1. HUNGER & THIRST

One of the simplest and basic human emotions.  You've had this since you were born, you'll have it until you die.  Just be thankful that in this day and age there is always a McDonalds or if you're lucky a Steak and Shake near by.  You might ask yourself (sorry for the Talking Heads reference) why is hunger number one on the list.  Well as a child food was my defense mechanism and after tonight I could probably eat enough food to make every Ethiopian cry.  Some of you may not consider these things emotions.  To you I say kiss my ass.  Emotions are chain reactionary in nature.  So if you get pissed off and it results in you wanting the biggest steak in the world, and then you eat the steak hopefully with a baked potato which makes you say "God damn that thing came out of the ground" is a feeling close to the chipwich.  So, it may just be the response to the main emotion, but its still a major thing.  Speaking of food, I have Potato Patch Fries in my near future.

2. FEAR

Yet another of the basic emotions.  When you're a child you fear very little, at least you're not supposed to.  I always did.  I was a sickly little kid.  I was an asthmatic, with stomach problems, and a barely active immune system.  Makes you wonder how I survived huh?  Well Lewis Black recently answered this question for me.  He said "The good die young, but pricks live forever."  If you're not familiar with the work of Lewis Black you really need to check him out.  He's one of the smartest and funniest people out there today.  The immune system deficiency has to be partly due to a virus I got when I was very young which paralyzed me from the waist down.  My mother still has pictures of me on Halloween being carried in a Radio Flyer wagon dressed as a skunk.  I added that memory just so you'd all get a good laugh at the visual.  So I learned fear at a very young age.  Fear is a bitch my children because it is fear that made you miss some of the golden opportunities of your life.

3. INTEREST

This my friends is why you are who you are.  Your interests determine the course of your life.  A lot of people seem to forget about interests being emotions.  It doesn't matter how stupid an activity is if it makes you smile its one of the most important things on the planet for that moment, and remember kids life is just a series of moments.  Did I really just say that?  Fuck me running.  I'm gonna have to slap myself for that moment of optimism.  Done.   

4. DISTRESS

I don't really think I really need to delve into this one too much.  We all know distress.  Its everything from falling out of a window on the 42nd floor of a building to having a hang nail that hurts like a bitch.

5. SHAME

This is a biggy folks.  We have all felt shame.  ALL OF US.  From flooding a basement to sleeping with your best friends sister there is going to be a lot of shame.  There might also be some joy with the second option, but soon there will be shame and probably pain.  Shame is one of the hardest emotions to deal with because you get to beat yourself up for doing something stupid that you shouldn't have.  Fun times for all.

6. SURPRISE

This is one of the good ones kids.  If you're genuinely surprised by something you have no choice but to react with your first response.  Its one of the few ways to see through all the masks we wear.

7. DISGUST

No real need to try to explain this one.

8. JOY

I think I explained this one pretty well with the chipwich story.

9. ANGER

Some people will say I've perfected this emotion.  I hate to break it to you but I'm not a typically angry person.  I'm sarcastic, and sometimes downright bitter but I wouldn't say truly angry.  I can honestly say I don't hate anyone.  Hate takes way too much energy.  No one should ever have enough power over you that you can hate them.  This is something that the world in general needs to learn.  We need to stop hating each other simply because we're different.  I hate to break it to you folks but if we had the same kind of hate for differences from the beginning of time none of us would be here.  The entire world would constantly be at war and the human race would be extinct.  There is one group out there who I think has some right to hate people.  Those would be the Native Americans.  If ever there was a people who got bent over it was the tribes indigenous to the land we now call ours.  These people got killed, their land snatched and their woman raped.  I'd be pissed too.  Now the government is pissed off that these people are opening casinos which the government can't tax.  GET THE FUCK OVER IT.  After all these people have been through the least and I mean the LEAST we can do is let them make a living for themselves on the few scraps of land we were generous enough to "give" them.  All the rest of this shit should have been solved a long damn time ago.  Get over it.  Fucked up things have happened to every culture since the beginning of time.  Its over now.

10. LOVE

The big one kids.  The one that has confused the shit out of people since the beginning of time, and the one keeping me from sleep.  We have no control over this one.  We don't get to pick who we love and we can't make ourselves love a person we think we should.  If any of you have an explanation for this one send it to me and I'll put it on the page.  I can't figure it out.