Saturday 1st November The Scottish Sea Farmers Charity Fives
Out of the blue a phone call came from Rab "Geordie Munro" MacDonald inviting us to play a charity five a side tournament in Oban. All the proceeds were going to Children In Need, a worthy cause.
After two seconds thought we decided to enter for the tourney which was being held indoors at the Atlantis Leisure Centre in Oban.
Now, on recent form we haven't always been able to get enough bodies for small sided tourneys but this time we were confident.
On the Thursday before we had seven and even though Arthur dropped out due to nerves on the Friday we still had enough to compete.
With no one willing to drive ("the wife's got the car") our strong squad of five (Uncle Owen was making his own way in his camper van) headed for Queen Street Station to get the 8.12am train to Oban.
In no order at all the squad was:- Barry, Algernon, Big John, Tam, Uncle Owen and Mister Campbell. (Not even on paper did it look a strong squad).
Rab had invited ten teams initially which after call offs had become eight and then, on the day, became six as two teams dropped out claiming they thought it was the next week.
As there were only six teams it was decided to have one big group and made the pitch double the size. And guess what ? It was now a six a side competition and Uncle Owen wasn't due to arrive until an hour and a half into the tourney.
No matter how hard we try we just never get it right, do we ?
Our first game was against Tommy's Team, an old five a side team, yes, even older than us, and Geordie put on the Hoops to make us up to six.
Thanks to heroics from keeper Cook we scrambled a 0-0 draw and nearly sneaked it but for a great save from an Algie shot. For the record, it was Algernon Dorward that was playing and, yes he did indeed manage a shot on target. It was definately him, I mean, how could we get a stunt double for Algie ?
After an all too brief rest we were on again against Soroba, a housing estate in Oban which is twinned with Sarajevo.
Despite Barry's efforts again we ran out 2-0 losers although Algie again was unlucky not to score, as well as Big T.
Another ten minute break and Marine Harvest were our opponents. As in the game against Soroba, Tony Kersley (from Appin) made up our six and again we managed a shut out, at both ends for another goalless draw.
Mister Campbell missed a good chance in the last minute to win the game against a team who were gutted at only drawing with us.
The fact that they could only play football in the air, perfect for indoor football, is neither here nor there.
Two points, no goals and knackered we wandered outside for a breath of fresh air and a chance to admire the hills amongst the sunshine (we could all imagine a voice saying, "Magic, by the way") when, at last a glimmer of hope.
Down the hill into Oban came the camper van with Uncle Owen and his support staff, Fran and Connor, and suddenly we were back to six of our own, even if it was only Uncle Owen.
With renewed vigour and a spring in our step we took on the hosts, Scottish Sea Farmers (aka Appin), and what do you know......we got beat again !
At least we did get on the score sheet this time as MISTER CAMPBELL, an outstanding scorer at small sided football whether it be fives, sixes or sevens, opened our account with a scintillating one touch finish which the keeper did well to see.
The game finished 3-1 but we had one last chance to redeem ourselves against Mallaig who were trying to secure second place.
After five minutes we were 4-0 down and praying for the final whistle but, football's a funny old game, and we got a lucky break when we were awarded a penalty.
Big John stepped up but did an "Arthur" and saw his kick saved and back down the heads went.
Not for long though as UNCLE OWEN twice found the net, apparantly from good passes from Tam but only the man with the bunnet remembers this, and we were back in the game.
Mallaig were looking decidely shaky and up popped our ALGIE (never thought I'd see his name in bold) to score his first ever goal for the team.
It was well done to Spiderman as he had had more shots at goal than anybody else in the team and throughly deserved to score at long, long, long, long.........last.
Only one goal in it now but the equaliser just wouldn't come and Mallaig sneaked a fifth goal on the final whistle to win 5-3.
That was the end of the tournament, thankfully, and, as expected, we had finished bottom of the group with Soroba at the top.
The main reason we were there was to raise money for charity and I'm glad to report that �300 was raised for Children In Need.
No Wooden Spoon trophy to take home but a good tourney and one where we played as well as we could in.
The effort was, as usual, 100% with Barry being outstanding in goals and everyone else doing their bit.
With the football finished it was down to the serious stuff, the post-tourney warm down !
A quick visit to our luxury doss house to drop off our bags and get into the good gear, or in Big T and Mr C's case, drop off the bags, and it was on to Coasters for a small refreshment then an Indian meal.
Back to Coasters after the meal for the Coasters team's Player of the Year Night which, rather bizarrely, takes the form of a fancy dress night. At least, I hope it was fancy dress, you never know in these far flung places !
Big John presented the Black Sannie (Top Scorer) to Malcolm and Mister Campbell presented the Player of the Year Trophy to Graham McLean (aka Teefal, or the midfield guy with the beard).
A spoof video of Coasters' season followed which was well received, especially by those featured in it, although unfortunately some bright spark in our team thought it was a good idea for us to copy. As if we don't do enough as it is !
Plenty of socialising till shutting time then onto Oban's premier night club, no, seriously, Mondo.
John "Mini Me" Scott got us free passes to the dancing and it was quite surreal to see guys dressed as women, in womble suits and dressed as the 118 guy at the dancing. And that was BEFORE we got in !
It is sad to relate that there was actually some pole dancing (I think that's what it's called, not that I would know) in the club but even sadder it was our Barry who was doing the dancing. I believe he managed to make a fiver !
A late finish then back to the doss house before getting chucked out far too early in the morning.
There was an unfortunate incident during the night when the two oldest members of the squad had to go to the toliet but on finding it locked had to resort to some wandering around the streets of Oban looking for some suitable shubbery. Obviously the key for the toilet was on the same ring as the room key !
Some good news in the morning as there was no lunch time train, winter timetables and all that, so Big T and Mr C stayed for an afternoon refreshment with Scotty, the wife, the weans and the dug, whilst the younger members travelled back by bus, a terrible journey with a hangover so I heard.
A fine weekend was had by all. It's always what you expect in Oban as there's always good scenery, good pubs and good company.
The next trip is in February, another indoor tourney, and it's one to look forward to, especially as we've been promised a stay in the camper van !!
Photos