Have you ever had the feeling that people hang on every word you say? That you are in total control? I have often marveled at the power of an orchestra conductor. He lifts his baton and there is absolute silence; he drops it and the whole orchestra bursts into harmonious sound. While a teacher seldom produces such harmony, there is no less awe associated with a teacher in a classroom.

I walk into my classroom and am met with silent, expectant looks. No one questions my instructions and no one wants to be on the receiving end of my pedagogic wrath. I am God, a creator of knowledge, an organizer of educational chaos, a guiding light whose opinions are gospel.

Sitting here, typing this, I laugh! You should see me with my clothes off. I am none of the above. I am ordinary, hardly awe-inspiring. I doubt myself, questioning whether what I am doing in my classes are the right things and whether there aren't better ways of doing them of which I am not aware.

Today, for example, I taught a kindergarten class (6 & 7 year olds). I have been teaching them reading and writing and so far they have learned to write Aa - Kk. I thought that today I would teach them to write words with these letters. What a mess! I stood there watching them writing the words as if they were practicing hieroglyphics (with one little girl writing most of the words backwards - thus "fed" became "def", "back" became "kcab" and "kick" became "kcik") and thought, "I am sure there must be a better way that experienced Junior Primary teachers use." But, no one saw my insecurity and self-doubt.

I love being a teacher because it makes me feel like God and makes me feel proud. Teaching gives me a sense of self-respect that my students' expectations force upon me. And I love them for it.

22 March 2002

Dion Marc Delport

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