Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it. And then he feels that perhaps there isn't. Anyhow, here he is at the bottom, and ready to be introduced to you. Winnie-the-Pooh.

Yesterday, in one of my Saturday teenage classes we had a discussion about the students' favorite childhood toys. These included two teddy bears, two dogs, a sheep, a pig, a monkey, a Japanese cat-like creature called a Do-Do-Lo, a doll with a big head and a candy pillow. What was fascinating about all this is what happened to these special toys.

One of the teddy bears, a blue Australian one, is perched happily on a desk. The Do-Do-Lo is slumbering in a toy box and the big-headed doll has pride of place in a bedroom cabinet. One of the dogs, which looks like a bear, or which might be a bear that looks like a dog, stands guard over an aging collection of other childhood toys.

Sad to tell however, are the fates of the other childhood favorites. The candy cushion ended up contracting mildew and suffered an ignominious disposal in a garbage truck. The other dog, a completely black one, had its feet accidentally split by a careless cousin and slowly bled its stuffing to death. The sheep, also an Australian of course, would "maa" delightfully, until one day it would not shut up and had its joyful bleating abruptly terminated with a smash from an impatient adult in the vicinity. The pig was murdered in an act of violent rage by its owner against the said owner's mother, during which the unfortunate stuffed pig was kicked, punched and finally thrown against the wall, leaving agonizing streaks of stuffing trailing its body's slow slide down the wall.

*WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAY UPSET SENSITIVE READERS*

The second teddy bear was, when sitting, as large as the dear little 6-year old who cherished its company. This companionable creature was hugged, kissed, spoken to, played house (he was the father of course) and was hugged at night as he and his child companion fell asleep in each other's arms after an exhausting day of activity and conversation. Little did the two of them suspect that their idyllic relationship was invoking the jealous wrath of a particular 4-year old sister. Discovering Teddy alone one day, this jealous sibling lured him away from the protection of his owner's room and, while he was not looking, repeatedly stabbed him to death with a pair of scissors. His tattered body was later discovered and despite all attempts to resuscitate him, Teddy passed away with a barely audible sigh.

The monkey's demise is hardly as heart-rending, but no less bizarre. This masochistic monkey would scream when punched and was one day punched a little too hard it seems, even for someone of its tendencies, and continued to scream way beyond the limits of enjoyment. As all children know, one screams through the mouth and so, in an attempt to shut the creature up, its owner and his cousin decided to behead the crazy ape. Much to their surprise, the now headless monkey continued screaming, the sound emanating, inexplicably for them, from the beast's stomach. Without further delay the headless body was taken to the bathtub and drowned, which finally did the trick. The monkey (minus its head) now sits on its owner's bedroom desk as a grim warning to all other like-minded toys.

For next week this class have to write 200 word essays on "My life story as a toy", using the toys they told me about as the narrators.

5 May 2002

Dion Marc Delport

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