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| Joseph L. Auger |
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The news of the Past, Present and Future.
The newest news with which the news wouldn't be the news, December 2001!
Happy Holidays and big sloppy kisses to all!
Feb.- June 2001
After having surgeries on both of my ailing hands for Carpul Tunnel Syndrome, I am recuperating with the aid of my cat, vicadin, and many extraordinary friends, who drove me around and helped me food shop and do all the little daily tasks that one takes for granted until ones hands get opened up.
Number one is a real bitch.
I haven't played guitar since the end of the "Love(and Such)" sessions at the end of January and somehow I'm not losing my mind. I guess the vicadin coursing through my viens keeps me on a narcotic leash and I'm so groggy anyway that I end up just lying on the couch in a stupor watching stupid but essential television.
Legal hassles abound. Money is hard to come by. Happiness is hard to come by. Literally, not knowing if I'll ever be able to play music, effectively, again has me shaking yet somehow weirdly resigned. I guess, I figure, that what ever this universe has in store for me is what is supposed to happen, right? It's the Zen way of looking at things. Unfortunately it has less to do with Zen than it does with the ecstatic boredom that I'm feeling. I have to start thinking of this situation as if it was a well deserved vacation, no work, no real responsibilities, getting carted around by people as if they were my servants, reading, messing around on the web, reading more than I ever thought possible and ALOT of sleep, and then a little more T.V.
All of my recording projects are on hold indefinately which scares the piss outta me because I have never done that to any of my clients willingly. They assure me repeatedly that all is well and not to worry, just get better and rest. I have alot of people to be thankful for as it turns out. People who I have had mostly professional relationships with have suddenly become very important to me and not just because they are going out of their way to accomadate my needs but because they are doing it out of real care instead of a self serving 'get better so we can get back to work' kind of attitude. It feels like friendship, something I haven't really felt in a long time.It's a long four months.June - August 2001
Very slowly I am getting back to work and playing guitar, albiet, tentatively, some projects start to limp back into action, while there are a few new ones on the horizon and into the end of the year. I am going to try to reprise my role as bandleader-instrumentalist in a new production of "Quilters", the play I had done at The Sandra Feinstein-Gamm Theatre with the always amazing and endlessly cute Kate Lohman, back in December of 1999, though I am not sure whether I will be able to perform to any excellence and may have to bow out due to L.O.F.,(Lack Of Fingers).
Actually got my car up and running and legally(!),inspected, so I'm on the road again. The light of optimism that somehow seems to stay dimly lit through the rain of these last few months starts to get a tad stronger. Are things actually looking up?
I had spoken too soon because news comes down in June that Steve Dubois, local musician and composer, bon vivant, pain in the ass, and sometime friend is gravely ill and within two weeks of this knowledge coming to light he had passed away at the ridiculous age of 46. For one day I hoist a real beer, (as I no longer imbibe), or two in his honor. I want him to be remembered as the Patron Saint of Open Mics. His stint as Custom House Tavern's Wednesday night host was as legendary as was his amiable irascibility in general. It was his doing that I took over for him and though we may have had our truly stinking moments together I was genuinely fond of him and it seems that only him and I could have an entire conversation by saying nothing more than, "What the Fuck? Fuck that shit! Shit that fuckin' shit!" etc. to much ensueing streetside hilarity. I hope he is causing trouble up in heaven!
My biggest fan, Kevin Ryans' brother, Morgan Sean Ryan, also passed away at a far too early age under horrific circumstances that I won't go into. He was also a fan of my music and was nothing but supportive and enthusiastic about what I was doing. Too much tragedy going on. I find myself complaining about my maladies alot less.
"Quilters" rehearses through July at Brown University and goes through its succesfull run in August under sometimes sweltering circumstances, but I am there and giving it my all, and though playing in this show is a challenge and at times quite painfull, I get through by the skin of my teeth. I needed to do this to see what I am reasonably capable of and now I know. I still have alot of healing to do.September - Present 2001
More horror. What the hell is going on? Or is that the point? Is Hell going on? September 11th and I wake up to a split screen horror movie playing out in real time on every channel. I call my family and everyone is shaken to the core. I e-mail friends in New York hoping for an e-mail back, thankfully getting them. It feels like this world is running down to something, some final thing that is coming sooner than we think. I hope I'm wrong. It's too overwhelming. I don't know what to feel.
Something unexpected happens to me. it seems that I am channeling my feelings of helplessness and futility into a renewed purpose, to get my music to as many people who will have it. I don't want to die in some stupid plane or bombing without having left some kind of mark or legacy since I have no children. It is egotistical and self serving to a fault. But if what people have told me about how my music has made them feel better then I had better hop to and figure out if this is my raison d'tre after all. Funny how a pre-ordained destiny must be fully initiated by self activation before it is allowed to fully flower.
So I went nuts finishing up three production projects for Matt Everett, Steve Jobe and Marilynn Mair, finished the long smoldering "The Invisible Years" project as well as pieces from "A Fool's Paradise" for an EP single "See Her Smile", finished the Curio retrospective project, initiated a CD release party at The Blackstone River Theatre for all of it and have started playing a little more regularly with my old friend and unrequited flame Pam Brown, though still not at full capacity and here we are on the verge of a mess of CD releases, another project with Steven Jobe called "Bosch's Harp",plans for my two new albums for next year, two more projects with Marilyyn Mair, another album with Matt Everett as well as a possible all new album by Curio, not to mention a neat little cookbook/CD project with my friend Pam, even another "Quilters" staging might happen.
Whew!
As I am writing this the day after the sad passing of George Harrison, I am inspired once again by the love of music that he portrayed. Even through his moments of utter joylessness with The Beatles' machine, he made music. That is what it's about. I need to remember that always.
Thanks George, though we won't meet for some time, know that as an early influence/mentor from afar, my life would have been meaningless without your music in my ears.
So amidst more sadness this year I find my optimism again.
Gawd what a stubborn thing!
I figure it this way,I need to do what I do to the best of my possibly diminished abilities for no other reason than because I can and want to. That I am having fun making music again means that I am back on some sort of path again. If I am not able to make a living at it as I would like, then I will find another way of making money and do music because I can and want to. I am tired of being afraid.
Onward...Back to the newest of the new.