me.  That was very nice.  It was nice not being the one trying to make it work.  She wanted to be with me and went after it.  That’s not something I’m used to, and it made me smile.  It’s another long distance thing, but we talk to each other every day (another benefit I haven’t been used to lately).  Who knows how things will turn out in the end, but I’ve always said you’ll never do anything if you focus too much on the end.  So my sweet internet children don’t worry too much about me.  I’m doing ok.  Until next time.

As always, If you have any questions, comments, rants, or raves I give you 4 options.  You can e-mail me at [email protected], or you can send me an AOL Instant Message to Irishfake, my xanga page, or my new favorite option myspace.  That's it for now my sweet internet children.  Until next time, I love you all.