Dear Santa Claus

I know you must be very busy and I know that I am not a child anymore, but I thought that if you knew that I still believed in Christmas and if you have a bit of time left, especially when you fly over Asia, you wouldn't mind granting my Christmas wishes.

Actually, I already have most of what I want, but those are things that I can easily buy. The things I would like from you this year are a little more difficult to come by in my local supermarket. Of course there are things like world peace, but I will leave that to Miss World to handle, and solving world famine, but U2's Bono seems to have that under control, and ridding the world of terrorism and weapons of mass destruction, but again, Santa Bushel has already claimed the market on that one and has his magical helpers, like Pixie Bleary and Goblin Dumbsfield, working feverishly to fill Sadman Rushin's stocking with all kinds of goodies, that I hardly need to ask you to lend a hand on these fronts.

No, what I want is far less ambitious. You see, I am planning a South African Christmas dinner for a few friends, and hope to knock their Christmas socks off with my as yet unrevealed culinary skill, but there are a few problems. I don't have a real oven to roast the chicken in, just a small portable roasting thingy, which is why I'm planning on roasting a chicken instead of the traditional turkey, but I'm not sure that the too-small-for-a-turkey roasting thingy will even work for a chicken. So, 1) please let it work.

For it to work however, I need to find a real chicken for it to work on. Search as I may, it seems that chickens in Taiwan only consist of legs or wings, that they are hatched as ready made chicken pieces. So, 2) please send me a whole chicken. And for the roast to work just as I envisage it, I need to get hold of some oven bags, you know, the ones that keep in all the juices and produce a chicken that falls apart with tenderness and longing to be eaten. As you may expect, I haven't seen a single bag of the sort. They may have them somewhere and I just don't know it because I can't understand the Chinese written on the outside that says "Oven Bags". So, 3) please make some oven bags fall into my shopping cart as I go past them.

And finally, 4) please send me a BMW.

Yours wishfully

Dion Marc Delport

22 December 2002

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